Truthfulness in Small Decisions

Dannah Gresh: Do you ever fail to show up when you promise? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says that can be a form of deception.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Being late could be lying? If I’ve said I’m going to do it, then I need to do it.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Lies Women Believe, for July 10, 2025. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Nancy’s continuing a series from the Proverbs. It’s called "The Power of Words."

Nancy: We've been talking all this week about, well, about talking, about the words that we speak and I have to tell you that this is a really tough and uncomfortable subject for me to study, much less to teach one.

And it's always good when the Holy Spirit brings conviction to our hearts because we talk everyday and all of us in some way sin with our lips everyday. And God has given us a lot of wisdom in the Scripture to protect us from sin. "Thy Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against Thee." That's what we read in Psalm 119:11.

So as I get the Word of God in my heart, that's what is going to protect me from sinning with my lips because we have seen that the tongue is connected to the heart.

Now I started yesterday talking about one specific area where we can use our tongues foolishly or wisely, where the words that we speak reveal either a wicked heart or a righteous heart.

And that's in the area of lying or truthfulness. And we saw that God hates lying lips, that they are an abomination to Him. And that godly people have the same hatred for lying and a love for the truth.

Jesus Christ is the truth. If you love Him, you are going to love the truth and if you love the truth, you are going to speak the truth. It's not always easy to speak the truth and sometimes it seems like the consequences of speaking the truth are such that we'd rather just lie.

But the consequences of lying are always, in the long run, more deadly than the consequences of speaking the truth. And even if you reap terrible consequences for speaking the truth, better to speak the truth and in the long run have God's blessing on your life.

Proverbs 19:5 tells us that “A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who speaks lies will not escape.” By the way, as you’re praying for your children—and it seems like most parents go through this season when their children discover lying. I've had mothers say to me, "I've just learned that my child is lying, and I don't know what to do about it." One of the things you can pray, as a mother, is that they get caught sooner rather than later. That’s the best thing that can happen to them, or to us, is that we get exposed, which will help us deal with this issue.

Proverbs promises that those who lie will not escape. They will reap consequences. Proverbs 26:28 says, "A lying tongue hates those who are crushed by it, and a flattering mouth works ruin." When there is hatred in my heart towards someone, I'm going to end up lying in some way that will try to destroy or damage their reputation.

Now, it’s easy to think, Well, I don’t really lie. One of the things I’ve tried to do over the years is to come to a greater understanding of some of the different ways that we can deceive.

Of course, there is outright lying, and we all know that’s wrong. But I want us to look in this session at several different ways that we can deceive. As I mention each of these ways, I won’t go into a lot of detail, but I want to ask you some questions that the Lord has asked me and that have been helpful to me in examining my own heart.

We’ll have these questions and these ten points available on our website so that you can go back and really take more time to work through this kind of spiritual exam that the Lord is giving us.

Number 1: The first is exaggeration. That could come under the category of exaggerating past accomplishments. As I mention each of these points, just ask the Lord to show you, "Am I guilty of any of these of these particular expressions of lying?" It may be overstating the truth—that’s a form of exaggeration—by using words like "always" and "never." That’s a deadly one in marriage, isn’t it, or as a mom with your children? “You always . . .” “You never . . .” “Your room always looks like . . .”

If you’ve been on the receiving end of that, you know that you tend to react to the overstatement and lose the kernel of truth that you might have been more receptive to. Now, that’s not a justification for not taking counsel, but we’re foolish when we overstate the truth because we lose our credibility.

To exaggerate may mean to make sweeping generalizations about people or situations—things that maybe are generally true, but we state them as if they’re always true. Or, embellishing details to make a story more humorous or more interesting—exaggeration. That’s one way we deceive.

Number 2: Here’s another way we deceive, and that’s with flattery. Psalms says, “Everyone lies to his neighbor. Their flattering lips speak with deception” (Psalm 12:2 NIV).

Someone has said, and I don't know where I first heard this. (I want to be sure I don't take credit for something I didn't think of. I want to be truthful here.) Flattery is saying things to others that I wouldn't say back their back. Slander is saying is saying things about others that I wouldn't say to their face. We deceive in both ways.

Flattery is saying things to people that is intended to make them think better of me, but I don't really mean what I'm saying. It's not something I would say if they weren't in the room. It's giving insincere praise. Flattery—complimenting someone else in order to enhance my own reputation in their eyes.

Number 3: And then, we’ve talked about outright lying, under which comes this whole matter of slandering . . . spreading false reports with the intent to inflict hurt . . . falsifying time cards. I had to go back sometime after college to seek forgiveness from the head of a department because we had to fill out ministry reports and as a piano major, practice reports each week. And I had lied on those at times over the years. And years later I had to humble myself because the Lord was convicting me about this matter of lying and go back to that department head and confess the fact that I had lied on those reports and had not filled them out accurately. Far better to speak the truth the first time! (I'm speaking from experience.)

People lie on employment applications. In our ministry we’ve had people come back years after coming to serve in our ministry to say, “I lied on my application. I wanted the job so I lied about something on my record” or whatever.

We’ve seen people who’ve made it in the public eye because of not being careful enough to speak the truth. Expense reports, tax returns, falsifying these for personal benefit—that all comes under direct lying.

And then misleading, number 4. This is a little bit more subtle. It’s leaving a false impression; even though the actual words I say may be true, but I know that I’m misleading by what I’m saying. Or communicating facts selectively in order to influence the outcome in a way that will be to my favor.

Number 5: inaccuracy. That’s one where we may not intend to deceive, but sometimes carelessness with regard to the factual details of stories, or failing to verify the facts before we repeat a story.

And let me just say, the fact that you saw it on the internet doesn’t mean that it’s true. So if you’re going to quote it, say, “I heard that . . .” or “I read that . . .” or “Someone said that . . .” But don’t say it as if it’s fact if you have not been able to verify that it is in fact true.

Number 6 is deception. This is where I tend to create a better impression of myself than is honestly true, or I leave or give the impression that I’m more spiritually mature or committed than is actually true.

That’s one of those things I struggle with in public ministry because I know that when I’m speaking, I’m saying things that are true. They’re from the Word of God, and they’ve been a blessing to me, and I hope they’ll be a blessing to you. But it can leave people with the impression, which is not true, that I don’t struggle with these very same issues, or that I’m living out these things in my own life.

I’m trying to, but I’ll just tell you, the things that I’m teaching, many times I’m teaching because of things I’m wrestling with myself. They’re coming out of my own walk and my struggle with the Lord. I don’t want to leave the impression that I am more spiritually mature than is actually true.

Number 7: Hypocrisy is another kind of lying. We can do this if we speak kindly to another person, but in our hearts or when we speak to someone else about them, we’re harboring bitterness or hatred—praising another to his face while criticizing him behind his back.

Inconsistency is number 8. Flip-flopping on issues. We accuse politicians of doing this, but we all do it or have done it, I’m sure, depending on the audience. I was asked a question in a Q&A not too long ago that was about a controversial issue.

I knew my position on the issue. I know what I believe the Bible teaches about the issue, but I also knew that sitting in the front row was a woman who didn’t agree with my position. She was a really sweet woman, but I knew she was coming from a different place.

As the question got asked, I just had this fleeting thought, kind of this drive to answer the question in such a way that I wouldn’t offend the lady in the front row by stating the position.

God was so good to help me in that moment speak the truth. I tried to do it graciously and lovingly. I wasn’t trying to incite the woman in the front row. But it was important to not flip-flop in order to impress a different audience.

Number 9 is the area of guile. The Scripture says, “Blessed is the man whose spirit there is no guile” (Psalm 32:2). I think guile has to do with having hidden agendas or ulterior motives when we’re dealing with people, or acting like what we want is this, but what we mean is that.

One of the ways that we can demonstrate guile—I’ve done this, and I’ve heard of others who have done it—is when we express interest in someone else and we act like we want to be a giver to them, we want to do something for them, but our hidden motive is that they will do something for us, that they will reciprocate.

So we say, “I love you. I want to do this for you. I want to take you out to eat.” Whatever. But what I’m really trying to do is satisfy my own needs. There’s guile in that, and I want to have a heart that is free from guile.

Number 10 is an area where we can be deceptive is in the matter of broken promises. I think one common area there is where we promise to pray for someone, or someone says, “Will you pray for me?” and we say yes, but then we go our way and forget to do it.

I have found a really helpful solution to that. I think I could say truthfully that rarely does anyone come and ask me to pray for them that, if I’m going to agree to pray, I’ll say, “Let’s pray right now.” Because I may forget later, and I don’t want to break my word; I want to keep my word. I want to be truthful. So, “Let’s just stop and pray about that right now.”

I break my word when I agree to be somewhere at a certain time or to meet a need and I fail to do it. You say, “Being late could be lying? Oh no! That’s really picky.” If I’ve said I’m going to do it, then I need to do it.

I signed a contract with a publish a few years ago, and at the time I signed it, I thought I could fulfill it. When it came time to fulfill the commitment, I found I couldn't meet the deadline. I had agreed to too many things, more things than I could handle. I had to go back to that publisher and appeal for an extension, which they were very gracious to grant. It was an extension that cost them because they had already been promoting this book being out.

The other thing I needed to do was to go back to the principle people involved there and to seek their forgiveness for commiting to something that I wasn't able to keep. I want to be a woman of my word and who speaks truth.

Well, we’ve looked at a lot of areas of truthfulness. We’ve moved quickly through them, but I wonder if there’s one that has particularly lodged in your heart. I can still remember when God first began to deal with me about this matter of deception.

I was in my twenties. I remember sitting in a church service and the message I don't think had anything to do with this issue, but the Spirit of God was speaking to my heart. I was sitting in that service sitting in conviction under the hand of God about this proneness I had to exaggerate the truth, and I was miserable. I was under such conviction about specific situations that the Lord had brought to mind that I knew I needed to go back and speak the truth. That conviction was so intense. I can remember it as being—it seemed to be unbearable at the time. But how I thank the Lord for that!

You may be experiencing, even sitting in your seat right now, a similar kind of conviction. Now, if God’s not doing that, that’s fine. Maybe you have come further in this area and have learned to speak the truth.

But if God is speaking to you about an area that you’ve not been honest—in your marriage, past issues that you’ve covered, you’ve lied to your mate—you’ll never be able to be the one flesh to the extent that God intended you to be if there are issues where you’ve not been truthful with your mate.

Now, I’m not suggesting you leave this room and go pick up the phone and call your husband and say, “I lied to you about these things in our past.” Ask God to show you when and how to speak the truth. It may be that this is an issue that is so serious that you need to get a godly third party involved to help you and your mate walk through this issue.

But I’m just saying, there’s a freedom that comes when you walk into the light and you say, “God, I want to speak truth. I want to live truth. I want to walk truthfully. I want to deal truthfully.” The Scripture says that that kind of person is a delight to God.

Dannah: I want to be a delight to God, so I want to learn to always speak the truth. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has been helping us tell the truth all the time in every situation. She’ll be back a little later in the program.

When you come to faith in Jesus, God is delighted in you because of what Jesus has done. That’s amazing news! But we all need to grow into the image of Christ. We need to learn to use our words according to our new identity. Nancy wrote a booklet that will show you how to glorify God through your heart and your speech. Over the course of four weeks, you’ll search the Scripture with Nancy and let God’s Word affect your words.

When you support Revive Our Hearts with a gift of any amount, we’d love to send you Nancy’s booklet, The Power of Words. It’s such a wonderful complement to our current series. To give, visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call us at 1-800-569-5959. Be sure to ask for The Power of Words when you do.

Some women listened along as Nancy taught this series on the "Power of Words." Nancy asked them about ways the words of others have affected them. Their stories remind us: the words we say can stick with people for years or even decades. Let’s listen.

Woman 1: This has been a battle for me to overcome all of my life. Here I am at fifty-seven, and I still hear, “Look at that big nose on that face.” “You’ve got the family huge nose.” “Look at this sweaty hair.” “You’re so sweaty and stinky.”

I wasn’t just a girl. I was a “split tail.” That’s a bad Southern term that your only purpose in life was for men. I had an uncle take advantage of that when I was a child. I can’t wear a short dress because I still hear, “Look at them knock-knees, those skinny bird legs.” “Yeah, you go to that church with all of them hypocrites. You ain’t no better than us. That’s why you go, you want to be better than us.”

They would never listen to me about Jesus. There wasn't love, but they didn’t know any better. They hurt more than I hurt, and I’m sad that they hurt. They’re not living. Hardly any of them are. I don’t know if any of my words ever helped their hearts to change so I’ll see them again in heaven, but I hope so.

Words can terribly hurt, and I can even hear them in stores. Some mother will say, “Shut up, you brat kid.” People just don’t even know how they’re hurting their little children. It's so sad when the parents who are supposed to protect and love their children say harmful, hurtful things. I find myself sometimes too critical, and I find myself following some of the patterns that were so exemplified before me. I’m so sorry for that. I so want to repent of ever sounding critical to anyone.

Woman 2: The one thing that the Lord's correcting me on in recent years is—not that I'm sharing cruel or angry or untrue things . . . But at my season of life now, with my children grown, I have a lot of study time. The Lord is teaching me in fast forward, it feels like, compared to the years when the children were home and homeschooling and such.

I have been too quick to share truth. What it feels like to those I'm just pouring out on is, "You ought to be learning this too." I've isolated two really dear friends and a family member in the last year, which thankfully the Lord is bringing that around. You had to really correct me on that with the Ephesians verse. Not only is it good, but is it necessary. If they're not asking, then I'm supposed to be quiet. That's so hard. That's why I love coming here, because you can just share.

But you know, everyone doesn't want to hear it. They're not there. They're still with the children and the diapers and the homeschool or their career, a sick parent, or whatever. Sometimes, even though it's truth and it's good and it's right, it's still not appropriate to pour it all out.

Woman 3: Well, the words that I remember are from a complete stranger, and they had nothing to do with Christianity at all. But this woman said, "Oh, you have a beautiful smile. I've never forgotten that. I was just thinking about the words of complimenting people on what you see in them or where they are. Oftentimes one of the biggest blessings that we can have is that it isn't necessarily how we talk. I know what lady over here means about about being convicted. My mother used to say to me, "It isn't what you say, it's the way you say it." I really was encouraged by just this woman, a complete stranger, saying, "What a beautiful smile you have."

Woman 4: Just last week during my prayer time, I would look at my list, and I was saying, "Lord, I'm not seeing any fruit." That was what was on my mind. I was out working in the yard. I love to worship while working out in the yard and seeing all the growth and everything. I had taken my phone out, and it was on the table outside. It rang, and I answered it.

This girl said, "This is February the 20th. Last year you gave us Bibles because your radiation had been completed." (My radiation had been completed, and she was one of the technicians." She said, "This is February the 20th, and I wanted to tell you that I had read it through. [It was a one-year Bible.] I wanted to thank you for it and to tell you that I had read it all the way through. And you know what? I'm just going to do it again." It was so encouraging to me to think that a year later some fruit had come from reading that Bible I had given her.

And let me say, there is some pastor who today is sitting in his study thinking, My life just is not bearing fruit. There's some parent, there's some mate, there's somebody who led you to Christ or who has encouraged you in your faith. They're working out in their garden, and they're thinking, My life just is not bearing fruit. It may be that you need to be the one who picks up the phone and makes the call and says, "I just want to thank you for how God has used you in my life." The choir sang a song at church last Sunday about how beautiful are the feet of those who take the gospel.

As they were singing, I thought of person after person who has ministered the Word into my life in different ways. Some have been radio preachers that I've never met or heard live, but their ministry has has instructed me, taught me in the Word. I thought of some pastors. I thought of a pastor I grew up under who faithfully ministered the word and taught me the ways of God. I thought of servants of the Lord who, through their writings or their personal ministry have blessed me. I sat and made a list of some of those who came to mind. What I'm hoping to do in the next week or so is to get a copy of the words of that song. I want to print them up and send them with just a cover note to those individuals, some of those people I don't even know, and they have no idea who I am, of that their ministry has in some way touched my life.

Some I know quite well, and I just want to send it with a cover note saying, "Thank you for your ministry." I need those words of encouragement. They need those words of encouragement. It may not be somebody who's in vocational Christian work, but somebody whose life has touched and encouraged and blessed yours. You can minister healing and wholeness and grace to them by just saying thank you, by acknowledging how God has used them in your life, those are words of grace you.

Dannah: Is there some way you can share words of grace today? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has been telling us about the power of encouragement. And together we’ve been inviting you to join the 30-Day Power of Words Challenge. I hope you’ll visit ReviveOurHearts.com/challenges to sign up and receive daily emails with encouragement from Nancy and Mary Kassian. 

You know what else I’m excited about? I am so excited about the CSB Notetaking Bible, Revive Our Hearts Edition. It is out now! This Bible will help you engage with Scripture, respond to the Lord in worship, surrender, and intercession. You are going to love it! We have three beautiful designs to choose from. Each Bible features prayers and encouragement from Nancy and wide journaling margins on every page so you can keep a record of what God is teaching you as you read. For information on how you can order your copy of the CSB Notetaking Bible, Revive Our Hearts Edition, head to the link in the transcript of this program at ReviveOurHearts.com. We hope you’ll be richly blessed by this resource.

Next time, Nancy’s going to address the topic of gossip. Please be back, here on Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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