Raising Families with a Heart for God

Dannah Gresh: Psalm 127 tells us children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says that means parents need to take some careful aim.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Our effectiveness as warriors, in many senses, determines the effectiveness of those arrows. If they’re crooked, if they’re not shaped correctly, if they’re sent in the wrong direction, then they’re not going to fulfill their purpose.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, for June 28, 2023. I’m Dannah Gresh.

I hope you’ll pay attention if you’re a parent, or a grandparent, or a teacher, or if you have influence on children at all. Nancy’s going to show you why you are a watchman, a worker, and a warrior. Here she is to introduce the series “Leaving a Godly Legacy.”

Nancy: Psalm 127:

Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the LORD guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

And then Psalm 128:

Blessed is every one who fears the LORD, who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD.

The LORD bless you out of Zion, and may you see the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. Yes, may you see your children’s children. Peace be upon Israel!

Keep in mind that this was to be sung. You may not have ever thought about singing songs about God’s plan for the family. But God is interested in these aspects of our lives being part of our worship and our relationship with Him.

As we begin in Psalm 127, there are three word pictures for these Jewish pilgrims that the psalmist used in this psalm. I want us to look at them in an overview and then look at each one individually and see what these word pictures tell us about bringing up families that have a heart for God.

The first word picture is in the first verse of Psalm 127. We see here the image of a workman, someone who is building a house, a builder. Then, in the second part of verse one, we see a reference to a watchman, someone who is like a security guard guarding the city or guarding the site. A workman and a watchman. Then we come to verse four, and we see the picture of a warrior—a workman, a watchman, and a warrior.

These are not word pictures that I immediately gravitate toward. I have to tell you that. I have had a longing in life to be a workman building a house, or to be a watchman or a security guard, or to be a warrior. And yet, there is a sense in which each of those words applies to men or to women in our roles as homebuilders.

You remember that wonderful verse in Proverbs 14, verse 1, that tells us, “The wise woman builds her house.” Every wise woman, whether or not she is married, whether or not she has physical children that she has borne in that home. Every wise woman in some sense is building a home, building a house, building a legacy to leave for the next generation.

Some of you who are empty nesters, your children are grown, and you’re still in the process of building a home. You see, a house has to do, obviously, with our immediate relationships—fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, and extended family relationships. But any place where our lives are touching other people is in a sense part of the home that we are building.

As women, if we are wise women, we are building our home—our obvious, physical, biological family. But also we have a home at church. We have relationships in the body of Christ, the family of God. If we are wise women, we will be building those relationships.

And many of us have relationships and a spirit of influence in our workplace. If we are wise women, we will be building a legacy—building relationships, building a home environment—in that workplace, in our communities, with those whose lives we touch.

These analogies of the workman, the watchman, and the warrior all speak to our calling as adult believers to influence the next generation in their walk with God. And those analogies, those word pictures, give us some practical insights, I think, into what is required and what is involved in passing on a heritage of godliness to the next generation.

Now, let me just say that this is something that every one of us has a responsibility to do. Some of you have children and grandchildren, and you’re doing that in an obvious way.

But even those who are not married and do not have children still bear a responsibility as adult believers in Christ to pass on the baton, the heritage, the legacy of God’s way of thinking and living—not just to keep it for ourselves and enjoy it for ourselves, but to pass on God’s ways, God’s heart, and our faith—to pass it on intact to the next generation.

The first word picture that we see in this passage is that of a workman or a builder. It’s interesting that the Hebrew words for "son," for "daughter," and for "house" all come from the same root word. It’s the word banah, and it means “to build.” So whether you’re building children—sons and daughters—or a house, building a home, there’s a sense there of building. Building a heritage, building a godly family line that will take the heart and the faith of God into the next generation.

I think we all know that building that kind of home is a lot more demanding, a lot more exacting, and sometimes a lot more exasperating than building a physical house. One of the reasons is that there’s so much more at stake. Building a house—well, you know I don’t want it to crumble, but if it does, I can build another one.

But when you talk about the home—when you talk about our family relationships, our relationships in the Body of Christ, and what’s at stake in passing on the baton of God’s ways to the next generation—this is something that is very important. It’s something that we can’t afford to not do well. It’s something that we need God’s grace for in as great a way as we need it for anything else in our lives.

We’re talking about building lives. And in these psalms that we’re talking about this week, Psalms 127 and 128, we’re talking particularly about building the lives of the next generation—our sons and our daughters.

The goal is to build new lives, new homes, churches, and a culture that will be worshipers of God and that will reflect His glory to our world long after we’re gone. To leave behind footsteps in which they can walk, to leave behind a model of godliness that they will choose to embrace in the next generation.

We’ve seen the image here of a workman. There’s another image that’s used in this passage, another word picture, and it’s that of a watchman. The Scripture says, “Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the LORD guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain” (Psalm 127:1).

We have here a picture of a sentinel, a guard, someone who’s been assigned and has accepted the responsibility of standing guard over a city. He can’t go to sleep on his shift. He’s got to stay alert and awake. He’s responsible for looking out for danger. He needs discernment to recognize when it’s an enemy or when it’s perhaps a friend. This person is in the role of a protector.

We’re going to see, as this psalm unfolds, that not only are we building a house, but we have been given the responsibility, the assignment, of being watchmen, protectors, looking out over the city that God has entrusted to us.

There’s a third picture in this passage, and that is the picture of a warrior. You find this referred to in verse 4 of Psalm 127: “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.”

The picture here is of a battle, a battlefield. We see that our children, our young people, our sons and our daughters, are ammunition. They are arrows in that battle. They’re not intended to stay in the quiver. Rather, they are to be released, to be sent out into the culture, to be sent out into our world to pierce and to penetrate the world around us.

Those arrows have to be prepared. They have to be carefully shaped and formed. And they have to be shot in the right direction toward the appropriate target. Our effectiveness as warriors, in many senses, determines the effectiveness of those arrows. If they’re crooked, if they’re not shaped correctly, if they’re sent in the wrong direction, then they’re not going to fulfill their purpose.

So we see a workman, a watchman, and a warrior. The psalmist tells us here that there’s a house to be built. There’s a city to be guarded. There’s a battle to be fought. In that building process, in that guarding process, in that fighting process, we need workmen; we need watchmen, and we need warriors. Each one of those roles has a significant responsibility in the process.

If the workman cuts corners, if the watchman falls asleep or gets distracted while he’s on his shift, and if the warrior fails to show up for battle, we’re going to have problems. If any one of these people fails to fulfill their responsibility, lives can actually be endangered. These are strategic, vital roles.

The psalmist applies each of these word pictures, each of these various roles, to the building of a home, the building of a heritage, and ultimately to the advancing of the kingdom of Christ.

You see, when you think about your family, it’s not just a matter of, “Will my kids make it?” It’s not just a matter of, “Will we have a good family? Will we have an intact home?” There’s a much bigger picture here. There’s a lot more at stake than what most of us remember from day to day. We’re talking about the kingdom of Christ. He is building His kingdom. His kingdom will prevail, and we are workmen with Him. We are watchmen with Him. We are warriors with Him.

The purpose of God for our families, our homes, our relationships, is that through our little part of building we should be contributing to a much larger building of the kingdom of God. It’s through this means that we leave a legacy of godliness for the next generation.

If you lose sight of that vision, then you’re going to get weary in well-doing. You’re going to find yourself in that mothering meltdown, saying, “What’s the purpose? This is exhausting. This is depleting. I don’t think I want to keep doing this.”

Now, that’s not to say that there won’t be those times, there won’t be those feelings. But you can lift your eyes upward and say, “What’s the bigger picture here? What’s God’s idea?”

God intended that our children—not just our own children, but the next generation that’s been entrusted to us as a generation of adult believers—our children and the next generation are a blessing. They’re a gift that’s been entrusted to us by God. They are a sacred stewardship from the Lord. And you and I, as adult believers, one day will have to give account to God for the spiritual condition of the next generation. Now, that’s a sobering thought.

That’s not at all, by the way, to diminish their responsibility. They will have to give account to God for what they did with what we gave to them. But we will one day stand before God—married, single, children, no children—and give account, I believe, to God for how we built, how we watched over the city, and how we fought the battle on behalf of the next generation.

Father, it's a sobering responsibility as workers, as watchmen, as warriors . . . all that is at stake! We confess that we really don't know how to do those jobs very well, that we need you. We thank You for everything that you have called us to do and to be. You equip us, and you provide grace to meet that need.

Lord, our heart’s desire is to be able, one day, to stand before You and with joy to give account for having passed over the baton, having handed on the torch, having raised a new generation that loves You. That’s our heart’s desire. Lord, would You show us how and do the work in us and through us, for Jesus’ sake we pray, and for the sake of Your great kingdom, amen.

Dannah: Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has been exploring Psalm 127, calling us to embrace the roles of watchmen, workers, and warriors on behalf of the next generation.

That teaching is part of the series, “Leaving a Godly Legacy.” To show us how to work out this teaching in day-to-day life, I talked with two moms in various stages of life.

Erin Davis, Portia Collins, and myself co-host a weekly videocast called Grounded. You can hear it every Monday morning at 9 a.m. Eastern. Just subscribe to the Revive Our Hearts YouTube channel, and you’ll be notified when it’s LIVE, or look up Revive Our Hearts on Facebook.

We hosted a Grounded episode last summer, featuring two moms who have a lot of experience launching their own arrows. Those guests are Jani Ortlund and Robyn McKelvy.

When that Grounded episode ended, I stayed on with Jani and Robyn to discuss this teaching from Nancy. Let’s listen to that conversation.

Dannah: Jani and Robyn, Nancy just talking about parents being a watchman, a worker, and a warrior. I’m wondering . . . let’s talk about those three things.

Watchman: can you think of a time as a mom you really had to wear the hat of being the protective watchman?

Jani Ortlund: So many times we’re watching over our kids, aren’t we, Robyn?

Robyn McKelvy: And it never stops. It never stops.

Jani: Throughout the night we’re watching. During the day we’re watching. We’re watching what they’re putting into their eyes, what they’re listening to with their ears, how they’re responding to others, what their little world looks like. We’re to be watchmen over that.

Dannah: Yes.

Robyn: I want to add I have a fourteen-year-old son. I’m telling you, every fourteen-year-old child out there, like my son, has a cell phone with unlimited access to the internet. We’ve even had his friends call my husband and say, “Get Ryland a phone.”

It’s just amazing how the world has influenced us to believe that that is something that’s necessary. But for us to guard his heart, we just can’t have him have access to a phone knowing who he is and what’s at stake. I mean, we have to fight sometimes.

Dannah: Yes, Robyn, that’s so culturally counter-intuitive.

Robyn:It is!

Dannah: There’s no parent out there that’s going to say, “Oh, I know this phone is good for him.”

Robyn:Yes.

Dannah: So that’s a really important area right now where I think parents need to either say “no” to the phone, or what are your restrictions on the phone? Those phones need to be in a basket during dinner time so there’s intimate face-to-face time.

Robyn:Our kids got a phone when they started driving. But we did that even at sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, “Put your phone in the basket,” because phones give you unlimited access to everything that’s in this world.

(I'll share another story in a minute.) I’m not saying that it stops kids from the enemy. He’s still hitting at them and still seeking how he can devour them. It doesn’t stop that.

But as long as it’s here in this house, we choose to serve the Lord. We choose to serve the Lord in this house. So there’s some things, and praise the Lord we haven’t had a battle about it. Even our kids at sixteen, seventeen, and eighteen knew the basket was there and willingly put it in.

Dannah: Okay, Robyn. You got me. You said, “I’m going to tell another story in a minute.”

Robyn:Yes.

Dannah: You’ve peaked my interest. What’s in your head?

Robyn:Well, I’m thinking that you said a watchman, a warrior. I want to talk about being the warrior.

Dannah: Okay.

Robyn:So, one of my sons has decided that he no longer wants to follow Christ. He has lived this gay lifestyle for three years now. In March he introduced us to the guy who brought him down. And then in May he married this guy.

And so, as we continue to be warriors . . . You talk about losing makeup! Alright, there have been months that I’m like, “I’m not even going to put it on because I’m going to cry it off as I talk to my Master about my son.”

But one of the things that’s beautiful—don’t give up on the relationship. I think sometimes when our kids believe differently, we give up on the relationship with them.

Well, I just had a conversation on Saturday with my son. He married this guy, and there’s some things that are wrong. It’s funny how your kids will come back because they want wisdom, so keep the relationship open.

Every time he called me, every time he had a question about something, he will call. I said, “I’m going to tell you what I know is true because this truth will set you free.” He’s like, “I know, Mommy.” And, yes, my thirty-two-year-old son still calls me Mommy. So, I can pray with him. I can love him, but I also have a relationship. 

Sometimes I believe we compromise. Let me go back to the phone. We compromise because the world says it’s accepting. And if you don’t accept it, it means you have an issue. But don’t compromise what you know God’s Word says. Fight for truth. Many of us don’t do that.

Dannah: You sound like a warrior mama!

Jani Ortlund, you have walked a lot of years with a lot of children and a lot of grandchildren. I imagine you have some warrior moments in your parenting pack. What do you remember?

Jani: Well, I would just like to speak to the grandmothers who are listening to this, because grandmothers can have a very special place in their granddaughters’ lives especially.

I just recently was with one of our grandchildren, a beautiful fifteen-year-old girl—fourteen, not quite fifteen. I was taking her out for her birthday to get her some new tops. Her mom was putting the kibosh on one because it was too revealing.

And so, as my granddaughter and I were walking home from the shop, we got to talk about that. And I got to tell her, “We want to keep those ladies hidden.” And we can joke about it and talk about it, but she giggled (the grandkids call me Mamie) and she said, “Oh, Mamie, you’re fun to talk about this with.”

I think a grandmother can kind of slide in under the radar, where a mother says, “No, you can’t wear that. It’s against the school dress code. They won’t let you.” A grandmother can kind of joke about it and that helped.

Also, we’re warriors. I just love this conversation because we need to fight for the souls of our family, for the kids, for the grandkids, for our marriages, for our homes to be just that taste of heaven where people have a glimpse that living for Jesus really is a beautiful thing.

We’re watchmen over our homes when we do that, when we say, “In this house, this is what we believe, and this is what we stand for. Welcome in and enjoy it. See what it’s like. Taste and see that it is good.” That’s the invitation of a worker. A worker works to invite others in. It’s not easy. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. But what else is worth our time? Our very life’s blood?

Robyn:And, Jani, I think sometimes we have to stop the stuff at the door. So people will come in and enter our home, but we stand for Christ. So the things that we’re going to talk about in this home are the things that bring honor and glory to Him.

So we have people that come in with all of their cultural stuff, and they want to reject it. But there is a way, starting with a soft answer, to tell the truth in love to them because they’re longing and yearning for truth. We get the privilege of doing that.

Dannah: I think something that you’re stirring in my heart is the thing that the Holy Spirit has just been bringing to my mind over and over in the last, I don’t know, two weeks. It’s that our conversations are different as Christians. They’re different.

The words we use are different. The language is the language of God, the words of God. And, yes, it’s interspersed with gentleness. Yes, it’s interspersed with silliness and fun so that they know that Jesus loves them, that He is their greatest joy. All that stuff.

But we also, as the warriors, as the watchmen, we have to be unafraid to speak the truth of God when He puts it on our tongues to speak, whether that’s something as simple as: “This is the day the Lord has made, let’s rejoice in it.”

That’s the verse that ran through my head this morning as I looked at my busy schedule and I thought, Well, you know what? I can be stressed out, or I can stretch this day through the sieve of God’s truth. What is the truth about this crazy, busy day? That it is the day the Lord’s made. I’m going to rejoice in it.”

That’s an example of what I’m talking about: introducing that kind of language to your grandbabies, to your kids, and again, at the appropriate time. If all we do is throw that at them without the love, without the joy, we become those clanging cymbals, those noisy gongs. Without love, it means nothing. But we’ve got to use the language of the Word.

Robyn:That’s right.

Jani: It really gives our families security when they know that this is what we stand for.

We used to say with our little ones, “We’re Ortlunds. We love Jesus. And this is what Jesus says to us, so this is how we’re going to follow Him.”

I think, Dannah, what you’re saying is so important, that when we speak His word to them and live it out with joy, with delight, it does become more enticing to them because they feel secure in that. “Oh, okay. We’re a Christian family. We don’t use those words. We don’t do this or that, we do do this.” There’s a wonderful alternative to the don’ts. It’s the do’s. “This is what we get to do.”

Dannah: Amen.

Robyn:And, finally, we have to do wartime prayer.

Dannah: Yes!

Robyn:I think sometimes as Christian women we forget the wartime prayer. It’s different than the daily prayer. The wartime prayer is different. Who’s standing by your side, praying with you, lifting your arms up when you get tired?

Dannah: Yes. I love that. Let me add this to it. We talked about being watchmen and warriors. We haven’t talked a lot about that concept Nancy just taught on being workers. 

For me the mundane work of being a mom and a grandma gets . . . I like the big picture. I don’t like minutia. I don’t like details. It drives me crazy that at the grocery store I buy the same thing every week. I mean, “I bought eggs last week. I bought the milk last week.”

So for me, the work has started to have meaning as I bring prayer into it. For example: when I fold my husband’s clothes, I war for him in prayer. And when my children are in the home, or when my grandchildren—maybe I’m doing their laundry because they’re in the home—I war for them in prayer as I do that mundane work.

What are some ways that you have brought your warrior and your watchman into the mundane work of everyday mothering and grandmothering? Because someone is going to stop listening to this podcast in ten minutes, and Suzy is going to spill milk and cereal all over the floor, and her warrior is going to be, like, wilted. (laughter)

So, let’s talk about the practical work. How do we bring that mentality into the practical work of mothering and grandmothering?

Jani: I think it depends on your theology of work. What are you teaching your children about work? It’s a holy thing. It’s a gift from the Lord.

We get to serve Him by getting dinner ready for Daddy.

We get to serve Jesus by making sure our garden looks nice for our neighbors because they know, “Oh, that man’s a pastor. And look at his front yard full of weeks. It just looks nasty in our neighborhood.”

Whatever it is, we get to point our work to the Lord who’s called us to that work. I think as women in the home, our attitudes are key.

I can remember one time, we had our first three children in less than three years. So they were two, one, and a few months old, and I was exhausted. Ray was very busy pastoring, going to school, teaching Greek two nights a week . . . and I was tired.

One night he called home, late for dinner again, and I was trying to keep his dinner warm. I had a choice: either I could bang the dishes on the table, as I really wanted to do, or I could gather the two older kids (the three and the two year old) near me and say, “Daddy’s going to be late. Who can fix a plate for him and put it in the oven? Who can pray for him? I’m sure he’s more hungry than we are. We’ve had a chance to snack. He’s been working all day. Let’s love Daddy this way because he’s serving Jesus.”

So we can bring Jesus into it in front of our children in such a way that they sigh and say, “Oh, I like following Jesus. This feels good. It feels better than anger, frustration, irritation, Mommy getting mad or crying again.”

Dannah: Oh, that’s so good. Robyn?

Robyn:Well, my Scripture is, “Whatever you do in word or in deed, do to the glory of God.” I think that we forget to teach our children this.

What you’re saying is absolutely true. We teach them in our actions. Whatever we do, we’re going to do so God is glorified.

Anything worth having takes work and takes maintenance and takes getting down and every day honoring God in it. Anything worth having–your marriage, your children, those that you love. You’re going to have to do some mundane stuff every day to maintain those relationships and so that the relationship will bring honor and glory to God.

So let’s quit doing stuff for ourselves so we look good. Let’s continue to do stuff that brings honor and glory to God and God alone. And once you get yourself out of the mess, it won’t feel like work.

Dannah: Isn’t it sweet to hear Robyn’s voice? We recorded that conversation with Robyn McKelvy and Jani Ortlund in the summer of 2022. Robyn has since suffered from multiple strokes, and communicating has become more difficult for her. We ask you to join us in praying for her as she recovers.

Thank you Robyn, and thank you Jani, for your helpful perspective! And may God grant us the grace to be better watchmen, workers, and warriors in our homes! 

One area Robyn mentioned needing to be a warrior is in the whole area of having a right perspective on sexuality. To help you do that we’re offering you an excellent book by Dr. Juli Slattery titled Rethinking Sexuality. She helps us see what God’s design is for sexuality, and why a correct understanding is important to our everyday lives. Rethinking Sexuality is our gift to you out of gratitude for your donation of any amount to support the outreaches of Revive Our Hearts. So thank you in advance for giving!

To make a donation and request Rethinking Sexuality by Juli Slattery, visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call us at 1-800-569-5959. 

Would you say your family is a priority? I think we all know that. But sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded how important our families are. Nancy will be back with more from Psalm 127.

Please be back tomorrow for Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is calling you to watch and build up and fight for freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

 All Scripture is taken from the New King James Version unless otherwise noted.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.