Why Do We Need Discernment?

Dannah Gresh: Melissa Kruger warns us that our own hearts can be deceitful. 

Melissa Kruger: We have to be on guard against those who might come in to seek to destroy us, but we have to be on guard against our own heart that might deceive us and tell us what we want to hear.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast, for January 23, 2023. I’m Dannah Gresh, along with our host, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, co-author of Seeking Him. 

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: As you may know, last fall Revive Our Hearts hosted a True Woman conference. One the things we did in this conference was we had a whole set of breakout sessions with different speakers on different topics—dozens of them that people could choose from. They had to sign up in advance when they registered for which breakout sessions they wanted to attend.

I was really pleasantly surprised when one of the breakout sessions that got the most intereste was by a friend of mine, Melissa Kruger, a session on the subject of discernement. I was a little surprised that hundreds and hundreds of people wanted to hear a talk on discernment. But I was really thrilled because I don't know if there is any topic that we need more help with today than how to discern—how to discern when we are making hard decisions, when there is a fork in the road and we have to discern is this is the better way to go or is that? And then how to discern in our entertainment choices and the things we read and the things we see and believe, and how we process them? How do we hold everything up to the light of Scripture and make biblically informed choices?

Well, I heard great things about that breakout session after the conference. That's why we are wanting to share it with you this week on Revive Our Hearts.

Melissa and her husband have three children. She serves as Director of Women’s Initiatives for The Gospel Coalition and is the author of multiple books, including The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World. Today I'm thrilled that we get to hear the first part of Melissa's message on becoming a more discerning woman. I know that is something I need, and I know it is something every one of us needs. So let's listen carefully. Here’s Melissa Kruger. 

Melissa Kruger: When I was twenty-one I was sitting in my college apartment, and I had what felt to me like a terrible decision to make. I was engaged to my college boyfriend; we’d been dating for three years. I had a ring on my finger, and I was terrified. I didn’t know if I should marry him and I didn’t know if I should give the ring back.

We talked to our pastor, we talked to our friends, we sought wise counsel, and my pastor looked at me and he said, “You’ve been dating long enough; you need to make a decision.” I kind of wanted to perpetually live in indecision. He said, “You need to give this guy his life back and let him go on if you’re not going to marry him.”

So he came over that night, on the night we had decided this was the night of decision, and I gave him the ring back.

I can say even standing here, it was probably the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life, all those years ago—I don’t know how many years; I can’t do the math that fast, but it’s been a while. I look back and I remember how completely lost I felt. There were no big red flags. There was no situation of, “This isn’t a Christian; I should clearly not marry him.” He loved the Lord, he loved me. He was a great guy. But I knew in my heart I felt this deep unsureness.

I can remember in those moments thinking, “Lord, if You would just tell me! If it was just in the Bible: ‘Please marry this person.’ I would do it! I totally would do it.” But there was no such revelation, no such light from heaven, and I felt like I was walking in darkness as I was trying to make that decision. I am sure as women today you have felt the same thing. I’m sure you all have decisions in your life that are not clearly defined by Scripture.

Let me start this talk, as we move into talking about discernment—the very first thing: if the Bible says it, do it, okay? We’re not going to talk about that stuff today. That doesn’t take discernment, that just takes obedience. That’s just old-fashioned—Jesus said it; you need to do it, because it’s really going to be the best for you. It’s not like some law to put on your back. It’s not like you have to earn your salvation. It’s life. Let me just start by saying that. The first thing to discern is God’s Word is true and it is what is always best for you. That’s the first thing.

But then we get to these places in life, like, what are you going to spend your time on today? Are you going to come to True Woman, or are you going to watch TV? I mean, it’s not like watching Netflix is a sin, necessarily. We have questions like, how are you going to use your gifts for the church? Where are you going to volunteer? Where are you going to move in life? What are you going to spend your time on during the day? What are you going to spend your money on during the day?

There are a lot of questions in our lives that there’s no magic scroll coming down from heaven saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” We wish there was for a lot of these decisions in life, but there aren’t.

What I want us to talk about in this talk is, how do we become women who make wise choices as we deal with a marketplace of life? In this life—let’s just be honest—people are screaming at us all day long. “Hey, you need this! Hey, this will make your life better! Hey, this will make you look better! Hey, this will solve all your cleaning problems!” There are voices crying out to us every day.

In fact, I think we can say—I’m always a little bit hesitant to say, “This is the error that has never been before.” I’m always a little bit nervous to over-dramatize, “Oh my goodness, life has never been like this.” But I think I can honestly say we have never had access to as much information in human history as we do today. I think that’s just an honest appraisal. While there is nothing new under the sun, there are new ways to find out things. So the reality is we have a gazillion things coming at us all the time, and it’s super hard to know what is true and what is false. It’s really hard as we look at the world before us.

Yet, at the same time, I think what we can know about the world, while there are new modes of information—it used to be you at least had to type in Google something; now you’re just like, “Hey, Alexa!” You don’t even have to type anymore to get information. “What’s the weather today? What’s the capital of Finland?” Whatever—I can ask Alexa anything and she tells it. She keeps my tea timed perfectly; she’s amazing. She’s like my best friend.

We have all this access to information, but the reality is there are still two voices that cry out to us. I know we think we have a thousand voices, but honestly they all fall into one of two camps: the voice of wisdom or the voice of folly.

So, turn with me to Proverbs 9. 

Wisdom has built her house;
   she has hewn her seven pillars.
She has slaughtered her beasts; she has mixed her wine;
   she has also set her table.
She has sent out her young women to call
   from the highest places in the town,
“Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!”
   To him who lacks sense she says,
“Come, eat of my bread
   and drink of the wine I have mixed.
Leave your simple ways, and live,
   and walk in the way of insight.” (vv. 1–6)

That’s Lady Wisdom. Now let’s contrast that; skip down to Proverbs 9:13.

The woman Folly is loud;
   she is seductive and knows nothing.
She sits at the door of her house;
   she takes a seat on the highest places of the town,
calling to those who pass by,
    who are going straight on their way,
“Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!”
   And to him who lacks sense she says,
“Stolen water is sweet,
   and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.”
But he does not know that the dead are there,
   that her guests are in the depths of Sheol. (vv. 13–18)

We have two contrasting voices, Lady Wisdom and Lady Folly, and they are both in the marketplace, and they’re both calling out. They’re both preparing a feast. I want you to compare verses 4 and 16. Do you see anything interesting? They’re calling out to the same people.

Okay, here’s our reality: we’re simple. They’re not calling out to—Wisdom’s calling out to the smart people and Folly’s calling out to the not-so-smart people. No, that’s not what we have. We have, “Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!” The only option is that we’re simple. That’s our option. We are simple, but two voices are calling out. 

They’re both inviting us into their homes, and look at verse 6. “Leave your simple ways.” One is an invitation to leave the simple life and what? Live! And look at verse 18. “But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol.” What’s Sheol? The place of death.

Wisdom—she’s there! She’s saying, “Come! Live!” She’s out. She’s actually on Instagram, you all. She’s on Twitter. She’s there. There are voices in every marketplace calling out with wisdom, and there are voices in every town and every marketplace that are folly. The difference between the two is life and death. Discernment is a very significant thing. Both are calling out.

It would be one thing if we were just talking about culture. I think we can believe it about culture. We can look at culture and say, “Yep. For sure there is folly being spouted out every day in culture, and there is wisdom. There is genuine wisdom that’s also being spouted out.” We all believe in common grace as Christians. Even non-Christians can have some wisdom sometimes. It’s not like they’re all just putting out bad things. There’s wisdom out there and there’s folly, and the biggest question is, how do we discern the difference?

Here’s our second problem. I wish I could just say, “Go to church! All you get in church is wisdom.” Or, “Follow all those Christian influencers on Instagram. That’s all they’re putting out, is wisdom.” The reality is it’s not just culture that has a problem. Scripture warns us that the church has a problem. We need to pay attention. Our problem isn’t just society; the church actually has a problem, too. This is where I think we get into some real trouble as women.

Here’s the thing: false teachers in the church look like Christians. Jesus talked about this problem, Paul talked about this problem, and Peter talked about this problem. This is not new. Sometimes I think we think, “They were all good guys in Acts. They were all great.” No, Paul regularly talked about different people who had totally left the faith altogether. We’re just not reading our Bibles sometimes.

 

Listen to what Jesus said. This is Matthew 7. Jesus said, “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits.”

Notice they look like real Christians. They are going to claim to love Jesus. They are going to do spiritual things. They will probably be pretty likable, or else people would not follow them. These false wolves, these people in sheep’s clothing who come into the church, who invade your life, they are Lady Folly, and they are trying to get you to choose the path of death. Even though they look like one of the sheep, they are there.

We have to remember the story of Judas in the New Testament. Here’s what always strikes me about Judas. You remember at the Last Supper when the disciples are sitting around and Jesus says, “One of you is going to betray me”? Notice what they don’t all do. They don’t all start side-eying Judas. “Mm-hmm, I’ve been wondering about him the whole time.” That is not what they do! What do they all say? “Is it I? Is it, Lord?” That should make you feel a lot better about your faith, because I’d be like, “It’s probably me. It’s probably me!”

But what they didn’t know . . . they didn’t know it was Judas. You remember Judas? He went out with the seventy-two, and when they came back saying, “Look at all the miracles we performed,” Judas was there. When they went from town to town and saw the miracles and ate the bread when there were only five loaves—he was there! He heard all the same sermons, he had his feet washed. He was there. He saw and he heard and he never believed. He never believed. He had an outward association with Jesus but had no inward affection. It’s the most terrifying life to live, because you’re probably lying to yourself, and you’re lying to everyone around you. He had an outward association with no inward affection, and that is what ravenous wolves will have. They will use Jesus as long as it works for them, and then, when it no longer works, they will drop Jesus.

Secondly, people are going to want what false teachers are giving. I think sometimes I see things happening, especially in our online world. Here’s the thing: you used to go to one church, and you heard from one pastor, and you took what he had to say, and you listened. Now we have thousands of people influencing us faith-wise. There are some good things to that and there are some bad things to that, but here’s the reality: people want what false teachers are giving. 

Here’s what 2 Timothy tells us. Paul, writing to Timothy, says, “For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths” (4:3–4).

That sounds a lot like what’s happening today, doesn’t it? People do not want sound teaching, they do not want historical Christianity: “So let’s find somebody who will tell us what we want to hear anyway!” They will accumulate—here’s the thing. It’s not just that there are wolves going after you, it’s us. We want to accumulate teachers for ourselves who will tell us what our itching ears want to hear. We have to be on guard against those who might come in to seek to destroy us, but we have to be on guard against our own heart that might deceive us and tell us what we want to hear.

Here’s the good news—eventually, their fruit will expose them. I have to say this: I think sometimes when someone is exposed as being a false teacher we get so upset at ourselves. We’re like, “Why was I duped? Is something wrong with me?” Just remember, none of the disciples knew Judas. We can’t know what’s in someone else’s heart, and we shouldn’t be walking around with our judging stick saying, “Yes . . . mm-mm . . .” We don’t have to live that kind of life. We have to be aware that it’s a reality without personally judging individually until fruit is exposed.

Here’s how that fruit is going to look. This is in 2 Peter 2:1.

But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed. And in their greed they will exploit you with false words. Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep. (vv. 1–3)

This is a stern warning, but I want you to see three things and three ways they deny Jesus.

First, they deny Jesus by their pride. They will deny the Master’s teaching. When you blaspheme the Word of truth, that is essentially saying, “Yes . . . I know Jesus said this, but I think He meant this.” They’re going to do this. They’re going to play with God’s Word and suit it to fit their own needs.

The second thing that’s going to expose them is usually going to be sex. They will be sensual and they will invite others into their sensuality. That’s going to take a lot of different forms. It might not be their actions, it might be their teaching, but it’s going to be part of the false reality that goes out.

The third thing is money. There’s going to be greed that will eventually be exposed. I think when I look around at false teachers who have been exposed, usually all three are present. You will usually see pride, sex, and money as they are exposed.

Let me clarify one thing. When we’re talking about false teachers, it’s not the same thing as a teacher who is wrong sometimes—or else, I will get off the stage and quietly exit, because we are all wrong sometimes. Every teacher who’s teaching at this conference looks back on something she’s said and says, “Ooh, that was not right! That was not good! Oh my goodness; I can’t believe I said that that was about this and it was clearly about this!” We all have those moments where we have taught incorrectly.

In fact, we see this happen in Scripture. In Acts there was a Jew named Apollos, and he was a gifted teacher, and he was teaching. But the Scriptures tell us that he only knew about the baptism of John, so he began to speak boldly in the synagogue. But when Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately. What they didn’t do was shout, “You’re a false teacher!”

We’re not going around looking at everyone to make sure they pass our theological test, okay? Not everyone who gets something wrong theologically is a false teacher. This is really important for us to grasp; it’s actually part of discernment, to be able to understand we can have a mistaken teacher, but that’s not necessarily a false teacher. We throw around “false teacher” on Twitter way too fast. None of us would stand in the Day of Judgment on Twitter. There is just this condemnation that can come that is not what I see in Scripture.

There is a big difference between being willing to be corrected versus someone who stands and says, “No. I know what God’s Word teaches, and I am trying to undermine it.” The purposefulness is very different.

Here are four signs of a false teacher that I want you to have in your mind. 

First, they do not respond to correction. Apollos started teaching what was right. He changed as soon as he found out. He didn’t know the full gospel. He changed; he started teaching what was right. So firstly, a false teacher will not respond to correction.

Secondly, they sit above God’s Word rather than under God’s Word. Positionally, how do you come to God’s Word? Are you looking at it and saying, “Hmm. I’ll think about whether I agree with that”? That’s what false teachers do. They kind of look at it and they’re like, “Hmm. That one I don’t like. I’m not going to talk about that one much.” Or do you sit under it and say, “Huh. I don’t understand what this is saying, but I know that’s a lack in me not a lack in God.”

When I look in the Word, there are confusing parts in there. We look at some parts and we’re like, “I am not sure why this was good. Why did God command them to do that?” We all have those moments. But what I have learned to say is, “I don’t understand it, but one day I will. God will fully make it right when I am right. I do not doubt that at all. My lack of understanding is just about a deficiency in me, not in God’s Word.” That’s sitting under the Scriptures. I am not in judgment of them, okay? I am trying to live life in front of them.

Thirdly, their growth in the faith usually means turning from historical Christianity. One thing my husband always says—he’s a professor at a seminary—he always says, “We are not trying to teach anything new here. We are trying to teach old truths in new and beautiful ways.” When you see somebody coming up with a new truth about Jesus, your red flag should be going up huge and saying, “Huh. No one in the church has ever thought this before? Maybe it’s not true.”

We are sola Scriptura people, but we are a people who belong to a historic church that extends back to when Jesus started calling His people. So we should listen to the history of the church. It’s a good thing to think through. It doesn’t mean the church hasn’t gotten it wrong sometimes. The church has gotten plenty of things wrong. But we are a historical body, and if somebody starts saying all of a sudden, “Yes, this is totally fine to God,” that no one in Christianity has ever said before, we should have big red flags going up in our mind.

Fourth, their lives will eventually demonstrate the fruit of their unbelief. It may take some time, but eventually their fruit will show forth.

Those are four signs of false teachers. These are the reasons that we need discernment. Just to put all this in a category, the reality is we have two voices calling out; we have Wisdom and Folly in the marketplace. But we also have false teachers in the church. So we are women deeply in need of discernment. What you cannot say is, “Well, I’m just going to trust what other Christians out there are saying.” You cannot trust even your own heart, a lot of the time, because we might be accumulating for ourselves what our itching ears want to hear.

Nancy: Melissa Kruger has been explaining how to use discernment to be on guard against false teachings. As she shared today, they’re more common than many of us realize. What I think is particularly dangerous is when we hear something that is mostly true, but it has parts of it that are not true.

So how do we know the difference between what is holy, right, true, and good, 100% through and through,versus what is wrong and false—either totally wrong and false, or just an admixture of truth and error? How do we know? How do we discern? We do it by measuring everything we read, everything we hear, every conversation we have with others, against the Word of God.

Dannah: That’s right, Nancy. Spending time reading and meditating on the Bible helps us renew our minds and recognize truth from lies. 

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Well, we’ve talked about why discernment is important. But let’s get to the practical side of this: how do we actually become discerning women? Melissa Kruger will be back to explain tomorrow. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth encourages you to find freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

All Scripture is taken from the ESV unless otherwise noted.

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