Belief and a Contented Heart

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: The battle for contentment is a very real battle. But Melissa Kruger reminds us that we’re not left without weapons to use in that battle.

Melissa Kruger: We do not fight for contentment by being tougher; we fight for contentment by being on our knees and being in the Word. We must be women who seek the Lord daily!

Dannah Gresh: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast for November 3, 2023. I’m Dannah Gresh, and our host is the author of Choosing Gratitude, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

Nancy: Have you ever gotten a case of the “if onlys?” Like, “If only I had this thing,” or “If only such and such a circumstance were different . . . then I’d be happy!” I know I fight the “if onlys” from time to time. We all do! The secret, of course, is what our guest Melissa Kruger has been talking about this week. It’s cultivating a heart of contentment. 

Yesterday, Melissa began helping us be more acquainted with how to both identify and fight the enemy of contentment—covetousness. She reminded us that we lack contentment not because our circumstances aren’t lining up right, but because we have covetous hearts. 

Melissa is a wife, a mom, an author, and the director of Women’s Initiatives for The Gospel Coalition. 

We’re picking up with part three of Melissa’s message from a workshop at a recent True Woman conference. At this point in her message, she’s been describing what coveting looks like. She said:

• First of all, coveting is a sin pattern that is independent from our circumstances. Our tendency is to slip into “if only” kinds of thinking. But Melissa reminded us that at its core, coveting is a heart attitude of craving, always wanting more. 
• Then second, coveting is marked by comparison and entitlement. And boy, doesn’t social media make it easy for us to compare our looks, our family, or jobs, our homes, our lives, comparing them to others? Deep down, a covetous heart feels, “I deserve better.”

Here’s Melissa Kruger to help us know how to overcome the sin of covetousness by cultivating that beautiful grace of contentment.

Melissa: The third characteristic of coveting (and this is another Puritan word) is a “begetting” type of sin. Basically it gives birth to more sin. These inner desires of ours, hey don’t stay in our hearts.

You think, I can be a little grumbly and discontent; nobody has to know. In fact, you might even look at the tenth commandment—after murder and adultery and stealing. You’re like, “Man, what’s the big deal of the last one? Who does it harm?”

Well, here’s what James tells us: that “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin and sin, when it is fully grown, brings forth death” (James 1:14–15 NIV).

Desires don’t stay within our heart; they’re going to give birth in your life to places of sin. So when we talk about fighting this, I’m not talking about fighting this so that you’re pleasing to God; I’m talking about fighting because you already are. God is pleased with You.

He is saying, “Walk in the course of my commandments. Run in the path of My commandments because I’ve set your heart free!” He’s not shaming you to fight these desires. He’s like, “These desires are going to lead you to places of death!” What He’s saying is, “Fight for contentment and live!”

So the question for all of us in this coveting as we’ve looked at these characteristics is how do we know when a good desire has soured? This is always the question. And what I want to say really clearly here is: some days we’re sour as sour can be, and some days we’re holding a desire rightly. We’re all going to struggle with that in our lives.

I like to think of it like two jugs of milk in the fridge. You look at them and they both look fine, and then you start pouring one and you see the chunks and you smell it and you say, “That is sour!” And the same is true of our desires; they will show themselves to be sour.

I think the main way that a desire that has turned covetous shines that it is sour is that the attitude while we wait is full of discontentment and grumbling and anger and just deep, deep frustration with the Lord.

It’s not being realistic and saying, “I’m in a lot of pain; will you pray for me?” That’s different. It’s a deeply bitter heart that says, “The Lord is not good, because He gave me this.” It’s this deep, deep bitterness.

Probably about fifteen years ago some friends and I were at a park, and we loved this park because it was completely fenced. It had swings and slides and monkey bars and a sand pit. It had these nice little tables where we moms would sit while the kids ran, so we could actually maybe have a conversation for a few minutes while they did different things.

Right outside the fenced section there was a big field, and that field was next to a big busy road. So the older kids in the group all came to us, and they asked the parents, “Hey! Can we play out in that field?” right outside the fence.

And the moms kind of all gathered together, and we’re like, “No-o-o.” Because we know how this goes. If we let the older kids play outside the fence, then all the younger two-year-olds will want to play outside the fence. Then we will have anarchy and people running into the street! And so we said, “No.”

So we go back to talking as moms, and a few minutes later I look up and all of those older kids are standing at the fence looking at the field. Now, right behind them is a whole playground for their amusement. I mean, there’s room to run around in this playground, there are slides, there are monkey bars, there’s a sand pit. There’s all this they could be doing and enjoying, and they were standing and looking at the field! And I realized, that is often what I do when my desire has soured. I can not see anything good in my life because I am looking at the field of my longing, and I have forgotten about the field of my blessing. I’m just looking over that fence, saying, “I wish I could be in that field!”

I miss everything that has been given to me because I’m so busy looking at what I don’t have! And that’s a sure sign that our desire has soured, and it’s robbing us of joy! So those are those markers. Basically, when you see your life is not bearing the fruit of the Spirit, when you’re unloving, unkind, impatient. When all of those things are bearing fruit in your life, it’s just a sign saying, “Something’s wrong in my heart. An idol is capturing my heart, and I need to start doing battle.” 

The last thing I want us to talk about on this, well, I want us to talk about three things: What is at the heart of our problem when we covet? This is really important. It’s not just our fighting with our sin, there is some unbelief that we need to deal with, and there are three things I want us to look at.

The first thing is that basically our coveting looks at God, and maybe we would say Heaven rules, but I think most of us would be like, “Yeah, You’re ruling, but You’re not doing a very good job!” I want to give an example. 

Let’s say that big blue screen up there . . . Let’s say I greatly limit God and I say, “That’s everything that God knows about the universe.” Now, we know I’m limiting Him because He is infinite, and He is eternal, and His knowledge cannot be contained. But let’s say, I say that blue thing is all God knows about the world.

If I could touch this and put one small pencil dot on that blue screen and greatly over exaggerate my own knowledge of the world and say, “That’s how much I know! One little dot, that’s how much I know about this world and what’s going on in human history.” Again, big over exaggeration, big under exaggeration.

I (the small dot) look at the big blue screen and I say, “I don’t really think you know that much! I don’t think You are really reigning very well!” I want you to know that our coveting is high treason! We are actually saying, “God, You’re not doing this well!”And we are saying that from a place of complete and utter ignorance.

I do not know what’s best for me. Now, I’m so glad I don’t have to figure my life out. I would choose wrongly every time. How good is it that we can say, “I do not know what to do, but my eyes are on You!” because we know that a loving and good God, who sent His Son to die for us, rescue us, He is reigning! The dot does not get to reign.

But we kick and scream like a toddler who is throwing themselves on the floor, and we say, “I don’t think You’re doing this right!” That’s the image of who we are in comparison to who God is, and actually our grumbling and complaining is not small.

Did you ever read about the Israelites in the Old Testament? They didn’t get to go to the Promised Land? It’s not because they were doing all these terrible, awful things, in our modern mind, they were grumbling and complaining. But it was high treason against the God who had just rescued them (like two seconds ago) from the Pharaoh and from the Red Sea.

They had just crossed over, and already they’re like, “Maybe He’s not going to feed us!” And this is what we do. “I know You said, Jesus . . . I know He died an awful and painful death for my sins. I know that He came and lived a perfect and holy life and all of that has been given to me. But You have not given me a minivan with sliding doors!”

Girl! We are looking at Him and saying, “I don’t know if Jesus is enough.” That’s what our coveting says: “I don’t know if Jesus was enough to prove that You actually love me.” We have to realize that we have a huge heart problem when we are coveting.

Thomas Watson, another Puritan, said, “If the thing we desire [this is what a heart that trusts God says] is good, we shall have it. If it is not good, then the not having is good for us.” I highly recommend a book called The Art of Divine Contentment by Watson. It’s like eighty pages.

It is just full of statements like that, that I need to fill my mind with constantly. It’s so good! I highly recommend it. You can get it for free because it’s that old. It’s one of those old, old books that are free online. Print it up and read it!

So, the first thing is that coveting exposes that we have an unbelief, actually, in the character of God. We actually don’t believe He is good or we don’t believe He is sovereign; one of those things is off. 

The second thing: coveting exposes our unbelief in our true home. A few years ago we lived in Cambridge, England; my husband was a visiting professor there. The house we lived in there, it felt a little less than my American home. It didn’t have a dishwasher. It kind of had a dryer, but it kind of just burned the clothes as it kind of spun around. My refrigerator was like a dorm fridge, that I played Tetris to get all the food in every week when it came. The decor wasn’t really what I loved. I’d sit there and none of it bothered me, you know. I was just like, “I’m so glad to get to have this experience to live here! It’s okay that we have to wash the dishes every night, because, wow! We get to do this!”

Part of me knew, “This is six months of my life.” I knew back in America I actually had two refrigerators—one in the garage to hold all the extra food that I have in my house. I knew I had a huge washer and dryer that can probably fit a full comforter. I had a yard for my kids to play in. I had my own decor in that house.

Knowing that I wasn’t living in my home actually helped me. Knowing that I had a home that was coming helped me enjoy the home that wasn’t that perfect. And here’s what coveting exposes: coveting exposes that I think this world is my true home. 

This is an airport; we should approach this life as a journey. We are on our way home. But you know when you’re traveling, you just recognize things aren’t going to be that great. You recognize, “I am probably not going to sleep very well.” You recognize, “My clothes are going to be dirty. I’m going to feel yucky, and that’s just what this is, this is a travel day.” That’s what this life is. 

And it’s actually when we start believing in this life, we will be robbed of our ability to enjoy it. But when we believe that My Savior is preparing a home for eternity for me, I can deal with it here. I’ve got an eternal weight of glory coming.” 

I’ll bear whatever You want me to bear here, because I know it will all be right there! There will be no more crime, there will be no more tears, there will be no mourning. Home is coming! I’m just getting there. That’s what we have to know: our home is coming, so we can wait with patience here.

Last thing, we actually have an unbelief about our purpose. We think when we come to Christ, He just wants to come and make our life great! Isn’t that sometimes the line that we’ve been told? “Coming to Christ all your problems will be solved!” He died on a Cross, the Savior! And then He says, “Take up your cross and follow Me!” 

We are not listening to the Bible if we are believing false promises that He never promised. The Bible is very clear that this world is full of suffering, and God’s people are suffering. Pretty much all of the disciples were martyred, except for John. I mean, things don’t go well, often, for God’s people.

 

It’s not that He’s saying, “Come to Me and I’m going to give you the life of your dreams!” No, He says, “Come follow a crucified Savior.” So we actually have a wrong view of our purpose in life. His purpose is not to make your life look like everybody else’s; His purpose is to make you look like Jesus! That is His best good for you!

In Romans 8:28 when it says (you know, we quote this to one another), “He’s working everything for good!” but we forget the next part. What’s the next part? “So that you would be conformed into the image of His Son” (Rom. 8:28–29 NIV). That’s His best good for you.

I love how C. S. Lewis says it (he says everything so beautifully!):

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is stopping up the leaks in the roof and so on. You knew that those jobs needed doing, and so you were not surprised.

But presently He starts knocking about the house in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house than the one you thought of.

He’s throwing on a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

Jesus is dreaming way bigger dreams for you than you are dreaming for yourself, and that is good, good news! Scripture says, “For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son” (Rom. 8:9 NIV). That’s what He’s working for you, and that’s what He is doing.

 I’m going to close with this thought: We’ve talked about what contentment is, we’ve talked about the great enemy, which is our coveting. And the last thing I want to just put in your minds is, “How do we cultivate contentment in our lives?” 

And let me say this really clearly. We talked about this a little bit at the beginning. We must be abiding women if we want to be content women! We do not fight for contentment by being tougher; we fight for contentment by being on our knees and being in the Word. We must be women who seek the Lord daily!

I also want to encourage you to desire more out of life, not to desire less. There’s a popular author under the Christian guise who talks about having a dream wall. And on her dream wall was a house in Hawaii, being on the cover on Forbes, and having famous friends. This was on her dream wall. 

And she’s like, “If I put my dream wall up there, I’m going to get it!” And she’s gotten a lot of those things. But let me say this and what I know about my own heart. If I had a second home in Hawaii, I’d be like, “Why are y’all tracking in all the sand!?” I’d be discontent about the sand, or I’d be upset that my kids had done something, or upset that my husband had done something, if I don’t have contentment.

If I got on the cover of Forbes I’d be like, “Uhhh, I can’t believe they put me at that angle! I can’t believe they did that!” I’m not asking you to dream for less, I’m actually asking you to dream for more!

If I could give you a dream wall, it would be the fruit of the Spirit. It would be. “Lord, I’m going to put this up.” Maybe put it up in your house. Put up a dream wall and put on it love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Put it up and say, “Make me like that, Jesus.”

Put up your promises, like we talked about last night, and say, “Make me believe Your promises!” We’ve got to seek more out of life, not seek less, to be contented women. The other thing I just want to encourage you to do also is confess freely to one another.

You know, we can hide our discontentment in our prayer requests. Have you ever heard anybody do this? “[desperately] Let me tell you what to pray for me!” And then we just pour out all of our complaints as prayer requests. What if we said, “My life feels really hard right now, and my heart is really hard right now. Will you pray that the Lord would suit my heart to my circumstance? Would you pray that He would give me contentment even if this doesn’t change?” 

What if we asked for that? Isn’t that bigger? Again, don’t desire less, desire more. Desire that He would fit you to your circumstances. Be willing to confess freely with those in your life.

And then the Lord is going to start to change our lives. When we repent and believe, He is going to cultivate contentment. It’s kind of like when you go and talk to your doctor and say, “Okay, I’ve got to lose weight. How do I do it?” 

“Eat right and exercise.” 

And I’m going to tell you, if you want to fight for contentment, you come to the doctor and you want the new diet pill that’s going to get you there. And I’m going to tell you, “Read your Bible, study your Bible, obey your Bible, and pray for Jesus to change you.” 

That’s where it’s found. That’s where life is found. Jesus is where life is found. Don’t neglect Him, and we will be content women! Let me pray.

Father, Lord, we know we need You. Lord, we think too highly of ourselves, we think too highly of what we know, and we live like Heaven does not rule. So, Lord, we pray that You would reign in our hearts, that You would take over places where we are bitter or discontent or upset or angry.

Lord, You would help us to live freely. Let us be abiding women. Let us be women who have the promises from Your Word so hidden in our hearts that we can proclaim them to ourselves and to one another day after day after day as we walk before the watching world with deep hope. Help us be those women! Lord, we love You, we know that Heaven rules. Let us live like it. It’s in Your name we pray, amen.

Nancy: Amen! A contented heart is one that understands and lives out the truth that Heaven rules. This is a huge issue in my life. It's a huge issue, I think, in all of our lives—to cultivate the character quality of true contentment.

We’ve been listening to Melissa Kruger, sharing some encouragement with women who attended her breakout session at the True Woman conference. Melissa’s book for women about this subject of contentment is titled: The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World. I can't recommend this book enough as you examine your own heart and think through how to cultivate a contented heart. You’ll find a link to more information about that book in the transcript of today’s program. Also, Melissa mentioned a book by the seventeenth-century English Puritan pastor Thomas Watson. It’s called The Art of Divine Contentment. It's a rich, old-time work. If you'd like to dig into that, you’ll find a link to it, as well, within the transcript at ReviveOurHearts.com.

I hope you can take inventory in your own heart, maybe go back and re-listen to this series on "Cultivating Contentment," and ask the Lord to do a fresh, deep work in your own heart. Confess to Him the areas you’ve allowed covetousness to take over, and then decide what steps you’re going to take to do more of that abiding Melissa was talking about—finding your satisfaction in Jesus alone. And then reach out to a mature friend or mentor and ask for accountability. Cultivating something takes a lot of work! Hard soil has to be broken up, weeds have to be pulled, there’s planting the right seeds and feeding and watering. It’s no different when we’re cultivating contentment.

And with Thanksgiving just around the corner here in the U.S., a contented heart is a thankful heart. Let’s ask God to make us completely satisfied in Him. As He cultivates that heart within us, it expresses itself in thanksgiving.

Dannah: Thanks, Nancy! Again, our website for reviewing this series is ReviveOurHearts.com, or you’ll find it on the Revive Our Hearts app, or your smart speaker, or wherever you get your podcasts.

While you’re checking out our website, be sure to look at the details about the tabletop cards based on Nancy’s Advent devotional Born a Child and Yet a King. There’s also a reading club related to that book that’s gonna be starting on December 1. The cards are our gift to you in appreciation for your donation of any amount. All the information can be found at ReviveOurHearts.com, or call us at 1-800-569-5959. 

Next week Nancy will help us see the safety and provision and comfort we can find “Under His Wings.” That will be Monday and Tuesday. Then on Wednesday, Jason and Erin Davis will join me to talk about their new book Lies Boys Believe. I hope you’ll join us for that. 

I’m Dannah Gresh. Have a wonderful weekend. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is calling you to reject covetousness and find freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

All Scripture is taken from the ESV unless otherwise noted.

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