A God-Centered Heart

Dannah Gresh: Where are the thoughts of your heart focused? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth encourages us to keep our eyes on the Lord.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: A contented heart is a God-centered heart, a heart that is focused on God’s goodness, His faithfulness, and His love.

Dannah: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Choosing Gratitude, for November 15, 2022. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Nancy’s in a series that’s all about "Cultivating a Contented Heart." We’ll hear from her in a few minutes. 

One habit we can slip into that can foster discontentment in our lives is when we compare ourselves to others. At our recent True Woman conference, one of our breakout session speakers was Shannon Popkin. She’s authored several books, including one on the topic of comparison. Our team sat down with her at True Woman '22 to explore this subject in a little more detail.

Shannon Popkin: Comparison can be very destructive. I think it’s interesting that we call comparison a game, because I don’t think that our enemy thinks of it as a game. I think he uses it against us. When he can get us measuring ourselves against one another, we either pull away with a sense of inferiority, or we pull away with a sense of pride and superiority. Either way, we are pulling away from each other. That's where we are in the most dangerous setting.

Who does the enemy go after? It's is always the sheep. I think the enemy uses comparison against us.

James says that is you have bitter jealousy or selfish ambition in your hearts don't boast. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above. It is wisdom that is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic, even. 

Bitter jealously is when I am looking at what somebody else has and wishing, "I wish I had what she has." Selfish ambition is when I try to prop myself up and make it look like I'm the one who has more, or I am more." Either way, I'm not being influenced by wisdom from above. This is wisdom from below. It's earthly, unspiritual. It's tied to this world and this world's system. It's demonic, even. Our enemy wants to use this to influence us.

So I think that as Jesus' sheep, we have to be aware of who we are being influenced by. I am hearing from the voice of Jesus when I'm comparing and pulling away from other people? Or am I hearing from the voice of my enemy? I really want to be on guard against listening to the enemy.

Dannah: Shannon says she experiences this herself.

Shannon: One of the ways that sometimes I feel like I don’t measure up, that I don't have what others have, is friends. I don't have a lot of friends. Sometimes I'm scrolling on my phone and I'm looking at this group that is all going out to lunch together or all getting together for a New Year's Eve or something, but I don't have that.

God has put me in a ministry where I'm out traveling a lot, and there are only a few dates open on the calendar, like New Year's Eve of the Fourth of July, those holidays where you get together with friends. But those are the only ones open on my calendar.

I turned fifty a little over a year ago, and my family was planning a surprise party for me. And I knew they were planning a surprise party because I found my husband cleaning the bathroom. 

We had just hosted another surprise party at our house. I remember a person came around the corner and the house was packed, and there was "Surprise!" There were all these people. So picturing if I'm having a surprise party I thought, Who's going to be there? Who's going to be in that room? I was excited, but I was also little nervous.

We went out to dinner, then I came around the corner at home and there's this "suprise" . . . it was a surprise of three. Three friends . . . my heart kind of sank. It was my greatest fear coming true. Like, I have three friends! My daughter would want me to tell you that there were a couple people were on vacation. There were some she didn't have addresses for. But nevertheless, there were three friends there that day. I remember sitting in the living room thinking, Shannon! You are ridiculous. You've got to get out there and make some friends. Come on, you've been on this planet fifty years and all you have accumulated is three friends. That is ridiculous.

Then I had this thought. Oh my goodness! Those are not the things Jesus says to me. If you look through your Bible and look at all the red ink in your Bible, you will never hear Jesus saying, "You are ridiculous. You've got to measure up. Look at you, you are not enough." You don't say those sorts of things to others.

So I thought, Am I being influenced by the enemy? Did he come here on my own birthday party to influence me!?

I took a moment to pray, and I asked Jesus, "Help me to see this birthday party through Your eyes. Help me to look at it the way You want me to look at it."

I looked around that room again. My family was all there. My husband who has been a faithful, best friend for over twenty-five years. My parents who have been godly influences in my life. Since the time I was a little girl, they were there. My three kids, who all love Jesus and serve Him. And I have three friends. Not everybody can say that they have friends. My friend Rachel was there. She is a godly woman. We have these deep conversations about the Lord. She encourages me in my faith.

Looking around that room with a heart of contentment, and seeing the way Jesus wanted me to see it, I was filled with joy. It was a beautiful setting. Actually, I really enjoy those smaller settings more than I enjoy a huge party. God just made me that way.

I think sometimes that we have to be careful who we are listening to. Are we listening to our enemy, or are we listening to Jesus? The one who wants to guide us to green pastures and give us His good gifts. He is so much more powerful and satisfying. He has more good gifts for us, and our enemy just wants to destroy us.

Dannah: Again, this is Shannon Popkin, author of a book called Comparison Girl. We asked her if there are any patterns when it comes to gender-specific ways we sometimes compare ourselves to others.

Shanon: Both men and women do struggle with comparison. Women in particular, we struggle with comparison of appearances. I remember I was looking at my phone one day and had enlarged a picture of a group of friends. I wasn't looking at our faces; I was looking at our mid-sections. In my mind I'm comparing, "Am I the fattest one!?"

My daughter came in right at that moment. She goes, "Mom, what are you looking at?"

I quick shut my phone off. I didn't want her to see.

Oh, there is this temptation we have to look at our external packaging and put so much focus on that. Our enemy uses that from the time we are little girls. He comes in in those moments when our eyes are first opened to the differences—especially the differences in how we look.

But Jesus has different things to say about external packaging. When Jesus talked to the Pharisees, they were completely focused on the outside. But Jesus said, "You are like whitewashed tombs." Whitewashed tombs . . . They used to paint these tombs white around Easter time because people were coming to Jerusalem for Passover. They wanted to stay away from these whitewashed tombs because if you came close to something dead, then you had to go through ceremonial cleansing. So basically, white meant, stay away.

The Pharisees wanted to look perfect on the outside, but inside they were dead. Their hearts were filled with dead things like pride, their desire to measure up. If we are looking in the mirror and all of our attention is on our external packaging, really, isn't that pride? There's either pride in how I do look, or upside-down pride in how I don't look and how I want to look and in how I'm obsessing.

What does that cause me to do? It causes me to keep everyone at a distance. I want to manage the photos that are seen of me on social media. I want them to be polished and from the right angle and with the right lighting. Keep your perimeter.

But Jesus has come to enter that tomb, to throw open the doors of that tomb and bring dead things to life. He wants for us to have communion. For Him, it's all about what's on the inside. He wants to focus on our hearts. He wants us to open ourselves to the light of the gospel and to see ourselves the way that He does.

How does our God see us? He sees us as beloved daughters. He created us to be different and unique. Apparently, God's likes variety. We are all unique—unique fingerprints, our retina scans are different from one another. Our God loves the way that He made us. I think He wants us to see ourselves as unique treasures that He created.

Dannah: Shannon says that addressing comparison is important particularly if you are a mom.

Shanon: You know, as moms, we are modeling for our kids with comparison. Comparison is a lot worse that it was when we were kids.

I remember when my daughter was a little girl. She was looking through a window and watching a birthday party going on at a neighbor's house and feeling so sad and left out because she hadn't been invited. It made sense to me because the little girl at the party was a different age than my daughter and went to a different school. But to my daughter, this was one of her dear friends, and it hurt so much.

I remember saying to her, "Honey, come away from the window. Let's not look at that. Come away."

Right now, social media is like a million windows blown open. Our kids are all looking into other people's lives. They are looking at the highlight reel. It's not real. What they are seeing on social media is polished, it's presented. It's not exactly accurate. With our kids, we have to model that. I can do the same thing on my phone. I can be looking and comparing with other people.

There are three questions I ask myself and my kids. One of them as I'm peering into those windows, as I'm looking at other lives is: Am I too focused on me? If I'm measuring and comparing myself against you, I'm really focused on me. I'm really asking how I measure up. Being focused on me is just what the enemy wants.

The second question is: Is there somebody I can be vulnerable with about this struggle? Our enemy wants to keep us isolated. He wants alone. There is a documentary called The Social Dilemma. It's very sobering. There is this scene where a little girl (maybe eleven or twelve) is looking at her phone. She is scrolling. She posts a picture of herself and tries to get herself looking all cute. She posts the picture. Then the comments start coming in. And someone puts an emojie of an elephant, indicating she has big ears. You see this little girl. She trying to cover her ears in the mirror. Then you see the tears sliding down.

What I want to say to that little girl is, "Go show your mom. Your mom is right out there. Show her. She can help you with this. This is not a battle that you need to be doing in the privacy of your room with your phone. This is where the enemy wants you."

So, who can I be vulunerable with? I want my kids to think I'm that person that they can be vulnerable with. Or, is there a friend that you can talk to. We don't need to be doing battle with our enemy alone. So, who can I be vulnerable with.

The third question is: Who can I serve? How can I get the attention off of myself and what I'm comparing. I have this little measuring cup. If you picture what God has given you in the measuring cup: your appearance, your gifts, your aptitude, your talents. Our enemy just wants us focused on the lines on the side of the measuring cup. But our Jesus always puts our attention on the spout.

He invites us, "What have you been given that is meant to serve the world? How can you focus on someone else?" Jesus is the greatest example of this. If Jesus had a measuring cup, it would be the biggest one, and it would be completely brimming full. And what did Jesus do with all of His greatness? Philippians 2 says that He emptied Himself. He poured His life out on that cross. He's our great example.

So if we want to be free of comparison, how can we live like Jesus? How can we focus on the spout? How can we empty ourselves? The beautiful thing about this metaphor is, when you tip the measuring cup, the lines don't matter any more. They are irrelavant. When we focus on others, when we walk into a room and think, Who can I serve? We are just free of that me focus.

Dannah: Shannon advocates something she calls “me-free living.”

Shanon: Me-free living is really just being free of an obsession with me. When we are comparing, we might be glancing from side to side, but really, our focus is on ourselves. We are asking these questions: How do I measure up? What are they thinking? How did I do? What's the response going to be? The focus is all on me.

That's not how Jesus lived. Jesus wasn't focused on Himself. Philippians 2 says that Jesus did not think of equality a thing to be grasped. He wasn't trying to measure up. He was equal with God, but He wasn't gripping on to equality. Instead, He made Himself a servant. First, He was when He became a little baby. He belittled Himself. He made Himself small. Then as a human being, He poured His life out on the cross. He completely emptied Himself. How did heaven respond? Philippians 2 says that God gave Him a name that is above all names. 

Jesus lived this completely me-free life. He humbled Himself; He poured Himself out. Because of that, He is the greatest. The picture of the cross, that is the most extravagant display of humility that the world has ever known. Because of that, Jesus has a name that is above all names. Contrast that with Satan. Satan wanted to be lifted up. He wanted for His name to be lifted high. He once had power in heaven, but it wasn't enough for him. He wanted to be like the Most High. That's a comparison word: like. Satan was full of himself. He wanted to be lifted up. Jesus emptied Himself; He poured His life out.

So, who are we going to model our lives after? Satan was completely all about himself; he was me-focused. Jesus was completely me-free; He gave His life away.

Dannah: That’s Shannon Popkin, helping us see the solution to our tendency to play that comparison game. Her book is titled Comparison Girl: Lessons from Jesus on Me-Free Living in a Measure-Up World, and you’ll find information about that book in the transcript of today’s program, at ReviveOurHearts.com, or on the Revive Our Hearts app.

You know, this me-free living sounds to me like it has to be grounded in a heart of contentment. Here’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth with more.

Nancy: We've been looking at the characteristics of a contented heart.  We don't want to have a discontented heart. We want to cultivate an attitude of contentment. We've seen that a contented heart is a thankful heart—stopping to recognize and have appreciation for the blessings that God has brought into our lives. We've seen that a contented heart is a trusting heart—trusting that God knows what He is doing. And, it is a submitted or surrendered heart—letting God be God in our lives.

I want us to look at two other characteristics of a contented heart. If we want to be contented people, we need a selfless heart—a selfless heart—coming to the place in our lives where all that matters to us is that God would be glorified.

The willingness to give up this drive that I have to be happy, that life has to work for me—now, that’s natural. That’s a natural way to think. But the supernatural way of living for the child of God is death to self, death to my own drives and ideals and aspirations and hopes.

The apostle Paul understood and learned what it was to have a selfless heart. A selfless heart is a heart that can be filled with Christ, and it brings glory to God.

In Philippians chapter 4, you’re familiar with this passage, but when I read this verse, it astounds me that Paul could make a statement like this. He says: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation" (v. 12). Can you imagine being able to say that? "I’ve learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Paul knew a lot about all of that. He knew a lot about hunger and want and need.

I was reading just this morning in my quiet time in 2 Timothy chapter 2 where Paul talks about all the afflictions that he endured. But now he says to the Philippians, as he’s writing from a Roman jail cell, “I’ve learned a secret that has taught me how I can be content in every circumstance . . . including in this miserable Roman jail.”

What was Paul’s secret? Well, if you go back to chapter 1 of the book of Philippians, you realize that Paul had settled the issue of what he was living for, his purpose. He came to the point of saying, "All that matters to me is that Christ is exalted." That's all that matters. Whether I live or die, it doesn't matter. Whether I'm well fed or hungry, whether I live in a palace or a prison, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that Christ is magnified and that the gospel can go forth, regardless of  my circumstances. That's the secret of contentment: coming to the place in my life that my personal happiness, my convenience, is all dispensable. All that matters to me is that Christ be magnified through my life.

In Acts chapter 20, Paul said there’s a different way. This was one of my dad’s very favorite verses, and we heard this quoted a lot as we were growing up. Paul said, “I consider my life worth nothing to me if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me, the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace” (v. 24 paraphrased).

You see, Paul came to the place, and we have to come to that same place, where he said, “Live or die, sink or swim, palace or prison, food or hunger, friends or—as I read this morning in my quiet time—everyone deserting me, it doesn’t matter. All that matters—I’ve settled the issue—all that matters is that Christ will be magnified.”

Have you come to that place in your life? Now, it’s not just something you settle, in a sense, once for all. It’s something that has to be lived out every day, but there’s a sense in which, until you come to that basic foundational commitment, you’re going to wrestle with this all your life.

Have you settled the issue that Christ is my life, that I’m not living this life for me? It’s not about me. It’s about Christ and what pleases Him and what brings Him glory. Once you come to that selfless heart, then you can be a contented person in any circumstance, any situation.

 

I see a woman smiling back here whose family I know is living in a trailer—a small, cramped trailer—while they’re having a house built. We’ve talked some about the challenges that has brought for her family. I’ve seen in her heart response, though it’s been difficult, though we’ve had some tears shed over these circumstances, I know that in this lady’s heart there’s a basic commitment that what really matters is that Christ is magnified.

That gives perspective, whether you live in a trailer or a palace or a prison—it gives perspective on the circumstances that you face today.

Now there’s another characteristic I want us to look at of a contented heart, and that is that a contented heart is a God-centered heart—a God-centered heart, a heart that is focused on God’s goodness, His faithfulness, and His love.

A woman wrote and shared with me something that God was showing her about this matter of contentment. She said, “My husband just got out of jail and is now in rehab. Just last night I was feeling so angry and bitter about what we don’t have and what we could have if only he had not strayed.”

You hear those “if onlys”? Here were circumstances that she felt were beyond her control, but then she said, “God spoke to me through your talk about discontentment. Regardless of my situation, I know that God loves me, and He is my all.”

She’s illustrating something that I see very powerfully written about in Psalm 73. You may want to turn there. We’re just going to take a quick look at it, but I want to give you an overview of a beautiful passage here about a God-centered heart. If I could just summarize this passage—there are two bookends: the first verse and the last verse. Both talk about the goodness of God.

The first verse says: “Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart” (ESV).

That’s the bottom line. That’s a statement of fact. That is true whether you believe it or not. It’s true regardless of what circumstances you may be facing in your life today. God is good, and the last verse reminds us of that.

“As for me, it is good to be near God.” Or, as one translation says, “The nearness of God is my good.” That’s my highest good—the fact that God is, and that He’s involved in my life.

Now, in between those two bookends there are three major paragraphs in this psalm. Let me just summarize them for you.

Verses 3–12, you read the word “they” or “theirs” thirteen times. Here the psalmist is looking outward, and he’s focusing on other people. He says, “I envied the arrogant. I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills. Therefore pride is their necklace; they cover themselves with violence.”

He looks at other people, and he compares his circumstances to theirs. They get away with all kinds of things, and then they prosper. They sin, and they don’t seem to reap consequences. When the writer of this psalm looks out at others, he finds himself being jealous and discontent.

Then beginning in verse 13, he changes his focus. He’s no longer looking outward. Now he’s looking inward, and you see the word “I” or “me” or “my” sixteen times in this paragraph. He says, “Surely in vain—verse 13—have I kept my heart pure. In vain have I washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been plagued. I have been punished every morning, etc" (paraphrased).

He goes on, and his focus is on himself. When he looks inward, the result is self-pity and bitterness. In fact, he describes that bitterness in verses 21 and 22. He says, “When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before You.”

Isn't that a picture of what we often become like when our hearts become focused on comparing with others, looking outward or looking inward, we become bitter, we throw a pity party. Ultimately, we become like a brute beast—irrational, out of control, overwhelmed by our emotions. 

Now in the last paragraph, beginning at verse 23, he comes back to a focus that is upward, a focus on God, and six times in that paragraph, he talks about the Lord, You. “I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel.”

You see, he gets his perspective back on the eternal, and the result is a heart of contentment and trust and security. He says in verse 25: “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

What is he saying? God is enough. You are enough. The nearness of God is my true good.

Gene and Sherry Foltz are friends of mine who have been missionaries for many years in Thailand. They serve with a faith mission. They raise their financial support. They have no guaranteed salary.

Some time ago their family was in need of a vehicle, and at a very low moment, they called our ministry to share that need and asked us to pray with them about that. Two months later, we received this letter from Gene and Sherry which began by referring back to that call where they had shared this need with us. Here’s what Gene shared in that letter. He said:

I guess that down deep I was doubting the goodness of our God. We tend at times to expect certain things from the Lord, almost as if we deserve them. After all, I’ve been in the ministry for twenty-some years, and I’ve sacrificed much on God’s behalf. The interesting thing is I saw it coming. I knew it was wrong. I knew what it meant when I told the Lord I would go by faith, but I still struggle with trusting Him fully when the going gets tough. Satan continually tries to erode our confidence in the promises of God’s Word.

We’ve now been three months without a vehicle except for a motor scooter, and we are fine. We have had a few close calls, been caught in the rain a couple of times, and get tired of wearing helmets in this Asian heat, but overall we are content.

I do not share this to cause you to feel sorry for us. Actually, we feel the opposite. God has been blessing us richly with spiritual blessings. We have a peace that it doesn’t matter whether or not we get a vehicle. God may give us one, and we would be thankful. And then, He may not. One thing we do know: God loves us dearly, and He takes care of His sheep. We are taken care of.

Dannah: What a wonderful reminder from missionaries who have gained a better perspective on their transportation needs. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth will be back to lead us in prayer.

You know, as Nancy’s been saying, a God-centered heart is key to an attitude of contentment. Do you have tangible reminders around your home—things that help you think of the goodness of God, reminders that He’s in control? Let me suggest to you one reminder you can hang in your home or at work. It’s the 2023 Revive Our Hearts calendar. Month after month, as you turn each page to reveal beautiful new photos by Nancy and Scripture verses and quotes on the theme “Heaven Rules,” you’ll be challenged, “Take courage. Take comfort. God is in control.”

Today and tomorrow, with your gift of any size to the ministry of Revive Our Hearts, we’ll send you a copy of our 2023 calendar. And if you’d like to purchase additional calendars to give as gifts, you can do that, too. To make a donation, head on over to our website. It’s ReviveOurHearts.com, or feel free to call us at 1-800-569-5959. Ask about the Heaven Rules Wall Calendar when you call. 

There’s a man in the Bible who looked around at the wickedness everywhere and almost lost his God-centered perspective, until he realized “God is enough.” Find out more from Nancy, tomorrow on Revive Our Hearts. Now, she's here with us to pray.

Nancy: Thank You, Lord, for Your goodness that never fails. The starting place, the ending place is that You are good. Truly, You are good. Lord, would You give us a heart that is not fixed on others, not fixed on ourselves but fixed on You, on Your goodness, that we may have hearts that glorify You, that give You thanks, that trust You and that give the world a right opinion about how very good You are. We pray in Jesus' name, amen.   

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is calling you to God-centered freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ. 

All Scripture is taken from the NIV84 unless otherwise noted.

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