The Culture’s Discipling Your Kids about Sex. Are You?, with Christopher Yuan

Unholy sexuality has gone mainstream. As a parent, how do you talk to your kids about it? As a single woman, how do you address your sexual desires? Find out in this episode of Grounded! You’ll hear from Dr. Christopher Yuan, who shares truth from Scripture that parents need to be intentional about passing on to their children, and you’ll learn from Dannah Gresh, who will equip you to live a God-glorifying, happy life no matter what season you’re in. 

Connect with Christopher

Twitter: @christopheryuan
Instagram: @christopheryuan
Website: https://christopheryuan.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/christopheryuan

Episode Notes

• The Holy Sexuality Project: https://holysexuality.com/
• “Why Your Sexuality Has Purpose (Even If You Aren’t Having Sex), with Dr. Juli Slattery” episode of Grounded: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/podcast/grounded/why-your-sexuality-has-purpose/
• Born a Child and Yet a King Advent Cards: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/donate/advent-2023/
• The Power of Words digital booklet: https://www.reviveourhearts.com/giveaway/stay-grounded/

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Portia Collins: Welcome to Grounded. I’m Portia Collins, and I've got a way to make sure that you are wide awake this morning. Are you ready? Here's a question. What do you remember about when your parents gave you the talk? Yes, I'm talking about that talk about sex. 

Erin Davis: Portia, I knew what you're gonna say, and my eyeballs are still like, “Okay, we're going there.” I'm awake.

We’ve got to talk about it. And we hope that you are alert and paying attention to what's going on in the culture. When it comes to that, Portia, I actually do remember the talk. My mom read me and my brother and sister a little book. I remember it had a cartoon picture of a mommy and a daddy in a bathtub. And I said, “Why are they in the bathtub?”

And then she said, “Do you have any questions?” 

And I said, “No. Can I go out and play?”

So that was that. That was the conversation at my house. Bless her. She tried.

Portia: Sorry, I should not be laughing. But now as an adult, oh, it's like the talk. I'm kind of very nervous about the day when I have to talk about this with Emory

Erin: That day is probably gonna come sooner than you think it will, if I were to guess. 

Portia: Yes, yes. And you know, we are certainly not the first generation to need discipling when it comes to sexuality. But we’ve got to be honest and say that a lot has changed in recent years. And unfortunately, unholy sexuality has gone mainstream. So, the question is, do we talk to our kids about it? And if so, how? And so, I'm happy that our guest today is here to help with that.

Erin: Well, the answer the question of do we talk to our kids about it is yes, we need to. Unholy sexuality has gone mainstream. That is the world's headline. We want to offer a counter headline here on Grounded. Christopher Yuan is with us. He's now a pastor. He's a Bible prof. But that hasn't always been true. There was a time in his life when he found his identity in his sexuality, not in Jesus. And that makes him uniquely equipped to help us have better conversations with our kids about what he calls not unholy sexuality. He calls it holy sexuality. It's going to be a powerful conversation. I know it. 

Portia: I love it. I'm ready. Our very own Dannah Gresh has been a leader on the topic of sexual integrity for more than two decades. 

Erin: She has, yeah. 

Portia: She's got some knowledge here. She's gonna share a surprising countercultural fact that you need to tell your kids to combat the lie that our sexuality is our identity.

Erin: Okay, I don't even know what it is. So, I'll be finding out with the rest of you. 

Hey, you might be listening so far, and you've thought, a) I don't have kids. I'm not a mom yet, or my kids are grown. This isn't for me. Guess what? Dr. Yuan is also not a biological parent. But he's passionate about the fact that there is such a thing as spiritual parenting. So, nobody's off the hook here. 

And if you're tempted to click away because this topic is uncomfortable or you don't feel like it applies to you, I'm gonna give us all a gut check, which is this, the culture is more than happy, in fact, they are proactively discipling our children, our grandchildren, the young people in our world when it comes to sexuality. They're not being passive. And by they, I mean lots of different voices that are trying to teach our kids a version of sexuality that doesn't line up with God's Word. And at Grounded it's time for us to say, “No, we don't want that kind of discipleship to be coming from those who are not grounded in God's Word.” 

So, this really is an episode for everyone. I hope we're all paying attention. And this is one to share. You do have people in your life that this applies to. You do have people in your life that are trying to respond to their kids and young people in their world in a way that teaches them healthy biblical discipleship. So, this is one to click that share button on, for sure. 

All right, time to share the good news, and Dannah is the girl to bring it here on Grounded. Hey, Dannah. 

9:38 - Good News (with Dannah)

Dannah Gresh: Hey, there. I'm so happy I do have some good news. You know, guys, I believe that one of the most important things you can do to pass on a healthy view of sex to your kids is to have a healthy view of sex yourself. 

So whether you're married, whether you have kids or not, yet, that's something you should be working on. 

Now, in our culture, Christianity is generally portrayed as sexually repressive. Christians are known for being opposed to so many things about sex. And by the way, that's because we believe it's sacred, and we respect God's boundaries. But the cultural assumption is that Christians believe that sex is bad in and of itself, nothing could be further from the truth. 

Now, the Bible says that the first husband and wife were naked, and were not ashamed. I love that. Sex was part of the created order. It was good, not just good, very good, and it was engaged in freely. 

Of course, sex was then affected by the fall, and there is much sexual sin all around us. But sex is God designed; it is still very good. The New Testament reads, “Let the marriage bed be held in honor. Let marriage be held in honor among all and the marriage bed be undefiled.” 

Sex between a husband and a wife, it's never cause for shame. It should be enjoyed as a good gift from God. Now, that's good news. But it's not the good news I'm after today, because you might be married. And you might be sitting there thinking, Hmm, not so good in my bedroom, because you're facing barriers in the bedroom. As a husband and wife, you probably have some differences. And I'm here to tell you that there's something good about that. 

According to a new study by Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Sytsma, 79% of couples want a different amount of sex. That is to say their desires don't match up very well. And this is just one area where you may be experiencing a barrier in the bedroom. And that is good news. 

How on earth is that good news? Well, every time you face the barrier in the bedroom, you have a chance to move deeper into your emotional and spiritual intimacy. And intimacy, not the physical connection is the deeper intention in God's design. 

So, if you and your husband had the same sex drives and desires, loving each other wouldn't cost you very much. It's easy to love each other with natural selfish love. It's easy to please him when he's pleasing you and vice versa. But do you know the secret of ministering to each other when you hit barriers? Do you know how to respond to him sexually when you aren't in the mood? Do you know how to give him grace when he isn't able to meet your sexual needs? 

And I hope someone's asking him the very same questions about you. I hope he's approaching your needs with the same tenderness. 

Because that's the kind of love that God wants to see you grow in your marriage. He often uses your sexual differences to grow that intimacy, in contrast to selfish love. God's love for us is unconditional, unchanging, and steadfast. And since marriage is a picture of that love, barriers in the bedroom, well, their chance to grow and just the kind of love God wants our marriage to experience. 

So, if you look at it from the right perspective, you'll see the good news even in the barriers. 

13:29 - Grounded with God's People (Dr. Christopher Yuan)

Erin: There's some wives out there that were like writing that down. That is some good news that maybe they'd never thought of before. Well, let's get grounded with God's people. Dr. Christopher Yuan is on a quest, and it's a good one, to help us teach our kids about what he calls holy sexuality. He's got the research and the testimony to do it. Welcome to Grounded, Christopher.

Dr. Christopher Yuan: Hey, Erin, good to see ya.

Erin: I want to give some context, we won't spend a lot of time here. People can certainly look up some of your books about this. But have you always wanted to honor God with your own sexuality?

Dr. Yuan: Well, you know, there was a time before I knew Christ where all I wanted to do was just to please myself, just kind of like what Dannah was saying. We have this tendency that what I want is all about me. So, there was not t a time where I was not wanting to please the Lord with my sex and sexuality. 

Erin: Yeah, I mean, all of us could relate, because that's who we are apart from Christ. But then you did come to Christ. I'm interested in knowing the role your parents played, specifically in helping you turn from sinful sexuality as a homosexual man toward Christ.

Dr. Yuan: I struggled with these desires from a young age. And then I embraced them in my early twenties, which is much older nowadays. It is being encouraged in grade school and kindergarten to embrace this.

But I came out, as I said, back then, in my early twenties. I told my parents, and at that time, my parents didn't know Christ. But this is so amazing how God uses crisis, often for His glory. And through that crisis of me coming out, my mother came to faith, my father did as well. And then I went in the total opposite direction. 

So, because I was an adult child living out of the home. So, they didn't have as much influence in my life on a day-to-day basis, as we do as the need to disciple our kids from a young age. But it was just through their vibrant faith that they even relayed to me from long distance how God has so radically transformed their lives. It was that and also their prayers. My mom prayed to do whatever it takes. And so, I came to faith and that was just how I recognized how God has speaks into every aspect of life, including our sexuality.

Erin: Well, that is a bold prayer for a mom to pray, I can say as a mom. But I also know that there are women listening that are at the crisis point. We had a prayer initiative here at Revive Our Hearts several months ago. We were flooded with parents whose children were embracing a sexual ideology that did not line up with Scripture. And the heartbreak was so, so severe. 

So, I know there's going to be someone that holds onto the hope that your parents' witness made such a difference. 

Help us with our definition. I mean, it seems like everybody's talking about sexuality. I'm not even sure we know what it is, according to God's Word. I know it's more than just the act of sex. How would you define biblical sexuality?

Dr. Yuan: When we look at God's truth, we see that it's for the other just like what Dannah talked about. Sex is not for me, it's for the other We get that from 1 Corinthians We 7. I mean, my body is my own. If you're married, your body doesn't belong to you. That's what Paul says, husband, it belongs your wife. Wife, your body belongs to your husband. 

How we lay sexuality out, we often pigeonhole ourselves into the wrong framework when it comes to sexuality: heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, all these things that categorizes humanity according to our sexual desires or our feelings or our actions. God doesn't want us to categorize humanity in that way, looking at sexuality and how we act it out. 

There's really only two paths. The first path is chastity in singleness or faithfulness in marriage. In other words, if you find yourself single, like myself, and that doesn't mean that I'm saying that I can't ever get married. I'm totally open to that holding that out. I mean, just kind of like Nancy. I mean, she held that open and thought while she's single for that period of her life, she was living fully in that. I'm open to that. I'm fifty-two. I'm open, God, to whatever it is that you have for me. Let me live fully in that calling.

Many of your children right now, they're little kids or teenagers or young adults and they're not married yet. How should we live? When we limit to heterosexuality, the goal for our kids is not be sexually attracted to the opposite sex. The goal is holiness. If you're single, being chaste the essence. And like myself, I'm open to get married if the Lord provides that for me, praise the Lord. So, if you marry if you're married, then be faithful to your spouse with the opposite sex. 

So, I kind of coined this term holy sexuality, it might sound new, but it actually not new at all. It just comes right out of the pages of Scripture.

Erin: It's so clarifying. I mean, we are living in a world that talks about sexuality as this broad spectrum, and trying to find your unique place.

Dr. Yuan: Anything goes. 

Erin: And how that ties to your identity. It's not creating clarity. It's creating layer upon layer of confusion. And you're saying God's given us two options: abstinence outside of marriage, fidelity inside of marriage, and the goal is holiness. I appreciate that clarity. 

You became you went from somebody who found your identity in your sinful sexuality to an author, a speaker, a Bible prof specifically focusing on sexuality in the gospel. Why do you think it has become a focus of your life and your ministry in these years?

Dr. Yuan: Sometimes God calls us to things we kind of go kicking and screaming, I mean, like, Jonah, right?

Erin: Yeah.

Dr. Yuan: I thought it was gonna be other things, maybe prison ministry, or maybe ministry for HIV and AIDS as I'm HIV positive. And God was like, “Nope.” He just kept putting me in that direction. This is a difficult ministry. It's very controversial. Whenever I speak, like, just this past weekend, I have armed guards. 

Erin: Wow. 

Dr. Yuan: That's just the reality of the ministry that I do, as I'm specifically going to equip the local church on this issue. The Lord was just directing me that I'm going to redeem your past as a guy who lived a very unbiblical sexuality and identified with the wrong identity and sexuality. I'm created in God's image. I'm fallen. And so, I need to put my identity in Christ. 

So, that was just radical, because it's for such a time as this. I mean, this is back two decades ago, and God knew the insanity that we're living, not just on sexuality, but also now this concept of gender of sex, male or female, how that has now completely been erased. 

God knew that it wasn't just people who have this kind of past. But God put me into this ministry to study the Bible, study exegesis theology. I think that's what was missing from years past. It was kind of looking more from a therapeutic approach and less from a theological biblical approach, and that's really what we need. We need the gospel. We just treat it with a kind of a therapeutic approach. There's no power in human effort. There's only power in Christ alone.

Erin: Amen to that. I mean, I became a Christian in the nineties, which was kind of the pinnacle of the true love waits, purity culture movement, which I think had a lot of benefits. Because of that I waited until I was married, and I'm so grateful. But there was a lot of emphasis on the don'ts and not a lot of emphasis on the gospel. And so, I'm so grateful for the emphasis that you actually you and your parents, which I love that part of this, you developed something called the Holy Sexuality Project. When I think about developing some curriculum with my parents, I'm not sure I would pick sexuality as a topic. So, I would love to hear that story and about that project and what the Lord's doing there. 

Dr. Yuan: Well, first of all, you're exactly right. I mean, there is this awkwardness and weirdness between child and parent. But my parents and I have been talking about sex for the past several decades. So nothing's off the page anymore. You should sit with us at dinner time and hear what we can talk about. This is really all we talked about, because we're so passionate about this, because we're seeing all the insanity among our kids. 

And I'm not surprised as you just mentioned that you had this prayer time and parents are just flooded. That's exactly what we're seeing. Every church, every conference that we go to that used to be strugglers, now it is all parents and grandparents. 

And so, the beauty of this is, we're seeing that we need to have a resource. So my book Holy Sexuality in the Gospel is a 2020 book of the year for social issues by Outreach Magazine that was written for adults. 

Here's the thing Erin. You mentioned in the nineties there was the true love waits and they would have purity rings. Now, here's the goodness. People are kind of trying to throw the baby out with a bathwater. Purity is good. Holiness is good. When we make it a little bit legalistic, that's where we can bend. 

And the other problem is this, Erin. We need to teach our kids, “No, don't do this. Don't do that.” But we can't stop there. That was half the message. We need to teach not only God’s no, but God's yes. We can't build a Christian life just on God's no. What is God's yes? This is where we need to have a robust theology of sexuality, which I saw missing. 

There were a lot of resources in books kind of focusing on why this isn't important. But we need to also know what is God's yes, not just God's no. So I wrote this book, Holy Sexuality in the Gospel, which is teaching on homosexuality, chastity, and singleness, faithfulness in marriage. It’s teaching God's no and God's yes. I think that's what was missing. Well, this book is for adults, but man, we needed something desperately for teens. 

And if I could also add, I felt the approach from the ways before was another program. Let's develop something to show the youth. Erin, I was not a Christian when I was in the nineties. I was born in 1970. So, I'm probably older than you. But during that time period, they looked for a youth group, all these resources I think they were helpful and beneficial. But here's the issue. A program today is not going to be the answer. The once-a-year thing, maybe even twice a year, what we need is not a program to show the youth group or in the classroom. We need to be having it in the living room in the family, and what I believe as the true answer is home discipleship. 

So, parents are having these conversations every week, honestly, almost every day. Why? How much are our kids being inundated? Once a year? Twice a year? Once a month? Once a week?

Erin: Multiple times a day. 

Dr. Yuan: Daily. 

Erin: Absolutely 

Dr. Yuan: From their schools, from their peers, from Tik Tok, from social media, which by the way, let's just get rid of those. I mean, let's limit those. You don't need those. So we need that. But when you look at all the resources, all the resources for youth groups, and those I'm not saying are not good, but even better is a specific resource for home discipleship. A youth pastor does not replace the parent; the Christian School teacher does not replace the parent. No one replaces the parent. 

Erin: Amen.

Dr. Yuan: So, we can just see that and have these conversations. I feel like this is the first resource of its kind. Here's a wonderful story. Really short. A pastor went through this lesson, and he was like, “I gotta get this done before school starts.” He has a freshman in high school, junior in high school. He said, went through it once a day for twelve days in two weeks. And that lesson one, his fourteen-year-old was like, “Dad, this is so awkward. I'm talking to my parents about sex.” Like I get that right. 

Erin: Yeah.

Dr. Yuan: We're talking real, totally awkward. And then at the end of lesson twelve, this father asked at the very end, “So do you guys still feel awkward or weird talking to your parents about sex?” 

His son said, “No, Dad, not at all.” 

If we can tear down that wall of fear of awkwardness that's on both sides—parents feel weird, kids feel weird—if we can tear that down, because the kids don't feel weird talking to their peers. The kids don't feel weird talking to their teacher or their school counselor, which don't talk to counselors. Or they're really okay to get online and get in the chat rooms. 

Erin: Absolutely. 

Dr. Yuan: They need to be having those conversations on a daily, weekly basis at home with their grandparents with their parents. Our goal is not just to have a twelve lesson thing, but to actually start this trajectory that will continue on beyond high school, into college, even to into the young adult years to have these conversations at home.

Erin: I'm with you. There are some times I forget, I'm the host of Grounded, and I just get pulled into a conversation. That just happened. Like as a parent, I want to run. My oldest sons are thirteen and fifteen. It's past time, and of course we have been talking about it, but not in this ongoing way you're talking about. And what I can affirm as a parent is there are many other voices that are very savvy at broaching the topic with my boys and more than willing to talk about it. 

And so, my hesitancy is going to give me a delay, and it can feel really overwhelming as a parent. But I think we need to be brave on this front, and you made a great case for that. I don't want you to unpack everything for us because I really do want people to engage with the Holy Sexuality Project in their own families. But get it started. What's a truth or two about sexuality that we want to provide as a baseline for our kids?

Dr. Yuan: Well, it just lines up with how we started this whole series, when you talked on what Dannah's gonna be talking about identity, and that is the key, to be honest. If we don't get that, we're going to kind of just miss everything else. I think this is almost a litmus test for some of the resources out there. You know, you can be gay and Christian. No, I don't identify as gay. That is my dead man. I should not try to resuscitate my dead man to try to reach the world. It's my missiological approach. You don't use sin categories to try to win the lost. You don't try to use your dead man or your flesh to try to understand the world. We use Christ, we use God's truth. 

So, I think that is the key. I begin with my testimony which touches on the identity. Then lesson two is on false identity. Lesson three is our true identity, that we were created in God's image. I spent a lot of time talking about identity. I don't want to kind of gloss over that. This is essential. We need to start there. Then from there. I break it down with attractions, desires, temptations. I talk about this concept of holy sexuality, which really, for many parents and teens, it's a paradigm shift. This is the goal for everyone. 

And then from there, we go into a whole lesson on singleness. Kids are single right now. You can be whole in Christ. Don't wait for some moment for you to find another person where you can finally become whole. Only Jesus makes us so. I tell when I was teaching at Moody Biblical Institute. I taught all my students before you become one, be whole, before you become one in marriage be whole in Christ. 

So, I talked about the theology of singleness, and the theology of marriage. And then practical things after that. Some things that I didn't even include in my book that I needed to add, like gender. Four years ago, that was not as huge of an issue. I added that, and then some practical things like how do we live in the midst of trials of temptation? 

So, kind of that's the twelve lessons, just really building a theology of sexuality that we can stand firm on. It is not just what is God's no but also God's yes. 

Erin: And as you were talking, I was realizing even my own errors or nuances as a parent, my boys being heterosexual, that's not the goal. Being abstinent till marriage, that's not the goal. Ultimately, I want them to be sold out to Jesus and find their identity in Him. 

So, I'm so grateful. That's where you start. It seems obvious to me that the world's willing to disciple our kids, and we’ve got to take back that ground. 

You're not a parent. I asked you that about that before we started this interview and some passion rose up in you about still having responsibility to all of us. I’m a biological parent of four, but I have a lot of other kids in my orbit that I'm not their mama. What's our responsibility to the kids that we didn't birth ourselves?

Dr. Yuan: Yes, this is so key. And so those are that with people watching right now many of you might be a mom. But some of you don't have kids, or you might be single, and you don't have kids. I'm single, I'm open to getting married. I don't have physical children. But this is where the redemptive arc of God's grand story comes in. The Old Testament focuses a lot on the physical families, tribes, families, clans, etc. And the New Testament you don't have as much talk on that. Why? Because Jesus expanded in a wonderful, progressive, relevant Revelation about the understanding of family. Jesus says, “Who is my mother, who's my brother, who's my sister, those who obey the will of God,” which also points to the Great Commission, go and make disciples. 

So, I actually think of disciple making as begetting children. I have sons, spiritual sons that I've been begetting, young men that I've discipled, that I've poured into. I can view that I have shared the gospel and see people come to life and they were reborn. They were born again. And so, I'm a dad in that sense. I was begetting children that way. And so, we need to think of discipleship in that way. If you're a single, single lady, you should be begetting children—not just bringing them to faith but discipling them. 

It doesn't say go and make converts, it’s go and make disciples. It comes that way also when it comes to sexuality. We need to be discipling our kids on biblical sexuality, chastity, and singleness, faithfulness and marriage, what that means, and how that relates so directly to the gospel, and how we as Christians live that out fully, so very much. So, this applies to everyone. If you're a Christian, you should be a parent of physical and spiritual children.

Erin: And I am in Dr. Yuan. I don't point my finger very often on Grounded. But I want to say, “Church, are you listening?” We've got a responsibility here, the moment has come, none of us get to sit out, and the stakes are really high. But God's Word is so so sufficient. You've outlined that so beautifully for us. Where do people go? I know people are gonna run to want to look up this holy sexuality project and begin implementing it in their own homes. Where do you want to point them?

Dr. Yuan: I actually have two websites. ChristopherYuan.com is where you can just get more information about me and my ministry, my books, and also if you want to watch my testimony with my parents. But if you want to watch the video series, that HolySexuality.com. You can see the wonderful animation that many of the animators and stuff the project worked on. 

So, this is a huge, huge $1.2 million project. We want so much that every home, single mom, grandparent can afford this. So, our donors are actually offering it for $20. It should be like $300 per two-year license, but that's where you can get more information, HolySexuality.com.

Erin: Make it so Lord, and it far and wide. Help us disciple our next generation better than we are, and help us to disciple them towards holy sexuality. I could talk to you for a really long time. But I know Dannah is ready to get us grounded in God's Word. Thanks so much for being on Grounded Dr. Yuan.

Dr. Yuan: Thanks so much, Erin, for having me on. God bless you. 

Erin: You too.

Dannah, I know that you're locked and loaded and ready to fire God's Word as I know that he's been saying a lot of things that you're passionate about. 

Dannah: Oh yeah. 

Erin: Take it away. 

33:32 - Grounded in God's Word (with Dannah)

Dannah: I’m so excited about this project, this Holy Sexuality Project. It is something that I have a meeting with my True Girl team tomorrow to figure out how we can get people next year knowing all about it through our ministry. I truly believe in it. I endorse it with my whole heart. When Christopher Yuan is talking about how sexual discipleship needs to be taking place in the living room with mom and dad, that's my soapbox. Been on it for a long time. I'm so glad to have someone up here with me with such credentials as Christopher Yuan. Check it out. HolySexuality.com. 

Alright, here's something you need to know. I keep getting letters from single women asking, “How can I be sexually satisfied if I'm single?” And they write this as if they have to be sexual. Must have an outlet. Is masturbation okay? They asked me, sometimes to legitimize their porn use. 

After all, they're single, and surely they must have some way to be sexually satisfied. I'm afraid that this is going to be something you have to talk to your daughters about. Because so many people today define themselves by their sexuality, find their identity in their sexuality, they can't imagine living without sex. 

Here's the problem with that. The Bible doesn't share that view. 

God's Word tells us that a person is a human being because they're created in the image and likeness of God. Meaning, you have value and significance simply because as a male or female, you are an image bearer of God. 

So surely, sex is natural for us, but it's not necessary. 

The Bible is full of individuals who lived God-glorifying, happy lives who had no sexual outlet. They were celibates. Jesus, for example. Some believe John the Baptist had taken vows of celibacy since he lived like a Nazurite. Another example, the apostle Paul. 

In fact, it might be that the idea of being celibate was beginning to look like a super spiritual option back in Paul's day. You see, some people at Corinth wrote to Paul to ask about it. And he wrote back and told them in 1 Corinthians 7 that marriage is in fact good and should be the norm. He went on to write that sex was something married men and women should give generously to each other as a gift. But then he wrote about another gift. Let me read about it to you. In 1 Corinthians 7:7–8. The apostle Paul wrote this, 

I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.

Paul called his singleness and celibacy a gift from God. And he wrote, if you're unmarried or widowed, it'd be good to stay that way. Why? To have the freedom to serve God with abandon. 

It's possible to live a fulfilling life and never have sex. For some people, that's going to be the most shocking news they've ever heard. To be human and not be sexual is unthinkable to some in this day and age where we talk in terms of sexual identity. 

But God's Word says it's not only possible, it should be viewed as a gift. 

Now, not everyone has this gift, their sexual drive is high. And Paul says in the next verse, get married. But the Bible says that celibacy, like marriage, is a good gift. And as you talk to your children about sex, be sure to include this countercultural truth that if God chooses for them to be single, that's because He has chosen a great gift for them. 

And now, let me talk to you about you, because you might be a single mom or a widow or just single, and wondering the same thing those girls who write to me. You wonder, How do I contain this sexual desire? What do I do with it? 

Well, I would say this, be careful with those desires. Mine once lied to me and lured me into sexual sin and nothing good came of that. But your desires are real. And simple do's and don'ts, as Erin referenced earlier, won't change them. But let me tell you, what God's grace can do. 

Get your Bible and open it to a verse that retrained my brain and my body to submit to God's plan for me. The verse that gave me a second chance, how I love this verse, is found in Titus 2:11–14. 

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.

God's grace will train you. The grace of God is able to come into a heart that has known brokenness, has known sexual desire, has known unmet longings, and yet can in this day and age live a godly, self-controlled, upright life. 

How does the grace come? Through the Spirit of God. Ask the Spirit of God to teach you to live a self-controlled, upright, and godly life, and you'll find your desires changing. 

You'll be longing for the appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus, who gave His own body up in every way, shape and form, including, I believe, His sexual desires, because He was tempted in every way as you and I are tempted, and He gave His body up to purify you for good works. 

My friend, your identity is not in your sexuality, not in your gender, not in your sexual desires. Your identity, if you are a believer of Jesus Christ, is in Him and through Him. 

Portia: Amen, amen, Dannah, amen. Erin, are you ready to throw your shoe? 

Erin: I'm trying to get them off. I'm ready. Man, I don’t know what I expected from this episode, but it’s been 1,000 times more. 

Portia: Between Christopher and Dannah, yes, exactly. 

Erin: In fact, we were supposed to come back on. I wasn't looking where I was supposed to. I was looking at our team sending gifs of shoes throwing, that's what we're doing. That's always says like, “Woo! This is good!”

Portia: So good. So great, so great. Well, you know, we always want to keep pushing it in. We want to point you to resources to keep you grounded in God's Word. And so, if what Dannah just said resonated, and you're single, let me recommend an episode of Grounded featuring Dr. Julie Slattery. She helped us to understand that our sexuality has purpose, even if you are not having sex. I want to drop a link to this for you. And listen, if you missed this episode, I'm telling you, this is Portia's orders, you’ve got to go back and check this one out. 

Erin: I love me some, single women. We see you. Sometimes I think single women can feel like things like Grounded, the Church, these conversations about sexuality are not for them. We see you; we love you. And as Portia said, run to this resource. 

Portia: Run, don’t walk, run.

Erin: No walking, just running. 

Portia: Okay, and I'm really excited about this. We've got a beautiful tool to point you to, today. I don't know if you are one of those people who as soon as the temperature drops, you start singing Christmas songs.

Erin: I'm not in that camp, but I can respect those who are in that camp. Well, it's not a point of contention for me, so bring it on.

Portia: I think I can bring you in a little bit here.

Erin: Okay. 

Portia: Because Advent begins in less than one month. 

Erin: Is that right?

Portia: Yes, it'll be here in less than one month. We love Christmas at the Collins’ house.

Erin: I know you do. 

Portia: We’ve got an Advent resource to point you to. When you give to Revive Our Hearts this month, you'll receive a set of our Advent table top cards, and they are beautiful. Okay, you may remember two years ago, we had what I called the blue set. And so now we've got the red set. You can clip them on your tree; you can put them on your desk; you can string them across your mantel, whatever you need to do to remind yourself that Christmas is all it's not just about the lights. It's not about the presents. It is all about Jesus. We will drop the link. And when you give a gift of $40 or more this month, you will get the tabletop cards and the latest Advent devotional from our very own Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. It's titled Born a Child and Yet a King.

Erin: As you were talking, I think I figured out why you like to decorate for Christmas. Because those Mississippi Christmases are hot, so you can't wait for the snow. You can't wait for it to look like Christmas. You just got to convince yourself it's Christmas. So, I support that. That's a good idea.

Portia: I whipped up my heated blanket. I got my Uggs on standby. 

Erin: Okay. Okay. What is it, like 83 there?

Portia: The high today is at 81.

Erin: All right, it's beginning to feel a lot like Chris was in Mississippi. 

We have more things to tell you about. We’ve got lots of tools today. We don't just like to point you to resources. Sometimes we'd like to give you things. Today's one of those days we are giving away a digital booklet just for our Grounded girls. It's called The Power of Words. Raise your hand if you sometimes struggle to honor God with your mouth. Me too. I should see all those hands. And this resource is going to help you with that. And we want to give it away just because we love our Grounded sisters so we're going to drop a link to the place where you can get onboard and have that PDF sent your way, The Power of Words.

This was a powerful episode. I knew it was going to be. Dr. Yuan delivered.

Dannah: An early Christmas gift you guys just gave away.

Erin: No kidding. 

Dannah: I feel like at the end here it's my job today to kind of drive the point of the program home, but I feel like Christopher did that so well that I just want to sing. “It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.”

Erin: Okay, go for it.

I mean, the soapbox that Christopher got on was so good and so holy. And though it was not nearly as important, Portia’s soapbox for Christmas was really moving to me today. So, everyone? 

Erin: Both were good. 

Dannah: Well, everyone, get you Advent cards to welcome things right.

Portia: Yes. So in the meantime, since Christmas isn't tomorrow, we'll be back next week with an awesome guest. 

Erin: Yes.

Portia: Susie Larson will be with us. She is a power guest, and she will be here to help us understand and experience God's presence. So, we're still getting ready for the Christmas season.

Erin: I want to experience His presence. I'm gonna be here Christmas or no Christmas. I'm gonna be here, my friends are gonna be here. I want you to be here. So, let's wake up with hope together next week on Grounded.

Portia: Grounded audio is powered by Skype. Grounded is a production of Revive Our Hearts calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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