The Quest for Contentment

Dannah Gresh: According to Melissa Kruger, our discontented hearts need some coaching from the apostle Paul.

Melissa Kruger: The mountain of contentment is a harder mountain to climb than any other one you will physically face. But he says, “I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” 

Dannah: I’m so glad you’ve joined us for the Revive Our Hearts podcast for November 1, 2023. I’m Dannah Gresh, and our host is the author of Choosing Gratitude, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Dannah, we're going to talk today about one of the what I think are the most important graces we can have as believers, particularly as women. In fact, I think the presence of this quality is one of the biggest things that makes a woman beautiful. And that's the quality of . . . contentment. It sounds like such a nice, sweet thing that shouldn't be all that hard. But I’ve found that if I’m not vigilant, if I’m not always on my guard, I can get sucked into a sort of “rip current” of life in this broken, fallen world around me. I start subtly focusing on what I don’t have that I want, or what I have that I don’t want, and suddenly there is this root of discontentment poking its head up in my heart. 

Dannah:You’re not alone Nancy. I couldn't agree more. I feel like it is easy for me to be content in magnificent moments in my life, but when I'm in the mundane, routine pressure of life, sometimes I find myself battling against the tendency to be discontent. And honestly, one of the places I find I notice that it really triggers my discontent is when I'm spending too much time on social media.

Nancy: Oh, yes! Scrolling mindlessly through Instagram and seeing all these beautiful, new kitchens and things. I was fine with mine until I saw all the things I didn't have. Then we start to fall prey to the comparison game—which is a downward hill to a bad place. That's where our guest for the rest of this week is going to help us.

Melissa Kruger is a friend. She's written a book called The Envy of Eve. It's a book I wish I had written, because I need it. Melissa's done a lot of thinking and studying about the sin of covetousness and, of course, its opposite: contentment.

Dannah: This message is from a workshop Melissa taught at our national True Woman conference last fall. 

Nancy: Yes. Melissa serves as director of Women’s Initiatives for The Gospel Coalition. If you remember, the them for our True Woman conference last year was "Heaven Rules." Meaning that, God is totally, absolutely in control, sovereignly reigning over every speck and particle of this universe. And I love how she started her talk, tying in that concept of Heaven rules with her topic, "Cultivating Contentment." Those two really do go together, as you'll hear over these next moments.

Dannah: Well, let’s listen together. Here’s Melissa Kruger.

Melissa: Sometimes when you speak you can be concerned, “Oh, is anything I’m going to say going to matter?” Today I’m really excited, because after Nancy and Joni last night, I don’t really think it matters what I say! (laughter)

I called one of my friends and said, “I keep crying because all the stories! I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much at a conference in my life!” But I was also so struck that both of them really exemplified this notion of what it means when Heaven rules and how that deeply affects our contentment.

They didn’t maybe use the word “contentment,” but what we saw lived in Joni’s life was this deep, deep contentment, even when she’s sitting in that bed in deep pain, fighting—seriously, yelling out Scriptures to trust the Lord. It’s such an example for us of what it means to fight for contentment. 

Joni Eareckson Tada (from the conference): I cried out every Bible promise I could think of. I screamed them, hoping that my helper would hear me. "Lord, You are my everpresent help! In this trouble, Your grace is sufficient! Your name, Jesus, is a strong tower!"

Melissa: I think we often think contentment just descends like the Holy Spirit on me. And that’s not really how it works. That’s what we’re going to talk about. It’s actually something we cultivate in our hearts. It’s not just something that some few people out there get, and it’s like a spiritual gift. It’s actually something that is cultivated. 

What I also want to say is, if you see a truly content woman, she’s not just born that way! We come out of the womb screaming our heads off, and we kind of continue that most of our lives. We are really good at complaining! We are really good at grumbling.

But it is a heart that has been restrained by the grace of God that can say like Paul, “I have learned the secret of being content in all things” (Phil. 4:12 NIV). That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. I think, even for myself as I’ve explored this topic, I often wanted contentment for me.

I mean, don’t we all? We kind of think, Yeah, I want to be a content person, because that makes me better. It makes me feel great about my life. Well, I want to start our talk, before we jump in, actually giving three reasons why your contentment is about more than just you, and why it’s so, so deeply important.

The first reason is that our hope matters to the watching world. I’m sure most of you have read this passage before, 1 Peter 3:15, “But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you.”

Now, who has heard this passage before in an apologetic training course? Like, “I’ve got to get ready! I’ve got to get my defense. “Let me give you three different reasons the resurrection happened.” We’re ready!

But notice what the defense is for? What does the passage say? “Always be prepared to make a defense.” Not for why Jesus rose from the dead, not for why we can trust the canon of Scripture and that the twenty-seven books of the New Testament all belong there—that’s not what you’re being asked to give a defense for.

You’re being asked to give a defense for the hope that you are foolish to walk around looking so hopeful and joyful all the time! You’re going to walk around in this world that is full of war, that is full of awful things happening every single day that make us all want to weep!

You’re going to walk around in this world, and you're going to be such a person of hope that people actually need you to make a defense for the hope that is in you. The watching world is looking at us as Christians. Sometimes they see us fretful and as anxious and as worried as every non-Christian out there.

Nobody is going on Twitter saying, “Well, goodness! That is such a hopeful person!” because it lives on outrage. We want people who are walking into our neighborhoods, who are walking into our schools, who are walking into our grocery stores, who are walking into our communities and the hope that is within us because Jesus Christ has died and risen again is so great that people look at us and say, “Tell us more about what’s going on in your heart.”

The watching world is taking note of what we are like. So my contentment is about way more than me! My contentment is actually one of my biggest witnesses to the watching world. My life, my hope, is an apologetic that is speaking to the world every day, and it is powerful!

Second thing, the church is encouraged when we live lives of contentment. Paul was concerned about the Thessalonian church. He wrote to them. He knew they’d been suffering, so he said, “In all our distress and affliction we have been comforted about you through your faith. For now we live, if you are standing fast in the Lord ” (1 Thess. 3:7–8).

Paul’s looking at them and saying, “Hey, your faith in the middle of suffering is encouraging me.” So not only do we speak to the watching world when we suffer and we do so with hope, we speak to our brothers and sisters in Christ. It actually matters.

You know, the reason I kept crying last night is because I was watching those stories, and to see deep joy in the midst of awful circumstances, it screams! What does it scream? “Heaven rules!” That’s what those stories are screaming.

It’s not just the watching world that needs it. I need it! I need to remember these truths. So my contentment, it affects a watching world, it affects the church. And lastly (and I think this is my favorite reason my contentment matters): my joy actually matters to Jesus.

On the night before He was to die on the cross, we know from the gospel of John that He went up and He washed His disciples’ feet, and then we’re told that He started to talk to them, He started to teach His disciples.

And in John 15 this is what Jesus said to them . . . You know what He didn’t do? He didn’t say, “You all gather around me, you all take care of me, you all feed me, you wash my feet. I’m getting ready to die for you!” He didn’t do that. He poured out and He said, “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11).

On the night He was getting ready to go to the cross, when we’re told He sweated with drops of blood because of His agony, our Savior was concerned about your joy and my joy. That tells me that this is a Savior who doesn’t just want my eternal satisfaction. He is deeply concerned about my joy today.

And so, me fighting for joy in the midst of a world that is broken actually matters to Jesus. It matters to the watching world, it matters to the life of the church, and it matters to our Savior. So that’s why we’re going to dig into this topic today. That’s why we’re going to fight to be women of contentment. 

The way we’re going to do this, we’re going to look at three things: first, we’re going to look at the quest for contentment. What are we even talking about? Does this mean I just tough it out and pull myself up by my bootstraps and act like everything’s okay all the time? Is that what we’re talking about?

The second thing we’re going to look at is: what is our biggest enemy? What is the enemy of your contentment and my contentment? And that’s when we’re going to look at the sin of coveting. And then lastly we’re going to look at, how do we fight our enemy of coveting and cultivate contentment? I’m going to actually open us up now with prayer (sorry for the long intro), and then we’ll jump in. 

Father, we thank You that You care about our joy, that we were lost and we were dead in our sins and You sent Your Son to come and rescue us, not just for heaven, but for today. So, Lord, we pray that we would live such lives that we would be people of hope, so that the watching world looks at us and says, “Tell us about Your God because your life is so different Tell us about Jesus.” Lord, change us to be those women. Change us to be women who face whatever comes saying, “I know that He is with me, and I know I can endure!” Help us, Lord, to be women who shine Your glory to the watching world. It’s in Your name we pray, amen.

Okay, so to begin: the quest for contentment, what does it actually mean to be content? The first thing I want to say is what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean we should have a lack of emotions. The beautiful thing about the Gospels is that they show us a Savior who had a full range of emotions.

Jesus got angry when the money changers were in the temple (see Matt. 21:12). He was sad at the death of Lazarus (see John 11:35). He was in agony before the cross (see Luke 22:44). You know, what Jesus didn’t say before the cross was, “It’s all good!” He didn’t do that. He was honest.

Paul never shied away from telling people about the hardships he was facing. He told people, “Look, I’ve been shipwrecked. I’ve been in danger on the sea. I’ve been in danger on the land. I’ve been whipped and beaten this many times. Daily I bear the burden of the church” (see 2 Cor. 11:24–29). Paul shared honestly his struggles.

So contentment is not an absence of struggle, nor is it an absence of talking about your struggles. Even last night we understood something about our God hearing Joni talk about her suffering. It’s okay to share what is honestly happening. That’s not in opposition to contentment. Contentment is not an emotional-less life. 

Instead this is what it is: contentment is an inward assurance of God’s sovereignty and goodness that produces the fruit of joy and peace in the life of a believer, regardless of outside circumstances.

So it’s an inward belief about God that produces outward fruit regardless of what’s happening in our circumstances. So these are really important things. The visual image I like to use of contentment comes to us in Psalm 1. 

I love Psalm 1. It says, “Blessed is the man who doesn’t sit in the seat of the mockers” who doesn’t do all those things.

Blessed is the man . . . 
who delights in the law of the LORD,
and on His Word he meditates day and night . . . 
whatever he does prospers.” (Psalm 1:1–3 paraphrased)

It says that he is like a tree planted by a stream of water; he’s always bearing fruit.

That’s this image, I want to keep it in your head. This is a tree that is planted by an external stream, so it’s constantly being filled and it’s constantly bearing fruit. 

Jeremiah talks about the same tree in Jeremiah 17:7–8: 

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
   whose trust is the LORD. 
He is like a tree planted by water, 
   that sends out its roots by the stream, 
and does not fear when heat comes, 
   for its leaves remain green, 
and it is not anxious in the year of drought, 
   for it does not cease to bear fruit.

Notice, external circumstances are not always good. “Even in the year of drought,” it’s bearing fruit. We want to be like that tree! No matter what is happening externally, we’re bearing fruit because we have a source that is producing that fruit.

This is what I love about Scripture. Things that are written in these nooks and crannies (the Psalms, Jeremiah). Now Jesus in the gospel of John picks up on this imagery, and what does He say? “Abide in Me and you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing” (see John 15:5).

Do you know what Jesus is claiming? “I’m the Stream you need to be planted by! Abide in Me and that’s the only way to bear fruit.” And what’s that fruit that grows on the Jesus-tree? Galatians tells us, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience . . .” Those are the fruit that we bear by abiding in Jesus. That’s the contented life!

That’s that life that says, “No matter what happens to me externally, I’m bearing this fruit because I am connected to the Vine that is Jesus!” So the contented woman is ultimately an abiding woman. I want you to really listen to what Jesus said. He said, “Apart from Me, you can do nothing!”

I don’t know if any of you are gardeners here; I love to garden. I love my tomato plants, they bring me a lot of joy I will say! But when they come to this type of season right now [she’s speaking in late September], all of mine are dead! If you pull up a vine, a vine is useless for anything.

If a tree dies, you can take the wood and you can build something. You can build a table; you can build a chair; you can build something! A vine . . . nothing! I put them in a big black trash bag and they go away, because they are good for nothing!

Everytime I do that, I remind myself, “This is what I’m going to look like if I’m not abiding in Jesus. This is the image of what life apart from Jesus looks like.” And often, women, aren’t we living that life? We’re going forward saying, “I’m okay, I’m okay! I spent time with Jesus, like, a month ago.” It’s not enough.

That’s why He said He’s daily Bread (see John 6:35). He’s the Living Water (see John 4). All the images are the things we need every day. We have to be abiding women. There is no way to be content in this world apart from abiding in Jesus. There’s no way! It’s impossible to do.

Paul gives us some further characteristics of what contentment looks like in his letter to the Philippians. This is that verse that everytime we talk about contentment, this is what we talk about. He says, 

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need. I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Phil. 4:11–13 NIV)

Verse 13 is one of those verses that kind of gets put like on the soccer team jerseys: “I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength!” (“I can score that goal. I can run that extra mile!”) What’s Paul talking about here? He’s talking about contentment.

And let me say, the mountain of contentment is a harder mountain to climb than any other one you will physically face. But he says, “I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” 

 

So here is some wisdom we can take from this passage: the first thing is that contentment is available. Contentment is not for super-hero Christians. It is for anyone who is connected to Jesus. So if you are connected to Jesus, it is available to you, and that is very, very good news! 

The second thing, it is independent of circumstances and dependent on Christ. Okay, so what we are not saying is, “I have learned the secret of being tough as nails, and I can be content in every circumstance.” This is not a hardened woman. This is a woman who is an abiding woman, who says, “I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.” 

“He’s not strengthening you for your imaginary fears.”  Elisabeth Elliott used to say that, if you’ve ever listened to Elisabeth Elliot, whose husband was martyred along with four other missionaries in Ecuador.

She always said people would come up to her, almost more distraught than she was about her life, and say, “How can you bear this!” And she replied, “God’s grace is sufficient for your real life, not your imaginary one.” 

What we need to hear as women, don’t think about tomorrow. This is what will rob you of contentment if you are thinking about tomorrow. Ask yourself, whatever you are bearing today, can you bear it for one more day? Can you hold it for today? And you might even say to yourself, “Can I hold it for the next hour?”

And then you make it that hour, and then you ask, “Can I hold it for the next hour? Can Jesus hold this with me for an hour?” It’s when we start saying, “I’m not sure I can bear this for another year. I’m not sure I can stay married to that person for ten more years or fifteen more years.” Can you stay married today?

Can you fight for contentment today in whatever you’re bearing? That’s the question for you. It’s not ten years down the road. Fight for contentment—through Christ’s strength alone—for today.

Nancy: Sometimes it really is a fight for contentment. It's a battle worth waging because victory is so sweet.

We’ve been listening to Melissa Kruger, speaking in a breakout session at a recent True Woman conference in Indianapolis. She’ll be back with more tomorrow.

But before we go let me ask you to think about your own life and this quest, this battle for contentment. Did you catch how Melissa defined contentment? She said it's “an inward assurance of God’s sovereignty and goodness that produces the fruit of joy and peace in the life of a believer, regardless of outside circumstances.” This would be a good for us to check for that “fruit of joy and peace” in our lives. Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself, even as I'm asking myself:

• Do I complain a lot about my circumstances, feeling like I deserve something better or different?
• Do others hear me voice more complaints and negative comments than words of contentment and gratitude about the typical events of daily life?
• Would the people who know me best describe me as a contented person? If you are not sure, ask your mate, ask your roommate, ask a parent. Ask the people who are with you when you let your hair down and you say whatever comes in your heart.
• Does contentment show up in my life through the fruit of gratitude and joy?
• And if I find contentment is missing, what might be robbing me of contentment?

Melissa’s going to talk about the enemy of contentment—covetousness—tomorrow on Revive Oure Hearts. But think and pray about those questions today. Ask God to show you where your heart attitudes might need some adjustments. Dannah?

Dannah: Okay, wow, that’s a great list of questions! Thank you, Nancy. And I would just remind listeners that this program has already been transcribed, so you can read those questions again if you’d like, in the transcript at ReviveOurHearts.com. The transcript is also where you’ll see a link to more information about Melissa Kruger’s book for women, The Envy of Eve: Finding Contentment in a Covetous World.

While you’re at ReviveOurHearts.com, be sure to check out our “gift of any amount” offer, the set of thirty-one tabletop Advent cards you can display on a stand—a card for every day of December. They feature a Bible verse and a thought for the day from Nancy’s devotional Born a Child and Yet a King.

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To make a donation and ask for the cards, just visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call us at 1-800-569-5959. 

Well, as Nancy mentioned, our contentment has a big enemy. Join us tomorrow as Melissa Kruger helps us look at the enemy of contentment, which is covetousness, on Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth wants you to find contented freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

All Scripture is taken from the ESV unless otherwise noted.

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