Bonus Episode: A Few Thoughts on Spiritual Gifts

Katie Laitkep: Here’s Erin Davis.

Erin Davis: Your family is part of your ministry, not a roadblock to it. Your home is a mission field, not a distraction from “real” ministry.

Katie: This The Deep Well. We just wrapped up the series “Dysfunction,” all about the biblical character Joseph and his crazy family. If you haven’t heard it, I hope you’ll start at the very beginning. But you also get to hear a bonus episode inspired by that series.

As you probably know, God gave Joseph prophetic dreams about the future. And that got Erin wondering about this gift that God gave Joseph and the gifts that God gives believers today. 

The New Testament tells us God gives spiritual gifts, so while Erin was recording the “Dysfunction”series, she also recorded this overview of spiritual gifts. Let’s listen.

Erin: Some parts of Joseph's story made me think about spiritual gifts—specifically those dreams and when he interpreted dreams. It seems clear to me that those were abilities that God gave him and that God used for a supernatural purpose that Joseph couldn’t have predicted or contrived. So, I want to throw in a few thoughts about spiritual gifts.

Twenty-five years ago, Jason Davis got down on one knee and held up the most extravagant gift I’ve ever been given—a solitary diamond in a setting of gold! Which, I didn’t know then, but I know now, had been brought over on a boat when his family emigrated to this country many generations ago.

I took one look at that boy’s face and the diamond he was offering me and I said something profound and romantic: “Is that thing real!?” It was. It is. It’s still on the ring finger of my left hand. And it turns out the gift of marriage to that boy has been even more extravagant than the family heirloom diamond that he proposed with!

Let’s recap: Joseph was born to Jacob (God changed his name to Israel) and Jacob’s beloved wife, Rachel. Joseph’s birth is recorded in Genesis chapter 30. We know he was his dad’s favorite son—Scripture says that—and that made him a target among his brothers.

Let’s pick up the story in Genesis chapter 37; I’m going to read us verses 5–11. 

Now Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers they hated him even more. He said to them, “Hear this dream that I have dreamed . . . Behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and behold, my sheaf arose and stood upright. And behold, your sheaves gathered around it and bowed down to my sheaf.” 

His brothers said to him, “Are you indeed to reign over us? Or are you indeed to rule over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words.”

Then he dreamed another dream and told it to his brothers and said, “Behold, I have dreamed another dream. Behold, the sun, the moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” But when he told it to his father and to his brothers, his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall I and your mother and your brothers indeed come to bow ourselves to the ground before you?” And his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the saying in mind.

There’s the suitcase. Let’s unpack it. Joseph had a dream. Whether he was asleep or he had an eyes-wide-open vision, the Bible doesn’t say. But I do want to note that the Bible often records God working through dreams.

God appeared to King Saul in dreams. We see that in 1 Samuel 28:15. Daniel 1 tells us that Daniel could understand dreams of all different kinds. An angel appeared to another Joseph, this New Testament Joseph—Jesus’ adopted father—in a dream more than once (Matt. 1:20, Matt. 2:13, Matt. 2:19). Dreams are an important theme for our Joseph’s story.

I want you to hold that thought while I ask a question that is probably going to feel unrelated. What’s your spiritual gift? The New Testament talks about spiritual gifts a lot. Specifically, the apostle Paul talked about spiritual gifts a lot in passages like Romans 12, 1 Peter 4, Ephesians 4.

If when listening to The Deep Well I send you on all kinds of treasure hunts all over your Bible, then I’ve done my job. And then, listen to this, if you want to study spiritual gifts, I say, “Go for it!” But what you’re not going to find is a straightforward definition of spiritual gifts. So, I like this definition:

“A spiritual gift is a divine empowerment given to each believer by the Holy Spirit to accomplish ministry God’s way and to serve God’s people.” 

There’s a lot there; I’m a list maker, so let’s turn this definition into a list.

Spiritual gift: 

1. It’s a divine empowerment. That’s important! Spiritual gifts come from God.
2. It’s given to each believer. You have a spiritual gift—or maybe more than one—and so do I.
3. Specifically, it’s the Holy Spirit that gives us a spiritual gift. Why?
4. To accomplish ministry God’s way. That’s the reason you have the gift.
5. You have it to bless God’s people.
6. And this is implied, but it’s also worth making note of: It’s a gift. You didn’t earn it.

Listen, I’ve tried to do ministry in the flesh. I’ve tried to teach God’s Word from my own knowledge and abilities, and it is like plowing through mud! Even in functioning in my gifts—which I do have the gift of teaching—and even in depending on the Holy Spirit, and even having lots of people praying for me while I do this kind of thing, it sometimes feels like I’m plowing through mud!

Doing God’s work is rarely easy, but God has given me these gifts that I might serve you. My gifts belong to you . . . for His glory! My favorite verse about spiritual gifts is 1 Peter 4:10. Here’s the ESV first: “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace . . .” I like the NIV, it’s a little more straightforward: “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others . . .” 

Use it! You’ve got a gift, use it. Take whatever you’ve got and use it to bless God’s people.

The point of this series is not for me to convince you or convince myself to be more like Joseph. But these verses can help us wrestle with if we are willing to use our God-given gifts to serve those who are closest to us.

One way we can apply Joseph’s story when it comes to spiritual gifts is that we can decide to not be like the brothers! When we see something inside the members of our family that God has given them for His glory, even if we don’t fully understand it, we can champion it.

I love that Jesus lived a life a lot like ours. In Luke 4:24 He said, “Truly, I say to you, no prophet is acceptable in his hometown.” 

Why did I steer this bus towards spiritual gifts? Well, I think that’s one lens through which we can look at this part of Joseph’s story.

As I drive this bus, there’s one potential pothole that I’m going to try to avoid, which is that spiritual gifts, in the way I just defined them, are a New Testament phenomenon. They’re an outflow of Pentecost when the Holy Spirit came to indwell God’s people. (You should read Acts 1 for more on that.)

But what Joseph did here was to use an ability that he did not earn through lots of study. I don’t have any reason to believe that Joseph went to Dream University, I don't have any reason to believe that he practiced to become this dreamer. So, this was an ability that God gave him, and we’ll see as the story unfolds that this was an ability that God used in a profoundly prophetic way—which means everyone thought it was amazing and affirmed it and were glad that Joseph had that ability, right? Not exactly. Twice so far, Joseph came to his family and he told them about a dream that he had. And twice his brothers acted with hatred and jealousy! It says that right there in the text, in verses 8 and 11.

He told the dream, and it said the brothers hated him even more. Then he told the dream again, and the brothers hated him even more! Without God’s work in our families, sin is always compounding! And here we see the compounding of jealousy left unchecked.

We see anger, resentment, hatred, and we’re going to see violence. Those things are almost always contagious, and they almost always multiply and spread. Look at it again. Did Joseph brag about his dreams? Verse 6: [Joseph:] “Hear this dream that I have dreamed . . .” Verse 9: “Behold, I have dreamed another dream.”

Again, we’re always trying to read our context into Scripture. It’s a bad habit, and one I want to help you break. I actually don’t see Joseph doing anything other than reporting about what God was doing in his life. And still, it did not go well with his family. 

Have you ever been there? Has God been stirring in your heart, and everybody in your women’s Bible study could not be more thrilled for you!? Your pastor’s affirmed you, and the people you live with are totally unmoved . . . or annoyed!

Or there’s this spiritual gift that God has given you, and it feels like it’s burning inside of you, but you can’t seem to put it in practice because there is just so much to do at home. And, honestly, it all feels so mundane and pointless! You’re supposed to be doing something “bigger.” 

Or maybe your experience has been like Joseph’s experience. Anytime you try to step out in faith and follow the Lord in some significant way, you’re met with more than passivity from your family, you’re met with active resistance. What are we supposed to do then?

I’m going to offer us two big ideas that I hope will help us shift this paradigm. One, I’m going to take us back to where we started. I’m going to take us back to this over and over and over again: family is God’s idea.

And let me add this layer to that: your family is part of your ministry, not a roadblock to it. Your home is a mission field, not a distraction from “real” ministry. Listen to Proverbs 24:3: “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.”

Now, that doesn’t say “by wisdom a church is built.” I admit, that’s a New Testament concept. It doesn’t say, “By wisdom a society is built.” It says, “By wisdom a house is built.” It’s God’s plan that we would build our families one wise brick at a time!

Romans 12:10 says, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” I keep meaning to have my boys memorize that one. That’s a good one when boys fight a lot!

Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” So when Scripture is outlining what our affections for each other should look like, over and over and over it uses family references. 

Again, when God was giving us the Ten Commandments . . . and in places like Ephesians 5, where God was showing us what life is supposed to look like His way, He starts with instructions for our family. It’s ground zero.

Places like Psalm 1:27 tell us that our families are a gift from the Lord. There are places like 1 Timothy 3 where Scripture outlines qualifications for church leaders. There are a lot of qualifications that are related to how that man functions within his family. Why?

Because if you’re going to serve the wider family, the family of God, then you need to demonstrate that you can love, that you can forgive, that you can shepherd, that you can give teeth and feet to wisdom among those who live under your own roof. Because if you don’t do it at home, you’re not going to do it out there.

Also, I think it’s because of this: our families have seen us when we have the flu, and we’ve seen them when they have the flu, and when we’re tired, and when we’re stressed. The worst is when everyone has the flu! It’s quite a sanctifying experience when everybody is sick!

And it’s possible that I might be able to impress you today with my ability to teach God’s Word when my hair is clean and I’m in my fancy pants. But I can assure you that I cannot impress my husband and four sons. They’ve seen me at my worst—many times. I’ve seen them at their worst. 

And will we still use the gifts that God has given us to minister to each other whom we’ve seen at their worst? That’s the test. To be a woman is to constantly swim against the riptide that claims that my value is ascribed to me outside of my home.

I’m no longer the young mom. I’m the oldest mom at the preschool, I’m afraid. But I have many younger moms in my orbit right now, and their kids are little. Those women are like horses at the Kentucky Derby!

They are just chomping at the bit! They’re ready for someone to say that the race has started and they can run! They can’t wait, on some level, for this season to be over! They don’t say it that way, but they say it in other ways. They’re just so eager to use their gifts!

I have to say to those young friends of mine something that friends had to say to me when I was in that season. “You are not in a holding pattern. Use your gifts now to serve your family!” I say this often. I’ve probably said it on The Deep Well before: your children are an unreached people group! They aren’t born with a knowledge of Jesus as Savior.

And I guarantee you’ve got people in your extended family who don’t know Jesus as their Savior. You think God’s going to send someone else to them? No. God sent us to them! There’s this idea that serving others at home is a small thing and serving people outside the walls is somehow a more significant thing.

As much as I’d like to, I can’t just blame the culture for that; that’s inside of me. I’m always trying to use my gifts in ways where there’s immediate affirmation, there are immediate rewards . . . and home life isn’t that.

I teach to a group of women like this, and someone almost always has something nice to say to me afterwards. I make dinner for my family for the eleventy-billionth time, and somebody almost always has something not nice to say to me afterward.

My boys have to kiss me on the cheek after dinner and say, “Thank you for supper”—even if they didn’t eat a bite of it! Because that keeps me motivated to make supper again the next night. I hope that I am raising men who are good husbands some day!

But when we’re weighing our spiritual gifts in terms of rate of return, we’ll get it wrong every single time! I’m not sure I have the spiritual gift of cooking. I’m not even sure if cooking can be a spiritual gift.

But remember what we read in 1 Peter. It said, “Take everything you got, and use it to bless God’s people!” When it comes to our spiritual gifts, it can be discouraging when we feel like those gifts go unnoticed or unappreciated or that they’re ineffective among our family. 

But, were they given to you by your children or by God? Were they given to you by your parents or by God? Were they given to you by your siblings (specifically that sibling who will never understand you!) or by God? And were those gifts given to you to bring you glory or to bring God glory?

Here’s a heartcheck: are we willing to seek to understand and use our spiritual gifts to bless and serve our family—not just the wider God’s family—even when there is no applause? Or worse—in Joseph’s case—even when just doing what God made him to do made his brothers hate him even more.

Using your gifts to minister to and serve the people you live with is a beautiful use of your gifts, not a less-than. That’s Paradigm Shifter # 1. As Joseph’s story unfolds, what we’re going to see is that Joseph actually really was serving his family by sharing his dreams.

Those words were going to come back to them, and they were actually being warned about something significant! Because through these dreams God was warning Joseph’s family about something He was going to do. Now, they didn’t understand it. Joseph didn’t understand it. We can’t understand it unless we see the whole thing laid out. 

The point of this series is not to be like Joseph. But these verses can help us wrestle with if we are willing to use our God-given gifts to serve those closest to us. I feel like I need to confess. I get that wrong more than I get it right. This is an area where I need to continue to grow.

Paradigm Shifter #2 is an assignment: to become the chief gift-championer in your family. “The chief gift-championer;” that’s not easy to say, probably not easier to write, but let me tell you what it means.

I love that Jesus lived a life so much like our own. In Luke 4:24 Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, no prophet is acceptable in his hometown.” John 7:5 tells us, “For not even his brothers believed in him”—not at the time, before He resurrected.

In Matthew 13:55–56 the people of Nazareth—which was Jesus’ hometown-—said this (now, I’m reading my own inflection into it, but this is what I think they’re saying): “Is not this the carpenter's son? Is not his mother called Mary? And are not his brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? And are not all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?” 

The next verse says, “And they took offense at him.” 

Here’s what they were saying: “Who do You think You are?! We know Your mom, we know Your dad. We’re with Your brothers, we know Your sisters! Who do You think You are?!”

I’ve heard it said that the fact that Jesus’ brothers believed—or at least some of them did, we see that in the New Testament—is one of the greatest apologetics for the resurrection.You can’t dupe your brothers! They’ve seen your bedhead! It’s hard for us to see the supernatural in the lives of the people that we are in the trenches with day after day!

But God is at work. He’s at work in your life, and He’s at work in the lives of your family members. And if something is rising up in you, or you're thinking, I’m not sure God’s at work in the life of my family member, listen to the episode before this where we talked about the fact that all people are made in the image of God and that God desires that all people be reconciled to Him! 

He is at work in your family members. Our flesh wants to be like David’s brothers, irritated by what we do not understand. Let me encourage you instead to become the greatest champion of your family members’ spiritual gifts.

I admit I do not do this perfectly, I probably never will. But it is an area where I’m intentional. I pray to know my family’s gifts, that God would show me by the power of His Holy Spirit how He has uniquely gifted the members of my family, and then I’m always on the hunt for opportunities to call those gifts out!

My oldest boy, Eli, comes to mind. God has given Eli the gift of discernment. I recognized it and then I watched for it. One day I said, “Buddy, I think God’s given you the gift of discernment.” 

He said, “What’s discernment?”

So we had this conversation about what discernment is and how we can use discernment to bless other people. And now he’ll say, “Mom, I think I have discernment!” 

And I’m like, “I think you do!” It’s become this exciting adventure of discovering the gifts together.

He also is a gifted leader. That boy, I don’t know what he’s going to lead, but he’s going to lead something! When your gifts are immature, sometimes they’re hard to celebrate. So I’ll see him leading those brothers all the time, and we’ll have a conversation. “Hey, Buddy, the Lord’s gifted you for leadership, and real leaders are servants. So that’s what this means.” 

So, it’s not a mystery; those are the gifts that we see. An important part of being their mom is prayerfully recognizing my children’s spiritual gifts and then looking for every opportunity to celebrate them and encourage them to use them for God’s glory.

The same with my husband. He is not wired like me. We are two very different people. You can have a couple different approaches to marriage. Either you can try to get your husband to be like you . . . and that’s not going to go well! Or you can celebrate that he is uniquely wired and look for the ways God has gifted him and celebrate them!

There’s no boundary to this. Your parents have gifts. Your siblings have gifts. The people in your church have gifts. Your cousins have gifts. Your neighbors have gifts. Your friends have gifts. You become this person who tries to discern gifts and then celebrate them.

“Well, what about so-and-so, who doesn’t celebrate my own spiritual gifts?” That happens to me. I do a fair amount of this kind of thing, where I’m away from my home and teaching the Bible. There are definitely people in my family who think I should be on a different path. I don’t know how we handle them. I’m not talking to them. I’m talking to you.

How do you change the temperature in your family by championing the gifts of others? I have made a commitment to the Lord that anytime I teach the Bible, I will make it very easy for the women listening to be doers, and very hard for you to be hearers only.

Let me give you one practical step: I want you to make a list of your family . . . whatever that means to you. This isn’t rhetorical. I want you to actually do it! Then I want you to ask God to show you some of the gifts that He’s given each one.

I worked ahead. (I knew this was coming!) Jason, my husband, is a shepherd. I think sometimes it’s hard for us as women to champion our husband’s gifts when we don’t understand them. But when I recognize that Jason is a shepherd by God’s design, that his protective instincts are to serve our family, it’s way easier for me to celebrate them than question them.

I already told you Eli has the gift of discernment and leadership. I don’t know how to describe Noble’s gift yet, but he has a remarkable mind! He has an ability to retain information like nobody I’ve ever seen!

We went to the International Spy Museum in Washington, D.C. last week, and there was this little test that was if you would be a good CIA agent. I failed the test! I got none right! Noble got all of them right! He has a beautiful mind, and I look for ways to call that out.

Judah, who’s only nine, has the gift of compassion. If you’re hurting, Judah’s hurting. He has the gift of mercy; he has a huge heart! This is sometimes hard for me to understand, because on all of those spiritual gifts assessments, I score zero on mercy—zero!

I don’t even know how that’s possible! But I see it in Judah, and it’s so beautiful. I want to steward it as the fragile gift that it is. I don’t want his heart to harden. I don’t want his compassion to go away. I want to see God use that!

Ezra’s only four. I’m not sure. But I know that boy loves going to church. All my other kids, when they were that age, had to be pried off of my body to be put in the church nursery. Not Ezra! He just puts his head on high and marches in there!

Every teacher he’s ever had at church has come and found me and told me how special he is. He is! He has a special love for God’s people, and it’s my job to champion him. What would change in your family if you said to your sister, “You have such a tremendous gift for hospitality! It really blesses me. Thanks for using your gift!”

My sister might fall down dead on the floor if I said that to her! But I should! I want to say that to her, because she does. When you’re in my sister’s home something inside of you relaxes. It’s a gift given to her by God for the good of God’s people.

What would change in your family if you said to your child, “I watched you pick up the toys that you didn’t get out. I see that you have a heart to serve others. Thanks for using your gifts to bless our family!”

What would change in your family if you said to your husband, “I’m amazed by the gift of discernment God has given you! You’ve used it to make so many wise decisions for our family!” When it comes to the gifts that have been given to us by God for His glory and the good of others, it’s true that when the tide comes in, all of the boats in the harbor rise.

The Davis family is a better family when everybody is using their gifts, and we don’t even have to understand each other’s gift for that to be true. I think it helps to say those things out loud. It keeps us from being like Joseph’s brother. I don’t want us to be the kind of women who discourage other people’s gifts.

You know, there’s no wisdom teeth in the kingdom of God—no spleen either. Every part is needed! So as we look at just this little nugget of Joseph’s story and the way that his family responded to the things God was doing in his life, I want us to become women who celebrate what God is doing in the lives of the people in our family. Let’s pray for that. 

God, thank You that You’ve given us gifts! We didn’t earn them; we don’t deserve them, but we have them. I pray that we would be women who celebrate gifts, who champion them, who recognize them. Help us to not be like Joseph’s brothers, but to be women who are so grateful that You’ve wired us uniquely so that we can serve each other well. It’s in your name I pray, amen.

Erin Unscripted

Katie: Erin, you’re talking about Joseph’s gift in this context of having dreams and interpreting dreams. Do you think that interpreting dreams is a spiritual gift that believers possess today?

Erin: I wrestled with that exact question as I was putting this together, so I’ll give you some principles and some thoughts . . . and you’re going to feel like I’m not directly answering your question. 

We don’t ever see comprehensive lists of spiritual gifts in the Scripture. We do get some lists, but I don’t look at those. I don’t have any reason to believe that these are all the spiritual gifts that will ever exist throughout time, which I think is so freeing! 

And also, as I noted, I think our understanding of spiritual gifts as being empowered by the Holy Spirit is not exactly what Joseph was experiencing. It’s not apples to apples, it’s apples to oranges at best. But I do know that God is still working in people’s life through dreams.

If you’re paying attention at all to what’s going on in the Middle East as I’m recording this, Muslims in significant numbers (and we don’t even have the way to track the numbers) are coming to Christ through their dreams.

There’s frequently a consistency in the dreams. Someone says, “Go find the men of the cross.” And they go find Christians in their community. They then understand what it means to become a Christian; many are giving their lives to Christ. In fact, some of the most dramatic revivals happening in the world right now are happening in the Middle East, and dreams are a part of them.

So I would never say that dreams are an Old Testament thing; they’re not a New Testament thing, and they’re not a modern thing, because that’s not what I think we see. A verse that comes to mind, also, is Acts 2:17. It’s quoting the book of Joel, but it says:

And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams.

So it seems like it’s still on the table to me.

Are we in “the last days”? I think anywhere between the resurrection and the return of Christ fits that description, and this passage is saying there will be visions. Did Joseph have a vision or a dream? The passage says dream, but doesn’t tell us, was he asleep or awake? He had this dream. So, I think God still works through dreams; that’s my short answer.

Katie: Okay, Erin, do you think there are seasons in which we can use our spiritual gifts differently? Like when I was a stay-at-home mom and now my children are out of my home? Or does that apply differently? 

Erin: I think that’s another misunderstanding we have about spiritual gifts. I think we think, “This is my gift from now to the end of time!” I don’t see anything in Scripture that confirms that. A gift is a gift, by nature. It’s something that God has given to us and God in His sovereignty knows when is the right timing for a gift.

It would be a really bad idea for me to gift a new car to my nine-year-old right now, but there may come a day where that’s a really good gift for the season of life he’s in. So I do think it’s seasonal. This conversation about women using their gifts, man, it is so tricky.

Part of why it’s tricky is because we look at each other's lives. There’s a variety of seasons, a variety of gifts, and we are trying to find some template to follow, always as women, and there’s not a template.

I am in a season where I have kids at home, and I’m also someone who’s using my gifts sometimes outside the home. I hope that my family would say they’re getting the firstfruits—that’s a word in Scripture—they’re getting the best of my gifts (and that leaves you guys getting the leftovers, and I’m okay with that!).

There are some women who are at home, and they’re not using their gifts at all outside of the home. Here are the words we love as women: we love the word “balance” (not in Scripture, the word is “abide”). We are always trying to find a template to use. 

All of it takes abiding—walking day by day with the Lord—walking in the Spirit and letting Him be Sovereign. He is Sovereign. But inviting Him to be Sovereign over the decisions you’ve made, which means I can’t cookie-cutter it for anybody, including myself.

Mary, you are a widow, so your life looks very different than mine in that your house isn’t full. It’s been emptied. What does using your gifts in ministry look like for you in this season?

Mary: That has been something I’ve been praying about, for actually months, because I knew this end was coming. There were some things that I thought were definitely my spiritual gift, that I had been called to years ago. But I had to give up, because emotionally or physically or mentally was not up to doing it well. I was in this time with my husband. 

So immediately that came back to me, along with my question: “Okay, Lord, what is it that You’ve left me here for?” Because I would have preferred to have been taken first. So, yes, you know the Scripture in the Old Testament about “the Lord is now your husband” has come to me. 

I’ve said to a couple of friends, “You know, I no longer have a husband to please, so I’m asking the Lord, ‘What can I do now to please You?’” The spiritual gift of correspondence and encouragement is top on the list, especially to incarcerated girls, but to other people, too. I do that by texting and trying to keep a kind of a quiet life, because I don’t think He wants me getting busy, busy, busy.

Erin: Yes. That’s beautiful. 

Katie: The Deep Wellwith Erin Davis is part of the Revive Our Hearts podcast family calling women to greater freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ!