But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. —1 Timothy 5:8
Not long ago I was somewhere—I think it was Phoenix, but I’m not sure since I didn’t ask for directions—and I was going on an adventure through a mall. This has been, for some reason, a favorite pastime of mine when I’m in a city by myself that I don’t visit often. Once at a big shopping center, I found the large lighted mall directory. I did not ask for directions—“Excuse me, can you please give me directions to the directions?” I stood there for a few minutes, surveying the way the mall was laid out.
I decided to strike out toward one of the bookstores, but there was a problem—a serious problem. Some practical joker had pulled the “You are here” sticker off the directory. “How can I possibly get to where I want to go from where I am, unless I know where I am?” I said out loud. No one answered.
The Bible text you read today describes the landscape of your relationships as clearly as the directory at that Phoenix mall: “Don’t rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters with all purity. Support widows who are genuinely in need. . . . If anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (5:1–3, 8).
But all these instructions are a waste of space unless you and I take an honest look at where we are. If, when we read this list, we say to ourselves, Respecting older men? I do that. Treating young men with friendship and not condescension? I do that. Honoring older women? I do that. Esteeming young women and revering their purity? I do that. Providing for my family’s every need? I do that, too. But if we say these things dishonestly and don’t do them well, we’re as lost as I was in Phoenix.
Life is a lot of hard work. People count on us. They watch us to see how we speak, how we react under pressure, how we honor others and them. We can never go on vacation from these responsibilities. We are always in the process of working on them. But if we haven’t taken a sober look at where we are in our relationships—if we have looked the other way rather than dealing honestly with our propensity for selfishness, dishonor, and laziness—these relationships will never be healed.
This is a tall order. As I said, life is a lot of work. Getting to where we want to go with the relationships God has entrusted to our care is a full-time job, but arriving at that destination will be impossible until we face the fact of our own failure with these challenges.
“Father in heaven,” we may need to humbly confess, “I am impatient with my elders, patronizing to young people, unaware of people in need, and insensitive to my family. But Your presence helps me admit my lostness, Your grace forgives me of these failings, and Your wisdom gives me the direction I need. Thank You. Amen.”
Now, about that bookstore. I think it’s to the left. No, I’m sure it’s to the left, just next to Dillard’s. I don’t need to ask anyone.