When Mom Life Goes off the Rails

Dannah Gresh: Does it ever feel like motherhood and your marriage are in competition with one another? Emily Jensen is learning how to navigate this challenge.

Emily Jensen: Sometimes moms and dads aren't in the best mood when there's a lot of correction and a lot of training and discipline that need to take place. Over time, I think, it can shift the mood of the couple and the mood of the family towards one that is more businesslike.

I know that for my husband and me, in these years one thing we are trying to do more and more is have fun together.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Adorned for August 18, 2026. I’m Dannah Gresh.

I’m so grateful to have my lovely friend, Emily Jensen, with me again today to talk more about applying the gospel to our family lives. Emily, welcome today.

Emily: Yeah, I'm excited. We've got more to talk about, Dannah, and we haven't covered it all yet.

Dannah: I know. We had some great conversations yesterday about the four big themes of the gospel that we need to pour into our kids and everyday living. We talked about when they have a bully or a frenemy that they have to deal with. We talked about creation, gender, and identity. If you missed that, go back and grab it. It’s great. 

But that was about applying the gospel to the challenges that our kids face. Today I want to talk about when we need the gospel because "momming" is going off the rails, (laughter) or the whole family feels like it’s going off the rails.

Can you take us to a time, maybe recently, that you were just, like, “This is just not how I envisioned today going,” and you had to slow down and apply the gospel of Jesus Christ to your heart?

Emily: Yes. Well, that’s easy to call to mind because that’s pretty much every day of motherhood, isn’t it?

Dannah: I think so.

Emily: Nothing ever quite goes to plan especially in these younger years.

One thing I would highlight that’s unique about our family is that our fourth child has pretty significant disabilities. He has a genetic abnormality that has led to intellectual disabilities, but he also struggles to walk. He is totally non-verbal.

So that is something that’s really shaped my motherhood in a significant way. And I think that, no doubt, every mom experiences interruptions and the unexpected things. We have that, too, with all of our kids. But I think that there’s something about the way his needs can just come to the forefront of our family that has caused me to have to work through this at a really deep level, because if we don’t have someone who is there to help me with him, or if my husband is gone, a lot of times I truly, literally, have to set aside every other thing that I am doing in order to give him my whole current attention because he cannot be left alone or cannot play alone or something like that.

And so I remember there was one day recently where the help that we had lined up . . . because, again, we have five kids. So it is not sustainable for me to all the time only be with him. And so oftentimes, we have younger women that come over and provide just assistance so that I can be in different places at different times.

I didn’t have that that day. A gain, that wasn’t something that wasn’t my plan. I had planned to finish folding some laundry. I had planned to make dinner for the kids. I had planned to get some errands done. And I really had to set all that aside and say “nope” for the next two hours (or whatever) until my husband gets home. I’m doing bubbles or walking up and down the driveway and doing bubbles together. We’re sitting, and we’re listening to music.

I even had brought my laptop outside at one point because I thought, I’m going to do bubbles with one hand, and I’m going to do something on my laptop with the other hand. I mean, that was just a ridiculous idea. I think I got bubbles on my laptop, and I typed two letters, and that was that.

And I think just going, “Okay, Lord, what have You given me to do right now? Right now I need to care for my son. This is a wonderful job. This is a gift that You’ve given me to do. This is part of the purpose You’ve given me for my life. What does it look like for me to do that faithfully and do that with excellence and do that with an undivided heart that’s willing to sacrifice these things and then trust You. You saw this coming. You knew that it was just going to be me and him this afternoon and that I was going to be parenting in a different way. You love our other kids. You’re going to provide.”

I had to go into that mindset of, “Okay, where does this fit in the bigger context of my life?” Because, if not, you just get frustrated, and you feel behind. But I don’t think that, as moms in Christ, we have to stay there.

Dannah: Yes. I think you’re talking about taking your thoughts captive.

Emily: Yes.

Dannah: You’re talking about trusting God when it doesn’t look the way you wanted it to look.

I had a friend just text me today, “S.O.S. Do you have a few minutes to talk? Mayday! Mayday!” 

And my text back was, “Sometimes when it looks like things are being derailed, it’s just God redirecting.” We have to walk in that trust or else it does spiral out of control. Our emotions do go the wrong direction.

Have you had days like that? And if so, what do you do on those days?

Emily: Oh, yeah! Most definitely! I can remember, especially when my kids were younger and they were underfoot and I was trying to do a lot of different things. I would get frustrated and sometimes angry if I felt like they were standing between me and my goals.

Dannah: Well, if you clean a house while the kids are in it—under five—they’re going to unclean it as you clean it!

Emily: Oh, yeah! Exactly! That can cause a lot of emotions to arise. It’s interesting, because I often had to sort through several different things that were going on. First of all there’s, like you said, a normal human response. Because when there’s a lot of noise and there’s a lot of activity and a lot of people are touching you, you can, literally, just get over stimulated.

It’s like, “Hey, for my body, I need to make sure I’m eating enough. I need to make sure I’m resting enough. I need to make sure that I am giving my kids good activities to do to set people up for success.” Because this is just a real thing. It’s easy to get frustrated whenever there’s a lot of noise.

But then, also, I always had to revisit my priorities. And this is something that I still will do sometimes in the morning with the Lord, as I’m looking at my day. I’ll go, “Okay, God, what’s the most important thing here today? What matters in Your eternal kingdom? What are the things on my list that only I can do? What are the rules and responsibilities You’ve given to me that no other woman can fulfill? And help me to keep that at the forefront.”

I think that whenever I can just pause and go, “Okay, what’s the most important thing here? Is the most important thing that I get this email sent? Is the most important thing that I get this laundry folded? Or whatever? Or, is the most important thing that I keep my heart humbled before the Lord, that I respond in the fruit of the Spirit, and that I stay in a mindset that keeping the long view in mind?”

And so, the long view prioritizes different things. Even when a child is interrupting something, the long view might be patiently saying, “Hey, Bud, I know that you want to do this right now. Mom is folding laundry. This is really important. Can you either stand here and help me fold laundry or go back and play with your blocks for a few more minutes until I’m done because this is an important job that we have to finish.”

The long view finds a way to hold together the task of the moment and the heart of the person who is wanting your attention. It’s really hard.

Dannah: Yes, it is hard. You bring up laundry, and I almost have a visceral reaction because I’m just, like, oooh.

I talked to a friend the other day. She has four kids. Of course, I’m in my empty-nest years, so I do maybe three loads of laundry a week, and I’m good. And she said, “I just did fifteen loads of laundry this weekend.” And I just wanted to cry for her because I remember those days.

Something that got me through, that kept me focused on Jesus was as I held each piece of laundry—as I was able, and there wasn’t chaos going on—I prayed for whoever’s clothing piece that was. That was just one of my practical ways that I tackled the task that I really . . . I’m totally comfortable saying that I dislike laundry very much. (laughter)

Emily: Well, you know there would be no laundry without the Fall.

Dannah: That’s right! I believe that. That is true. Total theology right here from the mouth of Emily Jensen.

Okay, let’s talk about sharing the gospel with our kids.

As a mom, how do you share it? How do you know when to share it? When to be careful about not letting them dive into a “decision” that they don’t really fully comprehend? But also, not to delay a pursuit of Jesus until far beyond their readiness because they are exhibiting that readiness. I feel like that can be a sticky conversation for moms. Help me.

Emily: Yes. It’s the heart. It’s a lot especially because they feel that burden. We want more than anything in the world for our children to accept Christ, walk with Christ, be with Christ. If there’s one thing that keeps us up at night, our deepest fear is that, that our kids would not walk with Jesus. So that’s very real.

I think, though, we have to be careful from the start that that doesn’t cause an unhealthy fear or angst in us, because we will start to share the gospel from a place of anxiety and not from a place of peace and trust in our Sovereign Father who is good and who loves our children and who has a plan.

And so I think even starting right there of just . . . deep breath. This is in the hands of the Lord. I’m a critical part of this process, but it’s not fully on me. I’m not fully in control of what happens and how it happens and the timing.

I tend to think of sharing the gospel in a couple big categories. One is looking for formal ways to share the gospel with kids. And the second is looking for informal ways to share the gospel with them.

Formal ways is at times we need to explicitly, clearly teach them and tell them the things of God—basic theology, the overarching big truth of the gospel. We need to teach them worldview things. This sounds really complex, but you can literally do this through reading them great Christian picture books. There are so many books out there on every topic. You sit down and read a book with your children and talk about it. It can be that simple.

Dannah: Do you have any favorites that you read with your kids?

Emily: Yes, but I’m trying to remember the names of all of them right now. There was a lot through New Growth Press, Crossway has a whole bunch. I will try to find a good Christian publisher that I really like and then just start picking in that series.

Oh, I was going to say this, that when your kids are little, make church a regular part of life. Hopefully they’re learning these good truths in Sunday school. Hopefully they’re learning these as they sit in church, or whatever it is your family does for that. And those are formal ways that they hear it, and they need to hear it a lot.

In fact, I’m sometimes still shocked because I’ll ask my older kids some things, and they aren’t quite sure. I’m, like, “I know I told you this a million times!”

Dannah: I think what you’re saying is don’t stress. You don’t have to have a whole Encyclopedia of theological truth in your brain. You can just rely on good biblical tools and be faithful to use them in your kids’ lives.

Emily: Absolutely. It’s really that simple, and it doesn’t all have to be done in one year. You’re doing it over the course of time, and it’s okay if you said Trinity to them, and they don’t really understand what the Trinity is yet. That’s all right. As adults we’re still trying to figure that out.

Dannah: That’s right. We’re still trying to figure that one out.

Emily: The developmental stage that they’re in is just one to get that information in their brain. It’s going to take a lifetime for those concepts to come alive.

But then the informal side is really looking for ways that you can talk with them about the things of the Lord in everyday conversations. When they ask “why?”, think about how you can answer their questions in a way that helps teach them something about the Lord. It can be as simple as even just the way you live your life.

I think kids can sniff out hypocrisy. Kids can sniff out authenticity. So if we are telling them that the best thing that they could ever do is follow Jesus, and that following Jesus is a life of . . . There’s some suffering in there, some hardship, but it’s full of joy. He can give peace, and He gives us freedom and all these things. But when we are not experiencing any of those things and our kids see that. Maybe we’re stuck in fear and whatnot. We’re not going to be perfect in that, but they can see what authentic faith looks like, and it’s important that we live that out.

I feel like that is one thing over and over again I’ve heard from kids that have gone on to walk with Christ. They saw how beautifully it was lived out in their parents’ lives, and that was very compelling.

Even in that decision piece, I think of our kids that can talk, they have had a moment where they have really come to us and said, “I want to pray this prayer, and I want to give my life to Christ. I want to take this seriously.” 

We know that with the seed and the soil, it takes time for a plant to sprout up and for you to see what kind of fruit is growing there. So we want to nurture that little seed of faith in their life and be patient with it.

I know something for our kids is . . . Our twins have gotten baptized in the last year, and that was such a special thing. We really waited and said, “We’re not going to tell you the specific time. But when you come to us and say, ‘I want to do this. I want to have a public profession. I want the ceremony where the pastor says, ‘Do you believe these things?’ And they say, ‘I do!’” 

Those were, aside from my wedding day and giving birth to my kids, these were two of the happiest days of my life. And there’s still a long life ahead of them. But those are fun, exciting, really wonderful, joyful things that you get to see when your kids get older.

Dannah: Oh, yes. No greater joy! That’s what the Bible says.

So, you talked about your parents living it out, or as parents you have to live it out. So that makes me want to ask you a question about marriage. What complexities do the years of parenting bring to the marriage relationship? And how do you see moms handling those complexities well so that they do have a marriage that displays the gospel? And what mistakes do you see moms making so that they might not be painting a great picture of the gospel, which is what the Bible tells us marriage is?

Emily: It is such a beautiful picture. Yes, these can be really hard years because in these years you’re, hopefully, partnering together with your husband to be on mission together to raise a family . . . and that’s a lot of work. Sometimes it’s sleepless nights, and it’s a lot of talking about calendars and schedules and who’s going to do what. Saturday comes along, and it’s, like, “Okay, we need to do a bunch of work around the house.” 

Sometimes people, moms and dads, aren’t in the best mood when there’s a lot of correction that needs to take place and a lot of training and discipline that needs to take place.

Over time, I think the mood of the couple and the can shift towards one that is more businesslike. We've learn how to be co-workers, but we’ve forgotten how to be husband and wife, to have intimacy and fun and play.

So I know that for my husband and I in these years, one thing we’re trying to do more and more is have fun together. We are great at having a logistical conversation. We figured that out, like, “Okay, who’s taking who to golf? What’s the plan for dinner tonight?” But really coming together and saying, “Okay, how can we enjoy one another and cultivate kind of that aspect of our relationship, that deep intimacy with one another?”

Early on, I remember when our kids were young, we set an early bedtime for our kids, and we have gotten made fun of for this, because our kids still go to bed early. Not every family can do this, but what it did for us was it gave us consistent time every evening to be together, because we put our kids to bed, and we still had an hour or two before we were going to hit the hay.

It’s like you have that time, whether you’re loading the dishwasher together, and you’re cleaning up the house, and you’re putting all the toys away. We could talk about the day. I wanted to hear how his business stuff was going, and he wanted to hear how my stuff was going during the day. It helped us stay connected in a highly logistical season.

I think that one thing for moms to just guard against is an ongoing spirit of bitterness or and unforgiving spirit. Because I think sometimes, depending on how household things are divvied up, or what we perceive our husbands doing during the day versus what we’re doing, there can be this bitterness that starts to build up . . . and bitterness is a poison to the heart.

So regardless of whether or not you need to sit down with your husband and talk more strategy so that you both can get the rest that you need at different times, do not let bitterness rule your marriage. We have to deal with that before God, because over time that will seep out in all kinds of different ways.

So I think that is the biggest thing that I see sometimes hijacking people’s marriages. Because when you’re bitter, you interpret everything that other person does through the lens of, “They’re probably getting what I want, and I’m not getting what I need,” or “Maybe they don’t love me,” or “They’re not trying hard enough.” And so then you almost can’t even hear them clearly anymore because you’re just receiving it through this very specific lens.

Dannah: Oh, that’s so true.

I have a red book called, My Book of Answers. It was really my prayer book from when my kids were pretty young. Under "Marriage," under "my husband’s tab," I just wrote one year, “Lord, make me playful.” Bob’s very playful, and he’s very fun, and I’m very task oriented. I think motherhood can make you always on task. I realized that the Holy Spirit was telling me, “You’ve got to play with your husband. Like, just do ridiculous, non-efficient, time-consuming, wasteful things with him.” Because it does pour into your relationship, and it fights off that bitterness. It is like an anti-venom to the bitterness.

Emily: It does!

Dannah: So I think that’s a really good word of wisdom: to be intimate and spend time with them.

I know moms who won’t get a sitter and go out on a date with their husbands because they’re afraid of leaving their kids, and they’re prioritizing their kids over their husbands. Our husbands need to be priority in our hearts and our lives. What would you say to those moms who are, like, “Yeah, I don’t have time for a date night”?

Emily: Well, it is hard. I think that there are a lot of ways to accomplish date night. I would also just say (I mentioned this earlier) we have had to get a lot of help in our family. I resisted that for a long time, but I will say that having godly, young women come into our home and spend time with our kids has been a huge gift to our family and a huge gift to our kids.

Our kids need other grownups in their lives who love God and who are saying similar things as their parents. Some of this might be who can you get for a sitter? You may have to look for someone of quality or source in your church. We’ve had several young women who have become like big sisters to our kids.

When I say, “What do you want to grow up and be like?” My daughter will often start to name these young women. And I’ll think, If she turns out like any of them, that’s great. She has a vision for what she wants to be like for when she’s in college now because we’ve had so many wonderful college girls come through. We’ve seen some of them get married. We’ve gone to some of their weddings. Our kids get to see what a healthy dating relationship looks like over time.

We’ve gotten to just get to know them. They’ve become part of our family. They’ve become young women who I’ve been able to pour into. Then it becomes a ministry when they come over. Maybe I’m teaching them how to clean up a little bit, or teaching them how to do some household things, or talking to them about how we think about putting kids to bed. I’m getting to train, hopefully, a future mother.

I know we’re talking about date night, but I’m just thinking, Zoom out a little bit and think bigger, think more creatively about it. Yes, you need a sitter for date night. How could this be a component of this inner-generational discipleship that’s happening? How could this become part of how you’re training your family? They need lots of layers of great godly men and women pouring into their lives. So, get wonderful help, and then go on a date. Have fun!

Dannah: I love it. It doesn't get any better than that. That is so strategic. That called me to playfulness, and also fed my task-visioned woman at the same time.

Well, I hope that if you’re a mom listening today, you’re feeling a renewed excitement for all that motherhood holds. I hope your creative juices are flowing as you dream about weaving the gospel into the ordinary fabric of your family life.

Emily has given us so many practical ways to do that! If you want to listen to yesterday’s episode, or you’d like to share this series with a friend, you can do that at ReviveOurHearts.com.

And reminder: this month’s featured resource is all about finding joy right where you are—even in the whirlwind years of motherhood. Finding Beauty in Every Season is a new book featuring gorgeous photography captured by our team and quotes from Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

This is an absolutely beautiful book. It’d make a great coffee table book. It might be a good gift for a friend. We’d love to send you a copy when you make a donation of any amount to Revive Our Hearts. To give and request your photo book, visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call us at 1-800-569-5959. 

Tomorrow, we’re continuing to talk about the older mom years. More specifically, we’re talking about parenting teens with hope. If you’re a mom of a teenager, I know you’re thinking, That’s the content I need! Right? I did too. We’ll be listening to Melissa Krueger share about that. I hope you’ll join us. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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