God Uses Mature Men and Women in Your Life

Leslie Basham: This is Pastor Voddie Baucham.

Dr. Voddie Baucham: Perhaps the only thing worse than an undignified older man is an irreverent older woman.

Leslie: You’re about to hear Dr. Baucham call men and women to maturity.

Dr. Voddie Baucham: Here is the mark of an irreverent older woman: You hear her long before you see her.

Leslie:  This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss for Monday, August 16.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: I hope you know by now that Revive Our Hearts is hosting two True Woman conferences this fall. We have a great lineup of speakers coming to the conferences in Indianapolis and Ft. Worth. You can get the details at ReviveOurHearts.com.

Most of the speakers at these conferences will be women. We want to model Titus 2 and encourage older women to teach the younger women. But it’s also important that we hear from men at these conferences. When the first True Woman '10 conference convened this past March, we wanted to hear a pastor’s perspective.

Pastor Voddie Baucham presented a clear, motivating, and challenging picture of manhood and womanhood in the church. We’re about to hear that important message. If you are in a place where you can stop and pull out your Bible and open it to the book of Titus, I think you'll get even more out of the message. Here’s Dr. Voddie Baucham.

Dr. Baucham: I have the opportunity this evening to set the table for us as we go through this weekend, and I want to do that by turning our attention to two things: One, in the Manifesto, if you have that with you, pick that up. I want you to see a couple of things that I think are extremely poignant as it relates to the message tonight. It says, “God’s Plan.”

God’s plan for gender is wider than marriage. All women, whether married or single, are to model femininity in their various relationships by exhibiting a distinctive modesty, responsiveness, and gentleness of spirit.

Then look down at the third one there, “Mature Christian Women.”

Mature Christian women have a responsibility to leave a legacy of faith
by discipling younger women in the Word and ways of God and
modeling for the next generation lives of fruitful femininity.

Amen. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord. That’s just good.

In light of that, I want us to look at Titus chapter 1 and chapter 2. We’re actually going to go backwards, and I’ll explain why we go backwards here in a little bit. We’re going to start in Titus chapter 2.  

Here’s what I want to share with you: There will be many speakers over the course of this weekend who deal with Titus chapter 2. I am going to give you the view from 35,000 feet tonight. We’re going to look at this from a broader perspective tonight, and I want to put this together.

When Nancy called me about coming, she said, “I want you to open us up. We always want a pastor to open us up and just speak to these women as a pastor.” So I’m privileged to do that. I want to speak to you about Titus 2 womanhood within the context of the ministry of the local church. Titus 2 womanhood, true womanhood, within the context of the ministry of the local church.

In order to do that, here’s what I want you to see tonight: That God gives us a picture in Titus chapter 1 and Titus chapter 2 of what He has provided for our sanctification, for our discipleship, if you will, the way that God shapes our lives as believers. There are many tools that God uses in that process, but there are three principle tools that we see here in Titus chapter 1 and Titus chapter 2. I’ll give you those three tools, and then we’ll look at these passages of Scripture.

They are as follows:

Number one: Godly mature men and women in the church, godly mature men and women in the church. By the way, all of that is important. Okay? Godly and mature, men and women, and in the church—all of that is important.

Secondly: He gives us, and this may be the most controversial part of this whole message, and for those of you who don’t know me and don’t know about my ministry or my preaching, you need to know that I avoid controversy at every turn and really do not at all like to be controversial. So this is very difficult for me. (said tongue-in-cheek)

All right, number two: God gives us godly, manly elders and pastors. Let me say it again—godly, manly elders and pastors. You’ll understand in a few moments why I put manly in there. Okay? Godly, manly elders and pastors.

Then there’s a third piece. He gives us biblically functioning homes, biblically functioning homes.

Now, these are the three things God gives us. Now, this is a woman’s conference, so let me say this as we begin. I don’t mean to over-generalize here, but there are some differences that I have come to recognize between men and women in my years of ministry.

For example, with men, if I’m at a men’s conference and men want to know me, they want to know what I do. If a man knows what you do, he knows you. That’s a man’s perspective.

At a woman’s conference, if a woman wants to know you, she wants to know who you’re connected to. That’s when you feel like you know somebody.

Here’s the other thing I’ve noticed: When you’re dealing with a subject, and you’re talking to women, here’s the way women hear what you say: They hear you say something, and they say, “Well, that might work in an ideal situation, but I’ve got this problem and this problem and this problem. So can you make that specific so that I know the paint-by-number steps to do so that my particular situation can work out perfectly in that context?” Help you?

Here’s what you need to know: I’m going to be sharing the picture of the ideal tonight.

Here’s the second thing you need to know: No one in this room is living in the midst of the ideal tonight. Amen.

So here’s what we’re going to do, as we look at the picture of the ideal, when I talk about things that are in place in your life, I want you to just say, “Amen.” Thank God for His grace and His mercy bringing those things to pass in your life because it is the mercy, the grace, and the providence of God that has whatever piece of this puzzle is in place in your life actually is in place in your life. So you’re going to thank God for that.

Here’s the second thing you’re going to do: You’re going to acknowledge, confess, and repent when you recognize things that aren’t in place in your life because of your sin.

Here’s the third thing you’re going to do: You’re going to beg God to change those things that aren’t in place in your life because of things beyond your control.

Here’s the fourth thing you’re going to do: You are going to seek God for all of these things and not give up on what you don’t have.

So let’s just put all of those out there right now on the table, recognize that we all have them, now put them in your pocket and listen to this, and don’t get distracted by what you don’t have. Can we do that tonight?

All right, now, let’s begin. Let’s go backwards.

Titus chapter 2, here’s the first thing: Godly mature men and women in the church, this is one of those gifts that God gives to us for our discipleship, our maturity, our growing in Christ. Look at this, in verse 1:

But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.

There’s the picture of the older men. “Older men are to be . . .”

Now, since this is a woman’s conference, we won’t spend a lot of time here for a number of reasons because, number one, if we spend a lot of time here, then you’ll go to your husbands, telling them what I said they’re supposed to be, and you’re not going to use me like that. (laughter) What older men are to be.

Look at the second one, verse 3: “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior.” Notice that with older men and with older women, we’re talking about what they are to be. We’re talking about character. In other words, I said “godly mature men and women in the church,” not just mature men and women in the church.

There are two kinds of people who are former sinners, at least two kinds of people. There is one type of person who is a former sinner. Again, we’re all sinners saved by grace, but you know what I’m talking about. There are those people who were out there in the world something fierce, and they are not anymore. There’s one type of person who’s not out there anymore because God has gotten hold of their life, and they’ve been transformed. They’re being conformed to the very image of Christ. They have been saved, and they have been delivered, and this process of sanctification is taking root in their life as a result of the justification that they have found in Christ, and glory to God for those people.

But there is a second group of people. They’re not out there in the world like they used to be, and that’s just ‘cause they can’t do it no more. (laughter) If you can’t say, “Amen,” you ought to say, “Ouch.”

I’m talking about godliness. We’re talking about character here. So this is not automatic for people who just happen to be older. This is character that’s formed over time as a result of our justification, and the fruit of that, our sanctification. That’s what we’re talking about.

In light of that, look at this: First, with older men, they are to be sober-minded, dignified. There’s nothing like an undignified older man, amen?—self-controlled. The difference between an older man and a younger man, basically, is self-control. Over time, as a man gets older, and he matures in Christ, the difference is self-control.

You see him at a stop light in his sports car. A younger man, stop light, sports car. That’s just bad. Something bad is . . . You know, the car comes up next to him, revs their engine. “Okay, fine. I’m a young man. I’m in my car; they’re in their car. They’re revving their engine. It’s time to race.”

Now, put an older man behind the wheel who is dignified and self-controlled, and there’s a young man in the car with him. “Granddaddy, they just revved their engine. I think we’re faster than them.”

“I do, too.”

Light turns green. (Screeching sound) Granddaddy just pulls off nice and slow. “Granddaddy, why didn’t you . . .”

“Listen, you said you know we’re faster. I said, ‘I know we’re faster.’ Why do I have to prove it?”

“Yeah, but he . . . You’re supposed to . . .” Self-control, the difference between an older man and a younger man.

Look at the next part of the text: “Sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.” That’s the picture of character forged over time.

Now, look at older women: “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior.” Perhaps the only thing worse than an undignified older man is an irreverent older woman. Amen? Just an irreverent, older woman. Now, we could spend a long time here tonight talking about what it looks like to be an irreverent, older woman, but let me just give you one example, and we can be done with it right here.

An irreverent, older woman—here is the mark of an irreverent, older woman: You hear her long before you see her. (laughter)

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine.” Not slanderers. Women, you need to know you have a unique power in your tongue. You have a unique power to build up and to tear down. You use more words than we do, and you use them more effectively than we do. Just like the older man is exemplified by self-control, the older woman is exemplified by the way she uses her speech.

“Not slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good.” Here’s what you need to understand: The picture that’s painted here is of an older woman who, as a result of having walked with God, being conformed to the image of Christ, opens her mouth, and pearls of biblical wisdom come out. She speaks God language, the opposite of being a slanderer. She is the picture of Ephesians chapter 4, speaking those things that are fitting and suited for the occasion, speaking those things that build up, but more importantly, speaking those things that are found in God’s Word. She is a woman who speaks forth God’s truth.

Now, by the way, Titus 2 is not a picture of a woman who happens to be a Bible teacher. That’s not the picture that Paul is painting here in Titus chapter 2. He is not painting the picture of a woman who teaches multiple women, but older women who, in a relational perspective, speak words of wisdom, speak God’s truth into the lives of younger women as they have occasion and opportunity.

And look at the end thereof: “And so,” verse 4, “train the young women to love their husbands and children.” Isn’t that amazing? Train the young women to love their husbands and children.

Now, we usually think about love from this perspective: “Why would a younger woman need to be trained to love her husband?” Because she doesn’t know how.

“Yes, but that’s why she married her husband, because she loved him.”

Well, maybe, but if she was brought up in this culture, she probably doesn’t know what love is. She thinks love is an overwhelming, uncontrollable, sensual force, and she speaks phrases like: “This thing is bigger than both of us.” And she says things like: “We don’t choose who we fall in love with.” You have to say it like that, too, or it doesn’t work. (laughter) Or she says things like, and this is my favorite: “The heart wants what it wants.” (laughter) What does that mean? She has no idea how to love her husband.

She doesn’t know how to love her children. Younger women don’t know how to love their children. They say crazy things like: “I love my child. I could never spank my child because I love my child.” They need an older woman to come alongside and say, “If you love that baby, you better wear him out.” (laughter)

“To be self-controlled, pure, working at home, teaching them to be keepers of their homes, that the Word of God may not be reviled” (verse 5). What a statement . . . “in order that the Word of God may not be reviled.” In other words, when older women are not in the practice of training and teaching younger women how to exemplify true womanhood, there is a sense in which we are defiling the Word of God. Why is that so?

Well, we see, for example, in Romans chapter 1, in the degradation of culture, that picture there from Romans 1:18ff. We see that the beginning of the degradation of culture and man running toward sin is a rejection of what we see through general revelation, and that is that there is a God and that He is the Creator of all things. As a result of that, we have our own sense of order; our own understanding of what manhood is; our own understanding of what womanhood is. If we are walking in the midst of a culture that denies true manhood and denies true womanhood, several things will inevitably follow.

One of those things that will follow is this: According to Ephesians chapter 5, marriage is designed to be a picture of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church. So if the Bible tells us what a man is and what a woman is, and the Bible tells us what marriage is, and marriage is a glorious earthly representation of a heavenly relationship between Christ and His Church, and I decide not to listen to that but instead, based on my culture that rejects God:

• I redefine manhood so that it’s sissified.
• I redefine womanhood so that it’s no longer about being a woman but a man who happens to be biologically capable of having children.
• I redefine marriage so that we sort of negotiate for ourselves a better understanding than the Creator of the Universe.

Now what I’m doing is marring the picture of the relationship between Christ and His Church and the Word of God is being dishonored. It’s being defamed, and we can’t have that. (applause) So these things need to be taught.

God has given us this incredible gift of godly mature men and women in the church, and these relationships between godly mature men and women in the church and younger men and women in the church. So as mature women in the church, you have an incredibly important role. You have the role of striving for maturity, of walking in maturity, of exemplifying biblical womanhood and not holding it to yourself but passing it on to younger women as you have occasion and opportunity to do so. So God gives that to you when you’re a less than mature woman, and you turn around and give it away to another when you are a more mature woman. This is what He gives.

“Well, I know what you’re saying. Yeah, I get that, and I understand that, but you just don’t understand my situation. I would like to be a godly mature woman, but I didn’t have an example of that when I was growing up.”

Altogether . . . “Awwww.” (laughter)

Here’s what you need to know: I didn’t grow up with godly manhood in my life. I did not grow up with godly examples in my life.

I just came back from Los Angeles, and, in God’s providence, last weekend I had a conference in the LA area. I grew up in Los Angeles. I grew up in drug-invested, gang-invested, south central Los Angeles, California. I was raised by a single, teenage, Buddhist mother. I never heard the gospel until my freshman year in college. I grew up with my mother, so I didn’t have much connection with my father’s side of the family.

God’s bigger than the failures in your families. My wife Bridget and I, of the last two generations of both sides of our families, 25 marriages, 22 divorces. That’s our legacy.

Here’s what I want you to know: God is able, and He is sufficient. You’re here tonight, and you say, “I’ve never seen that. I don’t understand that.” Yes, you have. It’s here. There are godly mature women in the Scriptures. Read of them, learn from them, and trust the Spirit of the Living God who abides in you. He is sufficient. So when I say that, here’s what I’m saying to God: “Yes, I see that, but I didn’t grow up with that. I didn’t have a godly mother; I didn’t have a godly father.”

Here’s what I’m saying to the God of the Universe: “God, I understand what Your Word says, but my circumstances were not anticipated by You, and You’re not powerful enough to overcome them.”

Don’t you dare; don’t you dare. And if you are an immature woman, what do you do? Find a godly mature woman and glean from her whatever you can.

My wife and I spent so much time doing this when we got married. We got married the summer between my sophomore and junior year in college. I just turned 20 years old. This year I have officially been married longer than I wasn’t. (applause) Glory to God. So, here we were. We didn’t know how to do it. We didn’t know “come here” from “sic ‘em.” We didn’t get it. We didn’t understand. So what did we do? We found godly mature couples and hung out with them until they looked at us and said, “You know what? Could we have some space?” (laughter) Do that.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: We’ve been listening to Dr. Voddie Baucham. He delivered this message at the True Woman Conference this past March. It was the opening message of the conference, and it set such a wonderful tone for the whole weekend.

Pastor Baucham showed how powerful godly maturity is when women live it out. There are so many goals and plans we women have for our lives. Have you ever thought about making spiritual maturity your goal?

I want to encourage you to respond to the message we just heard and to take a step toward greater maturity. If you've not already done so, begin a habit of connecting with God each day. Find an older women who can help you grow in godliness. Find a younger woman you can encourage. We grow in maturity day by day, one step at a time.

But God can also use concentrated times to connect with you, teach you, and change your direction when that's needed. That's one reason that the True Woman Conferences are so valuable. It's a break from your normal routine. It's a chance to spend time in worship and prayer and to hear from wise women as they teach God's Word. You'll be encouraged by the fellowship you have with women who come with you or other women you meet at the conference. You'll leave with renewed passion for Christ and a desire to be His true woman in your season and situation in life.

Visit ReviveOurHearts.com for details on the True Woman Conferences coming this September in Indianapolis and in Ft. Worth in October.

Today we've heard the first part of Dr. Voddie Baucham's message. We'd like to send you a copy of the entire message when you support Revive Our Hearts with a gift of any size. We're able to broadcast in your area because of the financial support of listeners like you.

We need to hear from you. So when you send in a donation, ask for the CD How God Overcomes Failure in Your Family. The number to call is 1-800-569-5959, or you can donate online at ReviveOurHearts.com.

Part of God's plan to help the church grow is through the leadership of godly, manly elders and pastors. That's what Voddie Baucham finds in Titus chapters one and two. He'll explain more tomorrow on Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is an outreach of Life Action Ministries.