A Secure Identity

Dannah Gresh: According to Amanda Kassian, it’s easy for us as women to make an idol out of gaining the approval of others. 

Amanda Kassian: We are caught up in how we look. “Should I change this about my body so that I receive approval to fulfill my identity?” That is not where our identity is secure. God made you “you.” You are a masterpiece created in Christ to do good works that He set out for you to do (see Eph. 2:10). 

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast for July 28, 2023. I’m Dannah Gresh, and our host is the author of Adorned, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: We women love beauty, don’t we? We enjoy the process of adorning ourselves and our environment. Maybe you enjoy shopping for clothes, makeup, or jewelry to help you look your best. 

Or maybe you’re into picking paint and accessories to make your home more welcoming or comfortable or fashionable. I’ve been doing a little bit of that in our home recently. Maybe you enjoy just beautifully garnishing the food you put on the table to make it look super attractive.

Or maybe you’re into dressing little ones in cute outfits. Or maybe you’re into adding those special touches that make our surroundings, our relationships, and our activities just a little more beautiful and personal and fun!

We do it in different ways, but assembling and cultivating beauty is deeply satisfying, don’t you think? And feeling beautiful . . . it’s a longing deep in many women’s hearts. It’s spawned and fueled countless industries, don’t you know!

Today’s guest understands that quest for beauty. She’s seen it reproduced in many of the women that she ministers to on a regular basis. Amanda Kassian is about to help us think through when that drive—that passion for beauty or attention—turns into a sinful obsession.

If you’ve listened to Revive Our Hearts for any length of time, or even just recently, the name Kassian will be familiar to you. Amanda is the daughter-in-law of Mary Kassian who is heard frequently on this program and at conferences sponsored by Revive Our Hearts.

Amanda has founded Seen Ministry. It’s a women’s ministry in Canada that hosts gatherings for women with the purpose of equipping and empowering them to live for Jesus Christ. Not long ago Amanda sat down for an interview with our friend and a member of the Revive Our Hearts Board of Directors, Bob Lepine. 

Bob started by asking her to share a little of her own story. Let’s listen to their conversation. Here’s Amanda Kassian talking to Bob Lepine.

Amanda: I was born and raised in a smaller Texas city. My parents divorced when I was nine years old. I would say my parents believed in God, but we weren’t faithful Christians who went to church or practiced Christianity, by any means. 

So my limited knowledge of who God is were prayers that we would say every night before bed. That’s who I knew God to be. I was a very troubled child, especially after my parent’s divorce. I had an older sister with special needs and a younger brother. 

Once my mom had to go back to work, I really took on the responsibility of caring for my siblings and babysitting and having responsibilities. When we moved from a smaller city to a big city, I was really struggling with approval.

My dad was not a part of my life from ages--probably--eleven to twenty-three. And so, I really struggled with not having a dad, and I was looking for approval in all the wrong places. In seventh grade I was chasing after boys, looking for attention.

One of my friends who was a Christian at the time invited me to a youth event. She said, “Come to this with me!” I went with the purpose of chasing after a boy, thinking, Okay! I’m going to dress in my cute outfit. I’m going to try to get this boy’s attention.

Little did I know that God was going to be bringing Himself to my attention. When I heard the gospel message for the first time, I heard the words, “You have a Father!” That is when I gave my life to Christ! 

From then on I was drawn to knowing more about God. I wanted to learn, but I couldn’t get to church. I would hitch rides with my friends when I could. When I started driving, I drove to church myself. God in His grace laid heavy convictions on my heart to walk in obedience to Him.

I couldn’t explain that. When I look back on my life, I think, Why did I make these decisions to remain pure? These convictions were from a place of, “I want to honor God with my life!” That was by His grace alone.

So God worked in my life through a series of events and people and churches. When I turned twenty-three, I started asking a lot of questions about what happened between my parents. I was not believing just the story that was told to me, but wanting to know what really happened. I was really working through the bitterness that I had towards my dad.

I told God, “I don’t want to harbor bitterness in my life. I want to forgive this man for the hurts and for his absence in my life. I want to be obedient in forgiving others as You have forgiven me. How do I do that?”

God worked through Bible studies, through conferences, through people speaking into my life. I came to a crossroads in my life where I said, “God, if you want me to forgive my dad, I want to do it face to face.”

At the time my dad was living in another state. I was coaching volleyball and traveling all over to coach young girls. When I said that prayer, my dad actually called that week and said, “Hey, what are you doing this weekend?”

I said, “I’m going to Dallas. I’m going to be coaching at a tournament there.” 

He said, “Oh, I’m going to be there, too!” 

I knew that God was faithful in my restoration and what I wanted to do in obedience. So, I sat before my dad, with whom for years I struggled with a lot of anger and bitterness. I didn’t tell him all the wrongs that he did. I didn’t tell him how he hurt me. I just asked questions about what happened with my parents’ divorce, and I forgave him. 

I said, “Dad, I just want you to know, and I have to do this for myself, that I forgive you for the years that were lost in our relationship.”

At that time I felt this physical release—almost a freedom, like chains being broken. It was from then on that my faith exploded with God! It was almost as if this bitterness was keeping me like a bird in a cage, so that I couldn’t fly.

Until I took that step of forgiving, and doing what Christ had done for me, was when I truly exploded in knowing and understanding God, the cross, the gospel, and freedom in Christ. Since then, my sanctification and my progression in my faith has just been learning about Him and knowing Him and then having the passion to share that with other women.

Even to this day, I run a ministry in Canada that does the same thing. I want women to know the freedom in Christ that I have experienced—I was once chained, I was once lost, I was once alienated from God but through Christ’s love, He has set me free!

Bob Lepine: You would look back on that pivotal decision you made to forgive your dad. Had you not made that choice, do you think you’d still be spiritually locked up?

Amanda: Yes, I would. I always think about if I had never accepted Christ who I would be. I have a lot of family members who struggle with addiction and depression. There’s some darkness in my family line.

I currently volunteer with women who struggle with addiction and who are trying to recover. I see myself in them. That could have been me. Even when I think about Christians who harbor bitterness or who harbor anger, our outward behavior is a signal of an inner struggle.

I know that my outward behavior and how I minister and how I attempt to advance the kingdom of God would look different in the eyes of others if I had never addressed my heart issues. Yeah, I wouldn’t be the same.

Bob: I’m sure as you work with young women, women your age, who are hanging on to the wounds and the scars and can’t let go of them, can’t release them, can’t forgive . . . You can see in a way that maybe they can’t, how bound up they are by that.

Amanda: Yeah, I do. One of the things that women really struggle with today—especially women my age in their young to mid-thirties—is the struggle with anxiety—anxiety and worry and uncertainty in what the world holds.

Christ offers His peace. He says, “I give you perfect peace whose mind is set on Him” (Isa. 26:3). The freedom that I have when it comes to knowing Christ, knowing the gospel, knowing that heaven rules, knowing that my assurance and my inheritance is in heaven gives me peace of mind and freedom! 

I’m not locked into a state of panic or a state of worry because I’m assured in the truth that God has spoken to me. Women who struggle with anger and bitterness and pain and woundedness . . . The thing that troubles me the most is the outcome of that inner struggle and the behaviors that take place outside of that. That truly has a ripple effect on people in their communities and in their circles.

Bob: Where did you get a vision for what godly biblical womanhood looks like?

Amanda: I’d say it’s been trial and error. I can’t say that I have a story where I was taught all the things. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, even as a Christian! I look back at my early twenties and I think, “Wow! You were really dumb!” I know that it’s in God’s grace and in His timing. 

Even as I work with younger women and I hear their stories and some of the things that they say, I nod my head and I think, You will learn, little one, you will learn . . . and sometimes the hard way.

I think God has placed different influences in my life to shape me and mold me into the woman that I am today. It’s examples by seeing, but it’s also examples by God’s Word—like through Bible studies, through conferences, through teaching.

I have learned through many different avenues. I can’t say it’s been one, but it’s been many of God’s people who were obedient to living biblically as a woman that have influenced me in my life today.

Bob: Where do you think most young women, women your age, are most out of sync with what the Scriptures teach when it comes to being a godly woman? Culture says this, the Bible says this . . . Where are they mostly thinking culturally instead of thinking biblically?

Amanda: That children are a nuisance. Children are a gift! Children are a gift from God. They are an opportunity to steward and disciple His goodness! Oftentimes I see young moms joke about how painful their children are. I just think that holds consequences to how we steward our gift of motherhood.

I think social media plays a huge role in what shapes a woman. Right now we’re seeing a lot of filters, a lot of faux identities amongst the younger generations. What I want to encourage women with is: God made you “you” for who you are. You are a masterpiece created in Christ to do good works that He set out for you to do! (see Eph. 2:10).

We are caught up in how we look. “Should I get botox? Should I change this about my body so that I receive approval from men—or women—to fulfill my identity?” That is not where our identity is secure. Our identity is secure in who Christ made us to be and what He’s called us to do.

But I’m finding that the younger generation of women are infatuated with the self and how that self is portrayed to the world. I’m just wondering what kind of message is that giving to women? Is that giving the message of Christ? Is that giving a message of Jesus’ gospel message of saving grace and freedom?

Bob: I read a fascinating review of a book yesterday. (I haven’t read the book.) There’s a book that's come out called The Gospel of Wellness. It’s talking about “wellness culture,” which I hadn’t heard that phrase before.

It’s a $4.4 trillion industry. It said primarily women are flocking to whatever is going to help them find the wellness that they’re looking for. It went on to say that they’re suckers! I mean, the book says they think wellness is going to be found in trying to mask their aging. 

Just talk about the quest for wellness and the need for soul-wellness instead of body-wellness.

Amanda: One of the things that I’m seeing a lot (and if I would say that I don’t struggle with it, that would be a lie) is that beauty can be something that we can be creative in. I think our God is an artist! 

When I go shopping or when I do my makeup or when I do my hair, I’ve always wrestled with the question of, “Is this idolatrous?” But one of the ways that God has made me is that I’m a creative person, and it is art to me. . .

Planning to change out my hair, doing my makeup, it’s art, and I love that! But the second that it becomes an obsession, then it becomes an idol. If I get to a place where I can’t work out, if I say, “I need to work out every single day in order to receive full approval,” or achieve success, or whatever you’re trying to accomplish with changing your body . . . If I can never take that out of my life without feeling flustered or feeling a sense of angst, then that thing has become an idol in my life. If I can’t give up shopping for a month, then that thing has become an idol in my life. If I can’t go to the store without wearing makeup, that thing has become an idol in my life.

I think women need to be careful with, “At what level on that grid is this becoming an idol of my heart, to where I have to do this in order to feel secure?” Can I give this up at any moment and say, “Nope! I don’t need to work out. I don’t need to do my makeup. I don’t need to do my hair because I’m secure in Christ!”

I think that matters for our younger women today, that we don’t need to post a selfie to gain approval. We can be assured that God sees us, God knows us, and He cares for us, and we are fine just the way we are!

Nancy: Amanda Kassian has been helping us remember that our identity needs to be founded on our relationship with Jesus, not on whatever we’re trying to shape our identity to be. She’ll be back in a moment to pray.

But first, Amanda talked about heart idolatry. Now, news flash for you, all of us have a tendency to make idols in our hearts. That’s another way of saying that in our flesh we easily come up with things that are more important to us than God.

If you want to get a sense of how serious heart idolatry is to God, I’d encourage you to spend some time in the book of Ezekiel, chapter 14. As you read, ask the Lord to show you where you might be trying to worship false gods.

Maybe it’s the god of the approval of others, or the love of pleasure, or your own independence. Whatever it is, anything we place in a higher, more important place than God is an idol! Once you identify it, confess it as sin, and then look to Jesus! Your relationship with Him is where your true identity lies, as Amanda has reminded us today.

Colossians chapter 3, the first several verses say this: 

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. (vv. 1–3)

Do you hear all the “identity language” there? If you’re a follower of Jesus, you’ve died! You’ve been raised with Christ! That ought to affect all of life. It should also help take the pressure off for you to try and manufacture your own identity. It should give you the freedom of living out your true identity in Christ!

I hope today’s program has been an encouragement to you! You’ll find a link to Amanda’s ministry—Seen Ministry—in the transcript of this program at ReviveOurHearts.com. And while you’re there, check out the various titles we have available in our summer Bible study sale.

I know that a lot of women’s ministry leaders in churches are deciding what Bible study they’re going to go through this fall. Well, Revive Our Hearts has a few studies we’d like to recommend, and they’re on sale now through August 14. Again, our website is ReviveOurHearts.com, or you can call us at 1-800-569-5959.

I hope you’ll have a blessed weekend and a wonderful Lord’s Day worshiping with the people of God in your local church! On Monday, Nancy Lindgren joins us to look at the ins and outs of living out what we sometimes refer to as “our Titus 2 mandate.” That’s the idea of women mentoring women. You’re going to love this session! I hope you’ll join us for it next week on Revive Our Hearts. 

Now, here’s Amanda Kassian to close us in prayer.

Bob: Pray for your peers, for younger women today, and where they are.

Amanda: Lord, I thank You for the generations that have gone before us. You have given us examples—not only in Christ—but in those women and leaders. I think of the younger generations and what they are struggling with now—the struggle with beauty, the struggle with coping mechanisms—to cover up issues in our hearts. They struggle with anxiety and worry. They struggle with motherhood . . . are they doing enough?

Lord, I pray a blanket of peace over the generations to come, the generations that are looking for peace in other things and worldly circumstances. They’re looking for it in good circumstances versus knowing that You give peace despite bad circumstances. 

Lord, I pray for that peace. I pray that the peace that You have given us as a fruit of the Spirit, that we have access to, that women depend on the Holy Spirit to give them an inner peace that surpasses all understanding! Your Word says that in this world we will have trouble, but take heart because You have overcome the world! 

So, Lord, I pray that women will know that peace, that they will know that security and know that worldly aspirations and worldly approval are not what You desire. You desire a peace that surpasses understanding and that they have that. They have access to it at all times through the gift of the Holy Spirit.

So, Father, would You lay a gift of peace, a blanket of peace, over the generations that are to come, as they struggle with worry, as they struggle with beauty and they struggle with motherhood. You are enough! They are not enough, but You are enough. So, Lord, would You remind them of that truth this day? In Jesus’ name, amen.

Dannah: Don’t forget to check out our summer Bible study sale, going on right now at ReviveOurHearts.com. 

This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, calling you to the secure identity found in freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ!

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