Praying for a Prodigal

Today's episode contains portions from the following episodes:

"God's Huge Vat"

"The Labor Pains of Prayer"

"A Look at the Life of Balaam, Day 3"

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Dannah Gresh: You never really forget the moment a prodigal returns . . . really returns. Pastor and author Jim Cymbala recalls the day his daughter came home.

Jim Cymbala: She was weeping, and she said, “Daddy, I’ve sinned against God. I've sinned against myself. I've sinned against you and Mommy. Daddy, forgive me for being rebellious, etc. Daddy, it's different, but Daddy, who was praying for me?”

Dannah: Wow! It makes me want to ask, "Who's praying for your prodigal?" Welcome to Revive Our Hearts Weekend. I’m Dannah Gresh. 

Today we want to talk about how to pray for the prodigal you love. 

You know, the word “prodigal” actually means “wasteful, extravagant.” So, for example, the young man in the parable Jesus told about the prodigal son, well, that young man was prodigal in the sense that he wasted his inheritance on loose living.

But the word has also come to be used to describe any child who goes down some unwise paths. Prodigals in that sense are young people who reject their parents’ wishes and walk away from everything they know is right.

Maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about. Maybe you have a son or a daughter or grandchild who’s far from home—metaphorically or even literally. 

You’ve wet the pillow with tears. Maybe you’ve been to the mountain top of faith believing without a doubt God will move in that one’s heart, and then to the depth of despair. Or perhaps you’ve just given up. Today, I’m here to help you push restart on believing God can touch that precious one’s heart, because He can. 

Well, let’s get started. Assumed moments ago that you are familiar with the parable Jesus told about a prodigal son in Luke chapter 15. It's always good to refresh. And, in case you're not familiar with it,  here’s longtime Revive Our Hearts advisory board member Bob Lepine reading from Luke 15.

Bob Lepine: As Jesus tells the story, He tells about a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father:

Young man: Father, give me my share of the estate.

Bob: So he divided his property between them. Not long after that the younger son got together all he had and set off for a distant country. There he squandered his wealth in wild living.

After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country who sent him out to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything to eat.

When he came to his senses, he said:

Young man: How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him, “Father, I’ve sinned against heaven and against you. I’m no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired men.”

Bob: So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him and ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. The son said to him:

Young man: (Crying) Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I’m no longer worthy to be called your son.

Bob: The father said to the servants, “Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate, for this son of mine was dead and is alive again! He was lost and is found!” So they began to celebrate. (see Luke 15:11–32)

Dannah: I just love that story. Every time I hear it, it sounds fresh and new. And special thanks to our friends at FamilyLife Today for that audio.

Of course, the story continues as Jesus talks about the older brother. We’ll say more about him later, but first let's start fueling your faith for the one that walks far from home.

Judy Douglass knows the depths of despair when it comes to praying for her prodigal. Judy and her late husband, Steve, have served for many years in leadership at Cru. They opened their hearts and their home to a twelve-year-old boy named Josh who needed a family. In fact, they adopted him. But Judy struggled to love her son. As a teen, he was a bully who was constantly in trouble at school. He joined a gang and made poor choice after poor choice.

But she did not stop praying. 

Eventually, he spent time in a Christian residential program where he received Christ. That changed everything, not only for Josh, but for Judy. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and I were able to sit down and talk about it with Judy Douglass.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Are you struggling during that period? This child who’s not loving you, he’s not giving any love back . . . what happens to your own mother’s heart? I’ve not been in this situation. There has to be feelings some days that, “I don’t love this child,” or “I have no idea how to love this child.” What are some of your own reactions to this journey at that point?

Judy Douglass: Well, the night that he received Christ, I was going to bed, thanking the Lord. The Lord said, “Judy, I’m giving you a gift. I’m giving you My love for Josh.” And there was a picture of Him opening me up, and He’s pouring into me from this huge vat of His love for this boy. He said, “You’re going to need it.”

And I went, “Oh, okay.”

But I fell in love with this kid all of a sudden. In fact, I would say that night he was born in my heart as my son. Before that, he was this boy God sent us, and I was doing the best I could. Steve was doing the best. Our girls were trying to be good and loving to him—mostly.

But love hardly was there because it was hard. Then when God filled me up with His love, the good and the bad of that is, I’m overwhelmed with this newborn son. There’s new emotions that hadn’t been there, and I’m dealing with that. He was in the program, and they wouldn’t let me see him but twice a week. He’s my new son! (They didn’t quite understand that.)

But the wonderful thing of it is that whenever he did things to make life hard—and he did many things over the years, like fifteen years—God just kept saying, “I have given you My love for him, and I want you to let it flow through you to him.” He began to give me a picture of what a flow-through God He is.

He gives us grace. He gives us love. He gives us mercy. He gives us hope. He gives us strength. Everything that we need for our lives, not to hold on to, but then to let them flow through to the others in our lives.

Nancy: We’re having a fairly quick conversation . . . our time in these conversations is going very quickly. But when I commented on that, you said, “But it didn’t happen fast.” It was years in the making, this story.

Judy: Absolutely! I would say I lived in a wilderness for about fifteen years, and it was challenging! No more challenging than lots of others—not only parenting situations but so many other hard situations in life. We go through these wilderness journeys.

And God did some really good things in my life. First of all, prayer became my breath; it became my lifeline! Now, in our ministry we pray a lot. Most believers, we pray in the morning and in the evening; we pray at our meals.

But in our ministry, we will pray before every meeting and during the meeting and after the meeting, and we have days of prayer. I thought, I know how to pray, but Josh taught me how to pray . . . because there was nothing else I knew to do! 

Scripture talks about that God welcomes that we cry out, that He wants us to come to Him in truth, so we need to be honest. I found that not only could I beg and beseech and ask, but I could get mad at God. I could say, “Tell me what to do!” and “This is too much! I can’t do it!” 

Time after time I would just sense that God was wrapping His arms of love around me, and that there was sufficiency. He says He’s enough! And He kept being enough for me, not just day after day, but year after year of this journey.

But the conversation now . . . Now I talk to God. When it says that we’re to pray without ceasing, I’m in this constant conversation with God. 

God will receive anything that I will bring to Him—even my pain that causes me to say things that I don’t really want to say. But I’m desperate, and I don’t know how to say it!

God receives it, and He gives mercy. He gives me this assurance of His love for me. And at that time, we’re not talking about Josh; we’re talking about me and God and our relationship. And so, my prayer conversation with God goes on and on and on, and that is a gift from our son.

Dannah: What an honest admission. That’s a portion of a conversation Nancy and I had with Judy Douglass. Judy’s written a book titled When You Love a Prodigal: 90 Days of Grace for the Wilderness. This weekend it’s our gift to you in appreciation for your donation to the ministry of Revive Our Hearts. There’s more information about it at ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend. Click on today’s program, or call us at 1-800-569-5959 and ask about the devotional book by Judy Douglass. 

Judy mentioned the power of prayer in those wilderness days. That’s something Jim and Carol Cymbala learned while their daughter Chrissy was living “far from home.” 

During that time, God taught them a lot about prayer. Over a decade ago, Jim preached a message all about prayer, and as he closed, he gave this powerful real-life illustration.

Jim Cymbala: About eight or nine years ago, my daughter who is here today got away from us. She got away not only from us, she got away from God. She got away from our house. My wife and I went through a two-and-a-half-year-long nightmare that I don't want to go into. But I promised God, as I was getting at the end of it, as He brought me through it, wherever I got a chance I promised God that no matter how hard it would be, as God as my witness today, I would tell people what God does in answer to prayer.

You know what the feeling is not to know where your daughter is? But I’m crying from the minute I leave my door to the church, and saying, "God, my heart is broken, my nerves are shot. I've screamed, begged, pleaded, tried to use money, reasoned, cried and she is getting worse, not getting better."

I learned that when you pray, God comes. I learned that when you have no logical way to stand, God somehow, when you pray, gives you fresh feet and a fresh foundation. People would be praying for me, God bless them.

One November, after about two years had passed and Chrissy was away, God and I got totally alone in Florida. God spoke to me and said, "I know you've been praying for Chrissy." The impressions I got were basically this—I don't want to sound mystical or sensational, I’m just going to tell you from my heart. No more talking to Chrissy and no more talking to anyone else, no more money, and no more screaming, and no more crying. "Drop it. Just tell me. Let's make a covenant. You just tell me, and I’ll take care of it." I told my wife I’m not going to see my daughter until she's right. That's my first child.

My wife kept in touch with her. Months went by. Christmas, a sad Christmas. Who wants presents when your daughter is away? On a February night in the prayer meeting, "my house shall be called a house of prayer," we were all praying. 

I told the people, "My daughter thinks up is down and down is up, and she thinks light is dark and dark is light, and unless God visits her and intervenes, my daughter is out there. Suddenly, it turned into a labor room. You ever hear women when they are giving labor? It's not pleasant, but it has great results. They began to pray. I was overwhelmed by it. They went to the throne of grace like, “And now Satan, you will give up that girl.” And they prayed. I came home. My wife wasn't there that night, and over a cup of coffee I told her, “Carol, it's over.” She said, “What's over.” I said, “It's over. If there is God in heaven, what I experienced tonight, it is over, finito.”

Just about a day later, I was shaving and my wife burst into the bathroom and said, “Chrissy is here.” Chrissy, I hadn't seen her in four months. I went down the steps, wiping off the shaving cream, and on the kitchen floor was my daughter on her knees. I walked into the kitchen. She grabbed at my pants leg, and she pulled it. She was weeping, and she said, “Daddy, I’ve sinned against God. I've sinned against myself. I've sinned against you and mommy. Daddy, forgive me for being rebellious, etc. Daddy, it's different. But Daddy, who was praying for me? Who was praying Tuesday night for me?”

“What Chrissy, what happened?”

And she said, “In the middle of the night, God woke me up and He showed me I was heading towards a chasm, and it had no bottom. But Daddy, even as He showed me that, He showed me how awful I was. He put His arms around me and showed me that He loved me, and He had a plan for my life. Daddy, I’ve made it right with God.”

I could tell by her face that she was my daughter again, the one I had raised. Very soon, God opened the door, and for the next four years she directed the music program at a Bible school. She married a man of God. They are both in the ministry today.

And God reminded me once again, "My house shall be called a house of prayer, because when you call I will answer." And the hard cases that some of you are facing, I want to tell you now, it won't come from another seminar. Seminars have their limits. All they can do is be an arrow that gets you to the throne of grace. But when you get there, watch out because God can do exceedingly beyond what we ask of Him. I’m not being emotional. I'm not being simplistic. But we have too many technicians now invading the church that are into methodology. The answer is not in methodology, the answer is in the power of the Holy Spirit. The answer is in the grace of God.

Dannah: Wow, I was there when Jim Cymbala of the Brooklyn Tabernacle shared that wonderful story and there was not a dry eye in the place, as they say! What a great example of how God works through the prayers of His people! What a reminder for all of us, including those who love a prodigal, to pray and pray and pray and pray fervently.

There might be times we don’t know exactly how to pray for the prodigal we love. That’s something Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth addressed in a series she taught on Balaam, who, in some ways, was a “prodigal prophet.” Here’s Nancy.

Nancy: After the last session someone asked me, "I have a daughter who's a prodigal, walking away from the Lord. Am I supposed to pray a blessing on her? And is it okay to pray that God doesn't bless her by giving her the job she wants, by making her succeed in the things she's trying to do that are harming her?"

And I said, "You don't want to pray cursing on her, but the way you pray a blessing is that God will bless her by not letting her succeed at the things that she's doing that are sinful and wrong." That's not cursing your child to pray, "Lord don't let them succeed at sinning." Right?

You're blessing your child. You're saying, "Lord, hedge up their way with thorns. Make life difficult." That's God's way of blessing them. We're going to see that with Balaam that God actually sends an angel to keep him, to get in his way, to get in his path, to keep him from being able to go on headstrong, headlong in his own way.

So as you pray for your prodigal, you don't want to pray, "Lord make them succeed at what they're doing if it's going to take them further from You." Right? You want God to do whatever is needed so that they can ultimately be blessed and be right with God.

Dannah: In some ways, Balaam’s story is a strange one. He was a prophet of the Lord, but he was being hired to curse the people of Israel who were heading toward the promised land. Nancy explained that God showed Balaam what she referred to as “a severe mercy.”

Nancy: Prophets in that day were called seers. Their job was to tell people what they had seen from God. The irony in this passage, and there is quite a bit of irony, is that Balaam could not see the angel, but his donkey could. And the donkey began to tell Balaam what she had seen. It turns out the donkey was a better seer than Balaam. Right?

And it reminds me that you can have an important position or title or responsibility in your church, in ministry, and yet because of pride and disobedience and self-will, you can be totally blind to spiritual realities—to what God is saying, what God is doing, what He wants you to do.

And sometimes, conversely, those who you would least expect to "see" spiritual truths are the ones who can see best, can see it better than we can. It may be a child or a young believer or even an unbelieving mate who sometimes can see more clearly than a child of God, so-called, who is going down their own path of self-will and pride.

Well, "the donkey turned aside out of the road and went into the field. And Balaam struck the donkey, to turn her into the road. Then the angel of the LORD stood in a narrow path between the vineyards, with a wall on either side" (vv. 23–24). Balaam's way is getting more narrow and more narrow and more narrow. And that's one thing to pray for these prodigal children we've talked about, that God would narrow their paths so they can't keep going in their way.

Dannah: So God did stop Balaam in his tracks. Nancy spoke directly to that person who’s rejecting God’s revealed will and going his or her own way.

Nancy: Is He permitting you to do something that He doesn't love, that He doesn't want, that He doesn't desire for you? And that you're going to have to suffer consequences for later on?

What's the answer? It's what Balaam should have done. Repent. Turn around. Go back the other direction. It's not too late. Say, "Lord, I have sinned. I want Your way, Your will in my life, not my will but Yours be done. And oh Lord, by the way, thank You for sending that adversary into my life, that circumstance, that person to make the way hard for me."

You may want to thank God for sending that adversary into the life of a prodigal son or daughter or wayward husband. Say, "Thank You for the reproofs of life that You use to stop us from going on in our waywardness and our rebellion." That's a severe mercy. It's a beautiful mercy. Thank God for it.

Dannah: Whether you’re a prodigal son or daughter yourself,or you’re the one praying for a prodigal you love, it’s great to be reminded that God can work through the difficult times to ultimately bring about His purposes in the lives of those He loves. 

Nancy was teaching a series called “Blessings and Curses: A Look at the Life of Balaam.” If you’re interested in hearing more, you’ll find a link to the entire eight-episode series when you go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend, and click on today’s program. It’s called “Praying for a Prodigal.”

Hey, I promised you we’d also mention the older brother in the parable Jesus told about the prodigal son. I didn’t forget! Here’s Nancy once again with this thought to consider.

Nancy: Jesus told a story that we often call the Parable of the Prodigal Son. But did you know that there are actually two lost sons in that story?

One left home and wasted all his money on wild living. The other stayed home with his father doing his job and working hard. Guess which example Jesus wants us to follow? Believe it or not, it’s the prodigal. After rebelling against his father, he returned home with a broken, humble heart.

On the other hand, buried beneath the older son's perfect exterior lay a dark, cancerous mass of anger and envy—fueled by hidden, unfulfilled expectations.

Too often we’re like that older brother. Externally, we’re following all the rules. But inwardly, we crave recognition and think that our hard work can make us right with God.

We need to be quick to recognize our sin. To say with that prodigal son, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before You.”

Dannah: Hmm . . . If we’re not quick to recognize our own sin, our hearts can be as far from God as the prodigal we’re praying for, can’t they? It's just something to think about.

Thanks for listening today. I’m Dannah Gresh. Next week we’ll talk about what to do when your spouse is addicted to pornography. I know something about that, and I have a glorious redemption story to tell! I hope you’ll join us for that next time on Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

Revive Our Hearts Weekend is calling you to pray that prodigals will find freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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