When Christians Don’t Get Along: How the Gospel Calls Us to Unity

You’ve felt it before. That thick tension when a disagreement between two ladies at church has spread, and now it feels like every woman in the congregation is being drafted onto teams like some sort of high-stress kickball game.

Or that spike of annoyance and adrenaline when you run into someone you were hoping to avoid on your way to the sanctuary—not because you harbor malice toward her, but because she rubs you the wrong way, and you just don’t feel like dealing with it this morning.

Maybe it’s even that twinge of guilt when you casually tell someone why you think so-and-so is wrong, hoping she’ll take your side should the topic come up again.

You know that the church ought to be different—that this sort of divisive, cynical behavior has no place among women who belong to Christ. Yet everywhere you look, it seems to surface—even in your own heart.

Division Is Nothing New

Division among women (and men!) in the Body of Christ is, unfortunately, nothing new. It has existed since the beginning of the Church. In his letter to the Philippians, Paul singled out two women who were causing division in the church and urged them, graciously, to agree with one another. It’s important to note that it “seems that their arguments did not involve essential doctrinal matters. After all, the Apostle does not prefer one woman over the other, nor does he rebuke either one of them for doctrinal aberration.”¹

Look at Philippians 4:1–3:

So then, my dearly loved and longed for brothers and sisters, my joy and crown, in this manner stand firm in the Lord, dear friends.

I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I also ask you, true partner, to help these women who have contended for the gospel at my side, along with Clement and the rest of my coworkers whose names are in the book of life.

I don’t know about you, but the thought of being personally named in Scripture because you were causing division in the church is a horrifying prospect. Yet this passage also gives us a powerful reminder: the Lord cares deeply about the unity of His Church, and the gospel is far greater than our differences, preferences, or personal agendas.

Remember You Are Loved

At the beginning of this section, Paul reminded the Philippian believers of their identity: they were dearly loved. Although Paul wrote this letter from prison and could not visit the church personally, he wanted them to know that he loved them, cared for them, and longed to be with them. 

This reminder sets the stage for the coming rebuke in two ways. First, it reinforces Paul’s genuine care for them, both as a church and as individuals. After all, it’s easier to receive correction from someone you know loves and cares about you. Second, it reminds the Philippians of their identity as dearly loved children of God. There is a deep security in knowing that you are loved and valued, and that security should shape the way you relate to others.

Consider Colossians 3:12–14: 

Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.

Because you and I are God’s chosen ones—holy and dearly loved—we are empowered to love others with compassion, gentleness, and patience. Why? Because the Lord has first loved us with compassion, gentleness, and patience. 

Remember You Are Family

Next, Paul reminded the Philippian believers that they belong to God’s family. The church is not simply a collection of people who spend an hour together once a week without any tangible connection. No, through Christ, believers are brothers and sisters in God’s family, united in Him and heirs according to the promise (Gal. 3:27–29). The local church, then, should reflect the affection, commitment, and unity of a family. Families may disagree from time to time, but they are called to remain bound together in their love for Christ and one another (1 Cor. 1:10). 

In our modern culture, it can be easy to forget that every believer is our brother or sister in Christ—not just the ones we naturally enjoy, not just the ones who are easy to get along with, and not just the ones who look, sound, or think like we do. Because of this, Scripture calls us to “love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another” (Rom. 12:10). 

How many divisions in the church would end before they ever began if we kept this command at the forefront of our minds every time we interacted with another believer?

Remember Your Common Cause

Not only are we brothers and sisters in Christ, but we are also coworkers, standing firm for the gospel as we await the return of Christ. Paul’s focus shifts upward here, and for good reason. When our hearts are fixed on making the gospel known, how much room is left for squabbles, petty disagreements, and cynicism? In light of eternity, how significant do those things really seem?

Friend, the harvest is great, but the workers are few (Matt. 9:35–38). As believers, we have been united by the gospel and entrusted with a shared mission: to make disciples of all nations (Matt. 28:18–20). Needless divisions and arguments within the church only hinder our witness. They weaken our willingness to labor together and damage our testimony before a watching world.

The next time division comes knocking, remember your common cause. Remember the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Agree in the Lord

Because we are united in Christ as brothers and sisters, bound together by the Great Commission, we already have a solid foundation for agreeing in the Lord. That doesn’t mean we will never differ in personality, preferences, opinions, or even secondary theological convictions. It does mean we should hold those differences with humility, pursue unity for the sake of the gospel, and refuse to allow them to produce strife within the body of believers.

In Romans 12:18, Paul says, “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Everyone. How much more should that be true of those of those who belong to the Body of Christ, especially when strife, dissensions, and factions are listed among the works of the flesh (Gal. 5:16–26). 

Choose the Way of Unity

So, my dearly loved sister (or brother), my fellow coworker whose name is written in the book of life, contend earnestly for the gospel. As far as it depends on you, agree in the Lord. Remember that, as a believer, you are called to something higher than division, contention, and strife. Even when those things arise within the church, you do not have to participate in them. The Lord has called us to pursue unity for the sake of the gospel.

Fix your eyes on Jesus, and ask Him to create in you a heart that treasures the unity of His Church.

¹ “Agreeing in the Lord,” Reformed Bible Studies & Devotionals, Ligonier Ministries, December 16, 2011, https://learn.ligonier.org/devotionals/agreeing-in-the-lord.