When Their Wrong Choices Impact You

Dannah Gresh: In your painful circumstances, have you run to worldly comforts? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says, if you have, it’s not too late to come back to the Lord. 

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Would you just be honest enough to say to the Lord, "Lord, I am tired of running. I want to stop running. And I want to come back home."

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Adorned, for February 4, 2026. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Nancy’s continuing in our series, "Ruth: The Transforming Power of Redeeming Love." If you’ve missed any episodes so far, you can find them at a link in today’s transcript. Now, here’s Nancy.

Nancy: Do you ever find yourself wanting to run from pressure? Which day, right? I've got to tell you, the other night I received within a twenty-four-hour period a couple of emails that just spelled out a lot of hard work and created in my mind some pressure. It was late at night, and I finally just took a look at all that I knew would be involved in following through on these messages. I said, "I think I’m just going to bed." I think if I just go to sleep maybe I’ll wake up in the morning and it won’t all be here.

In just little ways, but also for some of us in big ways, the temptation in the midst of pressure, pain, problems, issues of life is to want to escape. Well, you’ll be glad to know as we get into the story of Ruth today that you’re not the only one who finds yourself wanting to run and escape from the realities of life.

We’re looking in the book of Ruth in the first chapter. We’re still on verse 1. This story takes place in the days of the judges, the dark ages of Israel’s history. The Scripture says,

In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land, and a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab.

There was a famine in the land. Now when we go back to the Old Testament, the book of Deuteronomy in particular, we find that under the old covenant God promised His people that if they obeyed Him, they would be blessed and that blessing would come in the form of material and physical prosperity, that the land would be fruitful, that they would be fertile, that they would have families and the land would produce.

Now God blesses us today in different ways and does not promise those same kinds of blessings. But for the nation of Israel, God said if you obey Me, the land and your women will be fruitful. You’ll be prosperous.

He also promised them that if they disobeyed His laws, there would be natural and physical consequences of their disobedience. He promised there would be chastisement and that would come in the form of famine and hunger, military oppression, different ways that they would be chastised if they disobeyed God.

Now God’s purpose in giving these kinds of consequences was that He wanted to show that He was the One who was in control of the land, that it was not the Canaanite pagan gods of Baal and Ashtoreth who were in charge of the land and who controlled fertility, but that God was the Lord and the owner of the land. His purpose in bringing chastisement was to restore His people to a place of obedience. God knew that when the pressure was on, the people would cry out to Him and He would be able to bless them and send mercy to them.

It think of that line in Francis Thompson’s, The Hound of Heaven, where God says, “All which I took from thee, I did but take not to thy harms, but just that thou mightest seek it in My arms.” You see when God sends a famine, whether it’s a literal famine or a spiritual famine or emotional famine in our lives, His purpose is not to ruin our lives. His purpose is to open up our hearts and our hands to receive that which only He can give to us.

Now there was in this day a famine in the land, and so we know that God was likely chastising His people. He was trying to restore them to a place of obedience. We’re told that in the midst of that famine a man from Bethlehem in Judah left Judah, left his homeland, to go live in the neighboring country of Moab.

Now the word "Bethlehem" means “house of bread.” The word "Judah" means “praise.” So this man lived in a place that meant “house of bread and praise.” Just that very name shows that famine was unusual in the land, that the norm was fertility and prosperity, that God was sending the famine to chastise His people.

God intends, by the way, for our lives to be houses of bread and praise; houses of plenty; houses of abundance. It may not always be physical plenty, physical abundance, but God intended for our lives to be fruitful, to be full. When we disobey God, He will often send a famine into our hearts and into our lives in some way so that we will see the areas where we’ve disobeyed Him. It’s important that in those times we accept the famine as coming from the hand of God.

The Scripture says that this man left Bethlehem, Judah, took his wife and his two sons, and went to live for a while in the country of Moab. Moab was approximately sixty miles from Bethlehem. It was the other side of the Dead Sea, if you can picture a map of Canaan.

The Moabites, you may remember, were the descendants of Lot through his incestuous relationship with his oldest daughter. That’s where this nation had come from. The Moabites were the Jews’ enemies. There was a lot of bad history between the Moabites and the Jews. But this man felt that the famine was so bad in his homeland that he decided to run, to escape to neighboring Moab. That looked better to him at that point.

Now keep in mind, why did God send famines in those days? Because He wanted to chastise His people who had disobeyed Him. So if the famine was the result of disobedience on the part of God’s people, what was the solution to the famine? Not running, but repenting. Elimelech, this Jewish man, chose to run rather than perhaps being an instrument of revival and calling the people to days of prayer and fasting and seeking the Lord, calling the people to repentance.

Really, his move to Moab revealed a lack of faith and that he did not see the purpose and the hand of God in this famine. I think there is no question that he should have stayed where he was. But where he was seemed so troubled that he thought where he was going would be the solution to his problems. So instead of staying where he was, getting right with God, getting his family together and others together and seeking God, he gathered his family and took off for another country thinking he would do better there.

The suggestion here is that he probably intended to stay just for a short time. It says he went to live for a while. But when you come to the end of verse 2, you see that he continued there. He went for just a short trip thinking he’d be back, but three of the four who left Judah and went to Moab never came back. They ended up parking in Moab, living there, planting their family there. The consequences that they were trying to escape they found themselves in even worse consequences when they landed in Moab.

Let me say that the road to destruction and the road to bitterness (we’re going to see Naomi as a woman who knew a lot about bitterness)—that pathway begins when we try to escape from the consequences that God has designed to mold us, to sanctify us, to chasten us. When we try to run from those circumstances, we set ourselves on a pathway to something far worse.

I’m reminded of that verse in Psalm 55 where the psalmist said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and the storm” (vv. 6–8).

Did you ever wish that God would call you to the uninhabited regions of the world? Now, Lord, if I could just go to this desert island where there are no people, no problems. Well, there are days when we just want to escape from it all. But David learned the same thing that Naomi’s family was going to learn: the key is not running. The key is facing the problem, facing the difficulty, finding God in it and making your way into the eye of the storm.

 

So often when we’re in a time of famine, loss, hardship, deprivation, circumstances pressing in on us—maybe it’s because of our own sin, maybe it’s because of the sins of others, but the famine affects us nonetheless—rather than seek the face of God about why we’re in this condition, what we do is look at other fields of the world, other countries, other places, and we set our heart on that place.

Often I think it’s not because the world and the place we’re running to is so attractive, but because the place we were living, the reality of the world where we are has become so dry, and we say it’s got to be better out there. So instead of facing the real cause for our dryness and getting to the source of the problem, we do what Elimelech and his family did. We do what the prodigal son did. We run away to a far country.

Invariably, we’re looking for some substitute for what we’ve lost, thinking that if we could just get into this different situation, if we could just move, if we could just have a different set of circumstances, then we would get rid of our problems. The problem is: when we run from our problems, we forsake the mercy of God that He wanted to give us in the midst of the famine, in the midst of our problems.

We tell ourselves, “It’s just for a short time. I just need a break. I've just got to get away for a little bit.” So how do we do that? Well, Moab can take a lot of different forms and shapes in our lives. For me the other night it was I’m just going to go to bed. I’m just going to go to sleep—escape from all of this. Now there’s nothing wrong with sleeping when it’s time to sleep, but if I’m sleeping to run from pressure and to run from problems, I’m going to find it really doesn’t solve my issues.

Some of us run to food or run to the mall—shopping. Some of us run to our job, to a career. You may have found yourself sometime running to a different geographic location. Maybe your whole family got up and moved just to escape from some problems and pressures that you were experiencing in the other place where you lived.

All of us at times find ourselves running to friends. Nothing wrong with friends. Sometimes they can give us godly counsel, but sometimes we’re really just trying to get somebody to empathize, somebody to sympathize, and somebody to be an escape for us from the reality, the painful reality of our circumstances.

I know of women who have run into drugs, alcohol, prescription drugs. It’s become an escape. They’re trying to anesthetize the pain, trying not to have to face the reality of their famine. There are women who’ve run into the arms of a man thinking that in that place of escape, they can get out of the pain of their current marriage, the pain of their current difficult relationships so they find someone who’s sympathetic, who’s warm, who’s got a listening ear and who empathizes with their situation.

What are they doing? They’re running to Moab. Running from the famine in their current situation, their current marriage, their current environment. We often tell ourselves, “I’m not going for long. I’m just going to taste. I’m just going to touch. I’m just going to experiment. I’m just going to get a little feeling of relief. It’ll only be for a while.”

That’s what Elimelech said. We’re just going to Moab for a while, just while the pressure’s on. We’ll come back. Elimelech never did come back. His sons never came back. And so often, we end up staying in that far country.

I did a conference recently and read through some of the comments from the women afterward sharing about major issues of addiction and bondage. They didn't start out addicted to alcohol, addicted to prescription sleeping pills, addicted to food. What happened? They thought they were just going for a little while to an escape. But the little while became a long while. And now they find they're imprisoned in their Moab. They can't escape. They can't get out.

Now they have no heart for God, no heart for God's people. And the consequences in Moab are far worse than what they were trying to escape while they were home. A place that we often think will bring relief, freedom from the pressure and the problems, ends up becoming a place of even greater sorrow . . . and sometimes even death.

We're going to see that we have a God of mercy, even in Moab. He is always working to bring us back home. But we are never going to find that route back home until we first come to admit that we've been running. I wonder as you are listening to the story of Ruth, if you are identifying with some area of your life where right now you are in a running pattern.

You have run to some place, someone, some circumstance to get out of the reality and the pain and the difficulty of your current set of circumstances. You thought it was going to be just for a while. But you find now that you are in a place of bondage, a place of greater and worse consequences than even the ones you were trying to escape. Would you just be honest enough to say to the Lord, "Lord, I am tired of running. Now, He knows it. He knew it from the moment you left Bethlehem, Judah. But have you ever come to admit it? To acknowledge, "I've been running"?

The first step to restoration, the first step back to Bethlehem, Judah, back to the place of bread and praise is to admit: "I'm in a place that I never should have gone. I never should have taken off to this far land."

Now, your taking off may not be as drastic or as obvious as Naomi and her family taking off to Moab. Maybe it's not in ways other people would realize looking at you. But you know in your heart that you are using this experience, their friend, this circumstance as an escape. Would you just say, "Lord, I'm tired of running. I want to stop running. And I want to come back home."  

Dannah: Hmm. Unlike Naomi—and unlike you and me—Jesus never ran from difficulty. He perfectly, courageously faced every situation. Yet He was punished on our behalf, so that when we come to our senses and come back home, our heavenly Father welcomes us.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth will be right back. She’s been warning us against escaping to Moab—running to something that looks like it will relieve pressure, but really just makes problems worse.

My friend Erin Davis talked about this on the Women of the Bible podcast. If you’re not familiar, Women of the Bible is a podcast and videocast all about—you guessed it—women of the Bible! The Ruth series goes right along with our six-week study we’ve been telling you about! Ruth: Experiencing a Life Restored.

Let’s listen to a portion of that.

Erin Davis: Food can be a real Moab for me. I just want to run into that pantry and find some quick satisfaction, or venting with women in the same season of life as me. All my closest friends have young children, and when we get together, if we’re not very, very careful, we can just yak, yak, yak, yak, yak . . . gripe, gripe, gripe, gripe, gripe. That’s a Moab. It doesn’t actually relieve any of the pressures of parenting.

Dannah: Erin Davis, on the ways we sometimes try to escape to Moab. If you’d like to hear more from this podcast episode, we’ll link to it in today’s transcript at ReviveOurHearts.com. You can also listen to seasons of Women of the Bible on Abigail, Esther, Rahab, and Elizabeth.

Now, let’s get back to part two of today's teaching from Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. At Revive Our Hearts, we recognize that men and women are equal in value as created by God. And we also believe God gave husbands and wives different roles in marriage. God’s given husbands the primary responsibility to be servant leaders, to listen to the input of their wives and make wise decisions.

That’s going to come up a lot in the next portion of Nancy’s teaching. If this conversation about men and women is new to you, then we’d love to point you to some helpful resources! You can visit ReviveOurHearts.com to find today’s transcript. We’ll include some links there so you can learn more about biblical manhood and womanhood. I hope you’ll check those out and get lost in the beauty of God’s wonderful design. Now back to today’s teaching. Here’s Nancy.

Nancy: How many of you wives can think of the time when you saw your husband getting ready to make a decision and you were sure it was the wrong decision? Let's see some hands. Every married woman in the room, I think.

How many of you can remember a time when it looked like the decision was not just a minor decision but a major something, and you were afraid that this might really have serious consequences for your family? Maybe it was a move or a job change or some decision he was making, and you were really concerned about where this would take your family. Quite a few hands on this also. What do you do when your husband leads to a place where you are not sure God is leading? Well, Naomi can relate to that very question.

Ruth chapter 1, let me read the first two verses. "In the days when the judges ruled," these were the dark ages of Israel, "there was a famine in the land." The famine was God's way of getting the attention of His people and calling them away from their idolatry and back to repentance and obedience. In the midst of that famine, "a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab."

They ran from the circumstances that God had designed to bring His people to repentance. Now we don't know that the famine was because of this man's sin in particular. He may have been a man who was really trying to obey God. But we do know it was because of the sin of God's people. (Or we can assume that based on the fact that God told His people when they disobeyed that there would be famines.) So whether he was personally responsible or not, this man says, "There is too much pressure here. We're taking off. We're leaving. We're going to another country."

Now verse 2 tells us that the man's name was Elimelech, his wife's name Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Kilion. These names are kind of interesting as you look at the background. Elimelech means "my God is King." As I think about this man, I think, Here's a man who really didn't live up to his name. I see this move to Moab as a situation where he didn't trust that God was really in control and in charge of the circumstances. He reacted in fear, perhaps, but not in faith.

Now Naomi's name means "pleasant." Now, we are going to see that the day comes when she says, "I've been misnamed. That name doesn't fit me very well." It did at the end, but there was a period during that time where she said, "This is not the right name for me." Mahlon, the name of their first son means "sick and weakly." His brother's name, Kilion, means "pining away." We are going to see that these two boys did live up to their names. They both died at an early age.

Now the Scripture says that this man, Elimelech; his wife, Naomi, and their two boys left Judah, left Bethlehem, during this time of famine and went to Moab.

It's interesting as we read the story we're reminded that when we leave the will of God, when we leave the place that God has designed for our sanctification, we seldom leave alone. It says that this man left and he took his wife and his two sons with him. Invariably, you and I take others with us when we leave the will of God.

We may not intend to hurt others, but our decisions do affect others. In fact, everything that you and I do—our attitudes, our actions, our choices—affects the lives of our family and of the people around us. Now, their lives can be ruined because of our disobedience and blessed by our obedience. Our lives do have influence. Don't think for a moment that the choices you make that you think are minor or insignificant have any bearing on those around you.

 

I wonder if Elimelech could read the story as we read it and know what was going to happen to his family . . . I assume he is a man who cared for his family and loved them. I don't think he wanted to lead them into a place where their lives would be destroyed. But he didn't stop to think, apparently, of what this decision to run might mean to those he loved—not to speak of what it would mean for his own life.

You and I can be the instrument of ruin and destruction for the lives of those around us. But when we choose to obey God, our lives can be instruments of blessing and revival. Unfortunately, often it’s children who are affected by our decisions and who pay the consequences.

I'm amazed when I read prayer cards that women turn in at our conferences. How often women apparently don't see the connection between their own choices and where their children are spiritually. I saw some where women were saying, "I have this bondage to some sin habit in my life, some area where I don't have self-control. Please pray for me." And then in the next breath they say, "Pray for my children who are living lives of open, blatant immorality." They aren't making the connection. By choosing to live lives that are out of control and not living lives surrendered to God, they've created an environment where it's easier for their children to further in their sin and their destructive lifestyles.

I think one of the things that makes this more challenging—it was true then and it’s true today—is that there was so little measurable difference in this era between Moab, the pagan country, and Israel, where the people of God lived. The people of God had so fallen into the ways of the world that I don’t think Moab really seemed that far away from a spiritual standpoint.

Moab was an idolatrous, pagan people that offered child sacrifices. It was a wicked religion that was practiced there. But the Jews were doing many of the same things.

So today when the churches become so like the world, when we move into that far country, that place of escape and running, oftentimes we may not think it’s that big a deal. We do not realize how far we’ve gone from the ways of God.

Now the suggestion here is that Elimelech took his family and led them into Moab. That raises the question, "What if your husband leads you and your family down a wrong path?" Was Naomi partially responsible here? Who’s to blame and what’s a wife to do if her husband says, “We’re going to Moab”?

Let me make several suggestions that don’t come right out of this text but by way of application. I think that the first one is to make sure that your own conscience is clear as a wife.

There are some things that we’re not told in this story. We don’t know, for example, did Naomi influence Elimelech to go to Moab? Was this her idea? Like Sarah saying to Abraham to take Hagar to solve this problem of how to have children.

Was Naomi so miserable and unhappy and whining and miserable that that Elimelch said, "We're getting out of here. I'm not going to put up with this whining woman any more. We're going to Moab"? We don't know.

Was Naomi fearful? Was she discontent? Or, maybe none of the above. When she saw her husband about to make a wrong decision, did she appeal to him? Did she pray for him? Did she encourage him to consider the consequences? What was her attitude? Did she pray that God would change his heart? Was she a victim, or was she partially responsible for this decision? We don't know.

Here's the challenge: when you see someone in a difficult situation, in a difficult marriage, for example, don't assume that you know all the facts of that situation.

I look at some marriages and I hear one partner telling the story and I think, Oh, my goodness. I can't believe that wife has had to put up with that situation in that marriage! But the fact is, we don't know all the facts.

We don’t know if Naomi was blameless in this or not.

Now when it comes down to it, whether she was blameless or whether she was guilty, there was still grace available. But first as a wife, make sure that your own conscience is clear. Be careful when you’re drawing conclusions about God’s dealings in other people’s lives. It may seem very obvious to us that some wife is the innocent party. She may, in fact, have been living a godly life in that marriage. But the fact is, w  e don’t know. We don’t know what goes on behind the walls of a home.

God does not hold you accountable for your husband's sin. God does not hold you accountable for your husband's wrong choices. God does hold you accountable for your choices, for your sin, for your reaction, for your responses.

By the way, this can go both ways. I don't mean to pick on husbands here. Plenty of wives make wrong choices that affect husbands as well. But we have a room full of women here. Remember when you husband makes a bad decision, as he will at times, that you can still respond in a godly way. 

You cannot blame your wrong responses—your whining, your complaining, your speaking evil of your husband—on your husband’s decision. You’re responsible for your choices, for how you respond to that situation.

 

So here we have a man who made a choice, a wife who followed whether she was part of that choice or not, we don’t know. Even if she was a victim of her husband’s wrong decision, the point comes in this story where she has to take responsibility for her own life and return to Bethleham. She does not have to spend her life a prisoner of his wrong choices. There comes a point when she is able on behalf of their family to repent, to go back to Judah, to leave Moab, and to make right choices.

That says to me that you and I can make right and godly choices. Regardless of our past, regardless of what we’ve done or what’s been done to us, we can have a right relationship with God. Regardless of where your family is spiritually. Regardless of whether your husband walks with God or not, you can walk with God.

Even if your husband takes you to Moab and you follow there out of obedience to God and reverence for your husband, you can have an intimate, personal, and right relationship with God. Ultimately, as you wait on the Lord and entrust yourself to Him, you’re going to experience what Naomi ultimately experienced and that is the joy of restoration, seeing that God really can bring good out of evil.

The Scripture says that He will even cause the wrath of men to praise Him, that the wrong decisions of others as they affect our lives can ultimately turn to the glory of God. If we’re willing to keep our place, to take our place before the Lord in humility and in obedience and say “Lord, I choose, regardless of what other choices other people may make, I choose to walk with You and to trust that Your presence and Your provision will be sufficient for me in this place.”

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth will be right back to wrap things up. She’s been leading us in a very practical discussion from the book of Ruth.  I want to underscore something Nancy mentioned briefly. She talked about the importance of a wife trusting God, even if her husband is being unwise or leading her away from God’s best. 

Here’s an important clarification. Some wives are in extremely difficult situations, where their lives or their children’s lives are in peril. Laws are being broken. I’m talking about physical abuse or other dangerous situations. Should a wife in that scenario trust God? Absolutely. Always. But that doesn’t mean she just passively does whatever her husband tells her to do. Civil authorities might need to be involved. Godly counsel should be sought. 

If you’re in that kind of difficult circumstance, please pray like crazy and reach out for godly counsel. A wise counselor can help you know what specific steps you can and should take next. Okay?

Well, we’re only in the opening verses of Ruth so far in our series. I hope you’ll study this book further.

To help you do that, we’d love to send you Ruth: Experiencing a Life Restored. This six-week study invites you to marvel at God’s redeeming love. He brings beauty from brokenness, blessing from hardship, and joy from waiting. Not just in Ruth’s life, but in yours, too. This resource is yours when you make a donation of any amount. Just visit ReviveOurHearts.com to give, or call us at 1-800-569-5959. Be sure to request Ruth: Experiencing a Life Restored when you do.

Tomorrow, continue walking through the book of Ruth with Nancy! She’s going to take some time to talk about the Lord’s discipline—and why it’s a really good thing, even though it rarely feels good. I hope you’ll come back for Revive Our Hearts.

Here’s Nancy with a final thought.

Nancy: I wonder if there’s some situation that comes to your mind where someone else has made a wrong decision and it’s affected your life. Maybe it’s your husband. Maybe it’s your parents. Maybe it’s a boss. Maybe it’s the pastor of your church. And you’ve ended up experiencing some consequences because of someone else’s wrong choices.

Would you just acknowledge to God the truth that it is possible for you to live a godly life and to walk with Him even in the midst of those circumstances? If you’ve been resenting and resisting, whining, complaining, speaking evil of someone else because of the choices they’ve made, would you just even right now in your heart repent and say, "Lord, it’s not just their sin, it’s my sin too. It’s how I’ve responded. It’s how I’ve reacted in my spirit, my words, my actions. I’ve not waited on You. I’ve not trusted You."

Would you ask God’s forgiveness for your wrong reactions, or for any part that you may have had in contributing to that wrong decision. You can’t choose for someone else, but you can choose to walk with God.

Lord, would you begin even this moment to pour out Your grace and create circumstances to bring about restoration for women who may be in a Moab today because someone else made a wrong decision? Would you give them a sense of hope and faith that You are still in control and that You are going to cause these circumstances to work to their ultimate good and to Your glory. I pray it for Jesus’ sake, amen.

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All Scripture is taken from the New International Version.

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