Choose Your Group

Claire Black: Hey True Girl, before we dive into today’s episode, I have a special testimony for you to hear from Matt Ames. He’s the True Girl tour manager, and he has a little report from the road.

Matt Ames: Now, one of the things about tour that you may not know about is going on tour can actually be hard. Oftentimes, we are leaving our friends, our family, even stepping out of our lives for the season while we're out on the road. So tour can be hard. 

You face a lot of difficulties, challenges while you're out on the road. But one of the great things in the hard is when you actually get to see God work the most. And so as I've been on tour, I've taken a lot of pictures just to capture the moment, capture the set. 

And this past season, I've actually taken one picture that's probably my all-time favorite picture I've ever taken. Now, at first glance, it looks like just another picture I've taken, just the set of the people worshiping. But it actually holds a very special truth if you kind of zoom in and look throughout the picture.

 

This picture shows one night in particular where not only do you see moms and daughters worshiping, but if you go throughout the whole picture, on one side of the screen you'll see our stage manager, Marion, just lifting her hands in worship. 

You can't actually see her, but down in the front we have Amy, our ticketing specialist. She's actually praying with seven girls who gave their lives to Christ that night. 

And on the stage you'll see Yancy and Cami, our worship team, not just leading people in worship, but worshiping themselves. And then on the far side of the screen, you'll finally see the rest of our cast. You'll see Suzy, our lead teacher. You see Lorelle, Joanne, and Natalia, who work out in the lobby. They're all doing the exact same thing—just absolutely worshiping God. 

They don't care about who's watching them or how they look; they're just pouring their heart out to God. And with that context in mind, as you zoom out, you don't just see another picture of the the lights and of the stage, but you see a room full of people just worshiping and praising together—one voice to the one God, the God who makes this all possible, who makes a way through the hard. Every night He shows up, and we see Him show up. Nights like this make all the hard worth it.

Throughout the whole tour, we got to see 383 girls give their lives to Christ for the very first time. And moments like that and numbers like that make it all worth it.

Claire: To find out where True Girl is touring next, visit MyTrueGirl.com. 

Welcome to True Girl, a podcast for girls and their moms. I’m Claire Black. Together, we’ll explore God’s truth for us, one drive at a time. Buckle up! You’re about to grow closer to each other and to Jesus!

Today we’re back in the studio with Dannah Gresh and Suzy Wiebel for one last conversation based on Suzy’s secret diary. I’m really glad that Suzy has shared a bit of her journal with us, her diary, as she used to call it. We’ve learned that she wrote some mean things about other girls in there. She looks back on that and realizes it was because she had not yet become a Christian. 

But even girls who do know Jesus and have surrendered their lives to Him sometimes struggle with being mean.

Let’s talk about that!

• Have you ever been a mean girl?
• Have you been the target of a mean girl?
• Or maybe, like Dannah shared a couple of weeks ago, you witnessed mean girls in action but chose not to get involved . . . when you probably should have.

The chances are so high that you fit into one of those three groups that we’re going to go out on a limb and say the chances are almost 100 percent that you have been one of the three. So today will be a “choose your own ending” podcast. No matter which of the three groups you belong to, we have a little homework for you to do! 

Before we dive in with Dannah and Suzy, let me read the passage we’ve been talking about, James 3, verses 9–12.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Here’s episode three, “Choose Your Group.”

Dannah Gresh: HeySuze, I’ve got another piece of True Girl mail to share today. 

Suzy Weibel: Most excellent!

Dannah: This one is from Brywen! And it was hand delivered to me in person at a True Girl tour stop. Let me read it:

Dear Dannah, 

I wanted to tithe to True Girl because you have made such a difference in my life and I would like to do the same in others’ lives. Thank you so much for everything you do. God bless you and your family.

And look, she sent me some twenty dollar bills to help pay for the True Girl podcast.

Thank you Brywen, that moment, that night, this gift really encouraged me.

Suzy: Wow! I love meeting our girls on tour, and cannot wait to get out there this fall, Dannah! We’ve been talking about the fruit our lives produce. How about Brywen deciding to bless True Girl with her money? She could have spent that money on anything she wanted, but she chose to invest in True Girl because it has blessed her. Now THAT is fruit that looks like Jesus. 

Dannah: Good point. I think as long as we are here, you’re bring up what we have been talking about this season, and that is your diary. It’s right here.

Suzy: You want me to embarrass myself one last time? 

Dannah: Nothing would make me happier. 

Suzy: (laughing) You’ve got it! There are too many to choose from! There are so many that I’ve actually made a list on the inside of the diary! Oh, this one. Yeah, this is another one that might be surprising to those who know me today. But I remember it like it was yesterday. 

So, the big thing in school in 1979 was boy/girl relationships, but the big thing in school no matter what year it is, is popularity, right?

Dannah: I think it’s like an eternal girl problem!

Suzy: Definitely! But you know, in the Crazy Hair tour we talked a LOT about wanting to be normal, to fit in, to be like everyone else.

Dannah: That we did, because I think it’s a temptation that we all face. 

Suzy: True Girl, I’ll even bet your mom did. You can pause right now to ask her about it if you’d like.

—-------------

Welcome back! I’m guessing your mom had a story or two to share with you. Here’s the thing. When we start giving in to that craving to fit in, be like everyone else and win the approval of others, it can lead us to do things we would otherwise not do.

There was a boy in my class who kind of got picked on. The girls started encouraging me one day to write him notes and pretend that I liked him and see how he would react.

And so in my diary, I wrote something along these lines: “Like all day long I pretended that I liked Mike.” 

Dannah: Is that his real name?

Suzy: No.

Dannah: Okay.

Suzy: And he was really believing it, but I started feeling badly, and so I went over and I confessed it to him. In my diary I wrote, "We're okay now. We're friends again. . . . But I don't know.”

Dannah: Here’s the truth. If you put that story down on paper and asked me, “Which of your friends today do you think did this when they were 12, Suzy, I would not write your name down!!

Suzy: I know. I was the kid who stood up to bullies on the playground. That shows you how powerful the desire to fit in can be.

Dannah: So sometimes you were the person who stood up to bullies on the playground, and sometimes you were being manipulated by the bullies on the playground. 

Your diary entry says you were friends again after you confessed. That’s hard to believe.

Suzy: I know. He was forgiving, but he had no social power to begin with . . . and I had taken away from him even the little that he might have had. I’m sure he heard the other girls giggling. When we are unkind, we can do more damage than we ever imagine!

Now, can we fast forward a whole bunch of years? 

Dannah: Cue the super funky time travel music! 

Suzy: Whoa! Fun music episode! 

Well, when I was a teacher in Tulsa, Oklahoma, some kids in my fifth grade class taught me the most powerful lesson on grace that I think I’ve ever seen play out in real time.

Dannah: Oh, I know this story . . . and I love it!

Suzy: Teachers aren’t supposed to have favorites, but I definitely had a couple of kids in that class that I really enjoyed—Clay and Russ (they are the real names because they were the heroes) were fun, confident, athletic. I would often go out at recess and throw the ball with them. 

I also had a boy in my class (I’ll call him Jimmy, not his real name) who was born as a natural target for bullies. This poor guy had so many quirks. I knew he had already spent a lifetime being picked on. So one day at recess time, Jimmy runs past me in the hallway, and I can tell he’s been crying. A couple of concerned girls had followed him in, so I asked them what had happened. They told me Clay and Russ had been picking on Jimmy. And my heart sank. 

I told the girls I’d look after Jimmy and sent them back out for the boys. They arrived in the hallway with their tails between their legs, looking at the floor, afraid to look me in the eye. 

And I was like, “Guys, I’m not dumb. Jimmy gets picked on a lot, doesn’t he?” They nodded. “Other kids pick on him at recess, don’t they?” They nodded again.

I decided to appeal to them as athletes. “Look at me,” I said. Then I told them I was really disappointed in them. (It used to work when my parents did that to me.) But there is a real reaction when someone says they are disappointed. It’s powerful.

Dannah: It’s sort of saying, “I know who you are, and I know you are capable of something so much different.”

Suzy: Right! So Jimmy was on their team, and instead of protecting him, they were clobbering him as if they were on the other team. “You should be protecting your teammate,” I told them. 

“Next time I hear that someone was picking on Jimmy at recess, this is how I want to hear it went down. I want to hear that you stepped between the bully and Jimmy and said, ‘Jimmy’s on our team. If you want to get to him, you’ll have to come through us.’” And then I sent them back out to recess, totally confused that they hadn’t been sent to the principal. 

Dannah, it was crazy what those boys chose to do! For the rest of the year they sat by Jimmy in class; they ate lunch with him; they invited him over for sleepovers; they picked him first for their team on the playground—and he had about zero athletic ability.

And here’s where the story really gets good. They changed the whole class. At the end of the year, fifth graders had to run a mile for the Presidential Physical Fitness test. Did you have to take that?

Dannah: I think so.

Suzy: We had to do that when I was back in school.

Dannah: The only time I run now is when a bear is chasing me . . . which is never!

Suzy: So the fifth graders had to run this mile, and I foolishly agreed to run with them. I had noooo idea how long a mile was! 

So, first in is speedy little Luke. He finishes in like seven minutes. From eight to nine minutes Clay and Russ and some of the athletic girls came jogging easily in, talking and laughing, not really racing—no effort whatsoever. I drag in, completely unable to breathe, somewhere around thirteen minutes. (A lot of people can walk a mile in that time!) Fourteen minutes. Fifteen. No Jimmy. Everyone else is in. And finally we see him turn the corner from behind the building, and he’s drenched in sweat, totally red in the face. He’s miserable. 

And Luke—speedy little Luke—turns to the rest of the class and says, “C’mon guys, let’s bring Jimmy in.” And the whole class ran out to meet him, pounding him on the back and cheering him on. 

I was standing at the finish line with their gym teacher, a big 6’7” guy who was just ripped with muscles, and bawling his eyes out. He said, “How did you get them to do that?” And I (also bawling) said, “I have no idea.” But Dannah, I do know what happened. 

Dannah: Clay and Russ made a decision, and it went viral. That’s what I love about that story! Their decision didn’t just impact them and Jimmy. It touched Luke. It touched the gym teacher. Your whole class bought into it and LIVED it! 

Suzy: You know Dannah, it may not seem like the choices we make are that big of a deal, but our lives can make very deep impacts on the lives of others. 

I’m sure I really hurt that boy in my class when I played a joke on him to prove my popularity. 

Dannah: And in the same way, two boys in your fifth grade class made a decision that defined the entire school year for their whole class. 

Suzy: So here’s the deal: you shared a story in episode one of this season about a girl in your class who was the target of mean girls just like Jimmy was, but it sounds like no one stepped in for her.

Dannah: Including me.I said, “My silence was approval.”

Suzy: Right. True Girl, it’s time to choose your own ending. We all fit into one of three groups. 

Dannah: First, you may be the mean girl. Is there someone you have been hurting with your words? Someone you have intentionally said unkind words to, or someone you have intentionally left out of your plans? Have you gone out of your way to let a girl at school, church, or in your neighborhood know that she is not part of the “in” group? 

Suzy: Option number two is that you may be the target of mean girls. Have you been on the receiving end of unkind words or messages? Are there girls at school, church, or in your neighborhood who are going out of their way to let you know how very much you do NOT belong in their group? 

Dannah: Or you may belong to a third group, we’ll call them the bystanders. Like me in sixth grade, you may see the mean girls targeting other girls, and you remain silent. You may see a girl sitting alone day after day and choose not to join her. 

Today, you no longer get to think that’s okay. It’s not. This is your wake up call. As Jesus followers, we don’t stand by and let people be mean. And we don’t ignore the lonely. We befriend them.

Suzy: To those of you who know you are in the first group—mean girls, or girls who have been mean—we want to encourage you to confide in your mom. Let her know what has been happening, how you have been unkind though you probably don’t want to be, and let her help you pray through it. And we will say this, too: The bravest and most helpful thing you can do is to ask the girl or boy you’ve been unkind to for forgiveness. And then, continue to treat them with kindness. 

Dannah: It’s like what you did with the boy, you confessed.

Suzy: I confessed.

Dannah: Did it feel good?

Suzy: Oh, it was hard! But it felt so freeing!

Dannah: Okay, to those of you who are in the second group, those who have been the target of mean girls, tell your mom. Let her hold you. Let her wipe away your tears and remind you of who God says you are. 

You might open up to the book of Ephesians, chapter 1. It’s a whole lot of things that God says you, there. You need to listen to what God says about you! Mean girls may never stop being mean, but listen to what your God says about you.

If you want help with that, open your Bible to Ephesians chapter 1. There are a whole lot of things that say who you are in Christ, through Christ, because of Christ. Ephesians 2:10 says that we are “God’s masterpiece.” God made you exactly how you are. You are not a mistake. You are His masterpiece. We need to listen to that . . . not the things girls are saying to you. 

Suzy: Amen to that! And we have a feeling the third group—the bystanders. We have a feeling that this is the largest group. To those of you who cannot say with honesty that you have been mean or that you have been hurt by mean girls, we know that you see girls hurting, scared, shy, and lonely at school, at church, and in your neighborhood. It’s more comfortable to stay with your friend group and in the comfort of your own home and routines. But we are called to love our neighbor—that’s the hurting girl you see. And love is a verb. It’s action. You don’t have to do a lot, but do something. Smile. Invite her. Sit with her. Let her know that you are a safe place. Be a safe place. 

Dannah: And again, talk to your mom. I think that’s the big action point! Talk to your mom about which of these groups you’ve been—the mean girls, the target, or the bystander. Talk to your mom about that, and pray about it. In fact, let’s do that right now. Can I pray?

Suzy: Let's pray.

Dannah: Lord Jesus, I just pray that this this time that we spent together with true girls would make the girl world a little bit better, because we get honest about where we have sinned and been mean or been bystanders and not stepped in to be a good neighbor. We also get honest with people who are safe when we have been the target of mean girls. 

And Father, I pray for all three types of girls not to feel condemned by this podcast, but to feel like it's an opportunity for her to push a reset button and get a fresh, clean slate.

I pray, Lord Jesus, that her mom would know exactly what words to say to her, and that she would take her to words in the Bible because that's where we find our true healing, and that's where we find the only power that can change us—the power of Jesus in our lives. In the name of Jesus I pray this, amen.

Claire: Wow, today really was a “choose your own ending” episode, wasn’t it?

Maybe you realized you’ve been unkind to someone and need to make things right. Maybe you’re carrying the hurt of someone else’s unkind words. Or maybe you’re the bystander—the girl who sees someone hurting and has a chance to do something about it.

No matter which group you found yourself in today, one thing is true: Jesus wants to change your heart from the inside out. Because being kind isn’t just about trying harder. It’s about becoming more like Jesus.

One of the best ways to become more like Jesus is to spend time with Him every day. That’s why we created the True Girl Subscription Box. Intentionally packed with girls ages 8–12 in mind, it's full of tools and resources to get you in the Word and fun activities for you to do with your mom.

Imagine if every girl in this episode—the mean girl, the hurting girl, and the bystander—spent a few minutes every day filling their hearts with God’s truth. How different would their stories be? That’s what the True Girl Subscription Box is all about. Your mom can learn more at MyTrueGirl.com!

Be sure to join us for next week’s episode. We’ll start a new season you won’t want to miss.

The True Girl podcast is a production of Revive Our Hearts, calling women of all ages to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.