The Pit Bull Family

Leslie Basham: Here are twin sisters talking about the home in which they grew up.

Woman: The example that I grew up with in regards to a marriage is just that the woman would do it all. I grew up learning to fight for my rights and not back down from an argument. It was very explosive.

Leslie Basham: When women grow up in this kind of environment, what happens when they enter marriage? We'll find out. It's Thursday, July 17; and this is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

A couple of young ladies traveled many miles to join one of our Revive Our Hearts taping sessions. They ended up meeting Nancy and giving us their testimony, which we'll hear today. Here's Nancy to introduce our guests.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: I had the blessing last night of having dinner with twin sisters, Ginger and Amy. We had a neat conversation. As I was out walking this morning and thinking back to our conversation last night and then praying about our time today, I thought it would be such a blessing for our ladies to be able to hear what God has done in your lives for a couple of reasons.

One, you came from a background that is a lot like where many young women are living today. And what God has done in your hearts over the past several years is a lot like what we are believing Him to do in the hearts of young women all across this country.

It occurred to me as I was listening to your story that you really are part of what we have been calling a counterrevolution, which is God doing a whole new work in the lives of young women today to give them a heart for the Word of God and the ways of God as it relates to being a woman of God.

Now I know you didn't come from a Christian home. Is that right?

Amy: I would say we grew up in a moral home. We knew right from wrong. But there really was no emphasis on going to church; no emphasis on understanding biblical values. I don't remember the name Jesus being brought up that often.

Also, in one other respect, our father didn't take as much of a leadership role as he should have. He was traveling. I don't think it was by choice. I think it just happened to become that way. He went and traveled. He was gone almost all week. He was only home basically on the weekends. So we basically grew up in a single-parent home, although our parents are still married. But it was as though it was a single-parent home.

The example that I grew up with in regards to a marriage is just that the woman would do it all. We would discipline the children. We would do the things around the house--mow the lawn and take the trash out.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: You said last night--you used the phrase, "She wore the pants in the house." What did you mean by that, Ginger?

Ginger: When Dad would come home on the weekends--I refer to him as a weekend father--so we didn't respect his discipline when he came in, because when he came in, we were like "Who are you? Why are you telling us this, because you're not here?"

So my mother would make the decisions. My mother would contradict. The things that Dad would say no to, she would say yes to. She really taught me to fight for my rights and not back down from an argument. It was very explosive growing up--yelling constantly, throwing things. I didn't learn how to fight fairly in a marriage. They didn't fight that way. They yelled and screamed and called each other names. It just wasn't nice.

Amy: In my mind, winning an argument is changing that person's mind. I was like a pit bull. I would go after it in different directions. Bless my husband--he has been with me and we've worked through this. But in the beginning of our marriage, I would come at him one direction. He would say, "Amy, whatever, I don't agree with that." So I would back up, regroup, and come at him another way. I would not stop until I literally beat him down and just tore his spirit until he said, "Okay, you're right."

Ginger: I think it's kind of interesting, because we handled it growing up so differently. She verbalized more, where I would internalize more. But when I would get angry, I had a very explosive temper. That's how my defenses would come out if I got hurt or anything like that. So I think it's kind of interesting with my marriage. Now in the beginning, I would internalize it and really wouldn't say a whole lot. Then if I did have something to say, it would be very explosive when I said it.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Okay, let's fast forward here a little bit. Tell us just a nutshell version of how you came to know Christ, because that really was the beginning of a huge change in your way of thinking.

Amy: Back in 1996, I was 24. Basically, I started going to church because I thought it was the right thing to do. I was very proud of myself that I was so moral. Well, I thought I was moral. I still drank. I still had premarital sex. I still did all the things that the world calls "good" and "moral." So I thought I was moral.

But I got saved. What surprised me was that I encountered so much negative response. Here I am, a new Christian. I'll never forget this. I went to work the next day and I said, "I got saved!"

My boss looked at me and said, "Saved from what?"

I went on, "Oh, my goodness! I'm going to heaven now!" I started sharing.

I encountered the same negative response in class, especially in the classes that I was taking. I had a biology degree, and so I had such a hard time because so many people were calling me stupid. "How can you sacrifice your intellect and believe something that there's no basis for?"

As a new Christian, that was just totally destroying me. I couldn't reconcile the two. I really faced a lot of negative response. I didn't get the encouragement that I had expected.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: After you got saved, you and an older sister who had come to know the Lord began to work on Ginger.

Amy: Oh, yes, ma'am. A roaring lion. We joke about this now, because Ginger called us Bible thumpers, freaks, cultists, anything else you can think of. This is where my bulldogness really came into benefit, because I wouldn't stop. The Lord took one of my character traits and used it for good. I wouldn't stop on my sister, because I knew what she was looking for. I knew she was trying to fill a hole, just from our experiences and our background. I knew she just had a hole to fill, and she was using the wrong things to do that.

Ginger: When they started talking to me, I did notice a change. I think that's why I was so resistant to it, because I saw a difference in them. I was scared, because I grew up in the drugs and relationships and drinking. I was bulimic and anorexic for many years. I had to deal with rejection a lot.

But they kept praying for me and talking to me and stuff. Then just one night in April of 1997, I recognized my need. I repented and I trusted in Him. My life hasn't been the same since.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Tell us how.

Ginger: Well, the first thing is that He delivered me from alcohol and drugs. Three months after that, the Lord delivered me from my bulimia and stuff, because I was more focused on the external than the internal. So He really started working on my heart.

Then I got married in January of 1999 to a wonderful man. I couldn't accept him loving me the way he did, because I never experienced that from an earthly man. So I tried to perform. I started reading books, because I had such a hunger and thirst. I just had this fire. I wanted to know more.

A lady at my church gave me a pamphlet actually about your conference, and it was in Irving, Texas. It was a Revive Our Hearts conference. I had never heard of you before. I had been praying really strongly and pleading with the Lord.

Andy was very strong in the Word. He was helping me, but it just wasn't that. I was really thirsty for an older woman to come into my life, to pray with me, to be the mom that our mom wasn't at the time, because she doesn't know the Lord or anything. So I wanted to get godly counsel and not the worldly counsel, because it's so opposite.

Anyway, we went. A friend of mine and me went to a Revive Our Hearts conference. Since then, my life has never been the same. It's like I had no idea how the Lord would use that to just totally impact my life.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: What do you remember about that conference that was particularly impactful?

Ginger: I had been reading the Word and praying and Andy and I had been talking. Like you were saying, there are some women in the church that resist what God's Word says about what a woman should be. It wasn't what I was thinking it was being. So I wasn't being encouraged.

Then when you were talking about brokenness and forgiveness. There was another one, but those were the two main things that I remember from that conference. It was just powerful how it just changed my life. I thought from a woman's point of view. It was like my spirit was saying, "Listen to this lady more. You can really grow from her. She is teaching the Word."

My husband was very good about guarding me from who I listen to and who I don't, because all the books that I've read and still read, I ask him if it's good to read because I don't want to have the wrong thing.

Then I picked up Biblical Portrait of a Woman. I was like "That's it! That's what I want!" Because I wanted to know what it is, what it means.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: The booklet on Biblical Portrait?

Ginger: Yes. From FamilyLife, when you--and Dennis Rainey did an interview with you.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: So these were the tapes of those radio interviews that we did on FamilyLife Today.

Ginger: Yes. I had those in my car, and I still have them in my car.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: You bought those at the conference.

Ginger: Yes, ma'am. I saw that title and I thought, That's what I want to know. So I listened to those tapes. I got so excited, because a lot of things that you were saying were so much against what the world was saying. I said, "That's it!"

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: What kinds of things did you hear on those tapes that were different than what you had previously been thinking?

Ginger: Submission was a big thing.

Amy: Yes. The "S" word.

Ginger: And how you painted it as a beautiful picture, and it's not anything to resist, but to embrace.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Did that represent a different way of thinking for you in your marriage?

Ginger: Very much so, because you didn't have to be loud. You don't have to fight for your rights. There was a little booklet that came with it, and I still read it because it has the attitudes, the tear down or build up. I still use that to examine myself to see if I'm still in that attitude or whatever.

My attitude with Andy was that I would tear him down with the words that I would say. My dad would call me stupid a lot, so I would tell Andy he was stupid. It helped me to restrain my tongue, very much so, and to understand what it was to have a gentle and quiet spirit, because I thought that that was weak. I didn't understand that. I'm like, "I'm not quiet and I'm not too gentle." I didn't understand what that meant. Those cassettes, they really helped me out a lot.

Leslie Basham: We're going to hear more from Ginger and her twin sister, Amy, tomorrow. We'll continue to find out what God did in both of their marriages. It's an inspiring story.

God used a tape series to help transform Ginger's life called Biblical Portrait of Womanhood. You can get a copy of those tapes and the accompanying booklet by calling us at 1-800-569-5959. Maybe you know someone who reminds you of the ladies we heard from today, and they would get a lot out of this material. Why don't you get them a copy? Again, you can call us at 1-800-569-5959. Or visit ReviveOurHearts.com.

Revive Our Hearts was fortunate to be able to touch the lives of Ginger and Amy in multiple ways--with cassettes, conferences and radio. Do you know what makes ministry like that possible? It's the generous contributions from people who believe in what we're doing. There are a lot of Gingers and Amys out there--young ladies who desperately need to hear the life-changing truth of God's Word, and we're committed to reaching them.

Would you consider joining us with a monthly contribution? You can send your gift to Revive Our Hearts. Thanks so much for partnering with us in the work of Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a ministry partnership of Life Action Ministries.

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