Looking back on the many Valentine's Days I’ve spent “alone,” there is one that stands out to me more than others. I was single and headed to the grocery store to pick up my favorite brand of mascara. As I pulled into to the parking lot, I didn’t know that I was about to wade through a sea of starry-eyed men who appeared to be floating on clouds of roses and dark-chocolate-covered strawberries. In days past, this kind of scenario would have been heartwrenching. I would have been sad and depressed over my single status. It would have bothered me to realize again that no one in the Valentine card aisle was thinking of me. I would have worried about the potential of becoming an old maid forever and ever. I probably would have purchased a massive bar of dark chocolate just to ease the pain of my loneliness. But not that day! That day was different. My singleness was no longer a season to trudge through but one filled with purpose and excitement. Thanks to the amazing work of Christ in my life, I was single and thriving. I walked through the store, waded through the roses and chocolate candy, grabbed my mascara, and left without a single tear in my eye. I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I didn’t feel disappointed. I didn’t feel jealous. I didn’t even feel upset or angry at God. I was confident that God had a good plan for my life. If you are currently in a season of singleness, I want you to know that I understand. As an unmarried twenty-nine-year-old woman, I get what’s it’s like to spend years and years of Valentine’s Days boyfriendless and alone. It’s not always easy. It’s not always fun. That’s why I wrote two full chapters specifically for single women in my new book, Love Defined. I want to share with you five strategies that have helped me thrive in this season. (To get a more in-depth look, grab a copy of Love Defined and turn to chapter 9. I unpack each of these strategies in more detail.)
Five Strategies for Thriving as a Single Girl
1. Live all out for Christ.
Instead of wasting away your single years waiting for Mr. Right to come knocking on your door, choose to live all out for Christ.
Instead of wasting away your single years waiting for Mr. Right to come knocking on your door, choose to live all out for Christ. There is so much work that needs to be done for God’s kingdom. In Matthew 9:37, Jesus said, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few.” Choose to be one of the few who are willing to live for Christ right here, right now, in the exact season God has you in. Don’t believe the lie that your life will really begin once you are married. Your life is happening right now, and God has a great purpose for you. Choose to begin living a purposeful and Christ-centered life as a single woman.
2. Intentionally grow in godliness.
We live in an amazing day and age where wisdom is just a click away. We can listen to sermons, podcasts, and read blog posts from so many wise, godly people. Let’s choose to take advantage of this unique season of singleness and grow in godliness. I say in Love Defined, “My car is one of my favorite places to learn and grow. Whenever I get in my car, I intentionally choose to listen to an audiobook or podcast. This time has been a huge part of my spiritual maturation. I encourage you to utilize your time to grow in godliness. Find something that works for you. It might be in your car, during your exercises, as you’re getting ready in the morning, or something else.” The goal is to get active in growing in godliness.You can begin that process right now.
3. Look for opportunities to serve.
“Service is definitely a key strategy for thriving as a single woman” (Love Defined).
When my eyes are off of my needs, my problems, my wants, my desires, and onto other people, I’m at my happiest. I’m challenging you to begin (or continue if you already are) looking for opportunities to serve. Your family and your church are awesome places to start. Check with your church and see what some of the biggest needs are. Service opportunities often don’t come knocking on the door; you have to go after them! Get in contact with leaders of certain ministries within your church, and offer yourself to be of service. This will be a key factor to help you thrive.
4. Embrace the unique aspects of this season.
Singleness brings with it some very unique aspects. Because most single women don’t have the responsibilities of a husband and children, we often have more flexibility. We can leave town more easily, go on missions trips more easily, and invest our time into discipling others more easily than our married friends. My younger sister, Ellissa, spent several weeks serving in a Chinese orphanage this past summer. Because she is single, she was able to invest much of her summer doing what would be very difficult for a young married woman/mother to do. Ellissa is taking advantage of her singleness and using it for God’s glory rather than selfish gain. I encourage you to follow her example and do the same. It doesn’t have to be in overseas missions; just be strategic in using your time for God’s glory.
5. Expand your community beyond only singles.
Instead of restricting your group of friends to strictly singles, try mixing it up a bit. Spend time investing in those younger than yourself. Hang out with your grandparents or the elderly couples in your church. Get to know the families with young kids. Glean wisdom from couples who have been married for several decades. Get outside of your normal friend groups and experience the benefits offered by those in different seasons. If you’re willing to expand your community beyond only singles, you will mature and grow in ways you wouldn’t have before.
Single and Thriving
If you want to thrive in the single years (and beyond!), you need a game plan. These five strategies are a great place to start. I encourage you to dig deeper by grabbing a copy of Love Defined and reading the complete chapter.