4 Questions to Ask Before You Scroll, with Hunter Beless

What if there was a way for you to increase intimacy in all of your relationships this February without making a single purchase? Join the Grounded team and guest Hunter Beless, founder of Journeywomen, as they discuss how unplugging can allow you to increase your love for God and the people around you. They will equip you to loosen social media’s grip on your heart in this new episode of Grounded.

Connect with Hunter

Instagram: @hunterbeless
Instagram: @journeywomenpodcast 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HunterBeless
Website: https://www.hunterbeless.com/
 

Episode Notes

• Revive Our Hearts Blog
• “50 Mentoring Questions That Spark Revival” blog post by Leslie Bennett.
• “4 Prayers for Your Heart This Election Year” blog post by Cindy Matson.
• “What Happens When Mothers Pray” blog post by Katie Laitkep.
• “How Should Christians Handle Disappointment?” blog post by Lori Hatcher.

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Dannah Gresh: Well, hello there and happy February, Grounded sisters. I'm Dannah Gresh. And in celebration of this month of love, what if I told you there's a way to increase intimacy in all of your relationships that doesn't require you to buy anything? No boxed chocolates, not a dozen roses, not even a card. But I gotta be upfront with you, it will cost you something.

Portia Collins: I like where you're going here. I am Portia Collins. This is Grounded, a podcast where we love to pass out hope and perspective. Today we're offering some fresh perspective on social media, and that just might improve your relationships.

Dannah: People are like, “Ah, you're gonna give me a screen challenge or something that's what it's gonna cost?” They're feeling it. Don't leave; stick around. This is really important. 

Portia, right now I have a note in my phone and I have a title for it. It's like a little document for me. The title is, “Pushing reset on loving God and loving others.” One of the key initiatives is to increase my attention to and love for Bob. On this document I actually have it written that I want to be emotionally available to Bob slash no scrolling. So, how do you like them apples?

Portia: I was going to say, “How is this going?”

Dannah: Well, in some ways good—my scrolling and my social media use is down, and my interest in Bob, and the rest of my family for that matter, is up. But I did intend to leave my phone downstairs and not take it into the bedroom at night because I want to like pay attention to my man in bed, not my phone. And well . . .

Portia: So, let me guess. You’re not winning at this, Dannah Kay, Dannah Banana? 

Dannah: No, someone needs to hold my feet to the fire. You know what I need to do, Portia? Somebody needs to say, “Dannah, go to Walmart and buy yourself a . . . what do they call those things? Oh, alarm clocks.” Yes, alarm clock. I need an alarm clock. That’s why I keep taking it up to the bedroom. 

Portia: I got you. Well, I can say that I’ve got the help that you need then, and maybe some help for you too, Grounded sisters. Okay, so listen up. Put those listening ears on. Hunter Beless is with us. You probably already know her as the voice behind the Journey Women podcast. If you follow her on social media, you may have realized that you haven't heard from her on social media in a while. That's because she's been on a prolonged social media, as she calls it, “hiatus.” Okay, that's what she said on social media, a hiatus. I know you’re probably asking what prompted that? What has she learned? Has unplugging changed her relationships with God and others? Well, we are going to get the whole scoop and then some from Hunter in just a bit.

Dannah: Yep, yep, we are. 

Portia: Go ahead. I was gonna say I'm ready to get into this. But before what do, we have? Who are we missing? Is it somebody? What's her name again? 

Dannah: What is her name?

Portia: Erin Davis. 

Dannah: That's right. Where is she? What is Grounded without a big dollop of Erin Davis on top?

Erin Davis: I'm here. I'm watching. I'm listening. I was tempted to scroll on my phone while you were talking about this episode, so I'm here.

Dannah: Erin Davis!

Portia: Confession: I was about to do it before, and I was like, “I gotta put my phone down.” 

Erin: Yeah, it’s a thing. 

Portia: You know what that means, Erin? Just go ahead and share this episode because after you share, put your phone down, unless you're watching it . . .

Erin: . . . on your phone, then you can keep it.

Portia: Yes. Share this. And Erin, go ahead and get us grounded with some good news this morning. 

9:35 - Good News (with Erin)

Erin: Okay. Well, I've got a warm and fuzzy for you this morning, literally. And this one comes from Dannah’s neck of the woods. And let me just say if you're listening to the podcast version of Grounded, which many many of you do, this is your cue to go and find the video version on YouTube or on Facebook. This good news comes from Hershey, Pennsylvania. That's good news all on its own that there's a place called Hershey, Pennsylvania. 

I'm wondering if I have any hockey fans watching or listening? I know football is not the only sport happening right now. Are you guys aware? We might have some new hockey fans after this story. Every year the Hershey Bears (who after this good news story become my favorite hockey team), they have something they call a teddy bear toss. This one happened just a few weeks ago. 

So, here's how it works: during a designated hockey game, the first goal scored by the Bears alerts the fans that it's time to toss teddy bears on to the ice, thus the name “teddy bear toss.” And why did they do that? The fans know that everything they throw onto the ice, all those stuffed animals, are going to be given to children in need in the Hershey, Pennsylvania area. 

How many bears were tossed in 2024? I don't think you're ready for this number. Whatever number you have in your mind, it's higher than that. Here it is: 74,599 stuffed animals tossed onto the ice for a good cause, given to children. That's a record-breaking number. 

So, let's correlate here: 74,599 stuffed animals, that means more than 70,000 children are going to be given something snuggly to hold. Sometimes it feels like my children have 70,000 stuffed animals just in their own bed. But not all children are that fortunate. And so, 70,000 children with something snuggly to hold, and the message that their community cares about them. 

So that's good news if I've ever heard it. What's it like to be caught in a deluge of more than 70,000 stuffed animals on their way into the arms of needy children? I want you to watch this short clip. If you're listening to the podcast, again, you can find it on the Revive Our Hearts YouTube or Facebook channel and feel the love. All right, here we go. I'm going to pretend I'm a hockey announcer now. I want you to watch this very short clip. I promise your heart is going to be warm. Here we go. 

Announcer: And he scores! 

Erin: All right, that's the cue, and then watch what happens. All of the fans were waiting to throw those teddy bears on the ice. It just keeps going. You got to keep watching because it's gonna fill that ice rink here as we watch it. That's just a replay of the shot. I don't care so much about that; hockey fans probably do. But then the team rushes the ice, and look at that. Can you see them piling up? They're coming from everywhere. The hockey players are hugging each other. There are some giant teddy bears there in the mix. They just kept coming and coming and coming. There's a hockey team smiling. That's what 70,000 stuffed animals looked like. Those all made their way into the hands of needy kids. 

So, I promised you a warm, fuzzy. That short clip has been shared thousands and thousands of times, perhaps inspiring others to live generously, to care for the kids in their own community. 

So with that I would say, “Yeah, social media can be used for good work. You're not going to hear us say that all social media is bad here on Grounded. But here on Grounded, we don't just want to see it used for good. We want to see it used to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with others so that others can experience more than teddy bear hugs. We want them to experience the love of Jesus today. And every day, Jesus is our good news. The ways He is being shared around the world is good news. And so, with that, I'm going to turn it over to Portia for that conversation with Hunter. 

Portia, what do you think about all of those teddy bears? 

Portia: Look, I was just smiling. It just brought me just dollop of joy.

Erin: I know! I’ve watched that clip a whole bunch of times like oh, just feel so good to give to others. 

13:59 - Grounded with God's People (Hunter Beless)

Portia: I know. I love it. All right, Hunter Beless is with us this morning. She's my friend. I love her. Most of us already know her. She is a familiar face here on Grounded. She's a wife, a mama, a podcast host, and the founder of Journey Women. She's gonna help us think biblically about how we use social media. Welcome to Grounded, Hunter.

Hunter Beless: It is so good to be with you guys. You always make me laugh and smile. So, thank you so much for having me.

Portia: Oh, of course, of course. Okay, jumping right in, you recently took a six-month break from social media? What prompted that?

Hunter: Oh, I did. It was really prompted by conversations with older women in my life. I was sitting on the back porch with a mentor of mine at her parents’ lake house. And she said, “I really don't see very many helpful things to social media.” 

Now, I've landed in a different place. I do see some helpful things on social media like that wonderful clip that Erin just shared. But I really wanted to test what she had said by kind of experimenting in my own life. And so, I developed kind of a litmus test of different questions, hopefully, so that the whole experiment could be measurable in some way, and I decided was going to take a six-month break.

Portia: I know that you have discussed social media habits and rhythms on a few podcasts and even your own social media channels. Let's dig in a little bit more. Share a pivotal moment that led you to examine your own social media usage and habits. 

Hunter: We always want the Scriptures to be informing our practice. If you know me at all, you might know that I love memorizing the text. And so, I was in the process of memorizing Colossians 3, because we were studying Colossians in my local church’s Bible study. As I was memorizing Colossians 3, I was memorizing the first three verses, which say, “So if you've been raised with Christ, seek the things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God, set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. For you died and your life is hidden with Christ and God.” 

As I was kind of meditating and mulling over Colossians 3:2, “set your mind on things above,” I began to really examine my own practice.Aas I'm engaging on social media, is it prompting me to set my mind on things above not on earthly things? Or is it prompting me to set my mind on what, you know, next thing I could create or share on social media? Or is it prompting me to think about what it is that whatever influencer I'm following is encouraging me to think about? 

And so, I really started to have to get honest, especially after asking some of the litmus test questions that I referenced earlier about my own inward practice. Because interestingly, I kind of surveyed my family and friends who are closest to me in proximity and asked them about my practice. And Portia, it was so fascinating, because they said that my practice was all checking out. So, like, everything externally seemed fine. I'd set the timers. I had limited my usage to less than 30 minutes a day, all of these different practices that we set in place to try and keep our practice in check. And yet, inwardly, I was still missing out on opportunities to “set my mind on things above, not on earthly things.” 

And so, I really wanted to take a break so that I could reset my heart in my mind to be dwelling on the things that I wanted to be dwelling on.

Portia: I think you're taking us in the direction that I really want to dig in. What I just heard you say, and pardon my sweet pup over here who apparently wants to get in on this social media conversation, I may have to pick him up in a minute. But what I'm hearing you say is your practice was great. But in the heart there was still some disconnect. 

So, I guess I want to ask and drill in how has being a committed follower, a lover of Jesus, shake your understanding, and more specifically, your approach to social media?

Hunter: Oh, well, we always want Scripture to be informing our practice. And so, I've just really had to get serious about considering how Scripture is informing everything that I'm doing online. 

And Portia, honestly, the more time I spend in God's Word, the less I'm drawn to spending online. I've been thinking about stuff like, Am I minimizing myself by maximizing God on socials? How much of this is about me? Am I soaking in the Scriptures? Or am I soaking in social media? Like, is this full of truth? Like, what am I doing? What am I doing in this space? 

It's led me to spend less and less time there. I'm super thankful for that because we only have one life to live and one opportunity really to offer ourselves as a living sacrifice to the Lord Jesus, and also to the people that were around. I would hate to spend so much time considering how to be engaging with people at a distance and neglect the people who are right in front of me. 

So, I've really been having to consider what does it look like to love my neighbor, especially the littlest neighbors who are within the four walls of my own home? Not just like, What does it look like to engage wisely online? I think the internet is this weird thing where we have this illusion of being able to develop our own kind of perfect curated identity. We're pushing back against the limits that God has given us because it offers us this illusion of being able to be present in lots of different places and being able to have knowledge from lots of different spaces. I just think that it's really good for us to lay those things aside and for us to remember our limits and to rest in those. It's lent itself to a lot of mental and emotional and spiritual rest in my own life. I've really been considering the impact on my own heart and mind. 

Portia: Absolutely. I'm glad that you're going in this direction as well, because I want to touch here. In the realm of conversation and connection, what wisdom can you offer us as it pertains to engaging with our phones and our loved ones in a balanced manner? I love that you talked about loving neighbor and what that looks like, and even the littlest neighbor. So how can you help us? Like coach us up on how we can engage with our phones and our loved ones in a balanced way?

Hunter: It's such an interesting thing to be in a space where we have access to people who we know in person. And we also have access to people who we may not have ever met. So many people use social media for so many different purposes.I have used it in the past as a content creator. And so, my sphere is very broad and very wide. 

Many of the listeners are engaging with social media because they're sharing pictures with friends. They're using it to keep up with people who they have real relationships with in person. So, I think it's important to consider the way that we're using social media. But certainly, whether we're using it to engage with people who we know in person or people who we don't know, we want to put into practice what John 13:34 says, which is, “Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. So how did Christ love us? He loved us while we were yet sinners. 

And so, I think one practical thing that I've been thinking about Portia is even just, “Am I so present online that I'm neglecting people who I know in person?” Like, am I posting online and not responding to text messages of people in my own local church context. That's another check for me, especially as someone who has a broader following. That has really helped me keep in check what it looks like to actually love my neighbor. I think especially with an election year coming, all these different things, we have to consider the fact that there are so many different people who are looking on as we engage via the interweb. We have to consider, “Is this going to build up the body of Christ? Is this going to help us to have unity in the bond in the Spirit? And is this characterized by love?” Those are just a few ways, but there are so many. 

I think the most important thing is to go back to Scripture, as I've said, and to allow Scripture to drive your practice, those biblical principles that you get from God's Word to help inform the way that you're engaging online.

Portia: Did y'all hear her? She said, “Allow Scripture to drive your practice?” So, you are like reading my mind, Hunter? I want to give you one final question, because, as you stated, it's not that we want to eliminate practice altogether, but we want our practice to be rooted in Scripture. Could you share with our Grounded sisters what are some practical ways to weave biblical wisdom into our social media usage?

Hunter: Yeah, I think this is the hard work, right? A lot of times we are studying the Scriptures, but we're not playing it out. How do we apply the Scriptures in this particular facet? I think the other thing that's really challenging, Portia, is all of the social media stuff has really only been around for the last two decades. That's why I think it's so difficult to get a gauge on how we apply the Scriptures to this particular form of technology. That's really unprecedented. 

So for me, I'm just always thinking whatever Scripture I'm memorizing or meditating on, how does this inform everything in my life, including my social media practice? I think if a lot of us are honest, if we look at our screentime notification on our phone, we are spending a lot of time in these spaces.

And so we have to as Christians consider how are we looking to Scripture to help drive the time that we spend in these spaces? I could share so many different passages. I mean, one that has been really great is Psalm 101:3, “Am I setting my eyes before worthless things or turning away from them?” You know, another one that has really helped me is Ephesians 5:15. Is this the best use of my time? Let me think, Am I posting for the approval of man? Or am I posting like for the Lord's approval? A lot of times, if I asked myself these questions like, Have I prayed about this? Philippians 4, I will be inclined to not share whatever it was that I was thinking might be great to post. 

If you can just ask some kind of hard questions that are rooted in Scripture and maybe have just two or three in your back pocket, that would kind of serve as a litmus test for whether or not you should be spending time in that place or whether or not you should consider sharing whatever it is that you had to post. That might be really helpful. Just to help check your practice online.

Portia: That hits home for me. Because one of the ways that I can make excuses, especially when I look at my screen time at the end of the week, I say, “Oh, but it was so much productive time on my phone.” I can make the excuse and say that I'm being very productive by accomplishing X, Y, and Z, but not really examining what is that saying or what is that doing to my heart? 

And so, I think this is exactly like you said. We need Scripture. We need to practice biblical wisdom. And what that looks like in each one of our lives is going to be a little bit different. But I think you've coached us up well today, Hunter.

Hunter: Praise God.

Portia: It makes me want to be more mindful of my social media usage. I’ve got some Scriptures in my back pocket thanks to you. So, thank you so much for being with us. We're going to drop a link to your podcast Journey Women. Thank you, love you so much. It was a joy to interview you.

Hunter: Thanks guys. Love you, too. Thanks for having me.

Portia: All right. You guys probably already know what it's time to do. We want to get Grounded in God's Word. So Dannah Banana, are you there? 

28:09 - Grounded in God's Word (with Dannah)

Dannah: I am here and ready to go. Crack your Bibles to 2 Corinthians, Sisters. I want to try to make a connection. In case you're listening, and you're like, “I don't really have a social media problem.” I want to maybe help you see where the symptoms of a social media problem could be cropping up by asking you this question, “Are you lacking joy in your life?” Another way to say that might be, “Are you struggling deeply with anxiety, depression, and fear? It could be that you have a joy leak to attend to. Today I want to help you plug the hole. Let me explain. 

Dr. Allan Shore is a psychologist and a researcher in neurophysiology. I’ve followed his teaching for more than a decade. I find it very useful to understand trends and behaviors, though, I want to tell you, I always turn to God's Word for solutions. Anyway, Dr. Shore describes joy this way, “It's what you experience when you see the sparkle in someone's eye that conveys, ‘I'm happy to be with you.’” 

Now, when I first heard that definition, it felt really at odds with my biblical understanding of joy. I kind of wrote it off. I was like, that’s not like joy. Dr. Allan Shore must not know Jesus. Well, I don't know if he does or doesn't. 

But here's my definition of joy, the confident conviction that God is in control. Joy is the confident conviction that God is in control. It's the stuff that gets you through hard times. Now, you're not going to find that on dictionary.com. That's Dannah’s definition. 

But when I put these two definitions beside each other, I thought, Are they at odds with one another? I mean, the first one feels so superficial, the sparkle in someone's eye that conveys I'm happy to be with you as joy. But honestly, sometimes that second definition, my definition, can be hard to muster up when life isn't going well, when I don't have the confident conviction that God is in control.

But then I read a book titled The Other Side of Church by Jim Wilder and Michael Hendricks. I began to see how these definitions maybe weren't in conflict with one another. Those two authors said that our brains desire joy more than any other thing. And as we go through our day, our right brain, the right side of our brain is constantly scanning our surroundings, looking for people who are happy to be with us. 

Then the authors went on to explain how we need eye contact and face to face experiences to literally fill up our joy tanks. These Christian authors were not just talking about someone's face lighting up when they saw us, but also the conviction that God was in control.

I was still troubled though. I wanted to know, “What does the Bible have to say about this?” As I read the book, these authors started to build a biblical defense of how these definitions might fit. It began to change my understanding of joy. 

It started with this first, let me read it to you. It's in 2 Corinthians 4:5–6. It says, 

For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

The face of Jesus Christ and the presence of Jesus Christ, that gives light to our hearts. And oh, how we need that in hard times. 

When I was reading that verse, I thought about the prayer from the Old Testament in numbers. We sing songs about it. Numbers 6 says, “The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you [with that last word, you know it] peace. 

In the face of God we find our peace and our joy. When you hear about God's glory displayed in the face of Christ, and the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and the Lord turn his face toward you, well, that sounds a lot like Allan Shore’s neurological definition of joy. He was basing that definition on what he sees firing up in the brain, when somebody is face to face with another person. 

Remember, his definition is what you experience when you see the sparkle in someone's eye that conveys, “I'm happy to be with you.” 

Well, maybe my biblical definition of joy and Allen Shores’ neurological research weren't at odds with each other. I see how many times the Bible references us having a face-to-face relationship with God. It is everywhere. For example, Psalm 89:15, “Blessed are those who have learned to claim you, who walk in the light of your presence, Lord.” 

Now here's the thing, in the Hebrew, in the light of Your presence is in the light of Your face. A lot of times when we're reading the word “presence” in the Scriptures, we're actually seeing Hebrew language for face-to-face intimacy.

Well, I began to wonder what if Jesus’ eyes sparkle when they see me? What if Jesus’ eyes sparkle, that light that we read about here in 2 Corinthians, the light of His face . . . What if His eyes sparkle, saying, “I'm happy to be with you, Dannah?” What if His eyes sparkle when he sees you? 

God deeply desires face-to-face relationship with you, my friend. And that experience, those encounters, those face-to-face intimate moments with God produce joy. The stuff that gets us through face-to-face encounters with God are what give us the quiet conviction that God is in control,and God deeply desires that relationship with you. 

Listen, He wants that relationship not just with you and Him, but He wants it with you and other believers. This is what apostle Paul wrote in 2 John 12. He wrote, “Though I have much to write to you, I would rather not use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to come to you and talk face to face, so that our joy may be complete.”

Oh, now I don't want to make too much of it. He's not saying that he is the source of joy. But he is recognizing what pattern we see all through Scripture, that is the Christian life is about intimacy. Are you getting face to face with God? Proverbial of course. 

But that slow meditative in God's Word, worshipful experience with God? Is that happening in your life? Not a passing tidbit of time, but a soaking. Are you getting face-to-face time with God's people? Is there laughter in your relationships and sharing and praising God together and testifying and crying and pleading and praying together? Your joy is made complete when you have your face in the face of others. 

Now about that joy leak. You see where I'm going with my phone? Let's bring this back to our social media habits and our phones. If your face is constantly in front of your smartphone scrolling, you may have a joy leak. I want to encourage you to do what my friend Hunter Beless did: ask your husband, ask your roommate, ask your kids, ask your parents, “What do you see happening in my life with my phone?” 

If you have joy, like your coworkers probably feel it, your kids do, your husband might, your roommate does. Today is your wakeup call? Are you lacking joy in your life? It could be there's something between your face and the face of God. Listen, I'm kind of a social science-y girl. This anxiety and depression and the suicidal ideation we hear among teens and young adults today that is skyrocketing, we can trace it back to the advent of smartphones and social media. Yeah, we have graphs and charts to show us where the problem began. 

I wonder if a battle you might be fighting isn't just because you're using your phone too much, but that phone is creating a joy. Put that phone down. Let me say it again, “Back away from the phone.” Just this morning, my husband got out his flip phone. He's used it a time or two in our last few years to just push reset on how He's present face to face with God and others. I can't wait to see how it impacts him and us. 

I want to encourage you to plug up your joy leak and get into the presence of God and others today. 

Erin: There's a hole in my bucket, dear Dannah. I've got a joy leak myself. So, I was tracking. And now that it's been exposed, I have a choice. Am I going to just continue to let joy ooze out for no real good reason? Or am I going to ask the Lord to intervene? 

You know, we can take this conversation in a lot of different directions. But here's one way this was already the Lord, the Spirit of God, starting to work in my heart: shopping. I would not have called myself a shopper. I don't have expensive tastes. But man, do I love a cheap shirt from TJ Maxx. I was looking to stuff to fill me when I was feeling anxious, when I was feeling lonely, when I was feeling bored. The Lord convicted me of that. I took on a resolution to not buy anything new in 2024. But you know where it's been hard? It’s in my social media. Ads are coming at me constantly. The algorithms know me better than I know myself. They send me things that I would really love to have. Would it be sin for me to buy a cute new dress? It would not. But it can be a thief of joy, because I'm not getting my face to the face of Jesus. 

So, I don't know how the Spirit's gonna convict in your life. But my encouragement would be to obey—always obey. But there's this other principle we see in Scripture that when we take something out and we obey the Lord and we turn from something, we ought not just leave a void there. 

The verses that talk about putting off and putting on when Paul was writing about the things we take off as followers of Jesus, but then we replaced them with new things. 

And so, as you listen to this episode, if the Lord convicts you and you decide you're going to put some new limits on your social media, you're maybe going to get rid of social media, you're going to take a hiatus, like Hunter did. That's not enough to make you more like Jesus, just taking something out of your life. You've got to replace that with something that is going to get your face to the face of Jesus. 

And you know, we'd love to give you the good stuff here. So, we wanted to point you to a place in our ministry that maybe you're not familiar with. It's the ReviveOurHearts.com blog. Several times a week there is content there. It's biblically grounded, gospel and Jesus focused, and is going to help you think about your life. Think about your practices in ways that flow out of your love for Scripture. It's just a treasure trove. That's what it is. 

And so, we just wanted to point you there because I know like me, you're going to be sitting in the car pickup line later today. You might be sitting in the doctor's office waiting. There's gonna be moments where you're tempted to fill your time with that thing that springs a leak in your joy. How you're going to fill it. Well. A good idea is to put a Bible in your car and just turn to that. But you can also turn to this blog; you're gonna find riches. 

Here's some recent blog titles from the Revive Our Hearts blog: “50 Mentoring Questions to Spark Revival.” Raise your hand if you want revival. I do too. “4 Prayers for Your Heart This Election Year.” Hunter mentioned that briefly. This is going to be a year where we're going to have to have wisdom for social media use, or all the joy is going to leak out of our lives. I'm just predicting that right now. 

So, there's some wisdom there. Here's another title,“What Happens When Mothers Pray?” How about this? “How Should Christians Handle Disappointment?” They all really good blog posts, biblically rich, as I said. The Revive Our Hearts’ blog is a goldmine. As you're taking social media out of your life, it's might be something that you want to replace it with. 

I'm gonna invite my cohosts, Dannah and Portia, to join me back on screen. As we wrap up this episode, we told you at the top and in the title that we were going to equip you with some questions to evaluate your social media usage. Hunter gave you some of those. But before Hunter took her break from social media, she posted this long list of questions that you can use to discern, because you know what? You're not a good self-evaluator of this.

Dannah: Yeah, and you know what? This could be a blind spot. This could be a blind spot. The Lord has been speaking to me about my spiritual blindness. This could very well be your blind spot. It's not mine. I can fully see that I'm trying to drive through a windshield that is just no visibility. 

Erin: Yeah, blind spot is a great way to think of it. I think we overestimate the good that it's doing in our lives and underestimate the bad that it's doing in our lives. I can count on the Spirit to do the convicting work. I don't have to do that. But we do want to just take a moment and walk through just four of these questions. I'd encourage you to get to Hunter’s Instagram account. You're gonna see a lot more than that. 

I'm gonna we're just gonna walk you through four. As Hunter described, she didn't just ask these of herself. She didn't just self-assess. She asked her husband; she asked her kids; she asked her friends. So, we're going to ask the question and give you a few seconds to think about it. You can engage with each other in the chat. We'll drop the questions in the chat because this is an iron sharpening iron area in our lives. So here we go.

First question. Dannah and Portia, you can answer if you like. You just respond with your faces. You could nod sweetly, whatever you want to do. But the first question is, “Is your time on socials conflicting with spiritual disciplines, like time in the Word, Scripture, meditation, and prayer?” So, do you choose the better portion each day? 

I would say yes. I want to say that my time in the Word has not been what I want it to be recently. This is a big thief of that. Any thoughts, Dannah or Portia, on that one? 

Dannah: Yeah. I think it's Robert Wolgemuth where I've heard this, “Throne before phone.” 

Erin: Yep, that's a Robert quote. 

Dannah: “Throne before phone.” You’ve got to get in the Word. If I get up early, that's really not a problem for me. That's not where I'm struggling. 

Portia: Yeah, I was gonna say I'm actually not either, but that doesn't mean that my social media usage, when I am using it, is healthy. 

Erin: I am actually glad. I don't want us to communicate that every Christian is struggling in every area. That would be to paint this with too broad of a brush. And it's not specific enough for us to know how we need to pivot. So, I am struggling there. You two have got that one. The Lord's helping you walk that out with faithfulness, so glad for that. 

Question number two, “How often do you ignore the limits you established for your time on social?” Maybe you said you're only doing a certain number of minutes a day. Or you are going to only use certain numbers a day, a week, or a certain time of day. You're gonna plug it in. You set the limits, but you've passed limits regularly. Portia, by your facial expressions, like I'm gonna say this one might hit home, what do you think?

Portia: Yeah, I hit that fifteen more minutes button like ten times a day. I have limits set up on my phone, and I get that fifteen more minutes hit. 

Dannah: Every single day I fail this one, every single day. 

Erin: Okay, that's worth paying attention to. Because first of all, it means you're trying to do it in your own self-control. We need Spirit control. But second of all, when we're extending ourselves past limits we know are healthy, that's addictive behavior and worth paying attention to. So great question that Hunter provided there.

Alright, question number three. This is something you asked others. This isn't for self-reflection. Do you think my phone is helping or hindering our intimacy as a family? And let me give you a definition of intimacy that I think comes from Josh McDowell. His definition of intimacy, I actually have this on my computer is: time plus presence. That's what you were talking about Dannah. We're not just talking about, “Am I a warm body on the couch beside you?” Time plus presence equals intimacy. Do you think my phone is helping or hindering our intimacy?

Dannah, I assume you and Bob talked about that, because you're making some changes in that area.

Dannah: Yeah, we are. We are both failing in that right now. But mostly just with each other. We're okay when like my kids are over, my grandkids are over, or whatever. But with each other we are super failing at this right now.

Erin: Yeah. It’s about being present with each other. 

Alright, last evaluation question, and this is something that you can ask yourself, but I'd also encourage you to ask a wise, godly, older woman in your life, a Titus 2 certainly applies or social media uses. This is a binary answer. Is social media positively or negatively impacting my life?

And you know, we don't want to go there. We want to say like, “Oh, it's good here. It's bad there. But if you had to choose positively or negatively, I choose negatively.

Dannah: Yep, me too. It makes me sad.

Portia: I can't answer yet. I don't know. 

Erin: I get it. 

Dannah: Yeah.

The thing is, this is on my radar. It's something I'm working on actively right now, and I’m still really struggling. And so, this episode today has just . . . I could have been finished when Hunter had us in Colossians, saying, am I setting my mind on the things of Christ? Or am I setting my mind on the things of this earth? And that's the only question I need to answer because I'm failing on that one. 

Erin: Yeah, yeah. We are women who use our social media platforms. I wish I had a better word to share, Jesus. 

But ultimately, at the end of the day, Dannah, you mentioned community. Hunter mentioned community. You are not strong enough to fight this battle on your own. You're not; the algorithms are too strong. They're built to addict you. And so, maybe your action step, Grounded sister, as you're assessing through these questions, is you talk to one other person, and you fight it together. I met with a dear ministry friend this past week. We confessed that we were not in God's Word as we knew he needed to be. We put some very real parameters on that. We started an accountability system where we text each other. That's not do better, try harder. That's through our practices, as Hunter mentioned, we can walk out the Christian life. So let me encourage you. 

Dannah: So, let me just model this a little bit. I'm gonna drive over to Walmart. I'm gonna buy that alarm clock.

Erin: She’s talking like an alarm clock is an antiquated item. 

Dannah: I need an alarm clock so that I do not take this phone into my bedroom, because that's where I'm getting into trouble in the morning before I crawl out of bed. And at night, when I get into bed, instead of reaching for a devotional or talking with Bob, I'm reaching for my phone. So you guys hold my feet to the fire and text me tonight and say, “Dannah, did you get yourself an alarm clock?”

Erin: You got it. 

Dannah: That's the kind of stuff that we do for each other.

Erin: So Grounded sisters, maybe you need to tell us your action step. Maybe you're going to establish some limits.

Dannah: Yeah, put them in the comments. 

Erin: Maybe go back to a dumb phone, maybe you're going to buy an alarm clock. We don't know what it is. But the reason we share those things is so we can hold each other accountable because we want to steward everything we have. Well, hey, next week Alisa Childers is going to be back. She is a great thinker.

Dannah: I love her. 

Erin: She's got a wakeup call that all of us need to hear. So, be right back here. We're going to wake up our brains. We're gonna wake up our hearts. We're going to do it together next week on Grounded.

Dannah: Grounded audio is provided by Skype. Grounded is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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