Overcoming Distractions

Today's episode contains portions from the following programs:

"Stewarding Screen Time"

"A Right Perspective on Social Media"

"The Never-Ending Wonder"

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Dannah Gresh: Do you get distracted easily? I mean, let’s just start with our smartphones. Here’s Arlene Pellicane. 

Arlene Pellicane: I'm sure there are lots of times where we sit down and read the Bible, or we sit to pray, or maybe we walk and pray. We start doing that for ten seconds, and then we're like, “Oh, let me see what's on my phone.” 

Dannah: Our phones are a big part of a big problem, but they’re not the only things that can distract us from much more valuable pursuits. Today on Revive Our Hearts Weekend we're going to talk about how we can overcome distractions. I’m so glad you’ve joined me today. I’m your host, Dannah Gresh.

So, let's dig right in . . . with a confession. Bob and I had a vacation last month! It was awesome. We jumped on a cruise ship. No wi-fi . . . yay! We were completely relaxed until . . . we paid for the wi-fi. Big mistake. Suddenly, we were distracted by texts and emails and social media! The saddest part is, I had such big goals to spend extra time with the Lord on this vacation and suddenly it was threatened . . . by my phone! 

Maybe you’re thinking, Okay, so I’m a little distracted. Is that really a problem? Today we’re going to talk about why being distracted is detrimental to our relationships with others and with God. But even if distractions gets the best of you, it doesn’t have to stay that way. We’re going to hear how to steward our screen time, interact wisely with social media, and learn to stay focused on what matters most. 

Let’s jump right in to a conversation with Arlene Pellicane our own Portia Collins when Arlene was a guest on our videocast, Grounded. Arlene is a wife, mom, author, speaker, and friend of Dannah Gresh. She has a lot of wisdom about managing our cell phones. 

Portia Collins: So, Arlene, you know that if you ask most Christian women, “Are you an addict?” All of us would say, “No!” That's taboo? I guess you would say. But do you see evidence that we're addicted to our cell phones? 

Arlene: Yeah. So let's back up a little, because this word “addict” can mean a lot of different things. But let's use it as addiction; let's use that as that you can't stop doing a behavior that is long-term hurting you. Alright, so it's some kind of behavior you don't want, but you just can't stop. 

This could be eating Doritos. This could be smoking. This could be pornography. This could be a lot of things. And for a lot of us, it is phone use. But because it's so normal, we don't think anything of it. Because my word, if I'm addicted to my phone, then every single person in my neighborhood and in my city would be an addict, and this you understand.

So perhaps a better question to ask would be to ask a loved one— mom, a sister, a husband, a child—“Hey, do you ever feel like I'm not present with you? Like, do you ever feel like I'm looking at my phone more than I'm looking at you?” Then be ready to hear what they say. And that's really the perspective.

They did a survey of 6000 kids all around the world from all different countries. They said, “What's your parents’ worst habit?”And most of them said my parents worst habit is looking at the phone call interrupting us. And so, to think when you're in conversation with someone, if the phone buzzes, like it's a notification that you have someone posted a photograph of you on social media, like it is not the end of the world. 

And yet here you are with your loved one. You break that conversation to look at this really trivial notification. So that's when we have to reframe, “Wait a minute. Why do I keep touching? Why am I making those little tic boxes? Like why do I keep looking at that?” Be honest and take that inventory from your loved ones, and also, from yourself. Think of it, technology is supposed to help you reach your goals. 

Portia: Right. 

Arlene: I have the goal of I'm in a new city, and I need to get to this office. So I'm gonna use my technology to use the GPS. It's going to help me reach my goal of getting a job, but what happens? It starts with my goal, but then it takes over with its goals of, “Hey, did you see this?”

Portia: It becomes your boss. 

What would you say the effects that you see of having constant access to your phones? I mean, it could be positive or negative. But what generally are the effects that you see when we were attached to these phones so much? 

Arlene: Yeah, it's easy to escape. If you're in a situation that requires hard work, that would be parenting, that will be your professional job, that will be getting dinner on the table, that will be getting your laundry done, whatever it is, right? What can you do? You can escape. You can check out your phone, and you can have amusement. 

Then think about what we are meditating on all the time. The Bible tells us praise Him in the morning, praise Him in the noon time, from the rising of the sun to the going down to the same the name of the Lord is to be praised. And really to think, is my phone helping me in that endeavor? Or is it taking me on a totally different track? 

What are we meditating on? What are we thinking about when the first thing in the morning, when you grab that phone, and you check your notifications, you check your email, you check your whatever. Guess what? Now your mind is like, “Oh no, I forgot that project at work. Oh, my goodness, I'm in so much trouble.” And now you've just gone a completely different direction than if you would have not looked at your phone for the first half hour, said, “Okay, Lord is a new day.” Maybe you are journaler, and you'd like to journal for one minute. Maybe you're going to read the Bible for five minutes. You're gonna start a different way; it's going to change the trajectory so much. So it really does make such a difference how we're reaching for it. 

Portia: It makes me think, Do you think those same types of patterns could creep into our relationship with Jesus?

Arlene: Yes, that's so good. You know, I like to think of the phone as a hot potato when I'm with my loved ones. Like, quick, take the picture, everybody's here, and then throw it in your purse. Get it away so that we can have quality time together. I don't mean it comically. I'm sure there are lots of times where we sit down and read the Bible, or we sit to pray, or maybe we walk and pray. And we start doing that for ten seconds, and then we're like, “Oh, let me see what's on my phone.” 

So literally, I think the phone can hijack your time spent with God. I think that the phone is . . . we're so used to that instant, right? We have a question, we ask Google. It gives us an answer, we're like, okay, we're good. Where should we eat tonight? What's got a five-star rating? We're good. So, then we're approaching God this way. God, I have a heel problem right now, like plantar fasciitis, I'm having trouble. I can't run in different ways. Like God, touch me now. And yes, God could touch me now. But it's like you think that I'm gonna I need that answer right away. 

When so much of Scripture is you're waiting, and you're persevering. I think that we get so used to this, lots of options, no waiting, instant gratification. We apply that to our relationship with God. And we're like, God, You didn't answer. It's been two days. I guess you don't care. And then we stopped praying.

I just heard recently,someone saying, "Don't just pray once, don't just pray twice, three times, four times." You think, Oh, I guess is that’s it. No, you’ve got to keep praying. You’ve got to keep at it. God's gonna reward that. 

And one last thing is just the idea of gratitude. To come into God's courts with thanksgiving to thank Him, to let that we know what the will of God is, to rejoice always to pray, and to be thankful. So, we know something was God's will. We know we're supposed to be thankful. We're supposed to pray; we're supposed to rejoice. What does the phone show you? I don't have that. I don't have as many followers as her. I don't go on those kinds of vacations. My kids don't get awards. I don't have a valedictorian. It's just I'm not grateful. Am I rejoicing? 

Look at the news. Throughout the day I get all these notifications. I can have all these news feeds of all the terrible things that are happening in the world. It’s why I’m so anxious, I'm not rejoicing. And then obviously, praying. Praying is hard work. The phone is so much easier. Let me just google the answers, and I don't have to pray about anything. 

So absolutely. The phone has something very radical to do with our relationship with God. And the more you stash your phone, and the more you are still in the presence of God, the more your kids say the words I'm bored, and you're like, fabulous, now God finally has some ears, so He can talk to you, right? Those things are really key. 

Dannah: What great, practical ideas from Arlene Pellicane about how to make sure your phone isn’t becoming the boss of you. 

One of the biggest areas of distraction on our phones is social media. Even if you use your computer to access it, you can still have a distraction problem. We have to admit: we either spend time scrolling, checking our notifications, deciding what to post, or going down the rabbit hole of endless cat videos . . . Get this, the average person spends 151 minutes—that’s 2.5 hours per day doing that! Now, I know it’s a great way to stay connected to friends. So what is the balance? To share or not to share? Quit Facebook and Instagram or use them as an opportunity to share the gospel? 

We talked about this tension when it comes to social media at our Sisters in Ministry conference a few years ago. Next up is a piece of that panel discussion Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and I had with several younger women leaders: Laura Wifler, Kelly Needham, Erin Davis, and Bethany Beal.

As you listen, think about your own social media use. We’ll hear how to set up boundaries, practice discernment, and use technology platforms with intentionality. Laura Wifler from Risen Motherhood starts off by sharing some thoughts on knowing what to post online.

Laura Wifler: Something that I often think to myself is, I have never regretted not posting something, but I have often regretted posting something. Even on stories, twenty-four hours is a long time! It really is! So to kick us off, I think that’s something that I always just think to myself often, “Is this a hot take? Is this just something I’m really passionate about? Am I able to put this up and not look at it for a week?” 

Like, could I just put it up and not even think about it (maybe think about it), but not look at it for a week, to care how it did or how people responded?

I always try to err on the side of: if I don’t have full peace and feel like this is something I can stand behind, and if it has not been thought out and I planned ahead for, then I typically do not post.

Nancy: Scripture comes to mind, Proverbs 18:13: “He that answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame unto him” (NKJV). It talks about how fools say just whatever comes into their minds, and social media has provided a huge opportunity for fools to say whatever they’re thinking. 

So, again, people are going to have different responses to all this, but this is one practical thing. They’re saying there’s no hot takes.

Dannah: Yeah. And I think, too, the Bible says, “Don’t confront a fool.” So when some of these issues flare up, there’s a lot of foolish conversation. I don’t think the heart, sometimes, of social media posts on those hot issues is: “I want to understand you, and I hope you’ll understand me. We can come together and learn and grow from each other.” 

It’s, “Let me slam my ‘I’m right, you’re wrong!’” So I, generally, when an issue flares up, my personal policy is, I’m going to be pretty quiet right then.

Laura: And there may be a time to comment on that.

Dannah: Exactly.

Kelly: If you haven’t read Tony Reinke’s book Ten Ways Your Phone is Changing You, I think that’s super helpful. In that book he says, “Some of you need to go offline.” Like, there needs to be that prophetic voice. One of our mentors used to tell us, “Legalism is, ‘This is wrong and this is right.’”

But wisdom is, “This is not good for me, or this isn’t right for me.” And so we all have to come to that conclusion. If you come to the conclusion, “This is not right for me,” then you should do that.

I sometimes think, What is the woman on the other side of this phone feeling right now on social media? What can I say that would speak life, encouragement, or just point her back to Christ? “Follow me as I follow Christ.” And then, after I get off, to pray: “Lord, whoever is seeing that, would You plant that seed and further it?” I try to get my mind off of who’s saying what about it or reposting it . . . because we’re all tempted to do that.

And so, getting my discipleship lens on that I use every day with my kids and with my church has been a really good filter for, “How do I use this?” And, when is the time for me to say in wisdom, “Not anymore,” or “Not right now.”

Erin Davis: Here’s the question that I haven’t heard us say here, and it intrigues me: How are our social media choices impacting the local church?

So here’s my great fear: that I’m siphoning women away from the local church with online Bible studies. I did this funny thing when I was on staff at my church. I had so many women come to me and say, “I will never be in a women’s Bible study. I’m too anxious; other women stress me out (we could all ‘amen’ to that, right?),” or “It’s a season of life.” And so I thought, I’ll try something new. We started Bible Study for Introverts. On Monday nights, I would teach Bible study via Facebook Live.

My goal was to capture those women whom I could never get in a church or a home. But what happened was, the women who were coming to Bible study in churches or homes left and watched via Facebook Live. And so, I worry about that. I worry about if I disciple women online, am I giving them opportunity to not be in church?

So I try to be intentional on Sunday mornings if I think of it, to encourage them to be in a church. That’s the only answer I have for now. But, I don’t think the equation is just soul health and ministry health; I also think it’s church health. 

Bethany Beal: Can I say something on top of that, kind of going along with what you’re saying? Leslie Ludy was kind of like Step 1 for Kris and I both. Then it was Revive Our Hearts once we got a little bit older. But Kris and I both grew up in church, great Christian families, you know.

We were in AWANA; we were doing all the things, but we didn’t necessarily have a godly older woman to mentor us. Leslie Ludy’s books, first of all, were absolutely huge, and then Revive Our Hearts was huge. We didn’t have social media, and so seeing the impact that people I didn’t know—godly women—and us saying, “Wow! They’re doing relationships differently. They’re viewing femininity differently!”

For me, that was almost like an outlet, a social media of sorts. I was saying, “Wow, I can read these books, I can get the little online website or the magazines.” That’s one of the goals for Kristen and I. There are a lot of young women out there who may be in churches where there are not godly, older women reaching out to them, and they don’t really know how to ask for help.

And so, in some ways, they’re not really reading books, but they might watch a video. They might read a blog. And knowing that I, outside of God’s grace and these amazing women that He used, I probably wouldn’t be here . . . and we for sure wouldn’t be doing GirlDefined. And so I just wonder . . . It’s so hard. It’s like, “Okay, God used that mightily in my life, hugely, but then there are also the downsides.

Laura: I think we’ve wrestled with this question because we never want to replace the local church! I would cry if I found that someone was getting their solid food from our ministry or my personal platform or anything. And so something that we consistently strive to do is, of course, as we talk and we share, we point women back to their local church.

But, practically, how that looks is . . . When we receive DMs (direct messages) about questions, like even things like, “Hey, how do I study my Bible? How do I find a Bible study?” 

We say, “Go ask a woman in your local church!” 

And sometimes the answer is, “Well, I don’t know anyone to ask?” 

Of course there are some issues with that, but I don’t want our ministry to be the answer for all the women to have all of the answers. I want to encourage them to go back and find real people who know them in real life and can see their sin, see their tendencies, see the ways that they can flourish. Women to ask them what book they should be reading, and to ask them how they should structure their day or their morning routine or whatever it may be that they’re asking. 

Dannah: I love that insight from Laura Wifler. As much good content as we can find online, ultimately, that can never replace our human interactions with others. I think that’s helpful to remember as we learn to prioritize people over the digital world. 

I want to go back to something Kelly Needham mentioned earlier in that clip. She talked about looking through the lens of purpose and asking ourselves, “Why am I doing this? Why am I here?” I think that’s an important perspective to keep in mind, not only when it comes to social media, but to staying focused on Christ and what matters most in life.

David had that perspective. In Psalm 27 we see he was in the middle of difficulties, some scary circumstances—which, I imagine, would be pretty distracting. But in this psalm we see that he held on to truth and remembered the purpose he was seeking. Verse 4 says:

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
   that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
   all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
   and to inquire in his temple. (ESV)

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is here to explain more.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: He says, “I want to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord. (I want to look upon the beauty of the Lord.)” That word, “to gaze” means, “to behold; to contemplate with pleasure; to have a vision of.” He says, “I want to be enthralled with a vision of God—not a vision of my enemies, but a vision of God. I want to be in proximity to Him. I want to be close enough to Him that I can get up close and see the beauty and the wonder of Who He is. I want to enjoy His beauty!”

Now, again, he said in the first three verses all this awful stuff is going on around him. Why is he concerned at this moment about looking at the beauty of the Lord?

Because when you “turn your eyes upon Jesus, you look full in His wonderful face, all the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace” (lyrics by Helen H. Lemmel).

Here’s the problem: we spend so much time looking at our problems, looking at our circumstances, looking at our challenges, that they become humongous in our eyes. Then they eclipse our view of God, and God seems to be very tiny . . . if there at all!

And he’s saying, “I’m going to switch that around. Instead of gazing on my enemies, gazing on my problems, gazing on the challenges, I’m going to gaze on the Lord! I’m going to turn my eyes upon Jesus; I want to look full in His wonderful face. I’m going to contemplate with delight, with pleasure, His beauty.”

When you get a big vision of God, then all those other things of earth . . . It’s not that they aren’t there, it’s not that they’re not real, but they get put in perspective!

That’s what David’s talking about here. “I want to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord!” And so, David says, “I want to see the beauty of the Lord.”

Now, we know that God is righteous. He is holy. He is just. He’s powerful. He’s sovereign. He’s true. He’s almighty. But I want to remind you that He is also beautiful. Beautiful! He is lovely; He is desirable; He is good! So when you gaze upon Him, this is not a stern God who is ready to pounce on you if you don’t measure up.

This is a vision of God that some of you have. I don’t know where you got it, but I think you’ve got to change it! You’ve got to go to God’s Word to get your vision of who God is, instead of some other men you may have known—who maybe weren’t good men—or some way you were taught. Get a vision of God that is not only righteous and holy. All of that is beautiful, but He is beautiful! He is lovely! He is desirable!

We can’t see Him physically, but with eyes of faith, we do behold the King in His beauty and we look forward to that day when will we see Him as He is. And, in fact, this vision of Christ is a transforming vision.

They say that you become like the people that you spend time around. You see some of these couples who’ve been married forty, fifty, sixty years, and they really do start to look alike, don’t you think, in many cases? (Some of you are a little scared about that!)

But this is a transforming vision; it’s transfiguring. In gazing upon His beauty, in spending time living in His presence and gazing upon His beauty, we are—slowly but surely—transformed into His likeness. We become like whatever we fix our attention upon.

I find that I’m often far too occupied with my own appearance or image or beauty or with other things that I consider attractive or desirable. And by gazing upon those things or even upon negative things. If I fix my focus on things that are negative, that don’t meet the qualifications of Philippians 4:8 (they’re not pure and holy and good and true), if I fix my attention on those things, I’m going to become more like those things.

If I want to become more like Jesus, I’ve got to gaze upon His beauty and be consumed with the vision of His loveliness. David said, “I want to gaze on the beauty of the Lord, fix my attention on it.” It’s Colossians 3: fix your sight, your attention on things that are above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God (see v. 1).

To gaze means to steadfastly look at it. This is not a passing glance at Jesus, like when I just run through the spiritual drive-through on my way out to do my day—where I quick grab a proverb or grab a psalm. Listen, you’re not going to become like Jesus doing it that way . . . and I’ve done it that way way too many days!

If you want to become like Jesus, you gaze upon His beauty. I’ve been gazing upon His beauty in this psalm, the Lord who is my light, my salvation, my stronghold, my beautiful Savior, the Lord of all Creation! As we gaze upon Him, as we meditate on who He is, as we fix our attention on Him . . . that is a transforming vision!

Well, David goes on to say in Psalm 27:4: “One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life [to live there], to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord [to look upon Him, and then one more thing] to inquire [or to meditate] in his temple.” To learn from him, to search, to seek diligently.

David didn’t just want to contemplate the beauty of the Lord, he wanted to learn more of His character and His ways. He wanted to seek wisdom and direction from the Lord. He prays this often in the Psalms. Just a couple of psalms earlier, Psalm 25, verses 4–5, he says,

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

He is the source of all wisdom. The Lord Jesus is the wisdom of God, and He’s a Good Shepherd, and He knows how to lead His people in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

There are a lot of places we often turn for light and direction, right? Friends (text a friend, call a friend, dial a friend), books, podcasts, pop culture, our own experience, our own opinions. But to whatever extent these sources are not rooted and grounded in Christ, they will all prove to be faulty guides sooner or later,

So come into His presence, dwell in Him, seek His face and His will; make this a way of life. This is what David said. And remember, this is not an easy season of David’s life; he’s not just pulling away to the cloister of the temple. He is living real life with real enemies and with real battles and real circumstances. In the midst of that he says, “This is the life, the lifestyle, I want to have!”

David kept this one thing before him at all times. He was purposed. He determined not to be too busy, too distracted or too overwhelmed to live in God’s presence, to look on His beauty, and to learn from Him.

Dannah: Can we say the same is true of us? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has been showing us how we can be purposed like David. 

If you’re finding yourself too busy and easily distracted from the Lord, from the work He’s called you to, from the people He has put in your life, I hope this is a helpful episode. Maybe you weren’t even aware you had a distraction problem. Or maybe you know but you haven’t been sure how to overcome it. 

The topic of overcoming is our theme this month at Revive Our Hearts. Right now on our daily program, Nancy is walking through a series over the letters to the churches of Revelation and how they teach us about being overcomers. 

And this month, when you make a donation of any amount, you’ll receive Overcomers: Lessons from the Churches of Revelation. This short study, which is adapted from the teaching of Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, will help you see how Jesus’ words to the seven churches can apply to your life right now.

You can give a gift and request your study by calling 1-800-569-5959, or go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend and click on today’s episode, “Overcoming Distractions.” 

What makes you anxious? Maybe you’re even getting anxious at the thought of being anxious. Anxiety is a problem that many of us are all too familiar with—but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Next weekend we’ll continue the “overcoming” theme as we hear biblical teaching and hope-filled stories to help overcome anxiety.

Thanks for listening today. I’m Dannah Gresh. We’ll see you next time for Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

Revive Our Hearts Weekend is calling you to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

All Scripture is taken from the ESV unless otherwise noted.

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