What True Masculinity Looks Like (and How to Encourage It)

Dannah Gresh: Curious how to champion Christlike qualities in the men around you? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is here with a reminder.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: It’s important for us as women to affirm and encourage masculinity in men. Don’t try and feminize them. The goal is not for them to be more like us. The goal is for them to be more like Jesus.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Incomparable, for October 21, 2026. I’m Dannah Gresh.

We talk a lot about true womanhood here at Revive Our Hearts. It’s one of our core messages. But what about true masculinity? What does it look like to be a man patterned after Christ, and how can we, as women, encourage this kind of masculinity in the men we love? 

If you’ve ever asked these questions, you’re in the right place. We’re going to explore them together, starting with a message from Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth called “Courage under Control: The Manliness of Christ.” It’s part of the series Incomparable: The Person of Christ. We’ll link to that in today’s transcript. After that, we’ll get a special peek behind the curtain. Bob Lepine is gonna let us into the minds of men and tell us how we can encourage them best. 

Now, here’s Nancy.

The Manliness of Christ: A Model of Godly Leadership

Nancy: In this program, we speak to women—I don’t preach to men. I know we have some men who listen and occasionally they write and remind me of that, but I’m preaching to the women. If the men want to eavesdrop, that’s up to them.

But women, it’s important for us to know, as we pray for God to raise up godly male leadership, what are we praying for? What kinds of qualities are we asking God to put in our pastors, husbands, men, spiritual leaders? Most of all, for purposes of this program, I want you to see how these qualities are perfectly modeled in Christ—the manliness of Christ.

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men [If you have the NIV there, it says “be courageous.”], be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. (1 Cor. 16:13)

One commentator on this passage has pointed out that the first four of these five exhortations, the ones found in verse 13, are military terms. Let’s look at each of those terms and what it means, and as we do, you’ll see that this is something that Christ models.

Four Marks of Courageous, Godly Manhood

Number one: Be watchful. It’s a concept of staying awake, being alert, being vigilant. It’s the idea of a sentinel that’s stationed to guard a military camp. He has to continually be on guard. He has to watch out for danger, watch out for the enemy. And men of God . . . Now there’s a sense in which all of this applies to women as well, but I think it particularly shows characteristics of godly, male leadership. Watchfulness—being on their guard in relation to danger and temptation and evil.

Paul is saying, “You have to be on guard; you have to be watchful for your own soul—as a man—and you also have to be watchful for the souls of others, so that an enemy won’t come in while everyone is sleeping and wreak havoc. Your husband, if you are married, has a huge responsibility for your family to be watchful, to make sure that the enemy doesn’t get in to the family through means of mass media or culture or television programs or movies that could send you in directions other than God’s way. He has to be watchful for subtle devices of the evil one. He is responsible to defend those under his care.

And who’s more responsible a shepherd than Christ Himself, the God/man? Be watchful.

Number two: Stand firm in the faith. This is the concept of holding fast to the truth, not being swayed by winds of doctrine, by fads, by false teaching. And, again, we as women—we’ve taught in this ministry about the importance of discernment, about standing firm in the faith. But there’s a need for godly men who will stand firm in the truth. That they will know what the truth is and will plant their feet and their hearts firmly in the truth and stand there. They’re not going to move no matter who comes along and gives some new-fashioned teaching or approach. They’re going to be firmly planted in the truth. “Be watchful; stand firm in the faith.”

Number three: Act like men. Now, this is the only time that word (it’s one word in the Greek language) is used in the New Testament. However, in the Greek version of the Old Testament, this word (found only once in the New Testament) is used many times, and each time it’s translated “be strong and courageous.” That’s what it is to act like a man, to be strong, to be courageous.

You say, “Does that mean women shouldn’t be courageous and strong?” No, but it does mean there’s a specific calling in the hearts of men to be courageous and strong. One commentator said, "It means to conduct yourself in a courageous way."¹ Be a man! Be bold; be brave; be valiant for the truth and not cowardly. Act like men. Paul says this to the spiritual leaders of his day, to the elders, be courageous, be bold. Don't be timid or cowardly.

Again, who better models this than Christ? How courageous was He to stand against the tide of the Pharisees? He didn’t fear the Pharisees. They were the undisputed leaders and respected men of their day, but Jesus didn’t kowtow to them. He acted like a man. When He knew the truth, which He always did, He stood up for it. He defended it. He was courageous. “Be watchful; stand firm in the faith; act like men.”

Number four: Be strong—firm, fixed, steadfast. Someone who’s strong isn’t going to run when he’s attacked. He’s going to press on. We see Jesus pressing on toward Jerusalem, even when the disciples said to Him, “Oh, You can’t let that happen to You.”

Jesus said, “I’m going to be arrested; I'm going to suffer; I’m going to be tried; I’m going to be crucified; I’m going to die.”

And His best friends, His disciples, said, “Oh, no, no, no, Jesus. Don’t let that happen.”

Jesus was strong. He set His face like a flint toward Jerusalem—the place where He knew He would suffer, the place where He knew he would be abused and mistreated—because He knew it was the plan and the will of His heavenly Father. He was strong, firm, fixed, and steadfast. What a man was Christ!

Strength and Courage Must Be Guided by Love

So we have those four military terms: “Be watchful; stand firm in the faith; act like men; and be strong.” And then we have in 1 Corinthians 16:14 one final exhortation, and it ties these all together: “Let all that you do be done in love.”

That has to do with the motive and the manner of acting like a man, being courageous. This is not a man who is just plunging forward, running over people in his path, wreaking havoc, being domineering, being controlling. This is a man who is doing all those things—being watchful, standing firm, acting like a man, being strong—He’s doing it all in love. That’s His motive. That’s His manner. It’s not for selfish gain. He’s not harming or controlling others. He is doing it for love’s sake.

We can see this in Christ’s relationships with both men and women. He was always seeking the interests of others, never acting in an inappropriate way, never talking harshly unless the harshness was needed as a means of love to bring down the proud hearts of those who were resistant. The perfect man, the true man is all seen in Christ.

Christ: The Perfect Example of True Manliness

Now, not only in His earthly life did Christ conduct Himself in a manly way as a true man, but still today, Christ gives us a pattern for true manliness. Remember, we said He’s still in that body, that human body, exalted in heaven. He gives us a pattern from heaven for true manliness as the Savior, the Head, and the Bridegroom of His Church.

How does He do that? Let me just list some ways:

He takes initiative in pursuing His Bride, wooing and winning her heart. God’s doing that in some of your hearts right now—drawing your heart to Christ. It’s Christ’s initiative that is doing that.

He demonstrates His manliness in that uncommon, selfless, sacrificial love as He lays down His life for the Church. He has shown us that love in the cross, in His sacrificial death on our behalf.

He demonstrates courage and boldness in protecting His Bride. As the second Adam, He steps in to reverse the effects of the first Adam’s failure to protect and provide spiritual leadership for the woman.

We hear so much talk today about passive men. Passivity was one of Adam’s first sins. He didn’t step in. He didn’t step up to the plate. He didn’t protect the woman. Now, that’s not to say that the woman wasn’t responsible, too. They were both responsible. But we see this role reversal where Eve takes initiative, Adam is passive and stands by and lets it happen. Christ reversed that. He steps in to reverse the effects of Adam’s failure. He is a true man. So He leads His Bride. “He leads us in paths of righteousness for His name sake” (Psalm 23:3). What a man! Can I hear an amen? (Audience responds: “Amen!”)

He’s faithful in providing for her. We hear today about dead-beat dads and men who aren’t providing for their kids. They’ve abandoned their wives and kids. Now today there are moms doing this as well, but men get the rap on that. Sometimes it’s justified, but Christ will never get that rap. He never abandons those He’s called to provide for.

He takes active responsibility for the cleansing and sanctification of His Bride. He’s actively pursuing our holiness. He’s a leader. He’s a man.

He’s a warrior and a deliverer as He wages war on our behalf to rescue us from sin and bondage, to overcome Satan and the flesh and ultimately this world’s system. What a man!

We see Him as the conquering King who will one day return for His Bride, victorious over every enemy, to reign as the sovereign Lord of the universe forever and ever.

How Women Can Encourage Christlike Masculinity

Now, as we often say: That’s the “what.” Now, what’s the “so what?” The manliness of Christ, what’s the application for us? We’re women. I’m talking to women in this room. What’s the application to all of this for us?

Well, some women would say, “Yes, we ought to point out the things that men aren’t doing right because they’re not being like Jesus.” No. That’s not the application. (Laugher) For us as women:

Number one: Christ is the only perfect Man who ever lived, so don’t expect other men to be what only Christ is! We set ourselves up for disappointment when we expect anyone, male or female, to be what only Christ can be.

Number two: as a woman, you may have had some experiences . . . as I got a letter from a woman this week talking about experiences that caused her to distrust men. You may have been hurt greatly by a father, boyfriend, a husband. Can I say, “Look to Christ”? He will never wrong you. He will never abandon you. He will never fail you. In Him you have a picture of what true manhood was intended to be—and what, by God’s grace, it can be in men who follow Christ.

That leads me to this point: it’s important for us as women to affirm and encourage masculinity in men. Don’t try and feminize them. The goal is not for them to be more like us. The goal is for them to be more like Jesus. So we need to pray for our Christian brothers to be conformed to the image of Christ, as we pray that for ourselves.

Dannah: A man’s calling, to be courageous like Christ, is a magnificent calling. But it’s also a challenging one. I’ll just emphasize something Nancy’s already said. The men in your life are not Christ. They won’t perfectly imitate Him. 

This is an opportunity for us to look like Jesus by giving grace. And let me tell you, if you’re a woman who is married or who desires to be married, this is something that’s so important to learn. The men in our lives will respond to grace infinitely better than they ever respond to criticism.

This is something Bob Lepine spoke on at a True Woman conference. Bob is no stranger to Revive Our Hearts. You may remember him from his days as cohost of FamilyLife Today. He’s currently the head of our board and has often spoken at our events and on the program. His wife, Mary Ann, was in the audience that day, and you may hear him speak to her during his message. Let’s listen.

Extend Grace Instead of Expecting Perfection

Bob Lepine: There are some things that, as men, we feel like we’ve got to do well to qualify as men. Like, knowing directions is one of those things. We feel like we’ve got to say, “I know where we are. I know where we’re going.”

Guys, it’s wired into the man code that we just feel like we’re supposed to know these things, and to admit that we don’t somehow is like admitting, “I’m not a real man, Honey.”

I mean, you’ve just got to know that for a guy to say, “I’m lost,” is like saying, “Buy me a dress, okay? And get me some pumps while you’re at it, because we might as well complete the whole deal.” (laughter)

We were traveling a number of years ago to Indianapolis from Little Rock. You go to Nashville, and then you turn north. It’s pretty simple. And everything had gone flawlessly until I got off at about 9 o’clock at night just south of Louisville to use a bathroom.

It was not one of these easy-on/easy-off exit places. So I used the bathroom. We had to loop back around, and I got back on the highway. Pretty soon I’m thinking, “Huh? I do not think this is the highway. The signs says Paducah, and Paducah is not between here and Indianapolis. Huh?”

It was 9 at night. The family was tired, and not only that, but the first turn-around spot on the highway was sixteen miles down the road—sixteen of the longest, coldest miles I’ve ever been on. (laughter)

Now, you just have to know . . . I tell you that because I pride myself on having a pretty good sense of direction. And I’ve got a pretty good sense of direction, don’t I, Sweetheart? Thank you very much. (laughter)

Mary Ann did a fine job that night of saying, “You know, that could happen to anybody.” Rather than, “Well, if you’d gotten out a map . . .” or, “I thought we were headed in the wrong direction!” No, it was, “That could have happened to anybody.”

Now, the kids in the back seat were going, “Dad!” (laughter)

Understanding the Insecurities Men Often Hide

There are things we think we’re supposed to be confident about, and you just need to know that underneath it there is some insecurity. So be kind to us. Be kind, alright?

Here’s the fourth thing: if we’re not winning at whatever we’re doing, we’re going to quit and find something we can do where we can win. That’s true of a board game, a job, anything in life—if we don’t feel like we’re winning, we’re going to quit doing it and find something where we can win.

There’s this little TV commercial . . . I think the Scientologists put it on. I could be wrong; don’t hold me to that. But it’s this cute little commercial where this mom’s got her little son dressed up in a football uniform that’s too big for him. She says, “Alright, Tiger, come tackle me.” He comes running up to tackle her, and he bounces right off and falls down.

And she says, “Let’s try baseball.” So he’s out throwing, and he hits the milkman with the baseball.

Then she says, “How about tennis or soccer?”

And he’s just no good at anything until the very end when you see this boys’ choir, and the same little kid steps forward and sings a solo. And the mom’s in the audience beaming, and the song is, “Thank you, Mom, for being my biggest fan.”

Sweet little commercial, but the point is, that little kid isn’t going to keep playing football if he keeps bouncing off Mom. He’s not going to keep playing tennis if he’s having to run from the ball. He’ll find something he’s good at, and then he’ll lock in on that.

Boys are more like this than girls are. Girls don’t have to be good as long as there are other girls they can be friends with who are equally bad at it. (laughter) Right? If you can just sit around and talk while you’re bad at it, that’s okay.

You’ll have this knitting circle, right, and none of you are any good at knitting, and you make pot holders and that kind of stuff, and that’s fine. You don’t care because you just have fun talking, right? So you can’t wait for knitting class. A guy would go crazy! (laughter) If we’re not good at it, we’re not going to keep doing it.

Now, one of the reasons a lot of guys like their job and become workaholics is because people at work validate what they do. The boss comes up and says, “Man, that was great. You did great. That presentation was great. You made that sale. Way to go! Hey, did you guys all hear what Jeff did? Huh! Way to go, Jeff!”

A guy will go back to work for that tomorrow. But when he gets home . . . I don’t need to say any more, do I? The kids aren’t coming up and saying, “Hey, Dad, man, you rock as a dad. Wow! What you shared at dinner tonight, when you shared that wisdom, that was so wise, Dad! Wow!” (laughter)

So a lot of men—follow me on this—a lot of men look at marriage and family and say, “I’m just going to quit doing that, because I’m only going to do stuff I’m going to win at. I’ll go play golf on Saturday because I’m good at that. Sticking around the house and helping with chores—I’m not good at that. Trying to help with the kids—my wife’s told me I’m not good at that. So I’ll just have a hobby instead, something I’m good at.” You just need to know this.

Why Men Need Encouragement and Affirmation

Part of this leads to what I’m going to say. You need to know that we . . . and, look, I’m not saying we’re right about this, you understand. This is all broken people in the Fall that I’m talking about.

I’m not saying, “Well, guys—you need to coddle them because they’re . . . only make them do things they’re good at.” I’m not saying that at all, but here’s what I am saying: every man needs his wife to be a cheerleader, his number one fan and cheerleader.

Robyn McKelvey, who is a pastor’s wife in Nashville, speaks at our Weekend to Remember marriage conferences, and she was a cheerleader in high school. By her own admission, she was a cheerleader for a team that was pretty bad. They didn’t win many games.

She says, “There were a lot of fourth quarters in those basketball games where we were cheering our hearts out for what was obviously going to be a losing effort. When the game was over, we gathered around the guys and affirmed them as our team. ‘Nice try, Guys. Way to go! You played your hearts out, out there. You’ll win next time.’ That’s what we did as cheerleaders.”

Then she turns to the women at our conferences and says, “Ladies, when you put on your wedding dress, it was a cheerleader’s outfit that you were putting on.”

It’s a profound picture, because if men aren’t going to quit what they’re not good at, what they need is someone who will come along and cheer them on even when things aren’t going well, even when it’s the fourth quarter.

That doesn’t mean you lie. That doesn’t mean you call something true that’s not true.

You don’t go to your husband and say, “Oh, I thought you did that really well,” when he didn’t. But you can still cheer him on in a losing effort. Say, “You’ll get it next time. That’s alright. You can do this!”

Dennis Rainey, if he were here, would tell you that it was Barbara’s believing in him and affirming him that unleashed him to run a ministry and to do everything he’s done.

And I would tell you that every time I get done speaking anyplace, I’ll have people come up and say, “That was so helpful. Thanks!” That’s so nice; that’s fine, but I go straight to Mary Ann and say, “How did I do? How did I do?”

Mary Ann is great at offering helpful, constructive criticism, which I want and need; but she’s also great at saying, “You did great.” I don’t care what the rest of you think at all. (laughter) When she says, “You did great,” I just go, “Yeah! Yeah! Uh! I’m a man!” (laughter and applause)

I’m just telling you, ladies, there’s power that you have in going to your husband and saying, “Sweetheart, that was awesome!” He just goes, “It was?”

We need a cheerleader. We need to know you’re on our team. We need to know you love us, and you’re going to stay with us no matter what. We need to know that you want to be a part of the solution if there’s a problem; that you’re cheering us on; that you’re not there to point out what’s wrong, but you want to be a part of the solution. “How can I help?” We’re back to that.

Be His Cheerleader, Not His Critic

And we need to know this—listen, I’m going to start meddling here. We need to know that you’re not trying to use our relationship as a way to control or manipulate us.

What do I mean by that? I mean that I have observed in wives a withdrawal of affection and approval as a way to try to correct a spouse’s behavior. “I’m going to just withdraw my affection or my approval until you start acting the way I want you to act.”

Dannah: That’s the chairman of our board here at Revive Our Hearts, Bob Lepine. And wasn’t it great to hear him quoting my dear friend Robyn McKelvey? You may remember Robyn from our videocast, Grounded. What a joy and a light she is. Well, Bob was trying to help us get into the minds of men, to have better understanding, and to abound in grace to them.

I hope you feel like you just got the inside scoop. Here’s a man telling us how we, as women, can encourage true masculinity in the men we love. What you just heard is part of a larger series titled, “What Your Husband Wishes You Knew About Being His Wife.” We’ll link to that in the transcript at ReviveOurHearts.com. 

As we’ve fixed our eyes on Jesus together this October, I hope you’ve come to desire his presence more and more. Nancy’s newest Advent devotional invites you to sit with Him in the midst of a busy season, remembering who He is and what He’s done. You can still get your copy when you make a donation of any amount. It’s our way of saying thank you! Give and request Consider Jesus at ReviveOurHearts.com, or call us at 1-800-569-5959. 

Tomorrow, we’re fixing our eyes on Christ, the Head of the Church. Because He is the Head, we’ve got to be part of the Body, right? We can’t live the Christian life on our own. We’re talking about that tomorrow, and we’re not gonna dodge the hard questions. One of those is, “How do I show up when church hurts?” If you’ve ever asked that out loud or in your heart, this episode is for you.

Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

¹John MacArthur, "Exercising Your Courage," sermon transcript, Grace to You, April 23, 1990, https://www.gty.org/sermons/TMU72/exercising-your-courage.

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