Don't Waste Your Pain

Dannah Gresh: When Chris and Carrie Thifault were in the hospital with their newborn son, Micah, they clung to the sovereignty of God.

Chris Thifault: When you’ve got what we called stormy-weather faith vs. fair-weather faith. These are the trials where the testing of your faith produces endurance. This is where growth happens. You find out what you really believe by that moment by the grace of God, He strengthens you.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, coauthor of You Can Trust God to Write Your Story, for December 6, 2021. I’m Dannah Gresh.

What do you do when you’re hit with terrible news? Nancy, At some point, we will all have to deal with that question in one way or another.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: That’s true. I have a number of friends who are in some really hard places right now. Robert and I have experienced some of those terrible-news moments ourselves. In Jeremiah chapter 17, we get a picture of a person who is prepared for those times because he has learned to put his trust in the Lord.

Scripture says that person “is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green. It is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit” (v. 8) 

Dannah: I want to be like that!

Nancy: I do too, and I don’t think there’s any way to become like that without having times of testing. I think of the example of my dear friends Chris and Carrie Thifault. They’ve experienced the kind of heat of affliction like this verse talks about. In fact, about ten years ago, I remember hearing the news that their seventh child had been born with severe physical disabilities.

But throughout those years I saw Chris and Carrie and their precious family remaining connected to the Lord and bearing fruit. We’re about to hear that story.

I hope you’ll listen carefully, because the example of this family will help you to be like that tree, sending roots deep into the truth of God’s Word, and prepared for whatever storms may come into your life.

Dannah: In the fall of 2010, Carrie Thifault felt the Lord leading her to memorize Psalm 34. She was pregnant with her seventh child, Micah. She thought it would be a perfect chapter to meditate on during the holidays and Micah’s birth.

After settling on Psalm 34, Carrie turned on the radio and heard a surprise.

Carrie: I was listening to Revive Our Hearts . . . 

Nancy (radio from “The ABCs of Handling a Meltdown”): The Lord took my mind to Psalm 34.

Carrie: Nancy was on the broadcast that whole week on Psalm 34.

Nancy (radio from “The ABCs of Handling a Meltdown”): What a wonderful passage this is. It speaks so beautifully to tired, troubled, discouraged hearts. 

Carrie: This is perfect; I’m supposed to memorize Psalm 34.

Dannah: Carrie didn’t know it yet, but she would soon need to lean on the truths of this passage more than she thought. But for now, she was just excited to memorize the passage Nancy was speaking on.

Carrie: So I would memorize. I made little cards. My goal was to be able to quote it at the family table for Thanksgiving. So when Micah came after the holiday, it was, “I will bless the LORD at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth.”

Nancy (radio from “The ABCs of Handling a Meltdown”):

My soul makes its boast in the LORD; 
   let the humble hear and be glad. 
Oh, magnify the LORD with me, 
   and let us exalt his name together! (vv. 2–3)

Dannah: This wasn’t the first time the Lord used Revive Our Hearts to fill the Thifault home with truths from His Word.

Carrie: We would listen to Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth on Revive Our Hearts on the radio. I forget the time; it was about 10:00 every morning. I would have it in our schedule. I would have the kids settled and in their spaces, and all the radios were on all around the house during this thirty minutes. We all had our spaces, and we all listened. My space was in the back room with a big mountain of clothes. And God would meet with me as I would listen.

Dannah: Thanksgiving came, Christmas came, and Carrie kept memorizing.

Carrie:

I sought the LORD and He answered me
   and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to Him are radiant,
   and their faces shall never be ashamed.” (vv. 4–5)

Dannah: Micah Thifault was born on Wednesday, December 29, 2010. Carrie and her husband, Chris, brought him home thinking everything would be normal. But on New Year’s Eve, they had to rush Micah back to the hospital.

Chris: She came out of the house with Micah in her arms. She was quite concerned and said he was shallow breathing and pale and that we needed to get him somewhere quick!

Carrie: I could tell he was in trouble. At this point, he was in respiratory distress.

Dannah: What followed was a blur of hospitals, doctors, even an emergency helicopter ride. They had to get Micah to a newborn intensive care unit—also known as a NICU.

In that middle of all that activity, Chris and Carrie had a moment in a small hospital room alone with Micah. 

Chris: I just remember being tired, feeling totally helpless and dependent on the Lord as we stayed in this little room and waited to hear news.

Nancy (radio from “The ABCs of Handling a Meltdown”): Christianity says, “Yes, I do have these problems, but in the midst of them, I will lift my eyes up though they are filled with tears, and I will fix my gaze on Christ.”

Dannah: Chris and Carrie had chosen a life verse for each of their children. And now as one fought for his life there in the hospital, Chris and Carrie prayed Micah’s life verse over him. It was from Psalm 34, the chapter Carrie had been memorizing.

Carrie: “Oh magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together.” (v. 3)

Nancy (radio from “The ABCs of Handling a Meltdown”): We can't make God any greater than He is. He is already infinitely great. But we can magnify Him in our own eyes and in the eyes of others. Put the spotlight on Him.

Chris: When you’ve got what we called stormy-weather faith vs. fair-weather faith, these are the trials are where the testing of your faith produces endurance. This is where growth happens. You find out what you really believe by that moment. He strengthens you.

Dannah: Chris and Carrie were learning to lean on God’s strength. So were their other six kids at home.

Micah didn’t come home from the hospital for another nine months. Carrie stayed with him pretty much around the clock, and Chris kept their household running.

Chris: As time went on, it was tough, because Dad’s not Mom.

Chesed: It was not an easy time for a five-year-old.

Dannah: Here’s Chris and Carrie’s daughter, Chesed. 

Chesed: I remember Daddy would rush home and back to the hospital multiple times, and he was running errands for Momma. He would bring home a chicken. We would have sweet potatoes, broccoli, and a chicken every night.

Song from Hidden in Your Heart: 

The Lord bless you and keep you . . .

Carrie: On a really hard day, one of the hardest days, Chris brought in a package that Revive Our Hearts had sent to us.

Dannah: That package from Revive Our Hearts included a Scripture memory lullaby CD.

Carrie: I immediately put the CD in, and we were playing it at the hospital. It had Scripture on it, and it created a really peaceful tone in the room.

Song from Hidden in Your Heart: 

. . . and give you peace . . . 

Dannah: Revive Our Hearts also sent Chris and Carrie a devotional called Streams in the Desert. When she received it, Carrie opened it to the reading for that day, January 11. It quoted Isaiah 40:1, “Comfort, comfort my people.” Here’s Carrie reading from that devotional.

Carrie:

You will be wounded so that in the binding up of your wounds by the Great Physician, you may learn how to render first aid to the wounded everywhere. Do you wonder why you are having to experience some great sorrow? Over the next ten years . . .

And I just read that ten years ago. That just struck me as I was reading this again, because I read it ten years ago.

Over the next ten years, you will find many others afflicted in the same way. You will tell them how you suffered and were comforted.

Dannah: Chris and Carrie did exactly what that devotional talked about. They didn’t complain about their situation or focus only on their own suffering. They saw this stay with Micah in the hospital as a mission to serve others. Chesed saw how her parents were using this trial as an opportunity.

Chesed: They would share the gospel or reach out to Micah’s nurses, whether it was to buy chocolates . . .

Chris: I say if you are going to bring candy, bring good candy. So we would bring those little Godiva chocolates and send some tracts with them.

Chesed: . . . and banana bread, or really any goodies that my dad finds at Costco.

Chris: What was so important was that they were seeing people that were at peace and comforted and not anxious—as I think of in Philippians 4.

Dawn Weaver: When we would go to the hospital, I was amazed.

Dannah: Dawn Weaver is a friend of the Thifault family who became Micah’s physical therapist.

Dawn: We would be in the waiting room waiting for the surgeries . . . or whatever. I just remember Chris always bringing food to everybody and making sure that everybody got out to their cars safely.

Dannah: And Dawn remembers Carrie’s heart to share the gospel as well.

Dawn: She always used her all of her time in the hospital to share the gospel. That is one of her biggest desires, and Chris’s, to share the gospel—either to encourage others to grow in the faith or to evangelize.

Chris: Each new nurse, each new doctor, each new fellow, each new physical therapist or speech therapist was a new opportunity to share with them.

Chesed: It’s always inspired me because people would be like, “Oh, this is awful.” But God actually used those for good, and my parents took advantage of those opportunities. “We need to make the best of it.”

Dannah: This family continued to look for opportunities to glorify God and share the gospel as Carrie and Micah finally came home. Chris explains the big transition this family was facing.

Chris: Caring for a 100% incapacitated child 24/7. Each of my kids jumped into it and loved him and learned so much each day how to care for someone that is hurting.

Dannah: Libby Thifault showed our team a picture from one of Micah’s first days home.

Libby Thifault: Here’s all the siblings holding him one of the first times. There’s me, there’s Luke, Jacob, and Chesed, and there is Haddie.

Dannah: Their son Joshua had moved away to college, but still was very much part of Micah’s life.

Chris: I think they learned a lot about putting someone else’s needs above their own.

Chesed: We would read a book or just snuggle with him or lay with him in bed or help with his nightly routine.

Dannah: Here are Libby and Haddie, as they look at more pictures from Micah’s early days.

Libby: This one shows me and him reading together. You can see in the picture that he is super focused on it.

On Saturdays we would love to snuggle on the couch and sit . . .

Haddie: . . . and watch cartoons.

Dannah: As the years went by, Micah learned to push himself in a walker. And the kids used this as an opportunity to include him in games.

Libby: We loved playing outside with him when it was a pretty day. 

Haddie: We sometimes played baseball or soccer. 

Haddie: We always wanted to make him fit in, that he was playing also.

Dannah: Jacob Thifault remembers watching Nascar races together with his brother. Micah couldn’t sit up very well, but he would lean on a wedge-shaped Styrofoam pillow. Jacob would surround Micah with toy cars and a race track. Then they’d watch the race together.

Jacob: It was a bonding time—even in his limited state. Through the trucks and everything, it was something where you could say we could relate. You could tell that he was enjoying it and laughing.

Chris: I think that’s what Micah taught the most in those nine-and-a-half years. It was just realizing the importance of caring for someone who is hurting.

Chesed: Multiple times all throughout Micah’s life, my parents would make it very clear that, “No, we don’t have favorites. Just because Micah’s going to the hospital or because he is in need of more care . . . it’s not that we don’t care about you or we don’t worry or think about or care for you any less. We don’t have any favorites.”

Some people say the squeakiest wheel gets the most help or something. But I don’t think I ever felt any jealousy for it.

Haddie: This is a picture of my grandma and my mom with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy (from “When You Are Under Stress”): I have a sweet friend who is the mother of seven children.

Dannah: This is Revive Our Hearts from 2015.

Nancy (from “When You Are Under Stress”): The youngest child, who has just turned five, was born with severe congenital mental and physical birth defects. He almost died. They spent most of the child's first two years in a children's hospital, in and out of all kinds of treatments and surgeries.

The child is profoundly disabled and requires full-time around-the-clock care. I've watched this family go through a lot of hard times. This precious mom, I'm not sure if she ever had a full night's sleep for maybe the last five years (certainly not for the first couple years of precious Micah's life).

Haddie: Every day we would listen to Nancy Leigh DeMoss on the radio.

Libby: I remember he explaining the RSVP on the radio.

Nancy (from “When You Are Under Stress”): Carrie gave me a set of letters that she has in her home, and I now have a set in my home. The first one is "R," the second is "S," the third is "V," and I'll let you guess what the last one is . . . "P." What does RSVP stand for?

Well, let me tell you by reading something that Carrie wrote to me about these letters: She said,

During my Micah journey, I was introduced to an acrostic. "R" is for Remember. Remember who God is: His promises, His Person, His character, His track record, that He is sovereign, powerful, good, wise, and He doesn't waste our pain. He loves us dearly with the purest love. R—Remember.

Then if you truly "R," then you can "S," Surrender. Surrender your baby, surrender your marriage, your hurts, your fears, your dreams, your hopes.

And when you have truly "S-ed" you can have "V," Victory in the midst of those circumstances. [And I've watched the Lord give Carrie and her family sweet victory in the midst of a lot of pain!] And when there is Victory, there is "P," Praise.”

Dannah: Nancy gave that message in 2015. The Thifault family had to again put these truths into practice in a very intentional way in 2019 when Micah’s health went through a downturn.

Chesed: Then July of 2019 when Micah went to the hospital, he was there a long time. I was trying, as Momma would say, “to hold down the fort.” I’d get Daddy out the door to go meet Momma.

Chris: There were many nights we counted the breaths.

Chesed: It’s scary to see him turn blue.

Chris: When he would take in a deep breath, something we take for granted, and how increasingly in his life that was becoming more of an issue.

Carrie: There were times that were really touch and go.

Chesed: It was definitely a hard time because I never knew if Micah would come back.

We would FaceTime Grandma a lot. She would often bring up that she was always praying for Micah, that he would be able to walk and learn how to talk and communicate. We would be like, “Oh, that’s such a wonderful dream.” But I always had doubts in my mind. I always did because I saw Micah every day. I saw how he was disabled. But I loved him anyway for it.

But Grandma always prayed that. Even at the time I might have thought, “Oh, it is sweet that she’s praying that, but I don’t think it will work.”

Dannah: After Micah’s scare in the hospital, he came back home. And then the year came that changed all our lives.

Jacob: 2020 . . . no one thought anything would happen. He seemed to be building in strength. He was very active. He was even getting back in his walker, which he hadn’t been for the last few years.

It really came as a shock to everyone when we woke up that one day, and he was gone.

Chesed: As much as we wanted him here, it was never going to be assured. God used so many situations to prepare us for just so suddenly taking Micah. I can’t imagine what it is like for Momma to lose a son, not to mention, the son that she has cared so so much

Carrie: When I walked in and he wasn’t with us anymore, I just felt like it was my fault. I was supposed to be taking care of him. If maybe I wasn’t sleeping he would still be with us.

Dannah: The family was left with a home full of memories. When it was time for the next Nascar race, Jacob didn’t see any point in setting up the racetrack and toy cars.

Jacob: I have not set up the track. I won’t say it hurt, but it just felt void. There is definitely that hole, that absence on race day.

Dannah: And Micah’s sisters, the ones who loved to read to Micah, they showed our team a new book, a book he had gotten as a gift.

Haddie: He got this book for his last birthday from my mom and dad. We really didn’t have a chance to read it.

Chesed: Everyone feels guilt or something like, “Maybe I should have spent more time with him. But feeling guilty and how much I loved him actually comforts me, knowing that I loved him a lot.

The more you love, the more it hurts. 

Dannah: In the midst of all this grief, a bedrock truth gave this family comfort. God is sovereign.

Nancy (from “When You Are Under Stress”): Remember . . .

Chesed: You have to look at the past to be assured of the future.

Nancy (from “When You Are Under Stress”): Remember who God is.

Haddie: He is in control of everything, whether it seems like it or not.

Nancy (from “When You Are Under Stress”): His promises, His person, His character, His track record . . .

Jacob: He does not waste pain.

Nancy (from “When You Are Under Stress”): Surrender.

Chesed: I just have to surrender that God’s way is better than my way.

Jacob: If the Lord didn’t take him in the gracious way He did, it would have been a lot harder.

Chris: For him to go like he did, in his sleep, was something we could not control.

Carrie: Who am I to think that I am the one who kept this boy alive for ten years? How many times have we surrendered him? He could have taken him any time along the way. He chose to do it like this . . . in a most gracious way. He’s so good. I miss him, but he was finished with his purpose. Even in his passing, He is so good.

Dannah: Remember how Chesed doubted her grandma’s prayer that Micah would be healed?

Chesed: Her prayers have been answered. Micah can now walk. The first place that Micah walked to was to see Jesus. The first person he talked to was Jesus. He was able to dance, to sing. The first thing, that was done in front of Jesus. I’m almost envious.

Dannah: Whatever storm you go through, I hope you’ll remember the example of this precious family and cling to the sovereignty of God. He is in control.

Nancy: Yes, it really was a beautiful thing to witness firsthand how the strength and the grace and even the joy of the Lord sustained this family. I’m so grateful for the way God used Revive Our Hearts as a part of that process. I’m grateful for each person who prayed for Revive Our Hearts and gave financially to support this ministry during that season of time. That’s why we were able to be on the radio every day as Carrie was listening and folding laundry in that season.

And the prayers and gifts of our listeners still make Revive Our Hearts possible today. You make it possible for us to speak to women each day who are facing many different kinds of life circumstances. You make it possible for Revive Our Hearts to be translated into Spanish, Portuguese, Afrikaans, and other languages so that women around the world can be blessed by this message.

Dannah: Just think about that. There are countless women just like Carrie—they may or may not be folding the laundry right this moment—but they are putting roots down in God’s Word and being prepared for storms to come. 

Nancy: Yes, we never know when those storms will come or what they will be like, but I’m so grateful that God is using Revive Our Hearts to point those women to His Word.

Dannah: Revive Our Hearts comes to you every weekday, fifty-two weeks a year. But almost half the donations we need to make it happen arrive in the month of December. So when you give right now, you’re helping us speak to women like Carrie all those other days of the year.

Nancy: Some friends of the ministry know how important year-end giving is to this ministry, so they’ve offered to match every gift given this month to Revive Our Hearts as part of a matching challenge. Would you ask Him what He’d have you give here at this crucial time?

Dannah: To be part of this matching challenge and have your gift doubled, visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call 1–800–569–5959. 

Nancy: I’m excited about our program tomorrow. We’re going to start a series based on Psalm 93. I’m calling the series “The Lord Is King.” In fact, if you have a chance, go ahead and read Psalm 93 (it’s a really short psalm) and begin meditating on it in preparation for our program tomorrow. And let’s all ask our King to revive our hearts!

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is calling you to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

All Scripture is taken from the ESV.