Honoring Spiritual Leaders

Dannah Gresh: Do you belong to a local church? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has an important question for you.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Do the spiritual leaders in your church know that you appreciate, respect, esteem, and love them?

Dannah: This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Let’s Go to Church! for Monday, October 3, 2022. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Nancy: Can you believe it’s October already? I don't know what it is like in Pennsylvania where you are, but here in Michigan our leaves are starting to change, and there’s a bit of a nip in the air.

Dannah: And for weeks now, at coffee shops all over the United States, you can get a Pumpkin Spice Latte. I don't know if you know this about me, but I love me some pumpkin spice—but not too much, you know, the calorie count!

Nancy: I'd rather eat my calories than drink them. 

Well, October is a month set aside for . . .

Dannah: Wait! Nancy, did you know that October is National Sausage Month, too?

Nancy:I did not.

Dannah: Not only that, it’s also National Popcorn Poppin’ Month.

Nancy:Come on!

Dannah: True. It's a fact.

Nancy:Well, we’re not going to talk about any of those things here on Revive Our Hearts today.

Dannah: I had a feeling we weren't.  

Nancy:We are going to talk about why it’s important to honor our spiritual leaders during Pastor Appreciation Month.

Dannah: Yes, every October it is Pastor Appreciation Month. And if you’re saying, “I don’t know what the Bible says about honoring our spiritual leaders.” Well, stick with us over the next couple of weeks, and you’ll find out. This week, Nancy, you’re teaching a series called “Follow the Leaders,” and it occurs to me that for those of us who have benefited from your teaching over the years, we owe a great debt of gratitude to the leaders who invested in you.

Nancy: Yes. I know I owe them a huge debt. I am so grateful for the many godly pastors and spiritual leaders that the Lord has put into my life over the years. My mind goes back to my first childhood pastor—Pastor Earl Connors. He seemed really old then, but I'm sure he wasn't as old as I thought he was. He's now been with the Lord for many years. One of my first conscious memories is Pastor Connors baptized me when I was five years old.

I have two other special memories of this pastor. One was on Sunday mornings he would pray a pastoral prayer. They seemed to be really long pastoral prayers.  As a little girl, it seemed that eternity had come. But I remember that now, years later, this man praying for his people. You don't hear that much today.

Here's another memory, Dannah. When he would serve the Lord’s Supper, Communion. The deacons and elders would pass out the elements to the entire congregation and they would come back and sit on the first pew of that church, stretched across the sanctuary.  Pastor Connors would pass the plate to these men seated on the front. As he did he would quote memorized passages from the Old and New Testaments about the sacrifice, the body, the blood of Christ. I just have that memory of Pastor Connors washing the congregation with the Word of God and praying over us.

Dannah: Nancy, what precious memories. There is also the pastor that officiated your and Robert's wedding.

Nancy:Bill Hogan another precious friend and pastor mine. Bill said that when I was a young teen I said to him, "If the Lord ever wants me to get married, I want you to officiate at my wedding." We didn't think that day would ever come. But when I called Bill and asked if he would come, he remembered that conversation. He was so happy to do it. He's the pastor that I grew up under my junior high and senior high years and the first couple of years of college.

This man, as much as any single person (and I've him and his wife this many times) gave me such a love for the expository teaching and preaching of the Word. He did that so faithfully over those years. It buillt and incredible foundation of God's Word in my life.

I've said, "Bill, the teaching that I'm doing today through Revive Our Hearts is the fruit of that investment, that foundation that you laid in my life. He and his wife Jane have been such precious friends of mine over all these years. They have faithfully prayed for Revive Our Hearts. They have been ministry partners, monthly supporting this ministry. Now, both of them eighty-eight years of age, Bill is in poor health. He's not doing well. But I've been in touch frequently with his sweet wife, Jane, asking how he's doing. I'm so thankful to be an encouragement to these people who have meant so much to me.

Then I have to mention one other pastor, the pastor of the church that Robert and I are a part of today. This man is a faithful expositor of the Word of God and he has a shepherd’s heart. He loves, serves, and prays for those the Lord has entrusted to His care. In fact, just this morning, Robert and I got an encouraging text from him and his precious wife. They love us. They are encouraging to us. We're trying to be an encouragement and blessing to this young pastor and his wife. I'm so grateful for this man of God.

I think of so many other spiritual leaders, Sunday school teachers, youth workers, music ministers, people who have ministered to my life, have shepherded my heart, have cared for my soul. In a day when there are some in these positions who are abusing that role and position, I want to say how grateful I am to have benefited from and have been blessed by some really godly men leading the church of God. What a blessing they have been to me. 

Dannah: Me, too, Nancy. I'm had men in my life who have been faithful shepherds of the Lord. It's so important that we pause when some of the headlines can be illuminating some of those negative story, to say there are some beautiful stories of men who finish well.

Well, here at the beginning of Pastor Appreciation month, let’s dive into the series “Follow the Leaders.” Here’s Nancy.

Nancy:The Word of God identifies for us a number of requirements for those who are in positions of spiritual leadership. It tells us how they are to administer their duties, what their responsibilities are. The Scripture also gives us some requirements for those of us who are called to follow their leadership. It talks about the attitudes we are to have toward our spiritual leaders and how we are to act toward them, how we are to treat them.

I want to look at several of those New Testament passages over the next several days. I want to challenge you to let God search your heart to show you how well you are following the spiritual leaders that God has put into your life.

One of the most important passages along this line is found in the book of 1 Thessalonians chapter 5. So let me ask you to turn there. We’re going to look at two verses in 1 Thessalonians chapter 5, verses 12–13. In this passage we see three responsibilities of leaders and three responsibilities of followers.

First Thessalonians 5:12–13. Now as I read these verses, see if you can pick out what are the responsibilities of leaders and what are the responsibilities of followers. Verse 12,

We ask you, brothers, to respect [or some of your translations will say to know, to respect or know] those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.

Did you catch what the responsibilities are first of the leaders? It says they are to labor. The New American Standard translates that “diligently labor.” “They are to exhibit great effort and exertion,” John MacArthur says, “to the point of sweat and exhaustion.” In other words, being a pastor or spiritual leader is hard work. They are to diligently labor in the ministry.

Then it says they are “over you in the Lord.” That means they are supposed to lead. They are supposed to exercise authority. They are supposed to provide direction and guidance and leadership for the flock of God. They are shepherds of the flock, so they are to provide leadership.

Then it says that they “admonish you.” Some of your translations may say “instruct you.” They are to teach, admonish, not just giving people head knowledge but for the purpose of life change. Their responsibility is to correct the sheep in the flock when they see that we are going the wrong direction. They are supposed to show us where we need to change and warn us of what will happen if we don’t change.

So those are the responsibilities of leaders. Now, what’s really important for us to see in this verse is our responsibilities as followers. What are they? First, we’re to respect or know our leaders. Secondly, we’re to esteem them. And then thirdly, we are to be at peace among ourselves, which I think speaks of the relationship between the people and the spiritual leaders.

Today I want to look at the first two of those responsibilities. In the next session we will pick up the third one. What are the first two responsibilities? The first one is to respect or to know them. The second is to esteem them very highly in love. What does that mean, to respect them, to know them? The word has to do with recognizing them, appreciating them.

First of all we need to know who our spiritual leaders are. I assume you know who your senior pastor is, and you probably know who are the other people on the pastoral staff. Also in some churches today it's possible you don't know who those people are. We also need to know who are the deacons, the elders, the spiritual leadership, whatever they are called in your church, you need to know who they are. You need to know them well enough that you could be deeply grateful for how they serve the flock. Well enough to respect them. We are to respect or know those who minister spiritually to us, those who care for our souls.

Then we are to esteem them very highly in love. It means to hold them in the highest regard. Now this is the Scripture teaching. It’s not saying here that they are perfect. We are assuming that they are human, that they are not yet glorified. We are assuming also that they are fulfilling their responsibilities. But it says we are to hold them in the highest regard.

Why? It doesn’t say because they have a great personality. It doesn’t say because we love their style. It says because of their work, because of the work that they do, because they fulfill these responsibilities before God.

I think it’s important not only that we have this heart attitude of respecting and esteeming very highly in love those who provide spiritual leadership for us, but we need to let them know that. We need to express to them that we esteem them, that we respect them, that we love them.

That means we need to take the time to recognize them, to see the contributions they have made to our lives, to express appreciation and gratitude to our spiritual leaders for their labors on our behalf. Do the spiritual leaders in your church know that you appreciate, respect, esteem, and love them?

You say, "I'm just one person in the congregation. They don't care what I think."

Your attitude and response to those spiritual leaders is important. Paul is talking to all the people in the church. Do the spiritual leaders know that you are fulfilling this responsibility?

How can you do it? Well, say it for one thing. Verbalize it, and then write notes. Write cards. Find ways to express your appreciation. Birthday cards, anniversary cards. And I’m talking not just about the pastor but about the youth pastor, the worship minister, the elders, the deacons, and of course their wives. It’s so important to include their mates in this because they are together in ministry.

Thank them. Say to your pastor what it is you appreciated about a particular message, how God used it in your life. Don’t just keep it to yourself. Let him know; he needs that encouragement. Praise. Affirm. Thanksgiving is coming up, and I love sending Thanksgiving cards.

Actually I don’t send Christmas cards anymore because so many people do, and I figure they don’t get as much attention. But I do send Thanksgiving cards. I thank people who are ministering and serving with me, who are leading my life spiritually. “Thank you for your investment in my life.” Make sure you encourage their wives.

We got an email not long ago from a pastor’s wife who said, “Last year our did not make this month special for my husband, and how that saddened my heart. Being his wife, there was no way I could suggest it. Thank your Revive Our Hearts for your love and concern for pastors and their wives. To my surprise, a few days later, the church did shower my husband with cards, and it definitly made his year."

That’s a pastor’s wife. And your pastor’s wife will be so blessed, so encouraged if you will minister to her and if the church will minister to her husband.

Let me just add this thought about respecting and esteeming your spiritual leaders, esteeming them very highly in love. One practical way to do that is to make sure that you speak well of your spiritual leaders to others. That’s the positive way of saying it.

Here’s the other way. Don’t criticize them. Don’t be a gossip. Don’t be a critic. Don’t be evaluating the sermons, especially in front of your children. The way you respond to spiritual authorities will have a huge impact on the way your children view your authority and the way your children respect other authorities. So speak well of your spiritual leaders, not only to them but to others as well.

If you have a concern . . . And again I say, they are human, they are flawed. If you have a concern, tell the Lord about it. Pray about it. Ask the Lord to deal with that issue. Now, if there’s a violation of a biblical principle, then there may be other steps that need to be taken, but you make sure that you are not creating any dissension or disloyalty in the body of Christ, that you are speaking well of your spiritual leaders to others.

Respect them, know them, esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake.

Then we come to the third responsibility that’s found in that passage where Paul says, “Be at peace among yourselves.” I don’t think I’d ever thought a lot about that phrase before until I got into this study. As I thought about this thing of being at peace among yourselves, among pastors and people, it struck me that Satan delights in creating division and conflict in the church.

God has made the church to be a unity, to be one in the Spirit. And what does Satan do? He comes in and he tries to tear things apart. I see this happening all around me, and it seems to work in one of two ways. He goes to one of two extremes. Either you have spiritual leaders who are not biblically qualified, or they fail to fulfill their biblical responsibilities.

I’ve seen and you’ve heard stories about great moral failure or sin being covered up in the leadership, doctrinal error, abuse of power, abuse of authority. Those things are tragic. And I know that some of you have been in church situations where you’ve been really damaged by that kind of thing.

But I want to say that it’s not my responsibility to deal with those issues. God does not hold me responsible, and God does not hold you responsible for the sins of our spiritual leaders. We may be affected by it. We may have to respond to it, but our responsibility is to fulfill what God has told us to do as followers. That’s what we want to focus on.

The other extreme I’ve seen Satan do is not just sin in the spiritual leaders, but it’s sin in the members. It’s carnal church members who have to be in control, who stir-up conflict when they don’t get their way.

And let me say, and I want to say this graciously, but it’s often caused by women. Not always, but often—women who are speaking when they should not be speaking; women who are creating disorder, who are out of order, who are at times not following biblical responsibilities, who haven't talked to their husband first.

Sometimes as women we can be with our tongues . . . we just talk more than men generally, and we can create all kinds of dissension and disunity in the church. That doesn’t let men off the hook, but it just says we need to be really careful.

So we see some of these churches that are characterized by strife and by conflict throwing out pastors who are godly men, not perfect but godly men; churches that are contentious, making it impossible for some pastors to lead the flock. I’ve said many times in recent years, “I cannot imagine wanting to be a pastor today.”

So many churches make it so hard for men to pastor. There’s this general thing in our culture that is against authority, that thinks nothing of speaking openly and outwardly about our disagreements with authority. We’re not careful about how we speak toward authority. We don’t care anymore about being respectful toward authorities. That’s in our whole culture.

When it comes home to roost in the church, it can be a very devastating thing. I have seen many times where men of God have been rendered impotent, powerless, and ultimately just had to leave the church because of the worst kind of gossip, disloyalty, pettiness, division, anger, hostility, and attacks—public attacks or behind-the-scenes attacks.

So many times it comes down to just carnality, control issues. There’s this little control group in the church. “It’s my church. I started this church. I’m a charter member of this church. I’ve been here longer. I’m twice his age.” These attitudes that are so ungodly, they can tear apart churches.

I know some of you in this room have been in the middle of some of those kinds of situations recently and have seen the danger that can happen. How the heart of God must be grieved as He sees His church that He loves, the church for which He died, being torn apart! This is Satanic. This is not of God when these issues are tearing apart the church of God.

I was made aware of a church in Georgia. The pastor had been there about fourteen weeks. This church of about fifty people, including children, when there was a meeting called to denounce some of the pastor's actions and activities, one hundred fifty people showed up. Some of them were church members who had not bee at that church for eons. But they came to voice their discontent, dissatisfaction, and to discuss this controversy involving this pastor.

Someone sent me a sheet of papers, most of which are clippings from the local paper about this whole controversy—letters to the editor. There is now a lawsuit involved—people suing the pastor. It's an unbelievable thing. I read a number of these clippings. The whole thing has turned so ugly. There is so much contention and accusation. Some of these articles talk about how gossipers have fueled rumors into flame. There's be public accusations. There have been outright lies. Some of them are just petty things. 

Let me tell you some of the accusations:

• His sermons are too long.
• He was imported from the north. (Which in fact was not true. He grew up in the south.)
• He went to a seminary in California rather than one in the south.

These are things said publicly. There are doctrinal concerns. People are obviously not grounded in the Word, stirring up controversy and contention.

As I've read these articles, as I think about some of these situations, how the heart of God must be grieved as He sees His Church that He loves, the Church for which He died being torn apart. This is satanic. This is not of God when these issues are tearing apart the church of God.

Now that raises the question: What about when things happen in my church that I really can’t respect or I believe really are wrong? A friend wrote me recently expressing her concern over a situation in her church. Her church happens to be a well-known, evangelical church. There were some situations, actually involving her, that took place in the church, and the way they were handled was very disappointing and disillusioning to her.

All I know is her side of the story. If her side of the story is accurate, my assessment would be that I would think the situation should have been handled differently. I’ve got to keep in mind that I only know her side of the story. I don’t have the perspective of the leadership of the church. But just taking her at face value, I want to share with you an email that I sent to her. This was my response, and it will give some perspective about dealing with situations like this.

I said to her,

I was saddened to hear about the situation in your church. As I read your message the passage that came immediately to mind was Psalm 118:8–9. [And by the way, those two verses happen to be located precisely in the middle of the Bible, and they’re two good verses to remember in a lot of situations. It says,] “It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.

Your experience just confirms that the Lord is the only secure object for our trust. People will and do fail us; even the finest Christians and Christian leaders, ourselves included, have feet of clay. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world, and we have to respond to imperfect situations with humility, grace, compassion and wisdom. Unfortunately, if you live long enough there’s no way to avoid the kinds of situations that you’re struggling with. The challenge is to learn how to respond to those situations without sinning ourselves.

Your situation is of particular interest to me at the moment because I am developing a new series for Revive Our Hearts on our biblical responsibilities toward those in positions of spiritual leadership, so I have been doing a lot of thinking about these kinds of issues. The Lord will have to direct you as to whether you stay at your church.” [She was saying, “Should I leave the church? What should I do?”]

As you think and pray it through, remember that you will never find a church or a church leadership without flaws.

And I want to remind you of that. You can go somewhere else. But one, you’re going to take your own sinful self. So if you can find a perfect situation, once you get there it will no longer be perfect. And two, you’re not going to find a perfect situation this side of heaven.

Regardless of whether you stay or leave, I would encourage you to pray for your pastors and the whole team there at your church. I know enough about pastor so and so to know that he takes the Lord seriously and wants to be the man and the pastor God wants him to be. Through your prayers you can be a part of the sanctification process in the lives of these leaders. You can help him become more of the man of God that God wants him to be by your prayers, which will be of infinitely more value than your criticism.”

Whether the Lord leads you to stay or leave, ask God to guide your heart and your tongue so you don’t develop a hard or bitter spirit and so you don’t become an instrument of criticism or division in the church. Hard as it may be, ask God to help you focus on and express gratitude for the many praise-worthy qualities that I’m sure exist in these men and in the church.

Ultimately, [here’s something else that’s important to remember] God doesn’t hold you responsible for what those men do, but only for how you respond to what they do. Finally, when you feel discouraged or disillusioned about the condition of a particular church or the church in general, as many do . . .

Let me say, by the way, I was talking with a Christian worker the other day who works in a parachurch ministry. She said she hadn’t been in church in ten years because she has been disillusioned by failure, flaws, and faults in the church. I don’t know what all they are. I know they exist, but she’s wrong in her response.

I said to this friend that I was writing,

When you feel discouraged or disillusioned about the condition of a particular church or the church in general, I’d encourage you to go back to the Word and rehearse God’s plan and God’s love for His church. I find that it helps to keep my eyes on the end of the story; the final outcome of the church is that she will be a beautiful bride without spot or blemish or any such thing. Like it or not, the church, warts and all, is crucial to you and me becoming all God intended us to be.

And I would just share those words of counsel with you. I don’t know what your church is like. I don’t know what situations are in your church. Some of you are in tiny little churches. Some of you are in mega churches. Some of your churches are just going along at a great clip right now, and there’s no major contention in the church.

If you live long enough, you will be in a church situation where you will have opportunity to be critical, to be negative. I want to just encourage you, God’s Word says, “Be at peace among yourselves.” Don’t be contentious. Don’t stir-up strife. God hates it when we stir-up strife, disloyalty or contention among His people. It may happen in the church, but don’t you be a part of it.

Pray. Ask the Lord to make you a peacemaker, and ask the Lord to show you how you can minister support and encouragement to the spiritual leaders of your church.

Dannah: Did you ever realize that the way you treat other believers affects the spiritual leaders in your church? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has been helping us see things from their point of view in this series called “Follow the Leaders.”

Nancy, in your teaching today, you hinted at something I think many of us were thinking about, and that’s this because there are so many stories of abuse in the church—pastors or other church leaders who, rather than caring for the sheep are actually hurting the sheep.

Nancy:Yes, Dannah, that is so heartbreaking. It does happen; it happens way too often. In fact, it's not a new thing. The Scripture says in Ezekiel, God talks about those who were entrusted to be shepherds of the flock, but they have been terrible shepherds. They have stuffed and engorged themselves rather than feeding the sheep. They've not led the sheep; they've not protected them. They've left the sheep to be vulnerable. God takes this so seriously. In fact, He says because these men that I asked to be spiritual leaders of the flock, because they have not been good shepherds, I will come. I Myself will shepherd My flock. So we need to know that God is the ultimate Shepherd. Jesus is the Good Shepherd who never sins against His sheep.

I know as we have been talking today that there are some who have been manipulated or wounded deeply or sinfully treated or abused by a church leader that they trusted; someone who sinfully took advantage of that trust and twisted it to their own selfish ends. I think we need to acknowledge that.

Dannah: And in the title like “Follow the Leaders,” we want to be careful to say that you’re not saying we should just blindly do whatever our church leaders say . . . even if it’s not biblical.

Nancy:Absolutely not! That's why we follow Christ as our Supreme Shepherd as we follow His Word as our supreme leadership. We need to follow our leaders as they follow Jesus. That’s what the apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians. He said, “Follow me, imitate me, as I imitate Christ.” So if a pastor or other church leader is acting or talking in a way that is not like Jesus, he certainly is not an example to follow. And, as I mentioned earlier, that leader could very well be disqualified, biblically speaking, from church leadership completely. Now, I hope that’s not the case in your church. I want to say how thankful I am that in my experience, that is not true of most church leaders. I'm so thankful that most church leaders—even though the bad ones get the headlines—most of them really do love God and want to serve their congregations well. So let's not forget that.

Dannah: Thank you for clarifying that, Nancy. And you’ll address more of how to respond when our leaders fail us as the series continues.

Now, as we mentioned, this month is Pastor Appreciation Month, and we’d love to help you honor your pastor and your pastor’s wife. This month, as a thank-you for your donation of any amount, we’ll send you a new booklet from Revive Our Hearts, titled Let’s Go to Church! It’s an interactive resource that will help you think through your participation in the services of your church—things like how to prepare for church, how to get the most out of a sermon. There’s also a section for those who are involved in teaching the Word to others and a thirty-day guide for praying for your pastor.

Ask for it when you contact us with your donation. To do that, just visit ReviveOurHearts.com, or call 1-800-569-5959.

Well, it’s easy to say, “Follow the leader,” but when it comes to real life, how often do we truly follow? We’ll hear more about that tomorrow. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts. Now, let’s pray with Nancy.

Nancy: Thank you, Lord, for the spiritual leaders You have brought into my life over the years. What a blessing and encouragement and help they have been to my soul! Thank You for their work, for their labors, for their diligence in studying Your Word and teaching it and admonishing the flock and providing leadership for Your church. Lord, I pray that You would show us as women how we can administer grace and encouragement and respect to these men who faithfully serve You. Help us be a blessing to them as they have been a blessing to us. I pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

 Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth wants to help you honor your pastor. It’s part of freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

All Scripture is taken from the English Standard Version unless otherwise noted.

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