Why I’m Not Looking for Just a Husband

I am going to do something that I've never done in a blog post before. I'm going to open up my journal and share some completely personal things that I wrote down this past week. I was sitting on my bed praying when I wrote it. As I was praying for my future husband, my mind started working, and I began truly thinking about what I was praying for. I wondered . . . am I praying for just a husband, or am I praying for something more? Do I just want to get married and have a man in my life to call "honey," or do I want something bigger than that? Is my end goal to just get a guy?

A peek into my journal . . .

Here is what I wrote in my journal right after I finished praying:

"My life is not at all what I would have imagined, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I would not have guessed that I would be twenty-six and single, running a blog for young women, trying to publish a book, mentoring young women, directing AWANA, and still working in my dad's business. I 100% thought I would be married . . . "I trust that God must have a plan for my life beyond what I could have ever hoped or dreamed of. If I'm not married, I trust that God has a purpose so big for me right now! God is huge, and He could provide a husband if He wanted to. "God, You are so big. You can do far more above all that I could ever ask or think. You parted the Red Sea, made Joseph of Egypt second in command, healed people, and turned water into wine. I trust that You can and will bring me a husband if it's Your will. "I do desire a godly husband, not just a husband. "When people ask me if I want to get married, I say, "Absolutely! But not just for the sake of having a husband. I want to join forces and serve God in ways I couldn't serve Him as a single. My goal is always the same. I want to serve God."

I realized I wasn't looking for just a husband.

I would rather remain single and serve God to the fullest over marrying a less-than-passionate-about-God guy just to get married.

That night I realized that I want so much more than just a husband. I want a godly husband. I want a husband who has a vision to serve the Lord and make an eternal impact with his life. My desires over the past couple of years have totally shifted. I went from just wanting a guy in my life, to desiring to marry a godly man who I can serve the Lord alongside of. The truth is (and I never thought I would say this), I would rather remain single and serve God to the fullest over marrying a less-than-passionate-about-God guy just to get married.

Why you shouldn't look for just a husband.

I want to challenge you to evaluate your desires and ask yourself what your dreams of the future are. Do you desire to get married just because you want a husband? Do you just want a guy in your life? Do you just want a boyfriend? (Any boyfriend!) When I was younger, I used to think that relationships and marriage would just work out even if the couple wasn't passionate about God, didn't consistently go to church, or have solid spiritual convictions. I now realize that relationships don't just work out. I've seen it on both sides. Great girls who settled for not-so-great guys, and it didn't just work out. I've seen guys marry self-absorbed girls, and the relationship sadly didn't last.

Ask God to help you desire a godly man.

I don't want to marry a guy just because I want husband. In the big picture, it's just not worth it. I've learned from watching other marriages that the fun and excitement and romance waxes and wanes. When that happens, I don't want to wake up next to a man whose biggest goal in life is his own happiness. I want a guy who puts God at the top of his priority list. I hope that you will start praying over the desires of your heart and ask God to help you desire a godly man. And don't forget to pray that God will help you become the type of woman that a godly guy would want to marry.

Heart Check

  1. Are you looking for just a husband, or are you looking for a godly man?
  2. What character qualities should a godly guy have?
  3. What character qualities should a godly girl have?
  4. Will you pray and ask God to change the desires of your heart towards wanting a godly man and not just a husband?

About the Author

Bethany Beal

Bethany Beal is the co-founder of GirlDefined Ministries and co-author of several books, including Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity. She is passionate about spreading the truth of biblical womanhood through writing, speaking, and mentoring women, and you can catch her unpacking exciting and controversial topics every week on her podcast, The Girl Defined Show. Bethany is married to her best friend and husband, David, and they have one son, Davey Jr.