Comfort in Widowhood, with Holly Brewton

Dannah Gresh: Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says there’s a key to grieving well as a Christian.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Learning to say, “If it pleases You, Lord, it pleases me. If Your Word says, ‘You are the Lord over life and death, then this is no accident.’”

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Brokenness: The Heart God Revives, for August 29, 2022. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Have you or someone you know lost a spouse to death? It may have been recently, or it may have been decades ago, but the pain you feel when your best friend steps into eternity can be absolutely excruciating.

Today we’re going to hear from a widow. She’s found comfort in the truth Nancy taught us all last week. We’re wrapping up a series called, “Christ, Our Comfort in Life and Death.”

Last week Nancy walked us phrase by phrase through the first question and answer of the Heidelberg Catechism, written in 1563. The question is this: “What is your only comfort in life and death?”

And then the answer is a series of biblically based truths strung together. Let me read them, and while I do, why don’t you allow these to flood your mind and your thoughts. Our amazing audio editors are going to include some comments from Nancy and Scripture passages that go with these phrases.

“What is your only comfort in life and death?”

“That I am not my own, but belong—body and soul, in life and in death—to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.”

Nancy: 

Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people and the sheep of his pasture. (Ps. 100:3 ESV)

This is what the LORD says—the one who created you, and the one who formed you, "Do not fear for I have redeemed you. [We are His by creation, and we are His by redemption. He says,] I have called you by your name; you are mine.” (Isa. 43:1)

Dannah: “He has fully paid for all my sins with His precious blood.”

Nancy: How many sins? All my sins.

How much of the debt has He paid? “He has fully paid for all my sins.” Not some, but all. Your sin, my sin, has been charged to Jesus’ account.

Dannah: “. . . and He has set me free from the tyranny of the devil.”

Nancy: First John 1:7, “The blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.” First John 2:2, “He himself is the atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

Dannah: “He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven; in fact, all things must work together for my salvation.”

Nancy: First Peter 1 talks about this: 

You are being guarded by God’s power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. You rejoice in this, even though now for a short time, if necessary, you suffer grief in various trials. (vv. 5–6)

Dannah: “Because I belong to Him, Christ, by His Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for Him.”

If you heard last week’s programs, that’s a good review. And if you missed last week, you can always catch up at ReviveOurHearts.com or on the Revive Our Heartsapp.

On Friday, hymn writers Keith Getty, Matt Boswell, and Jordan Kauflin gave us some behind-the-scenes glimpses at some of what went into their song, “Christ, Our Hope in Life and Death.” We’re going to hear a passionate choral arrangement of it later in today’s program. 

Here’s Nancy with the powerful conclusion to this series, “Christ, Our Comfort in Life and Death.”

Nancy: Dr. Greg Brewton was a beloved professor of church music. He served at Boyce College and Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville for almost twenty years. In September of 2021, Greg contracted COVID (and you’ll hear just a bit more about that in a moment). Within two weeks, he was with the Lord.

His wife Holly has been a longtime friend. She’s been a friend of Revive Our Hearts. She’s been a Ministry Partner for years. As I was preparing this session, I thought about Holly. I asked her if she would be willing to join us today, sharing some of her journey over these last months of finding comfort and hope in life and in death.

Holly Brewton joined us by Skype from her home in Louisville today. Thank you so much, my friend. I know you wish you could be here, but thank you for being willing to join us in this way.

Holly Brewton: It’s a privilege.

Nancy: We were all kind of reeling when we received the news about Greg, who was such a fixture, so beloved, of course, by you and your children, but by so many others that he and you had served together over the years.

Just take us back to that COVID diagnosis. I know there were some preexisting conditions that made Greg more vulnerable. But you got the word, and just in a nutshell, tell us what those next days looked like for you.

Holly: Well, basically, they were unimagined. You can’t write books. You can’t preplan. All the organizations in the world can’t do it.

Greg felt bad on Tuesday and was diagnosed on Wednesday. As a nurse, I watched him very carefully for a number of days and was in close contact with his physicians. I took him to the hospital Saturday night. I did not know that was the last time I’d physically be able to touch him.

He went straight to the I.C.U. He had a bacterial and a COVID pneumonia. They gave him everything that they could. We were able to communicate. He was behind a glass door. I was not allowed in his room. I was not allowed to touch him. He desperately wanted me to break all rules and come in, but I was there as best I could be. I got to do something that many COVID families did not have the privilege to do, be there.

He continued to digress. The medicines worked, and then his body decided that it was not listening and just continued on a downhill course. By Saturday night, he had to be put on a ventilator, and intubated. And then early Monday morning, he went to the Lord. I wasn’t with him when he died.

Nancy: There were a lot of people who’d been through a similar journey, but, again, nothing can prepare you. Nothing can cause you to say, “How do you expect this? How do you plan for this?” And yet, here you were, planning a funeral. You and Greg were married, what, forty years? Am I right about that?

Holly: Yes, forty.

Nancy: So, just such a huge loss. I know I’ve known you not well, but I’ve followed you over a number of years. I know that your lives are grounded in truth, that you’re grounded in the gospel, that you know God, you know His Word. Greg had mentored a lot of college and seminary students in Scripture. You’ve both ministered to a lot of people.

But now, here you are. You’re facing Greg’s death and your life without Greg now. So you’re needing comfort in life and in death. How have you found yourself processing and finding comfort and strength as you look back over these months of walking through death and life?

Holly: Well, the beginning months were very foggy, very dense, very dark. I feel very much, even still, there’s many days that I feel like I’m “walking through the valley of the shadow of death.” There’s much about life that is dead to me. Hearing a car drive up in the driveway–just simple things . . . Initially, my description was, “I was hemorrhaging, but nobody could see a drop.” It was just basically a hemorrhage situation.

I feel like I really have had some very dark seasons of the soul, desperation to the point where twice I thought I was dying. I literally felt like I was dying—just breathing and pleading with the Lord to take me. But I also know that when these tsunami waves of grief of destruction seem to be coming your way–mentally, emotionally, physically, whatever it is–that it’s very important to bring light to the situation.

I don’t know if this scared my family or not, but I said, “Well, last night I felt like I was dying.” It wasn’t to worry or concern them, but how do you know where somebody is at, in a trusted situation, if you don’t share?

And also, it tells us, like in Ephesians 5:11, that for the darkness of sin, you need to bring light to create healing. I’ve thought about that many times when there’s hidden sin.

But this isn’t a matter of sin. This is a matter of deep darkness. 

Psalm 139:11 says, “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night, even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, and the darkness is as light to you” (vv. 11–12 ESV).

I have read Psalm 139 and many of the psalms, obviously. Because of the lament involved in them, they have really come to life at a depth that I’ve never known before. And each day I just basically have to be reminded that God is God and I am not. And when you just said that, I was kind of like, “Well, yep. I got that one.” I’m not God, and that really, God does only have His best for me ahead.

Greg’s days were complete. He didn’t live an incomplete life. He didn’t die early. He didn’t die young. He lived a completed life. If you’re in the Lord, your first breath and your last breath are under His care. And when Greg took his last breath, it was what he was supposed to have.

And so I feel like I’ve had to come to the realization: Greg is dead. He’s not disappeared. He’s not off in some spot where I don’t know where he is. He’s with the Lord. And I’m alive. So, what does that really mean for me?

It’s a hard thing to say, but I feel the Lord definitely has been preparing me, mainly through the end of 2020 and then into ’21. I felt very convicted just about accepting the hand of what God gives.

And when I think back, when I first started being a part of Revive Our Hearts in 2010, I was crushed in spirit. I was crushed emotionally. I was crushed in my spiritual walk. I had decided I was on a standard that I felt the Lord really needed to weave His Word more in me and just abiding in His Word at a tremendous level because I was anemic, when I went in 2010.

And the Lord has just worked in me through these years. He’s worked through the podcast. He’s worked through Grounded. The resources are tremendous. If somebody is seeking and looking, I think this ministry gets to the heart of what it is being a Christ follower. Every dollar spent, every prayer sent, every hand that gives support the things that help in such a crushing or even a good event of life. They frame it within the gospel of Christ.

There’s two things I wanted to share with the group. One of the verses that the Lord really just drove home through 2020 was 2 Thessalonians 5:18, “Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus in you.”

Don’t really take that verse up if you’re not ready for it, because life happens, and then the Lord says, “That verse that I’m weaving in your heart and your emotions and your will and your obedience, what are you going to do with it?”

Well, in March of 2021, Greg had the opportunity to go to Israel for the first time. I just wanted to say, “Can I go, too?” I really want to go. But it wasn’t for me to go. And the Lord really enabled me to be supportive of him totally. I was totally in. I was more supportive of . . . He said, “Well, we probably won’t go in COVID,” and all that.

So, in preparing me, when he left for that trip on July 11, we said goodbye. He was having a really hard time separating. He hugged me and kissed me and hugged me and kissed me, and we’re trying to say goodbye. I finally looked at him, and I said, “Greg, you have to go. I have to stay. I’ll be okay.” I told him that. I said, “I will be okay.”

On that trip, he had the opportunity to go through the Aquaduct. I can’t tell you where in Israel it really is, but you can actually go down it, walk through the water. It can be as high as waist high. You use your phone to go through it. He told me that was a very narrow channel. Apparently at times it was like a dead man’s squeeze. You really just had very little room to get through. It takes about twenty minutes. And when you get to the other end, it breaks out in this brightness, and you're out in light again.

And so, when Greg was so ill, laying in that bed, the Lord really brought that to mind. I reminded Greg, “We don’t know why you’re having such squeezing right now.”

Greg asked me at one point what was his prognosis. I said, “We don’t know. But either way, you’re going to be good. You’re going to be all right. We just don't know which way this is going to be.”

And so, I did not get to tell Greg goodbye, but I feel like He used that. I know that in telling him I was going to be okay, I know I’ll be a Christ follower. I know I’ll say, “Yes,” and I’ll be leaving the working it out to Him. Christ is our only hope in life and in death.

Nancy: Wow! Thank you, Holly. It’s not a one-and-done thing. This is a journey. You were telling me last night that some of the practical areas of taking care of your house, decisions you’re having to make about your future that you and Greg made together . . . So this is a continuing of finding Christ to be your hope in life, for as long as He gives you life.

Greg directed a vocal ensemble at Southern called, “Doxology” (praise). After his death, in Greg’s memory, this group commissioned an arrangement of a wonderful hymn called, “Christ, Our Hope in Life and Death.” It’s based on the section of the Heidelberg Catechism that we’ve been looking at this week.

As I was preparing this series, I came across a video of that group singing this song. At the end it says, “Dedicated to the memory of Dr. Gregory Brewton.”

Holly, I’ve listened to this rendition over and over again, as I’m sure you have. But over the past few weeks, since I’ve discovered it, it’s been such an encouragement and a joy to me. So I want to share it.

An arrangement that was done to a familiar hymn, but in memory and honor of your husband. Holly, thank you for believing and clinging to the truth that God’s Word gives to us and that this song summarizes for us. So I want us to listen to, “Christ, Our Hope in Life and Death,” sung by Doxology in memory of Holly’s husband, Greg. Let’s listen.

Song:

What is our hope in life and death?
Christ alone, Christ alone.
What is our only confidence?
That our souls to Him belong.

Who holds our days within His hand?
What comes, apart from His command?
And what will keep us to the end?
The love of Christ, in which we stand.

O sing hallelujah!
Our hope springs eternal.
O sing hallelujah!
Now and ever we confess,
Christ our hope in life and death.

What truth can calm the troubled soul?
God is good, God is good.
Where is His grace and goodness known?
In our great Redeemer's blood.

Who holds our faith when fears arise?
Who stands above the stormy trial?
Who sends the waves that bring us nigh
Unto the shore, the rock of Christ.

O sing hallelujah!
Our hope springs eternal.
O sing hallelujah!
Now and ever we confess,
Christ, Christ our hope in life and death.
Christ our hope in life and death.
Christ our hope in life and death.

Unto the grave, what shall we sing?
"Christ, He lives; Christ, He lives!"
And what reward will heaven bring?
Everlasting life with Him.

And we will rise to meet the Lord
Then sin and death will be destroyed.
Sin and death will be destroyed
And we will feast in endless joy
When Christ is ours forevermore.

O sing hallelujah!
Our hope springs eternal.
O sing hallelujah!
Now and ever we confess,
Christ our hope in life and death.
Life and death.

O sing hallelujah!
Our hope springs eternal.
O sing hallelujah!
Now and ever we confess,
Christ our hope in life and death.
Now and ever we confess,
Christ our hope in life and death.
Life and death; life and death.
Christ our hope in life and death.¹

Nancy: Lord, thank You that this is true. We have no hope, no comfort, no strength, no peace in life or in death apart from Christ. In Him we have eternal hope, eternal life, eternal comfort.

Thank You, Lord, for encouraging and strengthening our souls with Your Word, with the testimonies of others in Scripture, and with Nanci Alcorn, Holly Brewton. May our lives write a story and tell a testimony that will point others to find comfort in the gospel of Christ. We pray in Jesus’ name, with thanksgiving, amen.

Dannah: Wow! What a moving way to close our series. Actually, though, it’s not over yet. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Holly Brewton will share some concluding thoughts in just a moment.

I wanted to jump in and let you know that a week from today, next Monday, Nancy will begin teaching through the Old Testament book of Daniel in a series called, “Heaven Rules.” The subtitle is, “Seeing God’s Sovereignty in the Book of Daniel.”

You’ll want to download a free listener’s guide that goes along with the series. It’s a way you can take notes and follow along as Nancy teaches. To get the Listener’s Guide for the “Heaven Rules” series, look for a link in the transcript of this program at ReviveOurHearts.com.

And, hey, I want to remind you, we’ve printed the first question and answer of the Heidelberg Catechism on a handy card to help you meditate on the truth you’ve been hearing throughout this series.

And for a donation of any size to help support the work of Revive Our Hearts, we’ll say, “Thank you so much,” by sending you a pack of twelve of these cards. Now, they’re all identical. The idea is that you can put them in places you often look, like your kitchen, or your bathroom, or your night stand, so you can work on memorizing the catechism answer or just think about the amazing truth of what it says. You can share some of these with friends, too.

Just ask for the Catechism Cards when you make your donation at ReviveOurHearts.com or when you call 1-800-569-5959. And let me just say, “Thank you so much for your donation. You’re helping us bring the message of freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ to women all over the world.”

Tomorrow on Revive Our Hearts, we’re going to examine the lies the tween girls, those aged eight to twelve, are tempted to believe. We’re going to hear the liberating truth that counters those lies. I hope you’ll join us for that.

Before we’re done today, let’s hear from Becky in our studio audience and from Holly Brewton once again and then Nancy.

Becky: The first recording I went to was Nancy’s last in Little Rock. She taught on Proverbs 31 about “strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs without fear of the future.” And when I was there, I was about to come upon something really hard. My son was with me, and he just said, “Mom, I think this is for you.”

I just want to say “thank you” to Holly for the courage she had to give a life message and just her little testimony right there. It takes a lot of courage to speak through your fear. I just want to say today’s message was so powerful because I just went through a crushing last month, and I mean, real crushing–and that’s the only word I can describe it. And she has, too, and the courage to say that.

But what the Lord had taught me in the last month was to accept it. Accept the crushing. And she used that exact word, and I heard it.

So the power of the life message to really hear someone share something that they’ve gone through that can resonate in your own heart is a great, great gift of the Lord to say, “I hear you, and I know your message.” And she’s living it, too. So I just want to say, “Thank you, Nancy, for putting all that together today. So thank you.”

Holly: I wanted to thank each of you for listening to what I had to say. But my biggest thing would be you have no hope besides being in God’s Word. Have it in your heart. Living it through your veins. I cannot have any hope in myself. I’ve been very evident of that this last seven months. There’s no way within me I can generate hope. And in all desperation, our only thing is the Spirit living within us.

I would just say, this has been Nancy’s message for all of her ministry: get your Bibles out and read them and seek the Lord and have a mindset for the Lord.

Nancy: You’ve got to be in the Word for this to start, but then we need to say: “Yes, Lord,” to whatever the Word says. So say, “My feelings, my circumstances don’t seem to be lining up with the Word . . . Like the woman who read my Instagram post and said, “That’s not the way it’s been in my life.”

I went back and re-read my post and thought, Did I say this in a way that was insensitive to people who’ve suffered way worse than I have? After all, my husband is well now. And Holly’s, well, he’s well in a different way, but he’s not here. She lost her husband. God gave me back mine—for a time at least. It’s all for a time. Death and life is all for a time, but learning to say, “If it pleases, You, Lord, it pleases me. If Your Word says that You are the Lord over life and death, that every day of our life was written in Your Book before one of them came to be (see Psalm 139:16), then this is no accident.”

I had a brother who was killed in a car wreck at the age of twenty-two. A lot of people talk about that story. I have at times called it an accident. I don’t call it an accident today because there are no accidents with God. Now, humanly speaking, it was an accident. I get that. And it certainly was a wreck. But it was not an accident. He was twenty-two years old. He loved Christ. He had not always loved Christ, but God had really captured his heart just in the previous couple of years. He wanted to serve the Lord as a pastor or a missionary. He was a junior at a Christian college. And now, he’s gone.

I watched the Lord take the founder of our ministry at age forty-three with a brain tumor. It’s inexplicable. It doesn’t make human sense. But God is good. He’s a faithful Savior. He’s assured us of eternal life and joy and comfort. People can say them sometimes, I think there’s times in my life where I’ve said those things in a way that maybe was a little too glib, because I hadn’t been through a lot of it myself. The longer I live and the more pain I experience and see others experience, the more assured I am that we have no other hope in life or in death. We have no other comfort with strength than in Christ, in Christ alone.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is inviting you to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ, who is your only comfort in life and in death.

^1"Christ Our Hope in Life and Death, " Doxology, Christ Our Hope, EP ℗ 2021 Doxology.

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