Bows and Bowties

Have you ever watched your brother do something that seems crazy to, and you wonder why boys and girls are so different? You're not the only one who's asked that, and there are many ways people try to answer the question. What matters is what God.

Season: Dear Jesus . . . | Topics: Gender Identity & Sexuality, Young Women

Claire Black: Welcome to True Girl, a podcast for girls and their moms. I'm Claire Black, and together we're going to explore God's truth for us, one drive at a time. Buckle up. You're about to grow closer to each other and closer to Jesus!

Song:

I am a true girl.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I am, I am, I am a true girl!

When I was little, I remember thinking boys were so different. I mean, like my brother, every time it rained, he used to love to go roll in the mud, which I thought was so weird. Maybe you've had similar thoughts about your brothers, or maybe you've wondered why God made boys and girls different in the first place. Our world has a lot to say about that question. Sometimes it tells us our differences don't matter. Other …

Song:

I am a true girl.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I am, I am, I am a true girl!

But what does God say? Let's ask. “Dear Jesus, why did you make boys and girls different?”

Today, Dannah Gresh and Suzy Weibel are opening God's Word to discover that God's design isn't something to be confused about. It's something to celebrate.

Suzy Weibel: All right, Dannah, I have a fun idea about how we can start today.

Dannah Gresh: Oh, you do?!

Suzy: I love “would you rather” questions.

Dannah: You do? Okay . . .

Suzy: Here we go. Dannah's in the hot seat. Dannah, would you rather ruin your favorite shirt or spill coffee on a stranger?

Dannah: I'd much rather ruin my favorite shirt, and that pains me to say that. Yeah, it would really, really bother me too. That would be awful.

Suzy: Okay, here's another one. Would you rather be a teenager in the 1950s or today?

Dannah: Oh, that's a hard one. I feel like it'd be so hard to be a teenage girl right now. I mean, social media, the comparison, the filters that we're using to change our photos. Like, I don't think I would want to be a teenage girl right now. But, at the same time, I think the poodle skirts were pretty cool in the ’50s and the soda fountains.

But I think if I talk to someone who was alive and a teenager in the ’50s, they would probably point out to me the things that were hard about being a teenage girl in the ’50s.

Suzy: Absolutely, because there were a lot of things.

Dannah: There's always hard things, but if I had to choose, I'm going to go with the poodle skirt because I'm kind of a girly girl. Yeah, sign me up.

Suzy: That one was easy, huh?

Dannah: Yep.

Suzy: All right, here's the hardest of the questions. Dannah, would you rather be a boy or a girl?

Dannah: Oh, 100 percent a girl. I love being a girl.

Suzy: Yeah, it's great to be a girl.

Dannah: I think it's great. We wrote a book titled It's Great to Be a Girl together, because we both believe that, and we're both very different kinds of girls,

Suzy: The funny thing is, we are so much alike. Dannah and I are so much alike, and yet at the same time we're so very different.

Dannah: Yeah, because would you rather watch BritBox or ESPN? Do you even know what BritBox is?

Suzy: What is BritBox?

Dannah: It's British. I just found out about this, and I bet you there's a lot of moms and daughters listening watching BritBox. It's like British Hallmark. They're chick flicks but with British accents and sensibilities.

Suzy: Well, I think I'm watching probably the ESPN.

Dannah: Sports.

Suzy: Yeah, our church would have Super Bowl parties. They were like, "We're just having a Super Bowl party for the men. The men are having a Super Bowl party. And I would be like, "You're not going, Jonathan. Like, I want to watch the Super Bowl, and I don't want to watch it alone.

Dannah: So in that respect, you're a bit of a tomboy.

Suzy: Right, and I played sports, and I love sports.

Dannah: I don't sports very often because . . .

Suzy: I don't sports?

Dannah: The other day I taught my husband what offsides was in soccer. He didn't know.

Suzy: Okay, now that one I do know, but I've only recently learned it.

Dannah: I outsported him as a girl.

Suzy: Yes, high five right here.

Dannah: So I guess what we want to say is we really believe it's great to be a girl, and yet there are really different kinds of girls. I think that is what leads to our question for today.

Suzy: Read it!

Dannah: It says,

Dear True Girl Team,

Thank you for hosting this year's True Girl tour.

You're welcome, and we're headed back out on the road in October.

I loved the book It's Great to Be a Girl, but I feel very confused by being a girl. I live in Canada, and sometimes it's very popular here to not think there is a difference between boys and girls, and this confuses my emotions.

Thank you for teaching me. Help me to understand how to deal with my emotions when I feel confused.

And then she signs her name.

So, we get a lot of letters like that. Have you ever had any of the girls in the Q and A session before a True Girl live event ask about being a girl.

Suzy: No, but I've had girls come up to me after the event. So we try, costume wise, to make sure that we are dressing in ways that reflect our personality. We're free to be, kind of how God created us to be. So I will dress probably more in a tomboy manner, and it's just obvious that that's who I am.

Dannah: I like sequins on my clothes for True Girl because I don't wear sequins any other place but on stage. I'm like, if I could every day wear a sequin dress, I would, or a princess gown.

Suzy: I love it, and I'm not going to feel comfortable in that. I have had girls come up afterwards and say, "I was so glad to see somebody who dresses like I do, or who likes sports like I do.

Dannah: So, a question we want to answer today is why did God make boys and girls different? If I were to narrow it down, that would be the question. And then the secondary question would be, what do I do with my emotions when the messages in the world tell me boys and girls are not different. It confuses me. That's happening a lot with our True Girls. So why did God make boys and girls different? Do you know the answer to that?

Suzy: Well, I mean, the answer for why God made boys and girls different is a pretty practical one, it's so that we could multiply and fill the earth. That's a very practical reason for why boys and girls were made different. I also think that if you look at both boys and girls, I think that our differences together paint a beautiful picture of who God is as image bearers. So I think that's part of it.

He gives the world a picture of who He is through both boys and girls. Through the strength of boys, maybe, and through the more tender emotions of girls, maybe.

Dannah: So, let's talk about that. That’s one way that they're different. Girls are more emotional. That's not a very politically correct thing to say.

Suzy: Even tomboys are more emotional.

Dannah: And we know that when you take the brain of a female and the brain of a male, if their bodies are a similar weight and size, the male brain is still going to be a larger mass, like way more.

Suzy: It's heavier, right?

Dannah: But the female brain, which is smaller, if you dig inside the different pieces of that brain, the deep limbic system, which is about the size of a walnut and it’s in the very center of our brains, in the female, that's going to be two to three times larger.

Suzy: Wow!

Dannah: What does that part of the brain do? Ask me, Suzy. What does that part of the brain do?

Suzy: Dannah, what does the deep limbic system do?

Dannah: it's where we have emotions.

Suzy: There we go.

Dannah: Okay, so like that explains it. We just have literally more of the computer in our heads that has the ability to be emotive. That's good because it helps us check on our friends. It helps us take care of our friends. But men tend to be a little bit more . . . I like to say they can think in boxes. Again, these are general generalizations. It doesn't mean that men don't feel, that boys don't care, and that they don't want to take care of their friends.

It's just that God created us a little bit more nurturing, but men can sort of think in a box. They'll be like, "Oh, I'm in my family box, and I'm in my working box, and I'm in my whatever box.” Their brain tends to separate just a little bit more. A husband can go make money and care for his family, and that is traditionally how the Bible says things should work. And the wife should nurture the baby and stay home and take care of the baby. Now, not all families look exactly like that, but God did create those differences. But even physically, we're different.

Suzy: Yeah. Oh, so many physical differences.

Dannah: Like, what are some physical differences?

Suzy: Let's see. This one's interesting. Men literally have thicker skin than women. It's like 25% thicker.

Dannah: Why do you think our skin is more delicate?

Suzy: I think it's because in the garden, when Adam and Eve sinned, and God said, "All right, here's what life is going to be like now.” He said to man, “You're going to toil to make things come up out of this earth. It's going to be difficult. You're going to work hard.” I think that that thick skin being out in the sun . . . I think it goes back to probably that agricultural need at the time. Men don't have to do that as much necessarily today. But if you look at a guy who does forestry or is a carpenter or works a lot with his hands, you see those big, thick, calloused hands.

Dannah: Do you know that a woman's arm is a little more curved than a man's arm? If you stand in front of a mirror with Jonathan tonight, look at how your arms are shaped and how his arms are shaped when you put them down by your sides. You'll see that yours are a little bit more curved, and I think that might be so that you can hold a baby. You know that you can just nurture that baby. It's not that the husband isn't holding the baby or dads aren't holding the babies.

Suzy: Dads can be great nurturers.

Dannah: That’s right. So yeah, but we could go on and on like this day.

Suzy: There are so many.

Dannah: There are so many, many big differences. So, we are different, and we don't make any apologies for saying that.

God designed us to be different, but the question is why? Why are we different? I think we can go back to Genesis 1:26 and 27. When God created the earth, He said, "I'm making you different, and here's why.” Verse 26, “Then God said, ‘Let us make human beings in our image to be like us.’” So this is God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit having a conversation with each other.

And then verse 27, “So God created human beings in His own image, in the image of God He created them, male and female He created them.” So this right from the beginning. It doesn't say the word gender, but it says God created males and females. Gender is kind of a new word, like it didn't exist back then. We've made that word up in recent years. But He said male and female matter.

Now there are a lot of things that make us like God. Suzy, can you think of some things that make us different from other mammals, that make us more like God, more like His image?

Suzy: The things that set us apart from animals.

Dannah: The things that set us apart.

Suzy: Well, reason would definitely be one. So, I mean our capacity to reason and to solve problems. I mean, animals can solve problems, but our ability to do those things and to reason is much greater than animals reason. I always wish I could reason with my dogs. Their lives would be so much better if I could reason with them.

Create. We're able to create. Not create out of nothing. God is the only one who can create something out of nothing. But we can take the materials that He created, that He spoke into existence.

It's unbelievable what human beings have done. I mean, we figured out how to fly an airplane, or go to the moon

Dannah: Or write a write a song, or a play, or a musical. Like, these are godlike qualities.

Suzy: Absolutely.

Dannah: Now, when it says in Genesis 1:26, “So God created human beings in His own image, in the image of God He created them.” He could have said to write music, to defy gravity, but he doesn't. He says, "In the image of God, he created them, male and female.” These are the only two things he mentions that make us like Him. They're not the only two things that make us like Him, but they're the only things He mentions.

So, honestly, this is a big deal because the God of the universe is saying the differences between boys and girls they matter. They're part of what helps you see who I am.

Yeah, that's actually one of the reasons why I've never been a fan of things like T-shirts that say, “Girls rule; boys drool.”

Suzy: I don't like those either.

Dannah: I just think that's not at the heart of "it's great to be a girl." But if you're a boy, it's great to be a boy.

Suzy: Yeah, I would agree with that. But why did he create them male and female?

Dannah: I think this is hard, so at the risk of sounding very old, I'm going to tell you to put on your thinking cap. Go ahead, reach up there and just put it right on. Put on your thinking cap.

Suzy: My thinking cap is old and weathered.

Dannah: Is it on?

Suzy: It’s on.

Dannah: Okay, so God is three different persons. We just mentioned that, right? Let us make man in our image.

Suzy: Yes.

Dannah: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit make up what is called the Trinity. And when He created us male and female, He gave us the ability to be two completely different people who could be joined by God into one through marriage.

Suzy: Yes.

Dannah: Mind blowing. Actually, yes. In fact, in the Old Testament, the word echad, is used to describe the Trinity. There was something that Jewish people would pray, they would say, "Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one.” That word "one" there was echad. The only other place we see that in the Old Testament is right here in Genesis, where it says that when God joined Adam and Eve together in marriage, “He made them one” echad. “For this reason, a male man will leave his father and mother, be united to his wife, and the two will become one [echad] flesh.

Suzy: So it's the idea of having one entity that is made up of separate parts—the separate individuals, and one.

Dannah: So, now let's go on a little detour here because it's an important one. Does that mean we have to get married?

Suzy: No. God clearly calls some to singleness.

Dannah: That's right. Paul talks about that. He says that's a great gift. But it's also important to say that we really believe that the differences in male and female are very, very important and worthy of being protected and talked about—even though that might not be popular in our world today.

Suzy: Yeah, it is not popular in our world today. My mom was a very wise woman, and she told me years ago before I could even begin to imagine it, that this was the issue that would cause division in our world like no other.

Dannah: It's even causing division in the church. And that's causing the confusion that girls are feeling when they're like, "I read your book It's Great to Be a Girl, and yet I'm sort of feeling confused because I'm hearing this at school, or I'm hearing this on on YouTube, or I'm hearing this from my friends in my neighborhood.”

I had a girl come to me and say, “At school, my friend told me that she's not really a girl . . . and she is a girl. I see that she's a girl, like she has eyes in the shape of a girl. And so, what do I say to her?”

There are a lot of other messages out there. What do you think someone should do if they're feeling confused about these things like this girl that wrote to us?

Suzy: Well, I think first of all, writing that letter was a wise thing to do. I think that godly counsel is very important. We look into God's Word for the truth. My husband Jonathan likes to say all the time, “It's not rocket science.” And when it comes to this issue that we're talking about right now, it's not rocket science. It's pretty simple.

Mister Rogers years ago sang a song that's been revived recently on reels. The song was called "Everybody's Fancy,” I think. The lyrics just say, "Boys are boys from the beginning, girls are girls right from the start.” Yeah, it's not rocket science. Mister Rogers was famous for saying things in the most simple of ways.

Dannah: Well, that's been floating around on YouTube and on social media. That song that he sings recently, because it's like, “Oh wait, this is how it is! Girls are girls and boys are boys.”

Suzy: I think that is the first thing. We look at God's Word, and we see that this is actually simple. But the Bible tells us that the Devil’s native tongue is lying, and he loves to sow confusion and disorder. He loves to lie, and so I think that when we become confused, we have to go back to the source of truth.

Dannah: Which is our Bible.

Suzy: It's our Bible.

Dannah: So tell someone like this girl who wrote to us, and we wrote back to her. We should tell you that we did write back to her. But also, when you ask someone, make sure it's somebody that's going to read their Bible and help you to understand what is true and what is not true. Because the lies can be really confusing. If you feel a little bit confused about being a girl or being a boy . . . Suzy, were there ever times when you felt a little confused about would it be better if I was a boy, especially since you liked sports?

Suzy: Oh, all the time. I wrote in my diary often when I was in middle school, “I wish I was a boy instead of a girl.” It wasn't that I thought I was a boy. I thought boys had more advantages. That was all I was looking at. I remember writing something like, “A girl can only become popular if she's really pretty.” I felt that way. But a boy, if he's good at sports, he doesn't have to be really attractive. He can still be really popular. And that felt unfair to me, and so that's where that was coming from in me.

I've always liked pants more than I've liked dresses, from the time I was very little. My mom tells a story about a time that I went into mom and dad's closet, which every kid does. You take mom and dad's clothes and you put them on. She talks about her despair when I came out and I was wearing my dad's suit coat and shirt. I tried to tie his tie.

She said, “Why didn't you put on my dresses.”

I said, “I don't like dresses.” I was young; I was little. But also from the time I was very young, I've known that I'm a girl. When it came time to notice boys, boy did I notice them!

Suzy: Yeah, you thought they were foxes.

Dannah: I thought they were foxes.

Suzy: I never had strong display of emotions. I've always been a really logical person. I like common sense and the calm that goes with it. In our house today, if furniture needs to be built, I'm probably the one grabbing the tools and building it. But none of that erases the fact that I am a girl. It is who God created me to be. He glories in the fact that He created me to be a girl, and I glory in it as well.

Dannah: I love that. So I think it sounds to me like you talked to your mom about it. You expressed some of that to your mom, and your mom helped you to stop the confusion and understand that it really is great to be a girl.

So if you're struggling with that for some reason today, talk to your mom about it. Then open your Bibles and look at what God's Word says about how great it is to be a girl.

Suzy: You know what else my mom did? My mom always looked at the things that I liked and I excelled in, and she said, "That's great!” She encouraged it. And then she said, "You're a girl who likes to ________.”

Dannah: You're a girl who likes to like football. Yeah, you're a girl who likes to play baseball. You're a girl who likes to wear pants.

Suzy: Yeah, love it.

Claire: Isn't it amazing that God never creates anything by accident. He made each one of us on purpose with great love and incredible care. That means when He made you a girl, He didn't make a mistake. He created you with intention and purpose. It's one of the many good gifts God gives us. And boys, God made them on purpose too.

When you understand His design, it helps you treat others with kindness, respect, and gratitude instead of comparison or confusion. One great way to dig deeper into how God made you is by learning more about Him.

If you want to keep discovering what God says about friendship, identity, and living for Him, we'd love for you and your mom to explore the True Girl subscription box. Right now, we're shipping a box that's all about choosing friends wisely. The box includes a beautiful book by Dannah Gresh called The True Girl Pajama Party. It lists everything you need to plan the world's best PJ party. It's an opportunity for you and your mom to talk about what makes a good friend. Plus, like always, the box has daily devos, a coloring page, and more.

Speaking of friendships, there's no better place to meet girls who are growing in their faith than on the True Girl Crazy Hair Tour. There might be one near you. I hope you can come to one for a night of worship, fun, biblical teaching, and great memories. Go to MyTrueGirl.com to learn more, and that's where you can get all the details on the True Girl subscription box too.

Well, that's the end of this series on the True Girl podcast. I hope you've been reminded that it's okay to ask big questions. The most important thing is knowing where to find the answers, and that's always God's Word. So keep asking good questions, keep opening your Bible, and keep growing closer to Jesus. And come back next week.

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