A Man’s Greatest Need: Respect, with the Husbands of Grounded

What do the men in your life need most? Hear the answer straight from the husbands of the Grounded hosts in this special Valentine’s Day edition.

Episode Notes:

The Husband Encouragement Challenge

Mikhail’s Pecan Pie Recipe Ingredients:

• 1 cup Karo® Light OR Dark Corn Syrup

• 3 eggs

• 1 cup granulated sugar

• 2 tablespoons butter, melted

• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

• 1–1/2 cups (6 ounces) coarsely chopped pecans

• 1 (9-inch) unbaked OR frozen deep-dish pie crust

Preheat oven to 350°F. Combine Filling Ingredients: Mix Karo® Light Corn Syrup, eggs, sugar, butter and vanilla using a spoon or a rubber spatula. Add Pecans: Stir in pecans. Fill crust: Pour the mixture into pie crust. Bake: Bake on center rack of oven for 60 to 70 minutes. Cool for at least 2 hours on wire rack before serving.

*On this episode of Grounded, we discuss a sensitive topic. As Christian women, we believe we are called to affirm and encourage men as they endeavor to express godly masculinity, as well as to affirm their leadership role in the home and the church (Ephesians 5:22–23). The Bible teaches that godly male leadership is exhibited in self-sacrificial love that protects, nurtures, and lifts women up. Wisdom and discernment are critical when addressing this topic because we recognize that some men are abusive. We hope that you will listen to the entire podcast as you consider how to grapple with this counter-cultural message carefully and accurately. And if you are in a relationship with a man that is not safe, we encourage you to seek help immediately.

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Bob Gresh: Welcome to Grounded a production of Revive Our Hearts. I'm your host, Bob Gresh.

Jason Davis: And I'm your cohost, Jason Davis.

Erin Davis: They did it, Dannah!

Dannah Gresh: They did! I was pretty nervous. 

Erin: They did a pretty good job. These are our lifetime cohosts, Jason and Bob.

Dannah: They're usually here.

Erin: Right.

Dannah: But they're on the other side of the camera trying to fix what we’ve broken.

Erin: That’s right, and we’re panicking. 

Bob: There’s usually a mad rush to my bedroom. I'm taking care of the dog. Dannah’s saying, Something's broken.” And I just come down and plug something in and then leave.

Erin: And then everything works fine. Well, today you're front and center in front of the camera and Jason is actually so much taller than me that he's sitting, and I'm standing. 

Dannah: I was gonna ask you about that. Jason is usually so much bigger than you. 

Erin: He’s so much taller. But you know, we're making it work. We're glad to have you on Grounded with us today for this Valentine's Day edition. 

Hey, I did a little bit of research on what men really want for Valentine's Day. Dannah, you got some guesses?

Dannah: I'm sure it's cuddles and kisses. Cuddles, Inc.

Erin: Cuddles and kisses. That's the PG version. Nope, that’s not it. The gift that we are going to encourage you to give today might surprise you. It's totally platonic. And something every man wants married or not. And we've got our own husbands here to give insight all along the way. Right, guys? 

Dannah: Yeah, they can tell us if we're right or wrong, because they know.

Jason: Excited to find out. 

Erin: Yeah, I bet you are. 

Dannah: Michelle Hill is also here with us today. She has some unique perspective from a single woman, which I think is going to help us with this whole understanding what men need thing.

Erin: Absolutely. Married or single, she's going to have some insight we all need to hear.

Dannah: You know what I was thinking, as we were preparing for this episode? You don't have to look too far to see men portrayed as weak and wimpy in the media. Have you seen that?

Bob: Yeah. I was trying to think of a show or a TV show that actually portrays men as strong, and the wife as the . . . 

Dannah: . . . the brunt of every joke. Couldn’t think of one?

Bob: No, couldn’t think of one. 

Dannah: Didn't come up with one. Well, a few years ago, Bob and I were really concerned about this as we were watching commercials and television programs. And I actually, during that period, read a Wall Street Journal article, the title of it I will never forget. Iit was “Where Have All the Good Men Gone?” And that question has just stuck with me. So much so that Bob and I actually did some research and traced the current condition of manhood just a little bit.

Bob: Yeah, we discovered this prevalent lie, summed up pretty well in this secular book on The Promise toWonder Boys by Michael Gurion. He talks about a myth that the feminist movement promotes and that is, quote, “Masculinity is responsible for the world's ills, while femininity is the world's salvation.” So that was a myth he proposed that the feminists are pushing. Which is true; we see it every day in the messages we see on TV and then the media.

Dannah: Yeah, and our sons see and our grandsons see it every day. We're kind of convinced that boys are literally fighting a lifelong battle against emasculation. We have to be vigilant to help them not believe these myths. If we're not careful, we can see the lies start to become a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. I think, for boys, our sons or grandsons and our husbands or fathers—all men.

Erin: J, you're the father of four boys. Have you seen this? 

Jason: Oh, yeah, that's terrifying. 

Erin: Yeah, it's something we definitely worry about as we’re raising our boys. 

Dannah: Jason always gets to the point. 

Erin: Yeah, he does. 

Dannah: What he's gonna say, he's gonna say it.

Erin: He’s a man of a few, powerful words. That’s my man, because I’m a woman of many, many words. 

Bob: When Jason says it’s terrifying, you know it’s terrifying. 

Erin: He doesn’t scare easily, that's so true. 

Hey, well, we believe at here on Grounded, and it's the gift that we want to give you and we want you to hand out this week, that a man's greatest need is respect. Is that right?

Jason: I’d say so. 

Erin: All right. 

Dannah: Woo! We got it right. We have confirmation.

Erin: There we go. And God has hard wired men with that need. We want to put that in your mind and in your heart this morning.

Dannah: Yeah, Erin. Here's something we also believe. We are called as women to affirm and give encouragement as they seek to express godly masculinity, and we’re called to affirm their leadership in the home and at church.

Erin: Oh, is that from the True Woman Manifesto? 

Dannah: That is absolutely a quote from the True Woman Manifesto. I'm glad you recognize it. 

Erin: I did. Well, before we go much further, we gotta get our girl Portia in here for sure. Portia?

Portia Collins: Good morning. I am super excited to be here. 

Erin: You got your man there with you. Introduce him to us?

Portia: Absolutely. This is my husband, my boo, the love of my life, Mikhail Collins.

Dannah: Wait, I didn't know. I didn't know we were using love names today.

Erin: Yeah, we’ve got to use love days. I’ve got to tell everybody that before we went live, our production team said to Mikhail, “Hey, you need to be as loud as Portia.” And Mikhail said, “Not possible.” 

So, we're just gonna be ourselves on this episode. 

Dannah: Yeah. 

Erin: Before we talk about loving and respecting our man though . . . Y'all know, I'm the friend at the party who says, “Hey, guys, want to play a game?” 

Dannah: Yes. 

Erin: So, if this Grounded gig doesn't work out, maybe I'll have a future in hosting a game show. So, whether you want to or not, I've got the mic. I want to play the Newlywed Game. You ready? 

Jason, Bob, Dannah, Mikhail, Portia: We're ready. 

Dannah: We’re feeling competitive this morning. 

Erin: Okay. See, I have my game show cue cards. Here's how the game works. I'm gonna make some statements, and you write down which couple it is. You got to take a guess. Obviously, you're gonna know which one of them some of you are. And you got cards. Jason, you’ve got to be our writer downer because I'm our game show host here. And those of you who are watching the live version of Grounded, you can play along. So here we go. You guys ready to play? (Humming) That’s my game show music. 

Dannah: Good music.

Erin: I just made it up.

Bob: I just want to say we're pretty good at this because when Dannah was a young author on her first book, we went to Christian booksellers’ convention and played the Newlywed Game against Tony Evans and Gary Chapman. 

Dannah: And Lois. 

Erin: And you won?

Bob: That's one of the greatest accomplishments. 

Erin: We’ve got some returning champions. Okay, well I don’t know if these questions are hard enough. 

We'll try which has been proposed to on Super Bowl Sunday?

Dannah: Oh wow!

Erin: I give you a nanosecond to write an answer. Everybody show your cards at once, which has been proposed on Super Bowl Sunday? Put your card down. They're gonna know. Ready? Show the answer 1-2-3.

Dannah: 1-2-3

Erin: It was Jason. 

Dannah: Oh, I can’t believe that. I did not know that. How did I not know that?

Erin: Jason proposed on Super Bowl Sunday. 

Jason: It wasn’t because it was Super Bowl Sunday. There's nothing significant about that.

Erin: No, it wasn’t like that. 

Dannah: That’s why I didn’t pick you, because I thought, he doesn’t love Super Bowl Sunday.

Erin: He probably didn’t even know it was Super Bowl Sunday. 

I'm gonna keep it moving. This one is a soft ball. Everybody's gonna get this right. I'm gonna say it with an accent. Which couple met . . . 

Dannah: Oh, no, give away. 

Erin: . . . at Mississippi Valley State University?

Dannah: I'm just gonna use what I wrote last time. 

Erin: What's our guess, J?

Jason: Collins? Is it the Collins?

Erin: Collins. 

Dannah: The Collins, did you get it right, babe? Okay. We all got it right. 

Erin: Forget the writing it down business. Let's just guess it. 

Portia: Okay.

Erin: Question number three. Which husband has surprised his wife twice with a hot air balloon ride? 

Dannah: Oh, that's a good one.

Portia: The Davises.

Erin: It was Jason. 

Jason: I was going to guess the Greshes. 

Erin: You were going to guess the Greshes?

Dannah: Okay, so here's the thing. The Gresh wife tried. Tried. Capital T-R-I-E-D twice to surprise her husband with a hot air balloon ride. Both of them were canceled because of weather. 

Erin: It didn't work?

Dannah: No. 

Erin: Well, you should keep trying because it’s really fun. 

Jason: The last time they did cancel on us. They said it was too hot. And so, I said, “Okay, well, we'll do it today. Instead of tomorrow.”

Erin: It was hot. Don't do it in the summer; you will melt. 

Okay, well, which couple met in an advanced writing course. And they were in a peer-graded group. A peer-grading group called the Misplaced Modifiers. 

Portia: The Greshes.

Jason: I don’t have any idea what that is, so I’m going with Bob and Dannah.

Erin: Yeah, it is the Greshes. 

Dannah: It is the Greshes. Do you know who named that group?

Jason: Probably Bob. 

Portia: You did.

Dannah: Yup.

Bob: That sounds like a really nerdy way to meet.

Dannah: It was a really nerdy way to meet, but it was so sweet. 

Jason: You need to come up with a better story. 

Bob: I know. I know. 

Erin: Okay, keeping it moving. Which couple is not in the board games? And they prefer to duke it out over Mario Kart?

Dannah: Jason, what is your guess?

Erin: Jason thinks it’s the Collins.

Dannah: The Collins then I vote Collins too, because it's not the Greshes.

Erin: It is the Collins. Alright, which husband proposed in front of 2000 people? That's a high stakes proposal right there. 

Jason: That seems like a Bob. 

Erin: Yeah. It seems like a Bob. 

Dannah: Bob.

Erin: Portia, Mikhail what’s your guess? Bob? It’s unanimously Bob.

Dannah: It was a Bob thing. I gotta tell you, before he took me out for hamburgers and French fries. I've never seen a man gag on so many French fries. He was so nervous.

Bob: I was literally nervous. I was literally swallowing my gag.

Erin: You were sick to your stomach. 

Bob: It was not a good idea. 

Erin: That has to be very nerve wracking.

Bob: Oh yeah it is terrifying. 

Dannah: It’s a good thing I said yes, since there were 2000 people watching. 

Erin: No kidding.

Jason: That would have been really embarrassing. Because it was just Erin and I, so I was safe from public rejection.

Erin: Mikhail, where did you propose?

Mikhail Collins: Actually, a Mexican restaurant around about three or four friends? 

Portia: Yeah. 

Jason: Oh wow. 

Erin: So, over chips and queso? I love it. 

Portia: My grandmother was sick, and he decided to bump up our proposal. He had originally planned to propose on Valentine's Day. But he proposed the day after Christmas. My grandmother was in the hospital because he didn't want her to miss.

Dannah: Oh, how sweet.

Erin: Okay, lest you think it's all chocolate hearts and roses in our marriages. 

Dannah: It's not? 

Erin: Which wife once threw a meatloaf at her husband during an argument?

Mikhail: Erin, was that you?

Erin: It wasn’t, but it does sound like something I would do. 

Dannah: I don't think that question should have been asked is how I’d like to comment. 

Erin: Okay, it’s obvious that it’s Dannah.

Bob: I have no comment. 

Dannah: He has no comment. I'm going to guess that there's some that think that version might be Bob's version. Dannah’s version might be it accidentally went his direction. 

Erin: It accidentally flung across the room. 

Bob: She missed by the way. 

Erin: Okay, one last question. In the same vein of questioning, which couple had one of their most epic arguments ever at an Auntie Anne's pretzel stand?

Dannah: Oh . . .

Bob: That is so obvious. 

Portia: It’s the Davises. 

Bob: It’s the Davises. “One of the most epic arguments ever” was a dead giveaway.

Erin: It was really bad. 

Jason: We didn't have money for Auntie Anne's pretzel and a drink. 

Erin: Don't tell the whole story.

Dannah: We want to hear the whole story. 

Erin: We had a long discussion about what we could afford. And we decided we were just gonna split a pretzel.

Jason: And then she ordered a pretzel and a drink. 

Erin: And then we had a big fight. 

Dannah: There are two versions to every story. 

Erin: There are two verses to every story. Okay, I don't know who won. So Greshes, you can keep your reign. 

Dannah: I think we all win, because we're all still together. 

Erin: We are, that’s right. 

Portia: I love that. 

Dannah: Okay, ladies listening, get your husband, he's gonna want to hear some of this. The fun is over. We're gonna get down to some really important stuff about how to make your relationship stronger. In fact, if you have a friend who maybe needs some encouragement in her marriage, would you just share right now on Facebook or YouTube? Let her know or send a link on your text and let her know to join us today. Because we're talking about man's greatest need. And that is respect. But first, before we get to the meat of it all, do you have any good news for us, Portia?

Portia: You know, I do. I'm happy to have my husband here with me sharing it this morning. And so, I want to share something about marriage. Of course, it's February, February 14, to be exact. And love is in the air. After all, you've likely heard that the pandemic has caused breakups and divorce back since it started in 2020. Well, here's good news, the divorce rate is now falling. 

But that doesn't mean that we don't still have a terrible problem with marriage failure in our culture. So, I've got a little bit more good news coming up. But we want to kind of keep the games going a little bit and I'm happy to have Mikhail with me to share this. This is gonna be so cool. We're gonna do a game of “how it started and how it's going.” 

You guys have probably seen this on social media. The you know, we're gonna do our own version of this this morning. Okay, and we're gonna start with the Greshes because they have been married the longest 32 years I hear. 

Mikhail: Goals.

Portia: I know, goals. Okay. Here's how it started. Look at them. Oh, I love it. I love it. And here is how it's going. Look at that family just multiplied they are gorgeous. I love them. I love them. 

If you are listening to the podcast version, you've got to check out the show notes at are ROH.com/Grounded and I'm telling you it's worth it just to see Dannah’s perm, okay? 

All right time for the Davises, they have been married 20 years. And here's how it started. Oh, that's so cute; look at them on the beach. And here is how it is going. Look at them and all those precious boys. I love it. I love it, those sweet little faces. 

Alright last up on the list is me and Mikhai,l and here is how it started. Everybody has been calling this picture steamy. Mikhail picked it.

Mikhail: I did. 

Portia: Is it one of your favorite pictures?

Mikhail: It is 

Portia: It is. And here is how it's going. That's us in Phoenix just this past November. So, we are showing you these photos for a reason in this Valentine's Day edition of Grounded. We are the good news. Our marriages are not perfect, nor are they easy, but by God's grace, we're counting the years together. And you can too if you're married, forgiveness is key. 

But so is . . . listen to this . . . being an active part of a body of believers. We value it a lot. 

Mikhail: Absolutely.

Portia: Yes. And so, one study revealed that devout church attendees are more likely to have marriages that stand the test of time. So going to church is not the thing that will keep your marriage intact, but it will keep you connected to the One who can. It's a means to commune with God and to be strengthened by God through the body of believers. And we think that it's pretty important to remember that. And guess what, guys? That's some really good, good news.

Erin: That is some good news. You know what, it's hard for me to believe P. We didn't know each other when we got married, which seems wild because we know each other so well now, except Dannah and I did know each other. She sent me the most beautiful pearl necklace on my wedding day. I'm meant wear it today, but I forgot everything, including my brain. But none of us were at each other's weddings; now we'd be lined up as the Grounded bridesmaids. But I want you to hear it straight from the horse's mouth. All the things we're talking about in this episode so Mikhail, I’ll let you go first, then Jason, you follow up. What is it that you want most from your wives or from the women in your life?

Erin: Aww. 

Jason: That is a good one.

Erin: It is a good one. I'm glad you're not really into all the holidays, because Jason spoiled me for Valentine's Day, and I got the boy, nothing. So, I'm hoping that he feels good. What do you feel you need most from the women in your life?

Jason: Love and respect.

Erin: Love and respect. There he is, two words.

Jason: My Sunday School answer. But it’s true.

Erin: That’s really good.

Portia: Two very powerful words.

Jason: Absolutely.

Portia: Well, this is not a trap. Okay, you both have, I guess very, shall we say spirited wives? 

Erin: That’s a nice way to say it P.

Portia: Or strong-willed wives. I know that I am not very easy to lead sometimes. So, what are some ways that we can be encouraging of your leadership? Even if we're not naturally followers?

Mikhail: Encouragement for me looks basically like this: prayer, patience, support. Now, being a newlywed is, I don't have all the answers never will. And one of the things I know that been major encouragement for me has just been her support, even though she may that I don't have all the answers. She may know that I may struggle in some areas, but to have your support and knowing that we're on the same team means more than anything.

Erin: Man, that's good stuff about you. J, I'm not easy to lead. How can I encourage you?

Jason: I’d just say to trust. Trust that I don't have that or that I'm not gonna get it always or always get it right. But I'm always gonna try and I have your best interests in mind. 

Erin: Yeah, and that's so true.

Portia: That’s so sweet. Okay, I have a follow-up question. But first, a quick story. So last week, I was very down in the dumps, like full fledged tears, sobbing. I had called Mikhail and this was on Wednesday night, and we typically go to church on Wednesday nights. I was like, “I'm not going tonight. I'm just I'm upset.” 

And he told me that I needed to go to church, that I knew he asked me to reconsider. So, it wasn't like pushy, but he pointed me to the church, which was the last thing that I wanted to hear. But I went and he was right. It was good. So, I want to know, what are some ways we can show that we respect you as spiritual leaders of our homes and families?

Mikhail: Honestly, like I said, just your support and your prayer. A leader of the household is not always easy. We may seem like we'll get it all together. But just the prayer in itself, we know that prayer moves mountains. So for me, I know I can feel Portia’s prayer. 

Erin: Aww.

Portia: He says it to me often, he's like, “I know you pray for me.” 

Erin: That is so sweet.

Portia: I’m praying for myself to let the Lord help me keep my mouth closed.

Erin: That's a good prayer. What about you J? How do you know when I'm respecting you? I know you know when I'm not, which I don't try to do, but how do you know?

Jason: Even even if I'm asking us to totally agree, to believe that I'm trying to do what's right by everybody.

Erin: Yeah, always tell him his batting average is so good. Like he's such a good decision maker. It's easy to trust because he makes good decisions. 

Well, here's some interesting data that might tie into what we're talking about here. 60% of men say that COVID-19 has had a greater negative impact on their mental health than the 2008 recession. 77% of men say their stress levels have gone way up in the past two years, as we've all been going through this collective hardship. 59% of men say they feel isolated. So put all those numbers together, and you got a dangerous cocktail: stress levels really high, negative mental health, and high levels of isolation. 

So, what that means, Grounded women, is that the men in your life, not just your husbands, but your brothers, your fathers, your bosses, men you go to church with, they're feeling the same external pressure that you're feeling. Plus, they carry the God-given mantle of leading our families and churches. So, I know the answer. And you're just going to be reiterating what you've been saying. But how important is it when the going gets tough to know the women around you have your back, J?

Jason: I mean, to know that the people that you care about most believe in you, there's no way to quantify the value of that.

Erin: Yeah, we definitely had some moments in the beginning of the pandemic where Jason was asking us to make choices regarding isolation, and I maybe didn't feel the same way. Or maybe I did, and just had to say, I'm behind you. Right. Did I say that? 

Jason: Yeah. 

Erin: I meant to. Okay. What is the one thing men wish women knew about respect? Mikhail? 

Mikhail: Oh, if I had to name one thing, I would basically say respect is not necessarily something that we look to. Hmm. I’m trying to think about how I want to say this. 

Portia: Yeah. I got you good. You lost your earbud.

Mikhail: Yeah. Sorry about that.

Portia: I know something you told me recently, I thought was good. Was that respect? In a sense, it doesn't necessarily always mean that we agree. Like, he said that, and I wasn't very good at this at the beginning of our marriage. But he said the difference that he noticed now is that I work very hard to follow his leadership to not demean.

Mikhail: We were having this discussion last night. So, it's coming back to me. But respect is not necessarily a picture where you're agreeing with each other, or you're on the same page in terms of your beliefs, but it's more about the trust. It is more so about the fact that I know that you're going to do the right thing in regards to the family, and that you're truly yielding to God and to the Holy Spirit to make the decision or to lead our family. So, for me respect goes a long way because I think about when in past situations where Portia has been just blatantly honest, like, even with nonverbal communication that she disagrees.

Erin: Yeah. Portia can say a lot with her eyeballs. 

Mikhail: Yes. And so instantly, my response to that is pushing against her, because if I feel that she's pushing against me, it's like we're gonna butt heads. So, respect is not always about agreeing, but it's more so about trust.

Erin: That's so good. Just last week, Jason said to me, Erin, you need to see the eye doctor. And I said, I don't think so. He said, well, they keep rolling back in your head. Okay, take it beyond husbands. Whereas J, we got four boys, and you're always having to coach me about how to show respect to them as their mama, even though they're little, but to parent out of respect. Any tips for moms of boys about how to show respect? 

Jason: Well, so just so all the viewers know, we have not been coached on any of these questions. 

Erin: No, you haven’t.

Jason: And so, it's a hard one because the mother is the authority over the child, the son.

Erin: Right. 

Jason: But still, as they're growing, they need to experience healthy relationships. And without just browbeating them. 

Erin: Yeah. 

Jason: And so, it's a hard balance. I think that's really what it comes down to, trying to find a balance as you're mothering your boys. I don't think that anybody can get it right 100% of the time. It goes back and forth, and you keep trying to straddle the line to keep it where it's most healthy. 

Erin: But we've seen even with our little boys that that respect piece is really important. So, we’re learning.

Jason: You know, I think that part of even in discipline, respect is not saying or doing things that are embarrassing to them. 

Erin: Yeah. 

Jason: But communicating the why, why you're being disciplined, and it's because of these things. And why it's appropriate and trying to respect them, even in that discipline.

Erin: Our older boys especially do not like it when I tell stories about them, or share if they made mistakes to other people. 

Jason: Yeah, they get embarrassed.

Erin: That's a respect issue, which I've learned the hard way. Because I've told the story in front of a group of people, and it's obviously been wounding to my son. So a lot to chew on, a lot to think about. We're certainly all learning. 

Hey, Mikhail, Portia is always bragging on your cooking. We have a recipe from you we're going to share today. Do you know which recipe it is?

Mikhail: Absolutely. She's always bragging about my pecan pie. So, I'm glad to share that.

Erin: Yeah! 

Jason: Is that puh-can and pee-can pie?

Portia: Puh-can.

Erin: Pecan all right, well, we’re going to drop that in the chat, so you can cook like “the Mikhail.” 

Hey, Bob and Dannah Gresh are coming back in just a second to share the one Bible verse that calls women to meet a husband's need for respect. I think there's maybe more than one, but this verse also pinpoints a wife's need. So stick around to get grounded in God's Word. But first we need to hear from Michelle Hill. Just think of her as our single woman correspondent, you guys are already saying in the chat that you're glad we're representing single women, we love you single women, this is for you, too. So, take it away, Michelle.

Grounded in Singleness with Michelle Hill

Michelle Hill: Hey, thanks, Erin. It's so great to be with you all on Grounded; thank you so much for inviting me. You know, as the team has been talking about respect today a verse has been coming to mind, and that is Romans 12:10, “Be devoted to one another in love, honor one another, above yourselves.” And the English Standard Version of that verse says outdo one another in showing honor. 

I've been told that kindness marks my life. And well, I pray that is true, because there are many times that I don't feel that kindness is marking my life. But my goal is to be kind to all and to respect all. 

And that's easy to say it's kind of hard to do at times. But I want to outdo others in showing honor. And that may play out differently if I'm interacting with a male coworker or a friend at church. And so, I wanted to share a few things with the single ladies out there that I do to respect my brothers. So, at work, if I develop a friendship with a man and he's married, I try to get to know his wife. And as I bump into him in the hallway or maybe meet with him during the day, I'm going to ask about his wife or maybe about his kids. 

And then just thinking through how you act differently. If someone asks you to pray for them, you're going to pray differently with a woman than you will with a man. So, if a coworker or someone at church asks you to pray with them, if it's a woman, you most likely will stop and pray right then and maybe even hold their hands. If they're having a hard time with this prayer request, you're gonna give them a hug. But the guys in your life, you might not unless, of course, they’re family. 

So also, here's a tip about opening doors and guys opening doors for you ladies. I know that this doesn't happen all the time with all men, it depends on the certain parts of the country and how the man was raised. But if a guy opens a door for, you allow him to, and as you're walking through, thank him. And if he lets you go in front of him in the checkout line, which is something that happened to me at the gas station on Saturday night. I turned around, and I acknowledged what he had done that he had let me go first. I thanked him. It meant the world to this guy. I could probably never see him again, but it meant the world to him. 

So yes, they are showing us respect by allowing the lady to go in front of them or by helping out the lady. But we are turning around and showing the same respect and the same kindness. So, as I said earlier, Romans, what was that verse again? Sometimes verses fly on my head as fast as they fly in, but Romans 12:10, “Be devoted to one another in love, honor one another above yourself.” So, outdo each other instead by showing honor and respect. Now I think Dannah, you're taking it away.

Grounded in the Word: Ephesians 5:33 with Bob & Dannah

Dannah: I love what you just shared. Michelle, that was some great truth from God's Word reminding us to outdo each other in showing honor. Bob is a big opening door guy, also a big carrying the suitcase guy. He's always teaching the students in our Christian High School. The girls don't need to carry suitcases, the girls go first in the pizza line. So, I love that.

Bob: The girls don't like that. 

Dannah: Sometimes. That's why I love what Michelle just said, because she was saying that it is a respectful thing just to say “thank you” when they choose to do that. That's how they're honoring you.

Bob: You know who's really great at it? Robert Wolgemuth. 

Dannah: Robert Wolgemuth is like the king of it.

Bob: Yes, good role model.

Dannah: Exactly. Here's why. I think some women don't like it, Bob. There are so many messages in the world for men to respect women, like it's everywhere, right? But can I just say the obvious what we're doing today on Grounded? Well, it's pretty countercultural for us to be inviting women to show respect for men. And because there are so many messages about men respecting women and not many about women respecting men, I think that we as women are being programmed by cultural messages, and we must be honest, sometimes it's my own selfishness. We're being programmed to not be respectful towards men. So, this feels really different. And the relationship I find this most difficult with maybe is you. 

And I know that my Grounded sisters probably don't know this, but you do. I am a bit strong-headed.

Bob: It could be said.

Dannah: And so, it's been known to happen that I don't always respect you the way that you deserve.

Bob: Well, it goes both ways. 

Dannah: You fall on your sword too. Okay, babe…

Bob: My sword through my… 

Dannah: Toward your spleen?

Bob: What is this? The sternum.

Dannah: The sternum. Alright.

Bob: Sternum wound. 

Dannah: Well, you know, I used to call us a high conflict couple. So, if that's you, stick around, because God has turned Bob and Dannah Gresh into a high impact couple. And growing in my respect for Bob has been a big part of that. I want to share a verse today that reminds me as a wife to respect my man, because maybe like me, you need a reminder from time to time.

Bob: Yeah, men, if you're feeling pretty comfortable right now, don't get too comfortable. Because we're gonna reverse what we're sharing. It goes both ways and reminds us as a husband, to step up to meet a specific need,a very specific need, in our wife's heart.

Dannah: Yeah. So, this is from Ephesians chapter five, which is chapter, I might add, that reminds us that marriage is a picture of Christ's love for His Bride, the Church. So it’s a very important responsibility we have with how we carry out our marriages. Let me read verse 33. It says, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Good stuff.

Bob: So, can I point out that this verse starts with a man loving his wife well. That's the point that can't be forgotten as we talk about respect for men. Husbands love your wives. I had a pastor once say the reason the Bible talks about husbands loving their wives is because it's the hardest thing for a husband to do. And the reason it says, for a woman to respect their husband, is because respect is a very hard thing for a woman to do. 

Dannah: Yeah, that's good. So, the love that the husband shows is that respect, is planted through his love. And Bob, how does a man love his wife?

Bob: Well, I think it's laying our life down for you, meeting your needs, submitting our needs to yours. And I think love blossoms from that love, and respect blossoms from our putting your needs first.

Dannah: It's like the husband is called to love the wife like Christ loves His Bride, the Church, which is a harder job. Because that's like all the time,every day, you're called to lay your life down. And I'm only supposed to do it when there's like a tiebreaker. Honestly, that's when the respect kicks in. That's what you heard Portia and Erin talking about. I think it was Mikhail who said, it's when you don't agree, that's when the respect matters, right? 

Bob: Yes.

Dannah: So, I would say that in our world, where there's a lot of fear surrounding respect for men, that godly male leadership is the ingredient that makes honoring your husband safe, did you hear that? And that's how God meant for it to be. Women should be able to offer our respect in the safety of a giving, loving relationship. And I guess women are supposed to be responsive to Christ-like care. So, we respond humbly and appropriately to male leadership in our home. And that's just one way we demonstrate a noble submission to honor the Word of God.

Bob: Yes, a mutual love and respect. In fact, earlier in the verse it says, “Submit to one another” And I mentioned that early. So, it's a cycle of loving and respecting each other that God calls us to live out. But how does that look practically? Well, we had a good test this weekend, we disagree on where was it? I think it was in an elevator.

Dannah: I think it was in an airport lounge. Anyway, we're gonna not argue about that. 

Bob: We're flying home from Orlando, Florida. And let's just say that there's always a discussion. 

Dannah: A discussion.

Bob: We leave for the airport every single time, yes, with a flight. I like to leave the hotel at what you call the last possible minute. 

Dannah: It is the last possible minute.

Bob: And what I call the exact right time. 

Dannah: And I like to read the recommendations where arrival times and actually observe them. And here's a true fact: in the history of that I never have seen a published recommendation that reads leave the hotel at the last possible moment.

Bob: So, there's the rub: you'd like to listen to the TSA, which would rather have you there three hours ahead of time.

Dannah: Yeah. Okay. So now, in his defense, Orlando's published recommendation for a domestic flight is severe. Arriving at the airport three hours in advance, and I am talking about a domestic flight. 

Bob: Yeah. And when she read that, she just kind of let it sit there for a second. I'm like, oh, no, it's not going to be good. 

Dannah: I was actually nervous, because I knew Bob was not going to even think of leaving the hotel, let alone arrive at the airport three hours in advance. 

Bob: We're gonna have to get up at 5:30 in the morning to get there. So, and you were right about that. There were discussions, but it was good. 

Dannah: We compromised. Right. Yeah. 

Bob: Dannah needs me to be there earlier than I needed me to get there. But it was okay.

Dannah: Because you love me. 

Bob: I do love you.

Dannah: I left the hotel and we got there two hours early, which was probably causing you to twitch. 

Bob: Yeah.

Dannah: Yeah. I needed that. And he gave it to me because he loves me. But here's the true fact. We still had some moments here or there, didn't we?

Bob: Yes, we did. It was. But we went through it. Like when we were almost at the airport, and I could feel Dannah’s timer going off because I sort of forgot to get gas in the rental car. 

Dannah: Yeah, that was a moment.

Bob: I thought, Oh, boy. 

Dannah: But the bottom line is we did arrive two entire hours early. And the fact is…

Bob: We had time to chill out a little bit, which was nice. I thought, you know, this is a good thing not to rush and to be prepared.

Dannah: So, while we're sitting there chilling out, that's when I felt a need to reaffirm my respect for Bob. And you might call it conviction, because not all those moments of discussion were good. I said something like, “Bob, you were right. We had time to spare. I'm sorry I rushed us. Thanks for taking care of all those details, the car, the gas and the tank. And thanks for leaving early when I wanted to. You take good care of me.”

Bob: Yeah. And as I pushed the button in the elevator. I had to say it was… 

Dannah: You pushed a button. 

Bob: Yeah. Because we're in the elevator. 

Dannah: We disagree. 

Bob: We disagree about where we were. 

Dannah: Oh, right. That's right, we were in the lounge. 

Bob: I pushed the button in the elevator. I said to Dannah I admitted that we could leave earlier from now on. And that was good thing. And that was a really kind of growing moment for us.

Dannah: It was a good moment. It was an important conversation. And this is what I want you to hear. Every decision-making moment, every single one is an opportunity for me to reaffirm my respect to my husband.

Bob: Yeah, in every decision-making moment I have, every single one is an opportunity for me to lay my life down for my bride. And I find that when I do that, that blossoms and blooms and yields respect.

Dannah: And here's why it matters, because your sons and your grandsons are watching. And as we women respect and affirm the godly loving leadership of men, it puts something in their little spirit that they're worthy of respect too. So, make it count mom, make it count grandma.

Erin: What a good segment. I'm gonna have to go back and take notes. Something that I think our audience will find interesting is that Bob and Dannah have been in the lives of Jason and Erin since we were a dating couple, and have been pouring that kind of truth into our marriage, our whole marriage, and have given us those nuggets that have really come a long way and are gonna affect our son's marriages

Dannah: You were little 15-year-olds. We believed in you before the world knew.

Erin: 15-year-olds in love.

Jason: I wasn't 15, and you weren’t either.

Erin: You already know we were 17 to 19, but it was like it was just yesterday.

Dannah: I don’t remember well. 

Erin: I we've had a lot of fun on this episode. I feel like giddy when you're doing Grounded with me. It's so fun.

Jason: I think it's great. 

Erin: Yeah, I can tell. 

Portia: I’ve been nervous.

Erin: Clearly we've admitted that this can be challenging for us. We are women who absolutely affirm God's plan for respecting the men in our lives. But that's not always easy. Elizabeth said it really better than I've been able to say this whole episode, she said, “I struggle with honor and respect, and I’m going to do better.” She said her dad was absent, and many of the authorities in her life have failed her, especially men. So, it's something she really struggled with, and it's impacted her marriage. But she believes that God can give her the victory over that. Isn't that sweet?

Dannah: Hey, you know what? If you're a wife who is feeling like this respect is hard, I just feel like I want to encourage you to join us doing the Husband Encouragement Challenge this month. For 30 days, we're just taking 30 days, we're digging into God's word to understand how to love and respect our husbands better. 

You don't say anything negative about your husband for 30 days, and each day you try to say one affirming, life-building, respectful thing to your husband. I haven't been able to do it every single day. Translation: Dannah fails sometimes. But it has been really helpful to retrain my brain to think in a more respectful manner. So, you can learn more about that at ReviveOurHearts.com And right now, we're giving away a book that helps you with the husband encouragement challenge, with devos written by our own Erin Davis, and some other women on the team. It's available for a gift of any amount.

Erin: Yeah, I've done the challenge multiple times. Because I have to help me to live out the way God's called me to live. But I don't have any trouble bragging on my boy today. Listen, I got to show the Grounded people what the boy bought me for Valentine's Day. These boots y’all. These are better than roses. These are better than chocolates.

Dannah: Jason gets a big old win on those.

Erin: I know how much you love boots and how much you love turquoise.

Jason: I know. The perfect gift.

Bob: Well, you are a renaissance man, a good selector of women’s boots. I’ll have to call you next time. 

Erin: He took me in to a boot store and said, “Take your pick.” 

Jason: And I kind of steered her clear of the like $800.

Erin: Yes, he did. 

Jason: Take your pick over there. Yeah.

Dannah: So what you're saying is you still have to talk about the price point.

Erin: We still have that discussion on occasion. 

Jason: Yeah, but now we have more mouths to feed. 

Erin: Yeah, we do. But, you know, my final word would just be: be a champion of the men in your life. And I'm fortunate that mine is so easy to champion.

Portia: Definitely. I agree. I agree. This has been such a fun episode. And I have been so nervous. And I know it's because my man is sitting beside me. 

Erin: I know, I feel a little nervous too. 

Portia: You get that, you know, young girl feeling. 

Erin: You want to impress him.

Bob: I've been nervous too, because of the two other husbands they asked for health and love and respect what they need. And my answer was, I need a second set of headphones for my wife.

Dannah: Cause we’re sharing one right now.

Bob: I'm really glad I didn't go first because that would have been really awkward.

Jason: Well, like three minutes before we went live. I was like, we need another set of headphones and a headphone splitter. So, I was digging through my bin of wire. 

Erin: I don't know. I can't do the tech. We're grateful for the Grounded husbands who always handle our technology. 

Portia: Thank you, guys. Thank you for being with us. Next week, our husbands go back to watching Grounded instead of sitting here next to us in the host seats. But we hope that you've already made plans to watch with them next week. We'll have Kelly Needham with us, and she's going to talk about the friendship recession. So now go and kiss your sweeties. Alright, ladies, go give your man a kiss. And if he's at work, send him a little kissy emoji, and let's wake up with hope next week on Grounded.

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