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Elizabeth - Bonus: Helping Your Children Deal with Disappointments

With Erin Davis, Asheritah Ciuciu and Alejandra Slemin

From losing a game to feeling left out, every child will face disappointments. Find out how to help your child navigate disappointment with grace.

About the Speakers

Erin Davis

Erin Davis

Erin Davis is married to her high school sweetheart, Jason, and together they parent four energetic boys on their small farm in the midwest. She is the author of more …

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Asheritah Ciuciu

Asheritah Ciuciu

Asheritah Ciuciu is a bestselling author, national speaker, and host of the Prayers of REST podcast. A Romanian missionary kid, she's passionate about helping people around the world enjoy Jesus …

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Alejandra Slemin

Alejandra Slemin

Alejandra Slemin is a sinner who believed in Jesus at the age of seven in her native country, Dominican Republic. She is a wife and homechool mom to four. She's …

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Alejandra Slemin: I think some children are a little more dramatic and play with things a little bit harder than others—it could be boys or girls.

One thing I try to practice is walking with them. My first temptation is to say, “Let’s do it. Let’s get this over with. Let’s get it done and move on.” But really listening to them as they express what it is that is hurting them.

I have to do that often with my son. “What’s in your heart? What’s bothering you about this situation?” Amazingly, they will say it. They will speak. But sometimes we don’t have the time to listen, or there is another child pulling on us.

But even if it is at bedtime or whatever quiet moment you can have with them. Just let them get it out and say, “This is how I’m feeling in this situation.” So listening to them.

Even though I don’t understand it or know that it will get solved, I need to let them know that I am with them, and mostly that God with them.

Later, it’s happened with my son, he’s said, “Thanks, Mom.” Later, hours later, days later . . .

Erin Davis: After the tears have dried.

Alejandra: Yes. After they have hurt themselves and they think, What was I fussing about? They will come and reflect.

And I think praying . . . Sometimes as moms, we skip the going on our knees step.

Erin: I have to remind myself that prayer is my primary job as a momma. It’s my primary job. It feels like my primary job is to make sure everybody is fed and bathed, and where they need to be. That’s secondary to praying like crazy for my children.

Alejandra: And for me, the process . . . Sometimes I’m filled with: I want to change this about my daughter. But for me I need to have the grace to walk through them.

Now they are little. We have a little bit of a more manageable situation. But there is a stage where they will answer back. And problems grow a little bigger and extend a little further—into your school or community or church.

You can even feel ashamed of the decisions your son or your daughter has made.

Erin: And the consequences they have to walk through.

Alejandra: The point is, they have to walk through it, and you have to walk through it too. Some choices they make you have to bail them out, and you’re like, “What!??”

Praying for God to guide us. We can always pray.

And the love. “You might feel disappointed, but I am not disappointed in you, because I know that God has a plan for you that goes beyond my expectations for you.”

I think as moms, we have to repeat that to ourselves over and over. God’s plan for my children are better than what I could ever plan. He formed them in my womb. So His plans are beyond what I could think of.

And we should always remind them of that as they grow. I believe not necessarily in you . . . Because I don’t believe in me. But I believe in what God can do through you and in you and for you.

Pray that over them. Let them know . . . not as their Holy Spirit, but as “I’m here.”

And, you know, a good meal always helps.

Erin: And if they watch us . . . This is the hard thing about parenting. But if they watch us go through disappointment kicking and screaming, they are going to go through disappointment kicking and screaming.

Three of my four boys has serious kidney issues. The can watch me go to the kidney doctor and weep and wail, or …

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Elizabeth: Dealing with Disappointment