Don’t Lose Heart

This episode contains portions from the following programs:

"You Can Persevere"

"Joy's Choice to Stay"

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Dannah Gresh: Sometimes, you just want to give up.

Woman 1: I'm going through a very tough time in our marriage right now, and I need some encouragement. 

Woman 2: We want to stay faithful in our church, but how?

Woman 3: My heart is broken, and I'm spent.

Dannah: These are comments from three different women who have contacted us here at Revive Our Hearts.

Woman 1: My husband has chosen a way of life which I know is not correct in God's eyes. It's not only affecting me, but my three sons as well. 

Woman 2: We've been in the same church for twenty-two years. We’ve prayed long and hard for God to move there, but it continues to get worse, not better. 

Woman 3: My marriage is breaking up. It's been an unloving, unnurturing marriage for over twelve years. I have nothing left for him or this marriage. I feel ugly, unlovable, unwantable, and basically unneeded. 

Woman 2: No one seems interested in growing in the Lord at all. Prayer meetings are attended by two to ten people, most of whom don't like to pray. Bible studies may draw ten ladies at first, but only one or two do any study at home and most drop out after a few weeks.

Woman 1: I'm trying to be strong through this, but sometimes I feel like I just can't do it anymore.

Woman 2: We don’t want to leave, but we’re tired, and we don’t know what to do.

Woman 3: I don't want to stay in this marriage anymore. But, I'm praying God will give me the desire to want to. I'm so tired.

Dannah: Maybe you can identify with those feelings of discouragement and weariness. I know I’ve had times where I felt that way, too. Today we’ll provide you with what I hope will be a boost of encouragement.

Welcome to Revive Our Hearts Weekend! I’m Dannah Gresh. 

My daughter and I once perfected the making of the croissant. By that I don’t mean we made them better, but we improved our making of them! The first time, the butter pooled under them and burnt the bottom to a crisp. Wrong butter! (Pro tip: American butter has lots of water in it. Use the good, fatty stuff from Europe to get the results you want.) Second time no pooled butter, but they were flat like pancakes. We were using the wrong flour. Third time . . . well, you get the idea. About four rounds in, we wanted to quit! Ah, but we didn’t. And today. Lexi and I make light, airy croissants . . . usually. 

Today I want to tell you something very simple: don't lose heart! Whether it’s a recipe you’re trying to perfect or a marriage you need God to heal. I’ve done both, and, well, I’ve got some encouragement for you today.

On our daily radio program and podcast, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is teaching through the letters to the churches found in Revelation chapters 2 and 3. All this week and then coming up on Monday and Tuesday, we’ve been focusing on what Jesus told the church in the ancient city of Philadelphia, in what is modern-day Turkey. It’s a message to persevere. Endure! Keep going! Don’t give up!

That’s a message we need to hear today, too. Maybe you need it right now. . . . today. 

To use the words of the apostle Paul, maybe you need to hear, “Don’t lose heart.” Here’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth explaining that concept from 2 Corinthians chapter 4. She read from the emails we listened to just a moment ago, from women who feel weary in the struggle.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: I suppose I hear that theme as often as any other in the emails and letters we receive here at Revive Our Hearts, from women who are tired of trying, tired of being faithful and trying to hold on and trying to keep things together and trying to serve the Lord and their families and others faithfully.

But they're not seeing the fruit; they're not seeing the results. Sometimes it looks like things are getting worse rather than better. They're suffering in a very real sense, and it's hard to persevere.

There's a recurring temptation to lose heart. It's hard to persevere. We get discouraged. We don't want to keep going. Sometimes it may not be any major crisis that precipitates the sense of losing heart. It may be just the daily-ness of life. Those day-in and day-out routines. You're investing in the lives of your children and your family and cooking and cleaning and serving and schooling and doing whatever you do, day after day, but you're not seeing the fruit of it. You're not seeing the reward of it.

Sometimes it's just hard to want to get out of bed in the morning and do what you have to do for one more day. Well, can I say that no less than the apostle Paul, the great apostle Paul, would relate to those feelings? He would relate to the temptation to lose heart, and he had a lot of reasons for which he could have lost heart.

The apostle Paul faced almost relentless hardships in the course of his ministry. From the time he first came to know the Lord until the time he went to be with the Lord, there were constant pressures. In the book of 2 Corinthians, we have many of the details of some of the hardships that he went through.

The book of 2 Corinthians is a book that helps those of us who are in ministry, serving the Lord, with a lot of practical insights about what we can expect to face as servants of the Lord. One of the things Paul says throughout this book is, "You can expect to face hardships."

He illustrates it out of his own life. If you have your Bible, you may want to flip to some of these passages. 2 Corinthians 1:8, Paul says,

We don't want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death (vv. 8–9).

Now I would say, "That's rough." He says, "Life was hard at this season of life. We were burdened so much beyond our own ability to handle it that we didn't think we could go on living."

Second Corinthians 11:24 contains quite a catalog of hardships.

Five times I received from the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one.

If you have ever studied that, you know this was a cruel and harsh punishment.

Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my own people, dangers from Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers at sea, danger from false brothers.

I mean, what a life! Verse 27 says,

In toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. Apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches (vv. 24–28).

Can you imagine being called to serve the Lord in this way?

I think of that passage in Acts chapter 20:23 where Paul says, "The Holy Spirit tells me in every city I go to that there are going to be hardships and persecutions" (paraphrased). And Paul told Timothy those who "live godly lives in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution" (2 Timothy 3:12).

Life is hard this side of heaven, and the temptation we face is to lose heart. But one of the things that helps me in my journey when I'm tempted to lose heart, as is often the case, is to look at how Paul handled those hardships, how he responded to them, and the fact that he steadfastly refused to lose heart. Now the place that we see that clearly spelled out is 2 Corinthians 4:1.

Now keep in mind the context—he's been through all these sufferings, all these hardships that he’s had to go through. In 2 Corinthians 4:1 Paul says, "Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart." Now, if you go to look at verse 16 toward the end of this chapter, you'll see the same phrase: "We do not lose heart."

That phrase is like a bookend at the beginning and at the end of 2 Corinthians 4:116. "We do not lose heart." It's a word in the original language that is used six times in the New Testament. Sometimes it’s translated, "We don't faint." Sometimes it’s translated "to be weary." It's a word that means "to be utterly spiritless, to be wearied out, to be exhausted."

And Paul says, "In spite of what we have been through, and in spite of what we are going through, and in spite of what God has told us we are going to go through, we do not lose heart." Now, he admitted that there were times when they were pressed beyond measure, beyond what they felt was their strength to endure, times when they despaired of life itself. But in the midst of the hardships, he said, "We do not lose heart."

Are you perhaps, even at this season of your life, in a place where you have been tempted to lose heart? Perhaps you are discouraged?

If you are, let me suggest you start by just admitting that you are. Start by doing what Paul did in being honest, not pretending like you are a good Christian; therefore, there is no pain; you don't feel any hurt. Just get honest with God and say, "Lord, this is hard. I'm struggling. I'm tempted to give up. I'm tempted to lose heart." And then ask the Lord, "Lord, would You open my eyes and open Your Word to my heart, to show me how I can keep from losing heart?"

When God calls you to serve Him in whatever He has called you to do, with that calling comes the gift of God's grace, the gift of God's enabling, the gift of God's mercy. The same mercy that saved you and called you, the same mercy that put you into that diakonia, service ministry, that same mercy will sustain you and preserve you in the ministry.

If God called you to be a wife, if God called you to be a mother, if God called you into the workplace to have a vocation, if God has called you to serve in your local church—whatever God has called you to do, He will supply His mercy to do that ministry. There's always a fresh supply of God's mercy. Aren't you glad? His mercies are new every morning. There is always a sufficient supply.

The Scripture talks about the exceeding great mercy of God. He is plenteous in mercy. He is abounding in mercy. Think about what God has called you to do—to love your husband, to mother your children, to teach your children, to lead a small group Bible study, to represent Him in the marketplace or the office or in your school, maybe where you are surrounded by unbelievers. There is mercy as a gift from God, a provision from God to do whatever He has called you to do. Receive it. Thank Him for it. Receive God's provision.

Can I just say to you, "There is hope as big and as great as God for your circumstance, for your situation, for your life." And I would just say to you, "Don't give up! Persevere! Don't lose heart!"

Dannah: Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth had a lot more to say from that passage in 2 Corinthians chapter 4, about lessons we can learn from the apostle Paul. You can listen to the whole series “Don’t Lose Heart,” when you go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend, and choose today’s episode.

Let's listen to how one wife has lived this out in the midst of a long and trying situation. This is the story of Joy McClain. 

Joy McClain: “There are days you’ll feel like running away.” My mom told me that. I'll never, forget we were outside drying laundry and it was May, my favorite month. It's the month when the lily of the valley blooms and everything feels fresh and alive. It was right before my wedding—my perfect May wedding. My mom was talking about commitment in marriage. I had never seen her and dad argue. But she said no matter how much you love your husband there will be days when it's really hard.

I thought, No way mom. That won't happen to me. Mark and I were in love. He was the center of my world.

Here's what I wrote in my journal May 4, 1985: “Today I took a vow to love and cherish my beloved husband Mark until death. That is just what I'll do no matter what troubles or hardships we come across.” 

Dannah: Well, it wasn’t long before the storm clouds gathered for Joy.

Joy: That commitment was tested right away. I had always known Mark to drink. By the time we had our third child, he was drinking really heavily. I became increasingly frightened and worried. And unfortunately as the kids got older, so did the intensity in the home.

Child: The chaos it was just much harsher.

Child: We'd be in our beds and hear a lot of arguing. 

Child: By the time he would be home for about half an hour, he would already be drunk.

Child: He began to just rage.

Child: I had a bad feeling I hit on my stomach every time I heard my dad yelling.

Joy: He started to punch holes in the doors. More often he started to lunge at me. He started to be angry at me. He started to threaten me more.

Child: I didn't know what he was capable of doing to us.

Child: I asked him if he loved alcohol more than he loved us, and he couldn't answer.

Joy: Mark let me down. I was devastated, but I realized the relationship of Christ was the anchor I needed. So I cried out to the Lord and said, “I'm desperate. I need you. I surrender everything to you.”

Dannah: Joy came to faith in Christ in 1988. She began praying for her husband’s salvation.

Joy: It turned out that my mom had been right when she said there are days you'll feel like running away. I did feel like running away. I did feel like holding Mark's sin against him. I didn't want to forgive, but I was convinced that I had spoken a vow to love and cherish my beloved husband Mark until death, no matter what troubles or hardship came. I stayed committed to that vow.

I thought if I just prayed hard enough God would change my husband. What I didn't realize was how much I needed to change. For instance, I needed to stop trying to change the situation by myself. I looked good on the outside. I greeted him at the door. But under my breath I was critical.

I'd slam doors in the kitchen. It's just a subtle way to show him my displeasure. Instead of praying, waiting, and allowing God to work on Mark's heart, I was trying to take things into my own hands. I remember a really difficult time when Mark had essentially checked out. I was having a pity party for myself thinking Mark has left me here all alone.

When Revive Our Hearts that day Nancy was talking specifically about husbands. She was challenging women to pray for their husbands for thirty days.

Nancy (on air): For the next thirty days purpose not to say anything negative about your husband to your husband or to anyone else about him.

Joy: I thought to myself, You have no idea how horrible my husband is. And no sooner had I said that when Nancy said, "And don't tell me how I don't understand how horrible your situation is."

I was like, "What is this? Nancy is in my head." But it was the Lord using Revive Our Hearts to anchor me once again to the Word of God. That's always what God was saying, "Joy, stop looking at your husband, and let's take a look at you."

Dannah: Joy knew Mark was sinning against God and against his family. But she recognized that the Lord was at work in her own heart.

Joy: One time I was screaming to God I hate the stench of alcohol in his breath. And then God spoke to my heart and said, "All sin is a stench to me." I realized my complaining was sin. My grumbling and discontented us against God was just as bad as Mark's addictions.

Dannah: Just as bad, in the sense that they were equally condemned in the sight of God, but not equal in their destructive and damaging effects.

Joy: Most of the world around me was saying, "What are you doing? Divorce him; it's time." But I couldn't do that. For one thing I had spoken a vow. But this was more than just gritting my teeth and getting through it. My husband needed Christ. And if I was the only person in the world that passionately would pray for him, I was never gonna stop praying for him even if it took years for him to see Christ, and even if he never changed. I knew that the trials I was facing in this life would be so short compared to eternity. 

The day we moved out was terrifying. I was committed to praying for Mark, and I wasn't going to divorce him, but we needed to separate for a time because he had no control of his rage. We were in a lot of danger.

I stopped praying that God would change Mark because that would make me happy. I was praying instead that we would represent the relationship between Christ and the Church. For the first time I was praying for holiness rather than happiness. I was tempted to become bitter than to hold on to hurt. But I knew how destructive that will be, that unforgiveness and bitterness it would just destroy me. I would be in a prison who was that released him through forgiveness. So even though he hadn't yet asked me to forgive him, I chose to forgive him in my heart. 

Dannah: Here are Joy’s children, Jordan, Jena, and Kristen.

Child: My mom tried desperately to keep us from becoming bitter towards my father. She always wanted us to be forgiving of him.

Child: She did a really good job of not saying negative things on my dad.

Child: She would always say it's a spiritual battle.

Child: She would remind us that we needed to love dad.

Child: We would pray together oftentimes and not just that he was stop drinking and that this would go away, but for his salvation, for his well-being.

Joy: I realized I needed to go a step beyond forgiveness. I need to actively bless him. I had been writing letters to Mark every day. Finally, I took a piece of wedding stationery that I had saved. I told him that I hope to enjoy a life together as husband and wife, knowing intimacy in all respects that we had never known before.

Dannah: Joy continued to pray for Mark during their three-year separation. In total, she prayed for twenty-two years.

Mark: The night that I asked Jesus to forgive me I remember sitting in my chair and just pleading to God to take take it all away.

Dannah: This is Joy’s husband, Mark McClain.

Mark: To take the desire away, to take the the pain away, to take to start healing my body. He did.

Joy: He came to me and said, "Would you forgive me? I've sinned against God and I've sinned against you. Would you forgive me for abandoning you, for leaving you?"

Mark: I asked her to forgive me. She asked me to forgive her. That was the start of healing relationships.

Dannah: After a long process of counseling and reconciliation, Mark and Joy renewed their wedding vows. It was May 5, 2007.

Joy: All those years of hurt and bitterness and anger and mistrust fell away. Because what he was essentially doing was meeting me at the foot of the cross and His shadow of forgiveness.

My sin had looked different than his. Mine was self-righteousness mine could be self-pity and mine most certainly was fear. But I've been forgiven about holy God. And now Mark had confessed his sin to the same God. How could I refuse to offer him my complete and full forgiveness?

This isn't happily ever after. We're both imperfect and sinful people. We still had ups and downs. But rather than seeking our own happily ever after, we’re seeking God's Word and His holiness. No matter what, were committed to seeking the Lord together.

Dannah: Perseverance. Joy McClain lived it out. We’ve just listened to the audio from a video produced by Revive Our Hearts. If you’d like to watch it, here’s how: Go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend, and find this episode. It’s called “Don’t Lose Heart.” Select it, and you’ll find a link to the video “Joy’s Choice to Stay.” She’s also written her story in a book by the title Waiting for His Heart: Lessons from a Wife Who Chose to Stay. We have more information about how you can get that book in the program notes. 

You know, we rely on donations from our listeners to keep this program going, along with the many different outreaches of Revive Our Hearts. So if you’d like to play a part in calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ, we’d love to hear from you.

You can make a donation at ReviveOurHearts.com, or by calling 1-800-569-5959. When you do, check out your options for the thank-you gift we can send you when you request it. 

Next weekend is Pastor Appreciation Day. We want to think through creative ways we sheep can bless our shepherds. I hope you’ll be back for that.

Thanks for listening today. Don’t forget to tune into the Grounded videocast Monday morning at 9 Eastern, and Nancy continues with more on perseverance on Revive Our Hearts.

I’m Dannah Gresh. We’ll see you next time for Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

Revive Our Hearts Weekend is calling you to persevere and find freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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