I'm married to a great guy. He's handsome. He's sweet. After seventeen years together, he still sends me flowers. He opens doors, gives long hugs, and always tells me I'm beautiful. I'm typing this blog post while sitting at a table he carved for me himself for Mother's Day. (For real.) He's a really, really great guy. If it weren't for his Duck Dynasty beard, he'd be a dead ringer for Prince Charming. We had a perfect wedding day on the beach and now share a cute little white house, three adorable children, and two puppies. Sigh. It's the stuff fairy tales are made of. Despite all of that, for a long time my husband just hasn't made me happy.
God did not create marriage to make me happy. He did not give me a husband to satisfy my every craving. Only God can do that.
In fact, he's never made me happy. Not in the way that sinks down deep. Not in the way that satisfies my deepest longings. Not in the way that validates my craving for love, affection, and attention the way I want it to. That's because it's not his job. God did not create marriage to make me happy. He did not give me a husband to satisfy my every craving. Only God can do that. My husband doesn't make me happy, because it was never God's plan that he would. In Lies Young Women Believe, Nancy and Dannah say it this way:
God did not design marriage to make you happy, but to glorify Himself. If you approach marriage in God's timing and with a pure heart, it will likely prove to be one of the most wonderful experiences and gifts of your life. However, God's ultimate purpose in marriage is not to make you happy. It is to glorify Himself (Eph. 5:31–32) (Lies Young Women Believe, 86).
Yes, I am happily married, but ultimately my husband cannot be the well I run to for satisfaction. My mood should not depend on him. Whether or not I live a happy life is not his responsibility. You may not be married yet, but maybe you're hoping someday you will be. (An admirable wish!) Maybe you think, When I just find the guy, then I will be happy. Or maybe you've found him, and you can't help but think, If we can just get married, then I will be happy. Or If I could just get him to change this about himself, then I will be happy. Or maybe it's not guys for you. Maybe you think . . .
- If you can just be valedictorian, then you will be happy.
- Or if you can just have more friends, then you will be happy.
- If you could trade your family in for your friend's family, then you will be happy.
- If you could just lose ten pounds, gain ten pounds, or tan the pounds you've got, then you will be happy.
- Maybe you think happiness comes with different hair, different clothes, different skin . . .
Newsflash! Just like my man doesn't make me happy, none of those things can make you happy for long. Is there something you are looking to to make you happy? Let me put it a different way . . . what does your mood depend on? If you don't get that smile, text, hug from a guy, does it ruin your day? How about that test score, compliment, or opportunity? If you can't have it, will you be in a bad mood? I love my husband. He is a gift, given to me by a generous God. But it's not his job to make me happy. It's not your guy's job either. God's Word tells us that in every situation we can choose joy (Ps. 98:6), peace (Ps. 119:65), and hope (Ps. 42:5). These are the antidotes to bad moods and sky-high expectations. What are you looking to to make you happy? What does your mood depend on? It would make me happy (see what I did there?) if you'd leave me a comment below with your answers.
But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful (Ps. 68:3 niv).