Revive Our Hearts Radio

What God Does with Shattered Pieces

Leslie Basham: Jacque Chislea spent many years angry and bitter about the hurts in her life. But then she was challenged to realize God could take that hurt and use it for good.

Jacque Chislea: Could it be a good thing, a blessing that I did not have my dad in my life? Could it be that the trial could be good?

Leslie: This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Lies Women Believe, for Thursday, March 8, 2018.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: When your mind is filled with lies, it has a big effect on the way you live. But the opposite of that is also true. When we fill our minds with the truth, that also has a huge effect on the way we live.

Well, a dear Revive Our Hearts listener named Jacque has learned this. She visited a Revive Our Hearts recording session around the time we were getting ready for the release of my newly updated and expanded book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free.

God used the original Lies Women Believe book to transform this woman in many areas of her life some years ago. I had heard bits and pieces of her story, and it was so powerful that I wanted her to share it with our Revive Our Hearts listeners. Let’s listen as Carrie Gaul, from the Revive Our Hearts team, talks with Jacque about the danger of lies and the power of the truth.

Carrie Gaul: Well, Jacque, I’m eager to hear some of your story. I thought maybe we would just start out from the beginning. Tell us a little bit about your relationship with your parents growing up at home, what that looked like for you.

Jacque: I was raised by a single woman. I would almost call her then maybe a feminist, liberal woman. My parents were divorced when I was still in the womb, and so I grew up without a father. So, I was fatherless and with a very strong woman. I had a brother. My father was very prominent in our community because he was the chief of police in our town.

Just to give you a little bit of the scope of his neglect, my aunt was a social worker. My dad was getting ready to run for the town sheriff, and she went to him and said, “You know what? You have neglected these children. You haven’t seen them. You haven’t spent time with them. I’m just asking you to spend some time with them. And if you don’t do that, I’m going to go to the media. I’m going to go to the local paper.”

He said, “I will pull myself from the race, then.” And he did. So there was just those memories of, “What did I do to make you hate me so much?”

Growing up with a mama that was a work horse and very strong in her viewpoints, she was not home a lot because she was doing all that she could to raise us by herself. I don’t fault her for that.

Recently she heard me, she actually read a piece that I wrote, and she said, “I’m so embarrassed that you think you had not heard Jesus’ name until you were twenty-two.”

I said, “Mommy, I never heard Jesus’ name before I was twenty-two.”

And she’s, like, “Okay, yep, you’re right.”

But what she did do was she showed me. I think she knew Jesus at one time. She does now know Him. I think she had pulled herself away from the church. I got to see glimpses of her being kind with strangers, and I got to hear her have hope and faith, but I never knew to what. So that’s the framework of where my lies started.

Carrie: And, Jacque, talk about how your father’s absence, though he was right there locally, how did that impact you?

Jacque: First of all, the high school I went to, our resource officer worked for my dad. She loved my dad. She would say, “Oh, I saw your dad on TV.” I don’t think she knew that he was not connected to us. I would hear people talk about this great man, and I would see him on TV, and I would read things in the newspaper, but he wasn’t there.

So I think him not being there caused me to desire men in a way that was not healthy, and that really affected my relationship with everything.

I think the piece that really connected with me in the Lies book was, “God is like my father.” I remember the first time I read the Table of Contents, because that’s what I do before I get into a book, and I went, “Oooo, if He is, I don’t think I need to read this, because that’s not going to be good for me.”

Carrie: You don’t want anything to do with that god.

Jacque: Nope. I don’t want to know Him.

Carrie: What kind of impact did it have on your view of men in general?

Jacque: Oh, it was not good. I definitely grew up learning that I didn’t need a man because my mom took care of everything. And then, because I did not have the protection of a father, there as a perpetrator, something really tragic happened when I was nine years old. I think had I been protected by a father, that would not have happened. So that was an impact that has haunted me until just recently where I was able to completely surrender that lie to the Lord.

Carrie: Looking back, Jacque, can you tell now what some of those lies were that were inserted into you by the enemy?

Jacque: Oh—definitely that I was not worthy to have a father that loved me. Definitely that I probably wouldn’t find a man that would love me, and that if I found a man, I could probably figure most things out myself. I wouldn’t need to depend or rely on him.

Carrie: And how did that impact . . . you and your husband met at some point.

Jacque: Yes, we did.

Carrie: Talk about that.

Jacque: He’s awesome, by the way.

Carrie: And he is . . . ?

Jacque: His name is Rich. He was raised in a different faith that he kind of broke away from. When I met him, I was not a Christian, and he would not call himself a Christian. We were together for a couple of years, and that was very tumultuous. It was just rocky. Of course, because we had no foundation of faith, and we had no understanding of who Christ was and how that should be the center of every relationship, we broke up.

I was in Florida, and my brother, of all people, said, “Hey, you need to go to church. I’ve been going to this church, and I’ve learned about Jesus.”

I was, like, “Awesome. Okay.” I loved my brother so much, so I went, and it was amazing, you guys!

The moment I heard the gospel, I had immediate faith—immediate faith. I learned what the Bible was. I started journaling, and I started spending time with the Lord. I would just write and write. I just wanted to tell Him everything. It was beautiful.

So I went back to Michigan, because I was working in the summer in Florida where I learned about Jesus, and where I started reading the Bible and getting in prayer and journaling. I came home, and Rich and I happened to run into each other, and he was, like, “Whoa! You are different!”

And I said, “Yes, I am.”

And he said, “Well, I think we should get back together.”

And I said, “Before we go there, you need to know that I’m a Christian now, and I would highly recommend you read your Bible.”

So he said, “Okay. I can read a Bible.” He read it in six months.

Carrie: Oh, my goodness.

Jacque: We ended up getting together. He said he wanted to marry me. We planned our wedding in fourteen days, because we’d been off and on, and then we decided, “You know what? We’re going to do it.

But what happened was not as beautiful as you’d hoped it would be when you become a Christian. I think there were so many lies that were constantly in our life, for twenty-two years. We were starting to sift through what Christianity meant together as a new couple, as a newly saved couple with no mentors. And that was really difficult.

Carrie: So, coming to Christ didn’t mean that you had all the answers.

Jacque: Oh, no! I wanted to know Christ. He wanted to know Christ. But our paths were so different. He kind of went the self-righteous path—and he would admit that. And I was just in the Word and listened to Alistair Begg, or whoever, on the radio and just trying to figure out as much as I could on my own.

Carrie: So as you’re taking it all in, it sounds like you’re developing deep intimate relationship with Jesus. What does that look like as you’re applying it in your life?

Jacque: Not so good, because it was almost compartmentalized because I’d grown up so disconnected from all of that. Actually, at church—my husband and I started going to a church together—and there was a book we were reading called, Decisions, Decisions. I don’t even know who the author is, but I think that was one book that made me think, Wow! I need to learn everything all over again because everything I’ve learned to this point has been a lie.

But, again, I did not have a mentor or somebody to show me the way. Even in this church that I was in for years, it was very law driven. I didn’t hear about grace until probably Lies. I didn’t understand what grace was. I didn’t understand that there was an enemy prowling. I had no clue! So Lies was the catalyst.

Carrie: And How did that book come across your path?

Jacque: Well, I spent fourteen years after the moment of salvation to become a disciple of Christ. I would say it was fourteen years wandering without a mentor, without somebody showing me exactly what to do next—or even maybe not exactly, but some ideas of what to do next. I didn’t hear about prayer until years later, and that is so key.

We were at the end of our time with this church. It seemed that the elders were trying to get rid of the pastor for an issue that was not a sin issue. So we were really confused about that. In my husband’s wisdom, he said, “You know what? I think it’s time for us to go.” My husband had been an elder on the board. It was over a lot of prayer before we decided that we needed to leave.

But before we decided to leave, I did one more Bible study, and that Bible study was, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free.

I was so grateful for just trying to stick it out that last little bit there because in that book was the Titus 2 woman I’d been looking for and somebody to lead me and help me understand that there is an enemy, but God—but God—is so much more powerful.

And, guess what? He loves you, and the things that you are believing are not true. I mean, her book helped debunk twenty-two years of lies, and it was powerful. I mean, it was just this roller coaster of emotion, and it got me learning more.

I remember, in one of the chapters, Nancy had talked about her father passing. It was so sudden that she didn’t get to say goodbye. But in there, she said that God is so gracious. And I thought, What is she talking about? God is gracious? She didn’t get to say goodbye, and that’s painful to a girl who adored her dad.

And it was, like, immediately the Lord had these thoughts sort of filtering through my mind: Could it be a good thing, a blessing that I did not have my dad in my life? Could it be that the trials that I had faced up to now could be good?

And then I got to thinking: Listen, the Lord asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, and that’s tragic. That’s scary as a father, I would think, but he was obedient. And right when he was about to sacrifice Isaac, he was provided a goat in the thicket. But it was the obedience, that Abraham was willing . . . I don’t know, something about that together just made God become this beautiful person instead of this person I feared might be like my father. It was amazing. Amazing.

Carrie: Yes. And God wept with you in the midst of those sufferings and heartaches as a little girl.

Jacque: He did!

Carrie: He would not have wanted that for you.

Jacque: No.

Carrie: But He’s certainly able to use it, and is.

Jacque: Yes.

Carrie: Talk, Jacque, about a few of the other lies that specifically stood out to you in the book and the ways God set you free from some of those lies.

Jacque: I guess one of the big ones for me is this cycle of unworthiness that continued. I call it the cycle of unworthiness because I think of a lot of women friends of mine who, still to this day, even knowing Jesus, they might not have that relational connection to Him, and there’s this unworthiness.

And it goes down, and you start believing the lie that you’re unworthy. And then you feel horrible because you believed this lie: “You’re horrible because you are unworthy.” Now we are believing a new lie. I mean, it just goes—whosh!

And with the shame and the guilt and unworthiness, what happens is you have this script going on in your thought life constantly telling you whatever lie it might be—that you’re ugly, that you’re, but for me, it was unworthiness.

Carrie: And today you believe . . . ?

Jacque: That the fruit of the Spirit tells me that I’m supposed to have self-control, and I’m supposed to be loving and kind and gentle. I think once you get into the Word, and you start realizing these truths, you become a renewed creature in Christ, and you continue to wash the Word over you instead of believing those lies. Man, that is life-altering. It’s life-changing.

And that’s the whole point of the gospel, isn’t it? To be renewed and changed.

Carrie: Yes. Talk a little bit about the hurts from your past and how you began to reconcile some of them, even with that perpetrator as a young girl.

Jacque: It was interesting, and only by God’s grace—only by God’s grace—can you forgive somebody that has hurt you so deeply.

So, somehow or another, I think the Lord taught me about forgiveness and helped me see that that torment that I was in, in my head, number one was because I wasn’t being . . .  I think the Lord helped me understand that that man, if he does not know Jesus . . . that’s scary for me.

Forgiving him was one thing, but then I had pity for him. I won’t say that I am super spiritual, but I started interceding for the man. What I did do was forgive him, and I had pity. I remember thinking, Somebody needs to tell him, because I couldn’t do it. (I knew my boundary was not to be close to the man.) “But somebody needs to tell him that if he doesn’t repent from his ways, it’s not going to be good.”

And so I think being able to speak my forgiveness for my perpetrator was so healing. It was so healing.

The Lord gave this to me a couple of years ago from Luke 22:31, where He said, “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you that he might sift you like wheat, but I pray for you that your faith may not fail, and when you turn again, strengthen your brothers.”

I believed the Lord was telling me in that situation, maybe not audibly, but that we are all going to go through trials, but because He works all things together for good, He will use them to help us strengthen our sisters in Christ or our brothers in Christ. And I think, for me, that has been my journey.

This happened to me for a good purpose, for the purpose of bringing glory and honor to the Lord because Jesus wept with me when I was being hurt, but Jesus will be glorified through the redemption of it.

Carrie: He’s redeeming the ashes.

Jacque: And I think once women hear that I can forgive him for doing that to me, you have the power through the grace of the Lord to do that. You have the authority to do that.

Carrie: Yes. Jacque, talk about what you would say to women in the church today. You came to Christ, and then you said for fourteen years you were growing in the Word and in your love for Jesus, but there was no mentoring, no discipleship intentionally going on. What would you say to the women today who are wondering if anybody is really interested in that kind of thing or feeling like they don’t have anything to offer?

Jacque: Yes. I would say, obviously, that’s another lie of the evil one. Discipleship is so key. I think because we have trials and because we have a story, we need to share that with one another. But we need to stay in the Word and make sure that we have sound doctrine because if we don’t have sound doctrine, we’re not going to help other women.

I was in Houston for a few years, and the Lord brought to my mind the fact that I need to maybe get together all the information that I’ve learned, that He’s taught me over the fourteen years, and put together something so that when I encounter a new Christian (my heart is for young Christians) that I would have something to teach them.

And I would say, women, older women, you’ve got to pour into the younger women because they need it. We need it.

Carrie: We need it.

Jacque: If somebody is pouring into you, you pour into them. It’s just this beautiful line to Christ. So I pour into my baby girl, and she pours into somebody on the bus. And it’s, like, “This is good. This is how it’s supposed to be.”

Carrie: This is very good.

Jacque: I think it’s very important—older women, please, please reach out to somebody younger than you because chances are they need you. They need you.

Carrie: Yes. Amen.

What do you hope the Lord does with the new Lies Women Believe book that’s being released?

Jacque: Well, first of all, I want to get it into the hands of the women at our church. You know what I hope it does? I hope it breaks generational curses.

Carrie: Amen.

Jacque: I pray that no more women have to feel unworthy or unloved because we have a God that loves us so much. He’s just a relational, intimate, beautiful Being.

Carrie: Amen.

Jacque, why should a woman buy this book? Why would you encourage a friend to buy this?

Jacque: I think women should buy Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free because, number one, if they’ve never had a Titus 2 woman, they will want to see the truths that Nancy points us to. She always points to Jesus. She always points to the Word of God. And that’s different than a lot of Bible studies, and I love that.

If they don’t know a whole lot about the truth, this would be a great way. If they’ve never cracked a Bible, this would be a great way to learn about some of those truths that we fight in our culture that might be a kind of backdoor to somebody.

Another reason might be, if you are a seasoned Christian, and you think you’re not believing lies, that quickly will become a reality and a truth to you. You are believing some lie. Let’s just figure out what it is so that you can honor and serve the Lord without that lie.

And then, yes, I guess anybody can glean information from this book and realize the truth from this book. It was a catalyst in my life. It was an absolute game-changer for me. I had the Word of God, but what Nancy does is she connects the dots, I believe. She speaks about a lie, but then she gives you the Scripture to back up the truth, and that’s beautiful. That’s necessary. That’s . . .

Carrie: . . . life-changing.

Jacque: That’s life-changing.

Leslie: Jacque Chesla(??) has been providing hope for everyone who is feeling hurt and disappointment. The Lord used the book Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free to give Jacque that hope. And Carrie Gaul from the Revive Our Hearts team has been helping Jacque tell her story.

Nancy, today’s story provides a powerful example of what Revive Our Hearts is all about.

Nancy: So after more than fifteen years of ministry, why are we still so passionate here at Revive Our Hearts about continuing to spread biblical truth day after day? Well, it’s because there are still so many women like Jacque who have fallen for lies. They’re not experiencing life the way God designed it to be.

As we’re hearing today, and will again tomorrow, Jacque’s story shows us the power of the truth to transform a life. We can’t speak to women like Jacque without the help of our listeners who want to be involved in spreading the truth and rescuing women from bondage.

There’s a group of listeners who make this happen in a special way, and that’s our Monthly Partner Team. I’ve often called them the lifeblood of this ministry. Our monthly partners commit to giving to Revive Our Hearts each month. They pray for the ministry, and they share this message with others.

So, if you’ve been blessed through the ministry of Revive Our Hearts, and you see what God is doing around the world through this ministry, the Monthly Partner Team could be a great fit for you.

When you sign up as a new Ministry Partner this month, I think you’re going to feel really welcomed to the team. Here’s why: We’ll send you two copies of the just-released revised, expanded book, Lies Women Believe.

You’ll also get two study guides for the book and two bookmarks that list the truths that set us free.

Now, you might be wondering: Why are you sending two of everything? Well, that’s so that you can go through this book yourself and then share it with another woman and help her learn what you’ve been learning about the truths that set you free.

You’ll also get my teaching on “Lies Women Believe” on CD when you sign up to be one of our Ministry Partners.

And, as a Ministry Partner, you’ll also receive a monthly devotional booklet of daily readings to take you throughout the month.

And, as a partner, you can attend a Revive Our Hearts conference each year at no charge. So this year that means that your registration will be covered this September for the True Woman ’18 conference.

This really is a partnership. You support this ministry, and we support you as you serve the Lord and others in your sphere of influence.

To get more details on becoming a Ministry Partner, you can visit us at ReviveOurHearts.com, or give us a call at 1–800–569–5959.

Leslie: Thanks, Nancy.

Do you ever relate to these feelings from our guest, Jacque?

Jacque: I was such an angry, volatile, ugly, human being, and I expected everybody to just deal with it. “Look, I’ve been hurt. I have been wronged. And I have the right to lash out.”

Leslie: Tomorrow, find out how the Lord began to change her attitude.

To close our time, here’s Nancy to reflect on Jacque’s story.

Nancy: “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me.” Now, as you remember, this is an Old Testament prophecy of the Messiah, Christ. Jesus would quote this later in His gospel ministry. “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because God has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me”—this is Jesus coming to the cross, by the way, “but God has sent me,” He’s saying, “to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prisons to those who are bound, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God” (Isa. 61:1–2).

Judgment and salvation go together all through Scripture. You see them running on parallel tracks—“to comfort all who mourn, to grant to those who mourn in Zion, to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit, that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified” (Isa. 61:2–3).

So, that’s Jesus’ ministry in our lives, and that’s the ministry of the spirit in and through our lives to others. As we receive that grace, we let Him give us that beauty, that joy, that praise, to make us an oak of righteousness so that He may be glorified in us and He can do that same work in others. And it goes on and on and on, and we’ve experienced a little bit of that—a lot of that—today in such a sweet way.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth wants your marriage to thrive. It’s an outreach of Life Action Ministries.

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