Creative Wives

Leslie Basham: When young children are in the home, it can be hard for a husband and wife to connect physically. Here's one strategy Linda Dillow used when her kids were young.

Linda Dillow: I can remember hiring a babysitter on Saturday afternoons from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. to take the children to the park. And I said, "Do not bring them back," because I was more alert and more excited about being creative at one in the afternoon on Saturday than I was at ten at night.

Leslie Basham: It's Wednesday, September 8; and you're listening to Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Today's program isn't appropriate for young children. If you have any at home, you might want to steer them away. But come back. Today, we'll learn to get creative. Here's Nancy.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: The Bible is the book we Christian women should turn to for all issues in our lives, especially sex. That line comes from a book called Intimate Issues, which is co-authored by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. The sub-title is 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex.

Now, whether we're married or single, the Bible is the text book that we need to turn to to find out God's perspective on sexual issues. This week, we're particularly addressing married women and the matter of physical intimacy within the context of marriage.

Here to help direct our discussion in that area is Linda Dillow, who is one of the authors of this book Intimate Issues; and also my friend, Holly Elliff, who's a wife and a mom and has had a real ministry in the lives of women.

Linda and Holly, thank you for being here as married women to help married women understand God's perspective on sexual issues.

Linda Dillow: I'm happy to be here, Nancy.

Holly Elliff: So am I.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Over the last couple of days, we've talked about ways that we can protect ourselves from temptation. But the Scripture also has a lot to say, positively, about how a married woman's relationship physically with her husband can be enhanced.

We have a creative God. And He gives creativity to us as we seek Him for that. So Holly and Linda, help married women, in particular, understand how a creative God can help a wife who may have children, she may have a job outside the home, she may have a very busy life, she may have a difficult husband--how can she be creative in this practical area of her life? Holly, why don't you get us started?

Holly Elliff: The other day, I was talking with a pastor's wife, who's in her 60s. And as we were talking about this area of our physical relationship with our husbands, I said, "Does this area ever stop being an issue in your life?"

She laughed and said, "Do you remember the scripture that says, 'Lo, the poor are with you always'?" She said, "This area of your life will be with you as long as you are living and breathing and married to your husband. And you will be responsible to meet his needs in this area."

Well, you know, the thought of doing something that long, that often and doing it in ways that it does not become a chore, I think, is the challenge for married women. How do I meet my husband's needs year after year after year? You've done a wonderful job in this book of talking about the need to be creative in our marriages, in our physical relationships with our husband and how even that brings joy.

Linda Dillow: Let's go back to the beginning, Holly. I have four children. You have twice that many--you have eight! I just talk with young women, young mothers, all the time, who are just saying, "I am so tired." I know we both remember that feeling with little children that all you want to do is go to bed and get under those sheets and go to sleep. Sleep is the only thing on your agenda.

I can remember--this was back before any of the books were written about marriage--but I can remember just going before God and saying, "God, what do I do?" I remember very specifically hearing Him speak to me through the Word, "Linda, marriage is now; your sexual relationship is now. And you can't take your physical intimacy with your husband and just put it on a shelf till the children get older."

Holly Elliff: Oh right, especially if you have eight children. I mean, I will be much older when my children are all grown. But I cannot ignore that area. Especially if you have children in your home, you have to get really creative to fulfill that need for your husband in a way that is enjoyable and fun and not to just drop that from the list of things you are required to do.

Linda Dillow: You know, one thing I did when I had three children and the oldest was three, I took my calendar and every few days, I wrote the initials "TS" on it. It was 15 years later before my husband learned that this was my code to myself to "Think Sex" because it was just never in my mind. I was too tired.

I can remember hiring a babysitter on Saturday afternoons from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. to take the children to the park. And I said, "Do not bring them back," because I was more alert and more excited about being creative at one in the afternoon on Saturday than I was at ten at night.

Holly Elliff: It is funny that we do have to think of creative ways to meet our husband's needs that are a little unusual at times when we have little kids in our homes.

The embarrassing thing is when your children get old enough to know the signals. I mean, when my husband starts helps helping with the dishes after dinner, they know he has something on his mind. It's very interesting having older children that also know that that is part of married life. Of course, that's a very healthy thing as well.

Linda Dillow: It's a healthy thing. But I remember when I had four teenagers; I couldn't stay up longer than they did. I mean, they just stayed up. And I couldn't think about being creative or even fully entering into the enjoyment with my husband if I thought a teenager was going to knock on the door and say, "Mom, what are you doing? I need help with my homework." That just didn't go along with an intimate encounter with my husband.

Holly Elliff: Right, especially if you have different time schedules. My husband is a morning person. I'm a night person. That's when I get things done. I have a friend who is amazed that we have eight kids because between his schedule and my schedule, she said, "How do you all ever get time together?"

But we have worked really hard at making that a priority. You have wonderful ways in this book (that you suggest) of making your marriage creative.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: We've said that the Bible is the text book, is where we start and go to look for our answers. Take us to the Scripture, Linda, and show us that it really does talk about practical, creative ways that a woman can enhance her physical relationship with her husband.

Linda Dillow: Nancy, what I love about the Scriptures is just the freedom that is portrayed there. Now, are we supposed to do exactly what we read in the Song of Solomon? No, and I just want to say, first of all, to our listeners that we're making no recommendations. We are not saying that you should write "TS" on your calendar or that you should do anything we're saying.

I just want to share with you what the young bride in the Song of Solomon did that, really, I have to honestly say shocked me when I first realized what she was saying because she said, "Honey, I want to take you out to the country for the weekend"

Now, this is in Song of Solomon 7:11-13, and she says, "I want to take you out, away, for a little escape for the two of us on the weekend. And we're going to get up early. And we're going to go out into the vineyards. And there, I will give you my love."

I went, "Wait a minute! Where is there?" It was out in the vineyard. Now, Holly, does that kind of surprise you that God has a love-making escapade outside, in the Scriptures?

Holly Elliff: Well, I don't know of any vineyards anywhere close around. But I have had to be creative. There are times when I have had to kidnap my husband, and we escape for a night to a hotel room so that we don't have to worry about somebody knocking on the door--having a need--in the middle of the night.

Especially for a woman with children, there are going to be moments when you do have to escape.

Linda Dillow: Have to escape. And let me just say again, we are not recommending that you make love outdoors with your husband. But I am so grateful that God was so free in describing, in the Scriptures, because it gives us freedom.

One thing I did, Holly, when I had four teenagers, was my husband and I would go on dates to motels from five in the afternoon till eleven at night. Why, my friends that went out to a dinner and a movie, it cost more.

I would get a picnic basket with special things for us to eat. I'd take a CD player, candles. It was just so wonderful to be uninterrupted, to be able to laugh together.

Holly Elliff: I know, Linda, as you've talked with so many women about this topic, you've probably heard some wonderful ideas about how to be creative in your marriage.

Linda Dillow: I have. You know, what you said and what I just said is one. Escaping doesn't make up our everyday intimate relationship with our husbands. But it adds fun. And it just, it gives it that glow that enables it to keep on.

I just want to recommend to every woman the first place to look for the creativity is to read the Song of Solomon and just say, "God, You show me how they were creative." And then go to God and say, "God, how does that translate for me?"

Holly Elliff: Linda, our husbands would be thrilled if we were more creative in this area.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Well, listening to you--my two married friends--talk, just is a reminder, first, of how creative God is and how He wants to work through us to love others creatively; particularly, as married women, to learn how to love their husbands creatively.

I hope that those of you who are married women, who are listening to us today, have been reminded of the fact that this is an important area, not only to your husband but to God. And that when you bring pleasure to your husband in your physical relationship to him, you're also bringing pleasure to God.

This is not something that's unimportant. It's very important. And it's something that you can make a matter of prayer and say to the Lord, "Would You show me at this season of my life practically how to meet my husband's needs? Would You show me how to be creative?"

It may be that you have a house full of young children. It may be that you and your husband are on very different work schedules right now. That's why you need to go to the Lord and say, "Lord, show me." Go to the Word and say, "Lord, show me how can I be creative in meeting this area of my husband's needs?"

Leslie Basham: Nancy, today's program has given us some creative ideas. We have some more resources to help you grow in this area on our Web site, ReviveOurHearts.com. There, you can order the book our guest Linda Dillow wrote with Lorraine Pintus. It's called Intimate Issues.

It can help you learn to add some creativity and excitement to your marriage from a biblical perspective. Linda Dillow has also contributed to a resource called Simply Romantic Nights. It's a package that includes several fun projects for you and your husband to do. It will inspire creativity.

Again, both are available at ReviveOurHearts.com or for more information, you can call us at 1-800-569-5959.

If this series helps you and your husband enjoy each other in creative ways, would you write and tell us? You don't have to go into too much detail, but it would encourage us to hear how God is using the program.

And would you consider including a donation to the ministry? We're able to provide the kind of practical, biblical help you've heard today because listeners like you give generously.

Our address is Revive Our Hearts, P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI. 49120.

Now, what if you just don't like your husband anymore? What if you don't find him attractive? We'll talk about that tomorrow. We hope you can be here for Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a ministry partnership of Life Action Ministries.

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