Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. —Ephesians 6:4
From 1965 to 1968, during the summers between my college years, I worked for Richard Whitmer & Son, a small-time building contractor. And to say that my boss had a skeleton crew would be the overstatement of the day. During the years I worked for him, he had one full-time employee—me. And I loved it.
The “& Son” on his truck was technically true, but his son was my good friend who had opted for something a little less physically rigorous and sweaty. Jim was a photographer.
Even though most of my work consisted of doing menial tasks—digging, carrying, cleaning up—I got a chance to watch Dick Whitmer, a wonderfully skilled artisan, line up the forms for a foundation, cut and fit wood with flawless precision, lay brick “straight and true” (his favorite expression), safely wire a house for electricity, and much more.
After several years of doing the mindless work like mixing mortar and carrying heavy buckets filled with the stuff up the scaffolding, my boss invited me to begin trying the skilled work myself. I loved the challenge, and it was a great comfort to begin learning these skills with a seasoned craftsman close by. As I would take a shot at connecting complex wiring, Dick was right there to make certain I did it correctly—also to make sure I didn’t electrocute myself. I never recall him sneering an answer to a stupid question or snatching something out of my hand because I was doing it improperly.
The apostle Paul tells us about this same situation, except in this case, the craftsman is a dad, and the building project is his children. The words “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” remind us that we are to train our kids—our understudies and apprentices—as God would have us instruct them (v. 4). In other words, God is the craftsman in our lives who teaches us so we can be properly trained and instructed. Then, as we learn from Him, we become qualified to be the craftsman in our children’s lives so they can be properly trained and instructed.
What happens if we fail to be a kind and patient hands-on trainer? What do we do when we sneer at our kids’ questions and snatch improperly used tools from their hands without providing them with a live demonstration? The text says it best: we “stir up anger” in them (v. 4). These are powerful words.
In the decades since my college days, I have tackled many building projects on my own. Some of these have included things my former boss, the craftsman, taught me. And some have pushed me way beyond my level of experience or training. I boldly assumed I’d be able to figure it out on my own, and I was usually wrong.1
Have you been there? Do you know how it feels to be stuck with no one to help you? Your hands feel weak. You’re defeated. Angry. You’re a picture of complete exasperation. A miserable feeling, right? This passage of Scripture challenges us to do our best to keep our children from ever experiencing this feeling—the frustration of being told what to do without the luxury of first watching us do it ourselves.
You’re the craftsman. Show your children through your own example, then challenge them to follow your lead. This will lead to wonderful results.
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1 Thank goodness for YouTube.