Hospitality Begins in Your Heart

Dannah Gresh: Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says hospitality isn’t primarily a question of real estate value.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Whether you live in a million dollar mansion or a cracker box, your home is intended to be a place where people receive life and strength and help and peace and mercy. It’s a place God has given you. Whatever place He’s given you is a place that can be used to extend grace to others.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Brokenness: The Heart God Revives, for April 23, 2024. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Nancy’s continuing in our series on hospitality called “You’re Welcome Here.” It goes along with a new Bible study from Revive Our Hearts by that same title.Here’s Nancy.

Nancy: It was interesting to me one day when I went to the internet to look up the subject of hospitality, to have, I think, hundreds of entries come up. But, virtually all of them related to professional hospitality—hotel industry, restaurant industry. I was hard pressed to find anything that related to the more personal dimension of hospitality.

We've been talking over the last couple of weeks about the ministry of Christian hospitality. Isn't it interesting that, in our culture, hospitality has been reduced to something that the professionals do.

And yet, I believe there's some aspect of hospitality that is best shown in our homes. In a world that is so fearful and has such broken relationships, we as believers in Christ can show a better way, a way of love, and really reaching out to and ministering to the hearts of people in very practical ways with a personal touch of Christian hospitality.

Now, when we talk about hospitality, the culture that we live in that is so impersonal and so broken and fragmented in its relationships, is just one of many challenges that we face.

As I've been thinking about my own life and exercising hospitality, I've tried to ask myself, "What are some of the obstacles?" What are some of the challenges that we have to overcome if we're going to demonstrate Christian hospitality?

We know it's a requirement. We know it's not an option. We know it's a mandate biblically; we have lots of biblical illustrations. But when it comes to doing it, there are some challenges that make it difficult.

For me, and I suppose for many women, one of the biggest challenges is just the schedule, time to be hospitable. I think back over my past year and I love hospitality, it's been a great ministry and a great blessing in my own life.

But my schedule has been such that, as I was studying this, I was convicted. I realized that I had gotten so busy that I have not had time to open my home in the way that I have in the past.

Now, I don't want to put anybody on a guilt trip. There are seasons for everything in life. Some of you right now are looking . . .I see Beth over here with eight children and home schooling. There probably will be a season of your life, Beth, when you can show hospitality in different ways than what you're able to show it right now. So we grant that.

But I also believe, if we are too busy to be hospitable in some way, we're too busy. And we need to stop and evaluate our priorities and say, "Am I doing the right things? Am I filling my time with the right things?"

I want to ask some people when I hear that they don't have time to be hospitable, I want to ask, "How many evenings have you spent at the movies in the last year? Are there some of those evenings that maybe you could have been opening your home to people and ministering with hospitality."

Let me say something that I know is going to probably generate some response (but I believe it with my heart). One of the big problems with hospitality today, one of the big reasons we don't see more hospitality being exercised, is because of so many women who are out working in the marketplace and really don't have time or energy or desire to do anything once they get home.

They're pooped! They're just frazzled; they are exhausted. It's all they can do to keep themselves and their family together. I think this is one of the areas we've got to evaluate and say, "Is it God's will and season and timing for me as a wife, as a mom, to be having a job out in the marketplace?

Now there are other reasons to consider that, but this is one of them. We have so many people who need a personal touch, so many younger moms who need a mom whose children are grown to say, "Come into my home. Have a cup of coffee. Let us talk about it. Let me pray for you. Let me encourage you." And where are those older women to do that?

So many of them are out in the marketplace. I think one of, there are a lot of issues that that raises. But one of them is this that we don't have time for the good works and the acts of mercy that Scripture says are what make a woman beautiful. This is our calling.

As we’ve been talking about hospitality, I can imagine someone thinking that hospitality itself could be a full-time endeavor. Well, don’t put yourself on that guilt trip. God didn’t ask you to have everybody in your church over to your house next week. There is a time and a season for everything. God’s not asking you to be the only one in your church to exercise hospitality.

But we do need to think radically about our priorities and what’s keeping us from exercising the things Scripture tells us clearly that we need to be exercising, hospitality being among them.

Now, when we think of challenges and obstacles, another one is just the work and effort that's involved. I think of my mom. I didn't have an appreciation for this until I had a home of my own. But how many times after the company had left and all the family had gone to bed was she the one up picking up the kitchen and the living room and the house and spending hours late at night that we never knew about?

Well, I know about that now. I know what it's like. I'm not running a household of seven children as she was. So there is the challenge. It's just a lot of work, and we need to acknowledge that. There's no way around that. Hospitality does involve sacrifice.

Now, we'll talk over the next week when we get into some more of the practical how-tos of hospitality, we'll be reminding ourselves that you can involve children in this process. It's a good way to get them involved in the care of the home and the exercising of hospitality, but there is work involved.

Sometimes we're just fearful. What will I talk about with people I don't really know? The fear of doing something stupid, of being embarrassed, of a meal not turning out right if this is something you're not accustomed to.

That's why it's important to not feel like you have to start by hosting thousands in your home. Think of having someone over for just a simple thing. It doesn't have to be a big holiday feast that you prepare for people you don't know but starting simple may help with some of those fears.

I think we tend toward comparison. Other people have nicer homes, more things, nicer china, nicer decorations in their home. It’s easy to compare and feel insecure.

Let me just say, whether you live in a million dollar mansion or a cracker box, your home is intended to be a place where people receive life and strength and help and peace and mercy. It’s a place God has given you. Whatever place He’s given you is a place that can be used to extend grace to others.

One of the most memorable meals and times of fellowship I’ve ever had was in the home of some national Christian workers in Pakistan. They had, I think, seven children. I was a tiny, little home in what we would consider in our country, an absolute ghetto.

Yet, there was such joy and peace and meaningful ministry that took place with that family in that home as they extended the simplest of hospitality. But it ministered so deeply to my spirit.

I think of those verses in Proverbs like Proverbs 17:1 that says, “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet, than a house full of feasting with strife.”

You can have very little to offer, but if you offer peace and joy and the presence of Christ with it, if it's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or it's pizza that you order, something very simple, it can still be a real meaningful thing to people if the spirit of that home is one where the presence of Christ is evident.

Now, hospitality involves expense. It's costly. It involves sacrifices, and we have to be willing to make those sacrifices. But let me say that hospitality does not have to be expensive.

It does cost, obviously, if you're going to add someone or "someones" to your table, there's expense involved there. But I would say that some of the most hospitable people I've ever known have been those who had very little materially.

You don't have to throw on a five-course meal to be hospitable. It can be very simple. I've been in some small homes, simple homes, simple meals, and had some of the richest, most meaningful fellowship in some of those homes—the people who were willing to share what little bit they had.

I think of the widow of Zarephath who showed hospitality to the prophet Elijah back in 1 Kings chapter 17. All she had was a little bit of flour left and a little bit of oil; and Elijah had the audacity to say, "Would you fix a meal for me first?" But she did.

She sacrificed the little bit that she had. And then you remember how God made the little she had stretch out over three years of famine, and how she was able to not only provide for herself and for her son but also for the guest that God had brought into their home.

Proverbs 19 tells us, "He who has pity on the poor lends to the Lord" (Prov. 19:17). God will pay back what the person who has been hospitable has given. If you show mercy and extend grace to those who have need, even if you do it out of your own need, you have God's promise that He will pay back what you've given. You will have enough to minister to the needs of others as you give.

You know, I think, ultimately so much of this goes back to our values and the fact that we really are materialistic at heart. People who have a lot are materialistic sometimes and protective of their things, something's going to get broken, something's going to get ruined, something's going to get lost. Listen, when you open your home to people, those kinds of things will happen.

There are spots on my carpet and on different places of my house that would never have been there had I not been involved in the ministry of hospitality. But, the danger of having things is that we become so protective of them. And that shows a heart that's consumed with temporal things.

Someone said to me recently that they'd noticed in their church that it was the people with the "showcase" homes who were often the least apt to open their homes to guests.

Now, you can be poor and be materialistic, too. If you're obsessed with how little you have or ashamed of the few things you have or always feel like you don't have enough, so that you can't reach out to others, that's really a materialistic heart also. Ultimately, whatever we have belongs to God and needs to be turned over to Him to be used to minister to others.

 

I think probably that the bottom line of most of these challenges is one little word that I don't like to admit, but I have to say that it's been true so often in my own life. And it's the word "selfishness." In fact, let me read to you what one author wrote. He said, "Selfishness is the single greatest enemy to hospitality."

• We don't want to be inconvenienced. 
• We don't want to share our privacy or time with others. 
• We're consumed with our personal comforts. 
• We want to be free to go about our business without interference or concern for other people's needs. 
• We don't want the responsibility and the work that hospitality entails. 
• We're greedy, and we don't want to share our food, our home or our money. 
• We are afraid that we will be used or that our property will sustain damage.

So when it comes down to the heart of hospitality, when I exercise hospitality, I'm running head-on into the selfishness that often defines who I am. I'm saying, "I'm not going to live as a selfish single woman or as a selfish married woman. I'm going to run head-on into the face of that and give." As I give, I find that God deals with the root of the selfishness of my heart. And I find that selfishness being replaced by genuine, giving, sacrificial love. That's the heart of hospitality.

Dannah: Do you want to fight selfishness? Why don’t you think of someone you know to invite over?

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth will be right back with more biblical counsel on developing an attitude of hospitality. Before she comes, I want to tell you how you can dig deeper into this topic.

It’s by going through the new Bible study from Revive Our Hearts titled You’re Welcome Here. This is something you can do on your own, but I’d encourage you to gather some friends together and go through it. As you learn more about what the Bible says about hospitality, you’ll be able to practice it—live it out, right there on the spot!

There are some wonderful videos to watch along with this study, Bible passages to look up, and thought-provoking questions to discuss. We’ll send you a copy of You’re Welcome Here in thanks for your donation of any size to Revive Our Hearts. For all the information, head to ReviveOurHearts.com/hospitality.

Now, Nancy’s back with part two of today’s teaching on developing an attitude ready to serve others.

Nancy: Hospitality in the home really begins in our hearts. If you have a hospitable spirit, then you're going to find ways to live that out in your home.

And let me just share out of my own walk and what God has been teaching me about this area, some things that have been helpful if I want to cultivate an attitude of hospitality in my heart.

The first thing, and I think this is so important, is that we need to focus on people more than on preparations. Now, there are preparations to be made. It's hard to be hospitable on a consistent basis if you're not making preparations.

One of those preparations may be just keeping your house picked up so that you can have people in. Preparing a meal, that takes time. So it’s not that preparations are unimportant, but notice I said, "Focus on people more than on preparations."

Once you've made your preparations . . . Really, they don’t have to be as complex as we make them to be. But once you’ve done the preparations, then ask God to show you how to focus on the people. I will tell you this, people are not noticing—unless your house is a mess—how "spic and span" clean your kitchen floor is or your kitchen counters.

What they are noticing is the spirit with which you meet them at the door and the spirit with which you invite them to come into your home. If you are relaxed and enjoying them and listening to them and focused on them, they're going to have a great time. They are going to be blessed.

We all know that story of hospitality in Luke 10:38, where the Scripture says, (as Jesus came to a certain village) "a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house." I had not stopped to notice until this past week that it doesn't say, "Mary and Martha welcomed Jesus into their house."

It was apparently Martha's house, suggesting she was the oldest in this family, the oldest sibling. But Martha welcomed Him into her house. And you say, "Yeah, Martha! What a hospitable woman!"

That word "welcome" means to receive hospitably and kindly. She did the right thing. She welcomed Jesus. And remember when Jesus came to dinner, it wasn't just Jesus! It was Jesus and His disciples.

So she has this group of at least thirteen men now who have come to her house and she welcomes them. But that's when she makes a mistake. She broke what was really the first and essential rule of hospitality: that is to pay attention to the guest. 

Martha got sidetracked with all the work and all the preparations and forgot about the guests. So Martha gets frazzled and frustrated and uptight about all the preparations, and who is the one in this story who is really showing true hospitality?

It's Mary because, what is she doing? She's paying attention to the guest. And what Jesus ultimately says to Martha is, in effect, "Look, all this preparation stuff, that's optional. The one thing that is necessary is that you focus on the guest."

Jesus is saying in effect, "Martha, I don't want a domestic performance. I want you. I want a relationship." And that's what hospitality is all about: focusing on the people.

 

Now, let me say that hospitality is not just an event. This has to do with our mindset, our attitude about hospitality. It's not just, I'm having twenty-two people over for dinner Thursday and my whole world is centered around pulling off this event.

There are events involved in hospitality. But hospitality, more than that, is a lifestyle. It's an open heart. And so, rather than just enduring putting on events, we need to learn to enjoy a lifestyle of hospitality.

And could I say, by the way, we've been focused on opening your home; but there are ways of showing hospitality even outside of your home.

I think of a small women's retreat I was at, about ten or twelve women a few years ago, and we came together for about a week to pray and talk and minister to each other, women who were in ministry.

And one of those women, Devi Titus, she is just such a hospitable woman. And we were in rented facilities out in California. And I'll tell you, this woman showed up at my room on one of those mornings with a tray with a glass of orange juice and a little flower she had picked stuck in a glass and a little muffin or something for breakfast and a nicely folded napkin. They were just pretty touches.

But she was showing me hospitality, even in an atmosphere and in an environment outside her home.

So, there are ways in a dorm room, in a hospital, and taking a meal to someone. When I've been on writing projects, I have some precious friends who have been so kind to bring over meals to me, to deliver hospitality to my door, and to bring an extra part of a meal that they have. So, hospitality doesn't have to be limited to your home. 

And when it comes to your home, remember, and this again has to do with our attitude, everything doesn't have to be perfect.

Now, I do think there's value, and we'll talk about this later this week, in having an orderly home. And there are things we communicate by the way that our home is put together. But things do not have to be perfectly ordered. You want your home to feel "lived in." And you want people to feel that they can be comfortable in your home.

I'll never forget a time when my home was fairly new. I had not had a lot of company yet. One of the first times I entertained, I had company over and it was a woman we were talking to about possibly joining our staff and coming to our ministry. So our Ministry Director was there and his wife and this woman we were trying to recruit. 

Now some of you who are really great cooks, I'm a little embarrassed to tell you this; but I will tell you. I had bought a pan of frozen lasagna from Sam's. What I didn't know because I wasn't really experienced at this thing yet was that, you know, when the pan is frozen, it's hard. You can hold it from both ends.

But when it cooks and gets hot, it's not hard anymore. So I picked it up. As I walked over to the counter and was standing right over where the carpet starts, that pan just dropped right out of my hands—I mean, that aluminum foil pan. That lasagna went right on my brand-new, off-white carpet.

The next thing I know, we're all on our hands and knees, scrambling to get this lasagna off the floor. But I had a brilliant idea, I thought. I've got hamburgers in my freezer. I'll just get some of those out and throw them on the grill

I did throw them on the grill. The next thing I know, my grill bursts into flames under these frozen hamburgers. So, I'm calling for help to put out the fire in my grill. It was a disaster. It was not perfect.

But, you know, we still talk about that day. We made memories. I tell people, "You stick with me, when it comes to hospitality, and you will have memories." And that woman became a dear friend, and we had a great evening. Things do not have to be perfect.

I was touched the other day by MaryAnne. We were standing at church and a woman came up to MaryAnne and said, “Could I drop my four kids off at your house this afternoon for a couple hours while we go do something we need to do?”

MaryAnne was so quick to say, “Sure.” That was spontaneous. She’s opening her home; she has an open heart. She’s created a climate, an atmosphere, an attitude where people know that people can come and ask her to be hospitable. They know she’ll say, “Sure.”

There may be a time where you can’t say, “Sure.” That’s where you have to know if this is the season, is this the time for this. But it is great for people to know that you have a heart for people that wants to welcome them into your home.

The attitude of hospitality begins at home. Don’t expect your family to love hospitality if you only treat guests well. Make sure that you are treating your own family with grace and kindness. You may not make the same meals every day for your family that you would for company, but it is important for your own husband and children to know that they are welcome in your home and that you love having them there. Then they will enjoy entering into the spirit of hospitality with you.

To have a hospitable attitude really means to have a “glad to see you” attitude. The way we great people at the door is so important. “I’m so happy that you could be here today.”

Sometimes we have to make an attitude adjustment before we can say that truthfully. I find that the Lord can really help me do that. I may have had a long, hard day; I may not really feel up to having company that evening, but the Holy Spirit can help me welcome people as Christ welcomes me.

I read that some folks make you feel at home, and others make you wish you were. You want to be the kind of person that makes people feel at home rather than making them wish they were home.

I was in email last week with a couple who are dear friends of mine and have been guests in my home numbers of times.

They live a little distance from me, but I know that they have such a heart for hospitality. I had just asked them on email, "What does hospitality mean to you?" Both the husband and the wife wrote a response and let me read to you a little bit about what they wrote.

Dayna said, 

For me, hospitality means making people feel loved and at home. There are two kinds of company, expected and unexpected. And we try to be ready for both kinds.

In fact, Tom and I live, expecting company and hoping for the Lord to bring them in. We make them feel at home by being excited to see them, carrying on inquisitive conversation, serving them with special treats and providing them a warm and comfortable place to rest and relax.

"Then, spending time with our guests, entering into their hearts, laughing and crying with them, and most of all, praying for and with them has blessed us beyond measure.

And then Tom added this thought. He said, 

When I think of hospitality, I think of feeling at ease, which has to do with both the surroundings and feeling welcome and cared for. The spirit of the home and those who live there are equally important. A home can be clean and orderly without feeling sterile or too formal.

You should be able to relax and not have to sit up straight. Being nourished physically and spiritually are both important. Simple and healthy food, quiet, Scripture, peaceful music, someone to listen, and words of encouragement can really minister healing to a troubled soul.

And in order to do that, to minister hospitality in that way, to minister acts of hospitality, it really does start with an attitude of hospitality. "I'm glad to see you. I'm glad you've come to visit. I'm here to love and serve and encourage you in any way that I can."

Father, we pray that You would cultivate in us an attitude of love and a servant’s heart that would enable us to extend hospitality to others. Help us to so love people that we can focus on them and not be so obsessed with the details, the preparations, not be thinking about ourselves, how we will look, or whether the meal will turn out perfectly. 

Help us to really communicate genuine concern, love, and interest in other people as we invite them into our homes. I pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

Dannah: That’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth reminding you hospitality is more about an attitude of serving than it is about having a Pinterest-perfect home.

That teaching is part of a series called “You’re Welcome Here.” If you’ve missed any of it, you can listen at ReviveOurHearts.com/hospitality, or pull up the Revive Our Hearts app, go to the Revive Our Hearts podcast, and it’s all there.

Don’t forget about the new Bible study from Revive Our Hearts that goes along with this series. It also has the title You’re Welcome Here. We’ll send you one copy as a thank you for your donation at ReviveOurHearts.com.

A hospitable person thinks through a lot of things before having someone over. Tomorrow, Nancy will explain that there’s more to creating a welcoming atmosphere than just putting food on the table. Hope you’ll catch tomorrow’s episode of Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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