You're Welcome Here—Week 4

Erin Davis: Do you realize how often the word hospitality shows up in our everyday language? We talk about the hospitality industry and we value hotels that make us feel like we're at home. And Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says hospitality is related to another word we use all the time.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: The word “hospital” in its original meaning was a place of shelter and rest for travelers

Erin: My friend Katie Laitkep spent a good part of her teenage years in hospitals, as doctors tried to figure out what was making her so sick.

Katie Laitkep: By the time I was about sixteen, I was told that I had multisystem organ dysfunction. 

When I was in fifth grade, I first started getting sick a lot. I was missing school all the time. The year after that I was in sixth grade, and I was hospitalized for the first time with a very severe migraine that just lasted for weeks. It was pain that would not stop, no matter what we tried!

My symptoms have primarily been neurological, mostly different forms of headaches and migraines, but also different forms of migraines—ocular migraines that cause me to lose my vision, a lot of fatigue, brain fog, and memory loss.

I also have joint pain, arthritis-type symptoms, some psych symptoms where the illness causes anxiety and even depression at times. The worst have been cluster headaches, which are nicknamed “suicide headaches.” When those happen, you feel like you’re being stabbed in the eye with an ice pick!

Erin: Eventually, Katie was diagnosed with Lyme disease. She still suffers fatigue and other symptoms. But she doesn't let that keep her from opening her home to others. In fact, it's just the opposite. Katie and a group of friends at church are on a mission to serve hurting people and help them heal.

Nancy: I've experienced that kind of ministry as a guest in people's homes numbers of times over the years as they have brought me into their home at times when my spirit just desperately needed to be refreshed or strengthened or encouraged. I've found in other people's homes a hospital, a place where their hospitality was ministering to my wounded spirit.

Erin: Katie was part of episode one of your welcome here. When we had lunch with Stacy and Hajer. Today, I'm going to visit Katie and see how she helps make her church function kind of like a hospital.

Song:

Laugh a laugh and cry a tear.
Say "yes" to trust and "no" to fear.
Do you know you’re welcome here with me?
Do you know you’re welcome here?

Katie: My condo is in the city of Houston. It is about 20–25 minutes from downtown. It is a one bedroom unit. It is not very big. But it feels very much like me with a lot of plants, a lot of books. And thankfully, I get to have a lot of friends kind of coming in and out.

Some of us start our day at 100 percent. I with Lyme Disease start the day at a lower percentage than I would like. When I would like to love friends over, I may be down to like 7 percent. I think the heart of hospitality is to serve Him with what He has given us. I can also think of it as, “I have 7 percent left!” And our call as believers is to serve the Lord with everything we have. I think that means everything we have each day.

Katie: What are some of the challenges that y’all face, when inviting people over?

Jennifer Duffy: Apartment parking! (group laughter) Yes, it’s real! The space, living in an apartment, especially being alone as a woman. I have my living room; only so many people come, but it always works out. We’ve done a few game nights and people just sit on the floor, and it makes it more fun anyway. 

Joanna Yi: I don’t have a lot of seating, so I’ve thought about, “I can fit eight people on my couch, and I have two spare chairs, and that’s all.” It’s a limitation of how many people will be comfortable. 

Katie: We have a friend that opens up her home all the time for every event because twenty-five of us fit in her living room. But, thinking through it now, I just can't imagine always having to be the one to host every Bible study. She never complains; she’s so sweet. 

Erin: The beauty of hospitality is when it’s reciprocal, right? You give and I give, and you give and I receive; we go back and forth. So I do think that’s part of what leads to hospitality burnout, and somebody saying, consciously or unconsciously, “I’m done! I’m not going to host anything for awhile.” What were you going to say about hospitality challenges? 

Hannah Claggett: I think sometimes when you dig back into it, it’s the enemy. There’s this thought, Is anyone going to show up? Should I offer this? Or you think a successful event is ten people plus, or something like that. But there have been so many times when the most successful time is just me and two other people. Success is a silly word. The most intentional or hospitable time can be with any number of people.

Erin: When it comes to hospitality, I don’t think more is always “more.” If we’re seeking to show the Lord’s heart, He can be so intimate and focused on the one. That’s a little bit harder for us, I think. 

Joanna: I think keeping my place clean enough. Like, “Okay, now I’m okay with sharing . . .” I was listening to a podcast, and the hosts were sharing how sometimes wanting your house so perfect is because it’s a reflection of you, and maybe you have an idol about how you’re coming across. This was kind of striking for me. 

Katie: How do you get to the point where it feels clean enough, or you’re good with, “Yeah, it’s time.” How do you get there? 

Joanna: I think my mom has been a good example of this. My dad leads a house group for his church, and my mom said, “We’re just okay with it now. The space where everybody sits, we vacuum that area and get rid of the extraneous stuff. But they might see other parts of the house that are less clean.” What is the purpose of the hospitality? It’s not to show off my beautiful house, it’s for people to come and have fellowship and encouragement.

Jennifer: And something you were saying, Hannah, about the people who are there versus the people who are not there. It’s taking our focus off of yourself and putting it on the people who are coming. That’s one thing my mom used to say when we were young, “A house is meant to be lived in.” I think that’s the most comfortable, too, when you come to a comfy space versus something you’re going to see in a magazine. 

Erin: I have to actually remind myself, “Nobody is coming to film a magazine shoot today. That’s not the purpose!” When there is a magazine shoot at a home, that’s not real! But I feel comfortable in homes that are comfortable. When everything is perfect, there’s a level of discomfort within the space. We all know we have dirt, I don’t know why we have such hangups about it . . . but we do. 

What do you think is distinct about Christian—or we could call it biblical—hospitality?

Hannah: A big part that kind of comes to mind for me is searching for the person who is by themselves and reaching out to people who need the hospitality. I feel like it’s easy to be hospitable to your best friends, but it takes more effort to reach out to that one person. 

Erin: So it’s missional hospitality in a way.

Hannah: That’s actually how Jennifer and I met. 

Erin: Who was alone? 

Hannah: Jennifer. There was a Tuesday night Bible study that the church has, maybe, three hundred people show up to. My small group showed up with the intention of seeking people who were by themselves. 

Erin: So you had a conversation before you went in. You said, “As a group, we’re going to seek those out who look like they’re by themselves. 

Hannah: Yes.

Erin: That’s amazing to me! That takes a lot of forethought. 

Hannah: So we were like, “Come join us!” I think I had spotted Jennifer halfway through the service or so, thinking, Okay, there she is! [to Jennifer] As we were ending, I think I probably just followed you out and invited you to a Sunday morning service. You can give your perspective as well.

Jennifer: I would say, too, (Hannah touched on this) there’s just so much intentionality behind what we do in the church. We seek to be image-bearers. Instead of putting on a show, a more worldly perspective, having people come over, making people feel how fancy you are and all the nice things you have, but instead, seeing how God, when we seek Him, He shows up intertwining in all of our paths. Hannah had done that. 

Little did she know I was in a season of life where I literally had zero girlfriends. I was in a Bible study with women who were much older than me. I do believe God specifically put me there at that time. It was a time that I needed—women with deep roots. Little did they know that that weekend before I had prayed with my sister, who goes to our current church, about leaving my church in Katy to come there, even though I knew zero people. I met with the pastor’s wife that weekend and told her, “I’ll be leaving the church in Katy and going to this big church in the city.” 

And then I was walking out that Tuesday night and Hannah came up behind me and said, “Were you sitting alone?” It was just like one of those God things, the way He never disappoints. I feel like that was a very, very selfless act, to be like, “Okay, we’re not here to get what we can get tonight, but we’re looking for someone else,” and God honored that. 

Erin: So beautiful! I heard someone (I don’t know who) say once, “Someone sitting alone in a church service is an emergency!” And I love that visual! We should all be on high alert. Of course, not just when they’re in our church building, but there are lonely people in church. There are disconnected people in church; there are hurting people in church. Your story illustrates how just one simple act of talking to somebody you don’t know and asking makes such a big difference. Did you feel awkward in that moment? Did you feel scared? 

Hannah: That’s a good question. I was like, “You know what? We’re doing it! Here we go!” (laughter) I feel like I had the whole, probably thirty minutes, of looking at Jennifer in the front row, to think, Okay, what am I going to say? And then she continued to just show up and show up and show up. Then it was time to start a small group, and I begged behind the scenes to be part of her small group. Then Katie was part of our small group, and now, here we are today! 

Erin: I love it! 

Katie: One of the first people who welcomed me into our class was Jennifer, and it just continues. If you ask a lot of the women now, “Who was your introduction into our group?” a lot of it goes back to these two. It started with Hannah, it was received by Jennifer, but they both continue to multiply it. 

Erin: I know that all of us here love the church. But I'm curious if anyone's had an experience within the church or with the people of God where you felt a lack of hospitality, or felt like people weren't welcoming you in? Anybody want to jump into that?

Katie: Years ago, I was in a really rough season with my health, where I had to miss church. I had been very involved in it for a long time. Then I just got to the point where I was missing a lot of Sundays because I was sick. 

Then after you've been out for a while, it just kind of gets to the point where it's really hard to go back. It's so hard, and I just felt anxious about going back and not knowing how I'd be received. I didn't need a welcome party, but I just needed to go back and be accepted back into the fold. 

I went back, and I think our stage of life is very transitional by nature. I was in my twenties at the time. At that stage people are coming and going from graduate school programs or changing cities or getting married and leaving the church and going other places. And so just by nature, I knew that it probably looked different after being out for a few months.

But I went in that Sunday. I felt like I worked up all the courage to go back. I have to go by myself. It had been my church home, so it should have been an easy place to walk back in and feel like I was back at home. 

I walked back in and didn't speak to a single person. I was not acknowledged by any of the new people, which they didn't know me. I also didn't really get a chance to have any interactions with people that I did know. And when I walked out (it still gets me) and I just got in my car and sobbed. 

Erin: Because if there's anywhere the saints should feel at home, it's with each other. 

Katie: I had been so lonely, and I felt a million times more lonely after walking back out because this was supposed to be it . . . and it wasn't. So I walked back into my house, and my roommate hadn't gotten to church that day. I walked back in and was so broken. She was like, “Was there a car accident? Did someone die?” 

She sat across in our living room and just sat across from me and just wept with me because she knew how badly I needed people. I was just so lonely. I never went back to that class or that church campus after that. I don't know that, that was the right thing to do. But I just felt that it hurt so deeply that I just couldn't go back.

Erin: It's interesting to me, if you listen to people's stories, those who are are walking away from the faith, they're questioning the faith, the common denominator is true church. And I would never say that it's an excuse to walk away from Jesus, of course not. Or to not live in the way He's called us, or to put your Bible on the shelf and not read it again. But it's also really real. And I think the friendly fire—believer to believer—can be so painful. And it's not always something that was said. It could be just a failure to welcome in. 

Katie: I feel like this group specifically has been so healing on the other side of it. If I look back on that day, I didn't just need people to be friendly to me. I mean, I think especially in Texas, you can be hospitable and show it on a very surface level of like, “I'm so glad you're at church” and kind of communicate that. That’s a great first step, but it's so much more than just being friendly. It's actually welcoming people into your entire life. 

I feel like y'all have shown that to me. You've welcomed me all the way into your lives. And that has healed a lot of what I felt before. I've just seen God answer a lot of those prayers that I was praying years ago, and was really hoping He would answer. Then He did it. But I appreciate it more now, because I realized that it's not a given. So we do get it. It's such a gift from Him. 

Erin: There's lots of themes that we've touched on. But one way we could summarize it is use whatever you have to welcome others in Jesus's name. Whether it's your many years of training as an oncologist, which I can't use my oncology training—I don't have it. Or your small table. Or the ability to run and get chips and queso. Or your story and the hard parts of your story. Or your crazy ideas and your willingness to just throw caution to the wind a little bit. 

Scripture is very clear that God made us distinctly and uniquely for the good of the body and the sake of the gospel. And so you ladies model that really beautifully.