Hope for the Disappointments

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Hi. I’m Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, and Revive Our Hearts is dedicated to bringing the message of freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ to women all over the world. That’s what God’s called us to, and it’s something we love doing.

But in order to keep bringing you this podcast, we need your help. Now, you might wonder, How could I help?

Well, for starters, you can pray. I want you to know that we greatly need those prayers. In fact, I believe that nothing of eternal significance ever happens apart from prayer.

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So, would you pray for us? And would you give? If you make a donation before this week is over, your gift will be matched dollar for dollar by a group of generous supporters up to a total of $2.1 million dollars.

Thank you so much for praying, and thank you for your financial support as well. We need both of those more than you can imagine.

To make your gift, you can contact us here at ReviveOurHearts.com, or by calling us at 1-800-569-5959. Thanks so much.

Dannah Gresh: In her weakest moments, Dawn Wilson has found hope and perspective in God’s Word.

Dawn Wilson: I know my body is wasting away, but the Bible tells us not to lose heart. I think we don’t lose heart, we don’t get discouraged, when we realize that God is continuing to build up our inner man, the inner part of us.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast for December 27, 2023. I’m Dannah Gresh, with our host Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

Nancy: When we’re in the midst of difficult circumstances, or we hear a story about someone else who is, we want the hard part to go away quickly. We want the story to end all wrapped up in a neat little bow. But (and I’m guessing you’ve experienced this) that’s not always the case. We just don’t always get the outcome that we hoped and prayed for.

Dawn Wilson is a longtime dear friend and a staff member of Revive Our Hearts. She’s been battling a rare form of cancer for many years, and beautifully, amazingly, powerfully trusting God in the midst of it all.

Yesterday we listened to a conversation that I had with Dawn that was recorded a few years ago. You can listen to the entire episode at our website, ReviveOurHearts.com, or on the ReviveOur Heartsapp. But Dawn is still in the middle of that journey. She doesn’t have the results she would like, and yet she is pressing into Christ and finding hope through it all.

We had Dawn back earlier this year to share more and give us an update. Here she is talking with the cohost of Revive Our Hearts, Dannah Gresh.

Dannah: Dawn, bring us up to date. Did you beat the cancer?

Dawn: Uh, no. You don’t beat this kind of cancer. You just ramp it down. We ramped it down for a little while, but not as long as what was expected. It’s been a little bit of a disappointment, but, as you know, disappointments are God’s appointments.

 

Dannah: I need you to say that again.

Dawn: Disappointments are God’s appointments.

Dannah: Disappointments are God’s appointments.

Dawn: That’s right.

Dannah: How did He teach you that?

Dawn: I think He has brought a sense of renewal into my life through the relapse. Just looking at life a little bit differently now.

The first time around, when I did go into remission, there was a sense of strong priorities. I wanted to be sure I was doing what God wanted me to do each day. And, you know, I have to admit, I kind of forgot about that. I got into remission. We start to take things for granted.

I said that the original diagnosis was a gift. I think the relapse is just as much a gift because it has drawn me back to the Lord’s side and His presence and reminded me that we’re very desperately frail, and we need Him every moment of the day.

Dannah: Tell me how it is you found out that you weren’t in what is known as remission. Your cancer is a bit unique. It’s very rare and unusual. But I think most of us understand remission is good news. At some point in the journey, that changed for you. Can you take us to that day, what that was like for you?

Dawn: I think it was, in some ways, more devastating to me than the actual first diagnosis. And I’m not sure why. Again, you get that sense that “I’ve beat this.” It’s almost like when you have beaten a bad habit—or you think you have—and then all of a sudden, one day you’re just going along, and boom and it hits you, and you succumb to temptation again. And you think, Man, I thought I had this beat, Lord.

And it’s just devastating to think, I can’t beat this. I can’t beat this by myself. It’s going to take something more.

Dannah: Yes. When you say that word “relapse,” my heart stands at attention. How is it that God got you to a place where you weren’t just responding to life when your fear of cancer returning happened, but it alerted you to something going on in the spiritual realm as well?

Dawn: I think it was when I was reading a Scripture. It’s kind of an odd Scripture in Proverbs—Proverbs 26:11. It says, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.”

I read that, and I thought, Wow! That’s relapse big time to realize that when we sin, we are returning to the ugliness, the vomit of our lives. I didn’t want that! So that’s when I began to realize, “Okay, Dawn, the same things that you’re doing to deal with the relapse into cancer is exactly what you need to do when you are tempted by these sins that are such besetting sins in your life.

Dannah: Yes. Because the true terminal illness of humanity is never cancer, heart disease, none of those physical ailments. The true terminal illness of humanity is in fact our sinfulness and our fallen nature.

Dawn: That’s right.

Dannah: I love that. We are prone to spiritual amnesia. We’re prone to forget the lessons we’ve learned, the truth we’ve learned.

 

Dawn: That’s right. What is the hymn that says, “Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it.”

Dannah: That’s me.

I remember a time when I . . . Bob and I have been public in recent months about his battle with lust and pornography. He did really well for a long time, and then he had a relapse. And I remember thinking, God, can I trust Your Word?

That’s where I went. I went back to, “Can I trust what You’ve written in Your Word? Because I’m living according to it, and this is what’s happening in my life.”

I did have to go back to the Word and read it and say, “I’m having a hard time believing it. Can You reawaken my spirit?”

What are some of the basics that the Lord has called you to in this relapse with cancer?

Dawn: The basics of the truth of His Word. Satan is the author of lies. But what is the truth about this situation in my life?

I am a realistic optimist. I don’t deny what’s happening in my life. I don’t deny the realities of sin in my life—in that parallel. But I hope in God’s Word. I’m an optimist, and I believe that He’s going to do what He said He was going to do.

One of the things that God gave me after the relapse was a Scripture. It’s 1 Corinthians 16:13. And this works for me for both in approaching my diagnosis but also dealing with sin. And it says, “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong” (NIV).

And those are four fighting phrases there. So, I realize I’m facing temptation. Recently, I was facing a really old temptation of mine, and I gave in to it. And afterwards, there’s always this shame when you give into an old sin that you think you had conquered. And that was the verse that came to my mind.

It’s like the Lord said, “You weren't doing this. Be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.”

I felt like I was weak in that moment. I wasn’t. I needed to believe the truth and not the lies that Satan was feeding me. And so the same thing’s true in my relapse in regard to my health. “Be strong.” It’s a word that the Lord has given me as I’m hopefully going into a new phase.

I may be having Car-T self therapy, which is another whole procedure. And it was just made available to multiple myeloma patients in 2022. So it’s very new and hopefully will give me a couple of years

Dannah: Praise the Lord.

Dawn: But the word the Lord gave me was “perseverance.” I read a quote by Glenna Marshall. I’m going to read it to you here. She said, 

It is tempting to draw inward and focus on survival when life is hard, but remember that holding on to Christ is survival, and it’s how we let perseverance complete its work.

So it’s not a matter of just trying to survive, trying to deal with it, trying to, “Lord, what do I have to do next?” But it’s holding on to Christ who is my survival.

And so that concept of perseverance, Peter taught us that perseverance is essential to our Christian life and our faith walk. In 2 Peter 1:5–11, that is made very clear. Peter teaches that. 

One night I felt that God was silent, and I thought, Lord, where are You? It was one of those middle-of the-night things when Satan was feeding me lies. But even then I didn’t feel like I was empty-handed, because God kept feeding me Scriptures in the middle of the night that builds my faith, that builds my sense of, “I can persevere in Christ. He is my survival.”

So, I want to finish well. I’m realizing that my end point is also an entry point into heaven, and I want to finish well. I want to stand before the Lord . . . I want some more time, like Hezekiah got, because there’s things I still want to do. But at the same time, I want to seek those things that are above, as Colossians 3, verses 1 and 2 says.

I thought my priorities were narrowed down before; my priorities now are even tighter. It’s like, “Lord, I want to please You. I want to bring You glory. I want to serve You. So what do You want me to do this day?”

Dannah: That’s beautiful. We need to all remember that.

It’s really interesting to me, because we had a guest on Revive Our Hearts who was also battling cancer, and I expected both her and you to talk a lot about the physical battle. But you guys are honed in on the spiritual battle.

Dawn: Yes. Which is a far greater battle.

Dannah: You’re mindful of your sin. I guess I’m honestly having a little bit of a hard time, thinking that in your physical battle for the health of your body, the life, the extra days, the weeks, the months, maybe years that you’re pleading with God to give you to do these things that are on your heart, that there would also be a battle with sin still so present. That kind of doesn’t seem fair. So I’ve got to ask you, have you wrestled with the Lord about that?

Dawn: Oh, yes. I wrestle . . . we always wrestle with sin I think until He calls us home. It’s so easy, 2 Peter 2:19, I think it is, says, “It’s so easy to get tangled up and get enslaved by sin” (paraphrased). Until we are taken away from the presence of sin in heaven, that will always be a battle.

So, yes, all these years I’ve walked with the Lord, and I’m still struggling with that old sin habit. It’s like, “What is that about, Lord? I thought that I’d be farther along.”

But again, that goes back to we are so desperately weak. We so desperately need our Savior. He is our survival every single day in relation, not only to my health, but He’s my Savior. He is my survival in relation to dealing with sin. It’s always going to be a battle.

I mean, maybe I’ll be laying on my deathbed and have some wicked thought. Who knows? You’d think that the closer we get to heaven’s gates that the battle would be less. But, no. I think we need to be more aware. Again, it’s so easy to get tangled up and enslaved by sin.

We need to pray that God would untangle our lives from those sins.

Dannah: Amen.

I want to go back to the word you just said: “weak.” Feeling weak. And you said that in contrast to what the verse you quoted a few moments ago, 1 Corinthians 16:13, “Be on your guard; stand firm; be courageous; be strong.” Those are the antithesis of what you’re feeling at times.

Dawn: Exactly.

You know, I think a friend said, “I have you on a pedestal. I’m watching your life. I’m watching how you respond to this. I hear every word you say. I see the things you write on Facebook. You’re so strong.”

And I said, “Oh, if only you saw my heart. If only you understood how desperately weak I feel.”

I think that unfolding of that reality has become even more real since the relapse. Again, because I thought I was strong. I thought I was going to handle things really well. You know, like when the end does come, it’ll get worse. And I thought, “Oh, piece of cake. I’ve got that. See how I’m doing, Lord?”

And it’s like, all of a sudden, the relapse comes and I realize, You don’t have a handle on this. No one tells God what to do. He’s sovereign. He’s in charge here, not you. And you are going to get weaker and weaker. You better learn how to rely on the One who is strong.

Dannah: Wow!

You know, just a few days ago I was reading in Ezekiel chapter 2, where Ezekiel is sitting by the river. Of course, he’s a captive in Babylon. Life doesn’t look the way he thought it would look. He was supposed to be anointed as a priest on his thirtieth birthday, and here he is in his thirtieth year in captivity. But he’s worshiping! He’s taking his weak, broken life to the river to worship.

And God said to him, “Son of man, stand on your feet, and I will speak to you.”

And then the next verse says, “And as He spoke to me, the Spirit entered into me and set me on my feet” (vv. 1–2).

And I thought to myself, He couldn’t even do the first thing God wanted him to do. He couldn’t stand up. God’s Spirit had to even do that for him.

And somehow, that encouraged me greatly in all the things I feel afraid to do, ill-equipped to do, or I’ve learned a million times, and here I am learning them again. I just need to let the Spirit enter into me, and He will equip me and strengthen me.

So, Dawn, have you experienced that? Have you, in this captivity of cancer, that the enemy is trying to steal your purpose and your joy? Which, I know that he’s not because you’re still serving on the Revive Our Hearts team.

You’ve helped me research and write some Bible studies in recent years. You’ve been helping us put together the content and Scripture verses for programming.

Like, I’m amazed that one day you’re having a setback, and there are some physical challenges, and we’re praying for you, and the next day, you’re like, “Give me some work to do. I want to serve the Lord.”

But are there these moments where you feel like, “I really need the Spirit to stand me on my feet today, or I won’t be able to do what I’m called to do”?

Dawn: Absolutely. There are days when the discouragement is so strong. It’s like someone has just shut off a light. And it’s, like, “Okay, how do I flip this switch, Lord?”

And I realize, “I can’t flip the switch. I’m too weak.”

But that’s when I know that the light comes from the Word of God. That’s where the light gets switched back on, when I go to the Word. I know my body is wasting away, but the Bible tells us not to lose heart.

I think we don’t lose heart. We don't get discouraged when we realize that God is continuing to build up our inner man, the inner part of us. He’s the one doing it. Like He said, He’s telling us to stand, but then He’s the one that enables the standing. He tells me to have joy, but He’s the one that enables me to have the joy when I feel like crying.

I think of David—more and more I’m just amazed at David. In so many chapters he was grieving, or he was afraid or he was lamenting. And then by the end of the chapter, he’s suddenly praising God. Well, how did he do that? God had to enable that. He knew the right thing to do, but I really think that God has to enable us to do the things He commands us to do.

When you were just saying, “There’s days I don’t feel like I can do one more thing at my desk.”

And the Lord said, “Oh, but I want you to do this.”

And I think, But, Lord, I . . .

And it’s like, “No, wait. I just called you to do this, so I will be your strength.”

And He is. I get through it, and I think, Where did that strength come from? It didn’t come from me.

Dannah: Yes.

How does someone who’s listening, and all they’re feeling is the weakness, not the strength, how do they begin to tap into the indwelling of the Spirit to receive that strength?

Dawn: This might sound strange, but what is helping me is basically what I call God. I call Him Father God. When I pray to Him. When I talk about Him, He is Father God. And to me there’s a balance there because He’s my Father. He’s my good, good Father. He loves me. He’s not going to ask me to do anything that’s too hard for me because nothing’s too hard for Him.

And at the same time, He is God. He’s the Mighty God. He’s the Sovereign God. He’s the one who can do anything and everything that needs to be done in my life.

So just keeping that balance helps me when I feel weak, because I realize He’s a loving Father. He’s going to take care of me. He’s the Mighty God. He can take care of me, and He will take care of me.

And if you are a believer, He is your Father God.

Dannah: Yes. You’re talking about the reason we exist. You’re talking about the whole story of Scripture from Genesis to Revelation. It is that we were created to be in relationship with Him as an intimate, family-loving relationship.

Dawn: Right.

Dannah: And yet, it is a relationship that must be filled with reverence because He is the God of the universe.

When we get to those places of relapse or weakness, we need to remember: He is our Father God. And if all you can do is cry out, “Father God . . .”

Dawn: And there have been times . . . It seems like Satan attacks me in the middle of the night.

Dannah: Yes.

Dawn: Sometimes in the middle of the night, when all the lies come, when my own fears or feelings come, you know, the world, the flesh, the devil; it all piles up in the middle of the night. Sometimes it’s all I can do is just say, “Father God, I need You. Father God, I admit Your presence. You are here with me whether I feel it or not, and I will trust You.”

It’s just so simple sometimes. We make it so hard. I think on our deathbeds, that’s what we cry out to God, just like the thief on the cross. “Remember me.” Remember me. And, of course, He’s never forgotten us. But we do cry out to Him.

Dannah: What are your hopes, Dawn? You’re going to get this treatment that’s new. We pray that it gives you longevity that’s beyond what was expected. What are you hoping the months or years God gives you will be full of?

Dawn: I said it before when I was first diagnosed: I know that all of this is for my growth, for others’ good, and for God’s glory. That’s what I still want.

My growth. I want to continue growing until the day I die, in Christ.

I want to be an influence in people’s lives, to know the Lord for their good. And I think I can do that through testimonies. I’m writing a book. Different things like that.

And then ultimately for God’s glory. If it’s not for God’s glory, what is it all about? I’m going to face Him someday. The, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” I think has a lot to do whether we have pleased Him, obeyed Him, and brought Him honor and glory.

Dannah: What’s the vantage point for you as you look toward heaven right now? What does it look like, feel like? What do you think about heaven?

Dawn: I read Randy Alcorn’s book, Heaven, when I was in the hospital getting my stem cell transplant. It was such an eye-opening thing. I had these kinds of nebulous ideas about heaven. He kind of used glorified imagination to help you envision what eternity might be like. I got so excited!

Laying there in the hospital, I thought, I can’t wait for heaven!

I’m not afraid to die, but I’m not in any hurry to die either. There’s things I want to accomplish. But heaven is a wonderful place because God is there, Father God is there.

And heaven is a wonderful place because all the things that went wrong will be made right. Just think about it—no more sin. No more relapsing into sin! What an amazing thought. All those besetting sins that we have, we won't be tempted anymore. Not one more temptation. I just think that’s a glorious thought.

Dannah: Yes. It is. It’s beautiful. No more sin. No more tears. No more pain.

Well, sweet Dawn, we hope that we get to have lots more sweet days and memories to build with you. You have been such a precious part of this team. You’ve been a part of this team much longer than I’ve been a part of this team. You are so beloved. You have welcomed me and supported me so wonderfully.

I wonder, with your sweet, beautiful vision of what heaven looks like right now, could you just pray over us? Some of us may be in similar circumstances like you, fighting lethal illness. Others are not aware enough of just how very mortal we are, because we aren’t promised the next hour. But could you pray over us that heaven would be sweet to our souls?

Dawn: Yes.

Oh, Father God, we love You today. We are so grateful for all of the things that You have done for us. Your many mercies. The things we do not deserve. Your great grace. Giving us more than we ever could imagine. And, Father, heaven will just be a continuation of that, just continuing to grant us Your bountiful blessings. And the greatest blessing, Lord. will be to be with You.

Lord, I can’t wait to be free from the shackles of this body, free from the shackles of sin. I know there are many people who are hurting today. But Your truth is powerful for every hurt, whether it’s infertility, or the death of a loved one, a wayward child, an illness—so many things—financial burdens. But, Lord, Your Word has answers for us for every day, to help us make the choices to please You and obey You and serve You in spite of our pain, in spite of our hurts.

Help us to turn our grief and our lament, like David did, into powerful words of praise and adoration for You. Give us a headstart on heaven by learning how to praise You now, learning how to love You more and more every day.

Thank You, Lord, for the privilege of life. Thank You for the blessing of eternal life in heaven. We have all of this because of Jesus, and we pray in His powerful name, amen.

Nancy: Amen. What a beautiful prayer. Such words of wisdom from my precious friend and Revive Our Hearts’ colleague, Dawn Wilson.

Dawn’s been giving us some rich eternal perspective, a great reminder for all of us, but especially if you’re in a tough season.

A woman wrote to us recently who had some health issues that kept her shut in at home. During that time, she’d gotten away from being in God’s Word, and she had found herself using her spare time for what she called, “Rabbit hole activities.” These were ways that she just kept herself busy when she was stuck at home.

She had listened to the Revive Our Hearts podcasts in the past, and then she started listening regularly again. After hearing one episode, she wrote to us and said, 

I stopped and sat and listened. What I thought were good ways to spend my free time, were actually taking me away from the Lord. Hobbies, things like that, that I justified as being “fine.”

Well, this woman was convicted. She realized she was seeking strength from her hobbies rather than from God Himself. She wrote that she found herself saying,

Oh, Lord. I need You. And this ministry leads me back to You. It convicts me every single time.

She finished her letter by writing, 

I just have to tell you how over and over and over your ministry is reviving me and bringing me closer to the Lord, to love and serve Him.

Dannah: Oh, wow, Nancy. I love hearing stories like that! Stories of how the Lord uses ReviveOur Hearts to help women live fruitfully for Him in every season.

You know, we’re able to produce the trusted biblical teaching and resources that women are so hungry for, thanks to the support of listeners like you.

Nancy: Amen. We are so grateful for that support. And especially this month, as we’re trusting the Lord to provide for our most significant year-end goal to date, that’s $4 million dollars during the month of December.

Perhaps the Lord will provide beyond that. I can tell you that whatever He provides will be poured into the lives of women around the world who are hungry and thirsty to know more of Christ and His Word.

I’m so grateful to share that a group of ministry friends have come together with a matching challenge to help us get to that goal. These are people who believe in the work that the Lord is doing through this ministry in the hearts of women around the world.

And this matching challenge opportunity means that any gift you give now through Sunday night, December 31, will be matched up to a total of $2.1 million dollars. So, we’ve got a great start, and the Lord has been providing throughout this month. Hundreds, maybe thousands so far, of people who have said, “I want to be a part of helping to meet that matching challenge.” But we’ve got quite a ways to go.

Perhaps you’ve followed this ministry for a while. Maybe our resources have been a blessing to you, or you’ve been able to share them with others, but you’ve not ever seriously considered supporting the ministry financially. Well, now is a great opportunity to give and to know that your donation this week will be doubled. We would be so grateful for your partnership in that way.

So, as the Lord leads, would you consider how you might join us in helping women around the world thrive in Christ?

Dannah: To check out how we’re doing on reaching that goal and to make your gift, visit ReviveOurHearts.com. And you can just click or tap where you see the word “donate.” Always, you can call us at 1-800-569-5959.

In Psalm 145, one generation is called to pass on the wondrous works of God to the next. We’re going to hear some of the ways generational investment is happening in our day. Hear good news from college campuses tomorrow on Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuthis helping women experience freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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