Helping Is Healing

Dannah Gresh: Heidi Jenkins understands firsthand, the process of emotional and spiritual restoration needed after abortion.

Heidi Jenkins: Healing is something that doesn’t just automatically happen. Abortion can be traumatic, and healing is something that takes time and care and prayer.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, coauthor of Seeking Him, for January 21, 2025. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Yesterday, Nancy, we heard the first part of Heidi Jenkins’ testimony.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: That’s right. After not one, but two abortions, Heidi found herself in deep despair. She was depressed. She was anxious. But she told us how, in the midst of her desperation, she found Jesus. It’s a powerful story that showcases the goodness and the grace of God.

If you missed it, I want to encourage you to go to the Revive Our Hearts app, or to our website, ReviveOurHearts.com. 

There’s something Heidi said that I think is such a key ingredient to the healing process. It has to do with the power of meditating on God’s Word. Heidi struggled with accepting God’s forgiveness. She thought that her abortions were so bad that there was no way God had really forgiven her. 

But remember what she said? A friend pointed her to passages from the Scripture that talk about God’s forgiveness. She wrote them down, and then here’s what she did.

Heidi: I carried them around on an index card in my purse. I Scotch-taped them on the mirror in the bathroom. I had one attached to the dog’s leash. I had them everywhere my eyes could sort of wander. 

Nancy: Verses like, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12 NKJV) And, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 NKJV). Those are the kinds of verses that brought Heidi such great comfort.

Heidi: This was evidence to me of God’s forgiveness.

Nancy: I love that! Keeping God’s Word directly in front of us helps us think about it, meditate on it. And that in turn gives the Holy Spirit greater opportunity to transform us. 

Well, Dannah, thanks for taking the time to sit down and talk with Heidi.

Dannah: Oh, believe me, it was totally my privilege! 

Now, I should explain to parents of little ones that some of what we talk about today might be too much detail for young ears. So, if you’re not able to listen right now, don’t forget about the Revive Our Hearts app, where you can always review this program.

Nancy: Okay, let’s listen now to part 2 of your conversation with Heidi Jenkins.

Now, anytime someone dies, grief is a normal part of our response. But Heidi says, in the case of abortion, that’s more complicated.

Heidi: This isn’t something that people who’ve experienced abortion feel permission to do, and that’s acknowledging the grief and loss, and taking time to heal. Abortion causes disenfranchised grief, which is grief that, for whatever reason, is not allowed to be expressed. It’s not allowed to be experienced. It’s grief that can’t be openly dealt with because the death or other loss cannot be publicly acknowledged.

Dannah: I think that’s true. I have so many friends who’ve said that it just took them a really long time to have the permission to grieve. Why do you think that is? Why do you think it is that women are stuck in the grief process?

Heidi: I think many women feel, and I felt, that because I chose abortion, I just had to live with the consequences and deal with whatever the resulting feelings were.

Dannah: So kind of self-penance.

Heidi: Yes. Deal with it on my own.

Dannah: Yesterday Heidi described some of the tools God used to help her heal. Today we’ll hear how part of that healing process for Heidi involved reaching out and ministering to other women who are in the middle of the same kind of pain she experienced.

Heidi: I ended up soon after that, going to a luncheon where there was a non-profit and who worked with women facing unplanned pregnancies. They really had never before had any programs for women who had experienced abortion. So I began meeting with women who had experienced abortion, sharing my own story, and walking with them through, in many cases, healing and in some cases finding Christ.

Dannah: Wow! How much a part of the healing process for you has it been to help others through that same pain?

Heidi: I think it’s had a large part in my healing. It’s also enabled me to explore what resources there are for those of us who have suffered from the trauma of abortion. And I think healing is something that doesn’t just automatically happen. I think abortion can be traumatic, and healing is something that takes time and care and prayer.

Dannah: Yes. I have a few hard questions to ask.

The one that I’m thinking right now is you said you . . . I believe the words you used were, “I fell prey to the lies of the 70s and believed ‘My body, my choice.’”

So there was this really strong theme, belief, theology, and the err of our culture, “My Body, my choice.” You embraced that. You were affected by it. Your life was affected by it. Today, I think there are different mantras in the culture, but they’re equally as devastating to women.

What would you say to a woman listening who’s believing some of the lies she’s seeing—which they would be on social media, TikTok, Instagram— about her body, her womanhood, or maybe even the fact that there’s no difference between men and women or that gender is fluid. I mean there are many, many lies. What would you say to someone who’s really getting their theology from the world right now?

Heidi: I would ask her how that’s working for her. In many cases, it’s not working so well.

And I would ask her if she would like to consider some truth versus some of the lies.

I think there’s so much on social media and on TV. I know the election just sparked an awful lot of guilt from women who had experienced abortion. One woman said, “I can’t escape from the abortion ads. There’s just so much coming at me from so many different angles.” It’s so conflicting.

Dannah: And that’s exactly what you were saying that you were describing. So, what do you say to the woman who’s hearing those ads, and it’s reminding her of her pain and her shame? What should she do? What’s her first step for relief?

Heidi: Well, I’ll ask her what her spiritual background is, if any. I’ll ask if she’s at all open to hearing about the Lord or prayer. I’ll talk about some of the verses that were so meaningful to me, and offer to pray for her and with her, and lead her to resources. There are just so many wonderful resources for women who are moving forward after abortion. 

Dannah: Yes, and let me let our listeners know, we’ve included some of those resources at a link you’ll find within the transcript of this program. Just go ahead and look up ReviveOurHearts.com, select today’s program, and you’ll see the transcript there. 

Heidi, it’s important for women to know they’re not alone, right? They’re not the only ones who are suffering the way that they are. 

Heidi: Yes. I think women feel so isolated after experiencing an abortion. Therefore, if they can see other women expressing their feelings and feel that they’re not alone, there is healing.

Dannah: They certainly are not alone. There seems to be a rise in women who are choosing abortion. Some people are saying that that might correlate to the increase and availability of abortion pills, which make it “easier” for a woman to pursue an abortion.

You’ve been vocal about your concern that that can be equally as traumatic, if not more so, than surgery. Tell me why you think that?

Heidi: The pills are easily accessible. Women are told, most of the time, “Go home and do it in the privacy of your own home.” And what that means to many women is that they go home, alone, and take the pills. Some of them experience extreme pain and cramping and extreme bleeding.

Many women have shared with me that they have seen their baby pass from them, and that is very traumatic. Many women bleed so much that they get into a bathtub because the blood is that excessive.

Dannah: That would be a very traumatic and lonely experience.

Heidi: Yes. Many women end up in the Emergency Room. There are some women who say, “Oh, it wasn’t so bad.” But for the most part, many of the women that I’ve spoken to have described just a horrible experience of taking the abortion pills and being in violent pain, screaming. And if no one is there to help them, they just feel completely alone. And they’re reluctant to go to the Emergency Room because this is something they elected to do.

Dannah: I would imagine, too, that they would be surprised by that, based on the information, the propaganda, the ads, what they’re being told. They’re probably surprised when they find themselves in that place of it being such a frightening experience.

Heidi: It’s very traumatic for so many women, and I think it complicates the healing process because it’s so graphic. And I think that it produces more guilt and grief than the surgery because it’s so graphic.

Dannah: Again, there is healing. There is hope. They’re not alone. You’re not alone, if that’s your story. Heidi is not sharing this today to increase your guilt, to increase your shame . . .

Heidi: No.

Dannah: . . . but to offer you a lifeline of hope.

Heidi: Satan doesn’t want healing through Jesus. He would rather we stayed in the guilt and shame box and continue to suffer and continue to hide. Shame is a very big factor.

Dannah: There’s a lot of conversation today about shame. In the last decade or, I’ve been so encouraged that the conversation around shame was moving to the forefront, because I think that there is toxic, unhealthy shame that Satan creates.

I once heard something to the effect of, “There’s no one that’s more pro-abortion than the devil when a woman is walking into an abortion clinic. And there is no one that’s more pro-life than the devil when that same woman is walking out of an abortion clinic.”

I thought, That’s so true! He changes the lies up on us. And one of the things is he takes something called shame, and he twists and distorts it to the place where we believe, in your words, “This is an unpardonable sin,” which is not true.

So I want to ask a question about shame because I think that shame in God’s hands can be a tool that leads us to His loving forgiveness and redemption.

Heidi: It certainly led me in that direction.

Dannah: Tell me how.

Heidi: I couldn’t live with my shame. As I said, I was extremely depressed. I didn’t know how to put one foot in front of the other. And yet, I had two small children who I needed to take care of. My husband, at the time, had been promoted, and he was traveling a lot. So I needed to function. I knew that if I didn’t find healing that I wouldn’t be able to function as I couldn’t live with myself.

So at the time, my husband and I had started attending Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City, which was started by Tim and Kathy Keller. Listening to Tim preach, not directly about abortion, but somehow his wisdom seemed to blanket so many different areas of my life.

Pastor Tim Keller: The gospel is not just the minimum Christian doctrine required to believe in order to go to heaven when you die. At Redeemer we have always taught, because the Bible teaches, that the gospel changes your life now, and it changes every part of your life. It changes you from the top to the bottom, from the inside out.

 

Dannah: This is Tim Keller, who passed away in May of 2023. He was Heidi Jenkins’ pastor. The Lord used his gentle, Gospel-centered teaching to work in her heart. For example, in this message Tim Keller was referring to the encounter that Jesus had with the woman at the well. 

Pastor Keller: He thirsted. He got the cosmic thirst so we could get the water of life. And, you see, it’s not just to know the water of life gives you the joy. You have to see what it cost Him to give it to us, and that will change your heart. That will change your heart.

When she gets that, she will not need men the way she did. You won’t need men or women the way you do. You won’t need money. Money just becomes money. Men just become men. Women just become women. Romance becomes a good thing, but not the most important thing. You’re free!

Do you know what the power of a changed life is? Do you know how radical it is? How radically your life can change if you don’t see religion and morality as the way you change your life and effort, but you see the grace of God that comes in, electrifies you, and changes the very basis of your self-image, of your identity, the very foundations of your heart.

Heidi: He often talked about a Welsh doctor and minister named Martyn Lloyd-Jones.

Dannah: Oh, I love Martyn Lloyd-Jones!

Heidi: Martyn Lloyd-Jones said, “Stop listening to yourself and start talking to yourself.” And that really stuck with me because I had been listening to myself as opposed to pouring the truth of God’s Word into myself.

Dannah: Yes. And so instead of just listening to the guilt and the shame and the messages of condemnation, you start to find some of those Scripture verses that you mentioned about forgiveness and the truth that my sin is as far as the east is from the west. That’s how far away it is from me. You start to tell yourself those things. That’s what he was meaning by that. 

Heidi: Yes. Exactly. At the time I was attending Kathy Keller’s Bible study when she encouraged me to write out my testimony and asked me to share it on Easter Sunday at Redeemer. Kathy was instrumental in editing my drafts. After I told my story, many women came up to me and thanked me for sharing my story.

There’s some wonderful books out there that also talk about healing from abortion. One of them that I recommend over and over again is called, Her Choice to Heal by Sydna Massé.

Dannah: I love Sydna! She’s precious.

Heidi: And there’s one called, Will I Cry Tomorrow? by Susan Stanford-Rue. That’s probably out of print by now, but that was also one that I just resonated with because it was one of the first ones I read that showed me that, yes, other women do have some of these same feelings after experiencing abortion.

So, talking to myself and filling my mind with information that helped me to heal was key in moving forward.

Dannah: You know, Heidi, you mentioned that what was winsome and compelling to you about Chuck Colson is that he seemed to have a peace about him. I feel like, as I sit here looking at you on Zoom, you have that peace about you, and you have wisdom about you.

It’s evident to me that that night that you received Christ because of Chuck Colson’s testimony that he passed a kind of faith on to your heart that you’re passing on as hope to other hearts today. I wonder, would you pray for the woman who’s maybe in the middle of your story, and she’s not at that place of peace just yet? Would you pray for her?

Heidi: Oh, yes.

Father, I thank You for this opportunity to share my story that may help other women who’ve experienced something similar. I pray that any woman listening today would know that You hear her feelings of shame and embarrassment, that You gather her tears in a bottle, that they are not hidden from Your being.

Thank You, Lord, for providing permission to heal, permission to express our anger, permission to talk about what we formerly, and some women may still feel is unforgivable. But, Lord, You do tell us that “when we confess our sins, You are faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness,” and all unrighteousness means everything. There isn’t any one sin that Your forgiveness doesn’t cover.

So, Lord, please enable any woman listening who has experienced an abortion or a pregnancy loss of whatever sort, to find comfort in knowing that You accept her, that you love her, and that You are holding her in Your arms.

Father, also help women to know that any child that was aborted is with You and is thriving with You. And so, please give women that reassurance that they are peaceful and happy and well taken care of until we meet again, as King David said when he lost his son.

We just pray this in the powerful name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior, amen.

Nancy: Amen. Such an encouraging conversation there between Heidi Jenkins and the cohost of Revive Our Hearts, Dannah Gresh.

I don’t know what sort of sinful choices you may have made at some point in your past or what kind of pain has resulted from that, but I do know that Jesus wants you to experience His grace and His forgiveness at the very deepest level.

So, reach out to Him. Talk to Him. Tell Him that you know that you’ve sinned. Ask Him to forgive you. And ask His Holy Spirit to minister sweet peace to your soul.

We have a list of resources linked in the transcript of today’s program at ReviveOurHearts.com. That includes the book by Sydna Massé Heidi mentioned earlier: “Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion.”

You may feel shame or pain or condemnation about past choices that you’ve made. Regardless, I hope you’ll reach out and find help in the midst of it all. Again, to see those resources, just go to ReviveOurHearts.com, select today’s program, and the transcript is just below the audio player. 

Dannah: Thanks, Nancy. 

Just a quick reminder about the Seeking Him study. If your soul is hungry to experience the joy of personal revival, I’d encourage you to get a copy of this study by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Tim Grissom. It’s one I’ve been through two or three times.

You can go through it on your own or in a group. It’s a twelve-week study that walks you through a variety of topics, all designed to help you grow closer to the Lord.

And this month Seeking Him is our thank-you gift to you for your donation of any amount. Ask about it when you contact us with your donation. You can give online or even over the phone. Online, just pay a visit to ReviveOurHearts.com/Donate. And here’s our phone number: 1-800-569-5959. 

A key part of Heidi’s healing was realizing that she wasn’t alone. There were other women who had gone through the same emotions she was experiencing. Tomorrow, Nancy will help us see that Jesus came to redeem alienated, isolated people, and to put them in families. 

Nancy: People are desperate for family. They're desperate for connection. They're desperate to belong.So many people, even those who look really put together, feel like misfits and outcasts. Jesus didn't intend for us to live as anonymous crowd dwellers.He wants to bring people out of the crowd and to within the crowd, to have people really see people.

Dannah: She’ll help us see how we can have that same kind of mindset. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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