Celebrating the Gift of Grandparents

This episode contains portions of the following programs:

"Missional Mothering, Day 4"

"How You Can Influence Your Great, Great, Great Grandchildren"

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Dannah Gresh: Are you a grandmother? If so, today’s episode is for you! That’s right—this Sunday is Grandparents Day, and we’re gonna celebrate. Whether you go by Grandma, Nana, Grammie, Granny, Abuela, Mimi, or some other adorable, endearing name, we’re excited to recognize your important role today. 

I’m Dannah Gresh (also known as NanaDannah), and you’re listening to Revive Our Hearts Weekend—grandparents day edition. 

Well, if you’re a grandma (or a grandpa for that matter), I’m glad you’re listening. I want you to know that you are a gift. There are few treasures as precious as godly grandparents to look up to. It’s a joy to celebrate you!

The Puritan minister John Flavel said, “The greatest inheritance you can leave your children and grandchildren is a godly example and the knowledge of God. . . . If you have laid up a treasure of prayers for them, you have left them a rich legacy indeed.” I couldn't agree more!

My friend Jani Ortlund is doing this so faithfully. Jani is grandmother to fifteen and author of Help! I’m Married to My Pastor! She sat down with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and poured out a wealth of grandmotherly wisdom. She’s got a go-to system as she prays for her grandkids that consists of an open Bible, a notebook, and a heart to see the little ones she loves walk with Jesus. I’m excited for you to learn from her. Here’s Jani. 

Jani Ortlund: I think enjoyment is the purest form of love. It's the most easily accepted. Someone can tell me they love me . . . Perhaps some of your listeners have had this happen before, where someone will come and say to them, "I love you . . . and we need to have a talk. I'm going to speak the truth in love to you." That doesn't feel like love to me. Enjoyment is what feels like love to me. When Ray enjoys me, I feel loved.

And, in fact, in the Westminster Confession, what's the chief end of man? "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever." Enjoyment is an important part of our souls and of our relationships. So, I think the most important thing I can do for each new grandchild, as he or she comes into the world, is purely enjoy them. Just love them . . . ooh and aah over them . . . relate to them as an individual.

So that they know, in the span of this large family, "There is another person beyond my mom and dad who loves me and who loves Jesus and who thinks I'm okay and who isn't always trying to change me to get me to do better and to do something different. She just likes me."

So my chief goal is to have my grandkids know that I enjoy them.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: I see a lot of my peers who are grandparents wrestling with ways their grown children (who may know and love the Lord) are parenting differently in certain areas than the grandparents parented them. When you see those differences . . . I assume your children don't all parent exactly the way that you and Ray did.

Jani: That is a correct assumption!

Nancy: When you see those things, or if you see things from an outsider point of view and you think, I don't know if they're catching this, or they may not be thinking about how this is going to play out down the road . . . If you have concerns or observations, how quick or slow are you to share those? Do you share them at all? How do you think through that?

Jani: After making a mistake, I'm very slow now. I had a little grandson who I felt needed a certain form of discipline, and I asked my daughter-in-law if I could exert that discipline, and she said she was fine with it, but there was a catch in my spirit.

It seemed the Lord was saying to me, "Jani, you had your chance, you had your time, and you learned from the mistakes you made. It is now your children's time. Support them, encourage them in what's right. If they ask specifically be ready with an answer from the Word."

"If you feel you need to talk to them, Jani, come to Me first and talk to Me about it! I might open up a different way!" So, Nancy, after making a mistake (and my daughter-in-law has graciously forgiven me), I now pray about it if I see something that's a little bit what I don't feel comfortable about and different—as long it's not a direct sin. I think if it was a direct sin, then as a grandmother I could say something.

Nancy: Well, they're your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Jani: That's right, it's part of priority two—the body of Christ, how we relate to one another. But as far as parenting technique, we all have different emotional energy levels, spiritual depth. We're at different places psychologically, educationally, and in our family backgrounds. We all come to it from a different area.

So God put those grandchildren with that child and child-in-law for a specific reason. It's not for Mamie to come in and rule the roost and make it perfect, but for them to learn. If they have a question, I'll enter into it very carefully. And I have had some good discussions. There have been some questions raised.

I thank the Lord for that. All of the in-laws (our four in-laws) love the Lord Jesus and care for me. In fact, each of my three daughters-in-law have asked me to come at the birth of each of their babies and care for them and work with them then—such an honor!

So I have good relationships with them, and when a question comes I'll be glad to answer it, but until then I pray and pray and pray. How much better for the Lord to speak to them than good old Jani.

Nancy: As the Lord has spoken to you, in your journey, and to give them the freedom to grow in their relationship with the Lord, to find Him to be their Wonderful Counselor is a great gift.

Jani: Yes, and He is faithful to each generation.

Nancy: It's interesting to hear one of your sons say you're not a third parent, and yet to so value your relationship with the children. I think that's a beautiful balance that the Lord seems to be showing you and Ray how to have: how to be available, how to care, but to not come in and do the job God has now entrusted to those parents.

Jani: I thank the Lord for that, Nancy. It is His grace. Oh, to be a grandma is such a joy, and it is such a responsibility!

Nancy: Talk about the responsibility.

Jani: Well, I have to bring it back to prayer, and the reason is this: I'm so far from them. I don't know what their days look like. As you know, Nancy, I read through the Bible every year in my quiet times (I've been doing that for years now). When I come across a verse that I love for my children's sake, I write it down in the back of my Bible.

I just have pages back here for our children—verses I'm praying for our children. In my prayer notebook I keep a page for each grandchild with pictures of them at different stages in their life. When I see one of these verses, I write it down. Our daughter-in-law Erin, who's married to Eric, I know won't mind me sharing this. Their little boy, Will, has just had a hard time trying new foods.

All children have sensitive taste buds, but some just have a real hard time with trying new vegetables or meats or whatever, so that's been a prayer concern in here. I pray about it daily. I was just up there a while ago, and Will was so proud. He said, "Mamie, I know you're praying about this, and I can eat cauliflower now!"

I said, "Will! How did you learn to eat cauliflower?"

And he said, "Well, Mrs. (his neighbor's mom) said I could have one of her cookies if I tried a piece of cauliflower, and I wanted that cookie!" So he ate the cauliflower, and I took a video and sent it to "Boppa" and we rejoiced.

Well, I'd been praying about it for a while. I'd put it down on the prayer page. I pray Scripture into their lives. Psalms 78: "The wonders we have seen (we can't keep them to ourselves). We're to tell them to the coming generation and the generations yet unborn, the wonders of the Lord and the glories He has done. Then they will arise and tell them to their children and they will set their hope on God."

So, as we pray for our kids, I put that on the prayer page, Psalm 78: "Lord, give me wonders to talk about, wonders about You, when I'm with the kids, as I'm going to travel to be with them. Give me a story to tell of how you've been working in my life. Let me bring You into the conversation, Jesus, so the kids can see that my love for them comes from Jesus . . . because Jesus made them and He has a great plan in what He's doing in our family and in their lives."

And so I want to pray for them; I want to pray specific Scriptures. When I read about David, how he was artistic, he was talented, he had a warrior's heart, he was well-spoken . . . I list those characteristics on the prayer page.

I say, "Lord, give this child (Kate or Lizzie or Micah Ray) a talent to use for you. Make him or her a warrior for You. Make them like a David or a Daniel or a Samuel." So as I pray through the Bible over and over again, I find a verse, and I put it on the prayer page and I pray it.

Nancy: What an incredible gift that is to your children, to your grandchildren. I've shared often on Revive Our Hearts how my dad, who did not come to know the Lord until he was a young adult after years of wild rebellion and did not come from a mostly Christian home, but had a praying Greek grandmother. Ya-ya didn't speak English, and I never knew my great-grandmother, but I've heard the stories about how she was a praying woman.

There were two sets of cousins, and the two families grew up in the same house. One of my dad's cousins told the story of how he actually shared a bedroom with Ya-ya when he was a little boy. He would go to bed at night. At times she would be on her knees praying for the children and for the grandchildren. Then he would wake up in the morning and she would still be on her knees, having prayed through the night.

Now, I'm sure that didn't happen every night, but that was a memory he had. My dad was so far from the Lord, and Ya-ya didn't live to see my dad's conversion, to see him come to faith. But I look at the spiritual giant, the man of God that my dad became that I knew as my dad, and I think of Ya-ya's prayers sowed decades before he actually came to faith . . . and then how those prayers took root and produced fruit, and are now producing fruit in my life.

Jani: We thank the Lord for Ya-ya's prayers because of you, Nancy. We love and honor you so much, and she was praying for you—to the children yet unborn (Psalm 78), so we thank her. We'll thank her up in heaven someday.

Nancy: Right. What an incredible legacy! Can't wait to meet her. Jani, you've written two posts for the True Woman blog, one on praying for your little princess and one on praying for your little prince. We're going to make those available. If you'll go to ReviveOurHearts.com, we've got links there to those two posts. Tell us how those came about.

Jani: I think sometimes you struggle as a mom or grandmother, "How do I pray for this child? I'm coming up empty, Lord!" And that's where I say you, "Pray Scripture." You put your child or grandchild's name into that verse. You pray and pray and pray Scripture over them, saying,

Oh, Lord, you tell us that the children of your offspring will dwell secure. Secure my offspring in You. Make this verse true.

You tell me that their offspring will be established before the Lord. I want that for these kids! I want the whole world to hear about Jesus through these kids and these grandkids! I pray that not one of them would divorce, not one of them would struggle with sexual identity. I pray that all of them would come to a clear and saving faith in Jesus Christ.

Ray and I are actually praying to the tenth generation—we're using that in our prayers right now. We're asking the Lord that to the tenth generation this family would spread out across the earth in revival and renewal and that Jesus' Name would be lifted high.

So, in praying for our little prince, in praying for each little princess, I take Scripture, specific Scripture. I can give you an example. Here's Lizzie, O dear Lizzie, she's six years old. I prayed from Psalm 22:9–10:

Lord, help her to trust in you from infancy. I'm asking for a godly husband. Grab hold of her heart early. Help her to recognize Your voice.

From Zechariah 10:12, make her strong in the Lord; make her walk in Your Name. I pray from 1 Chronicles 29:18–19 that she would have a whole heart, that You would direct her heart toward You. [And on and on it goes. There's one verse, "Make them a prince in all the earth."] I pray that Lizzie would be a princess in all the earth; that when people look at her they will say, "There's something regal about her!" [Well, it's the Lord Jesus Christ. She's serving the King of Universe.] And that God would make her a princess in all the earth . . . corner pillars established.

So, as we pray for our little prince and our little princess, we use God's words and we hold Him to His promises.

Dannah: That’s Jani Ortlund showing us how to pray Scripture for our grandkids. As my children were growing up, I picked a Scripture to pray for each of them, and it makes me think, I’d love to celebrate Grandparents Day by choosing some Scriptures specifically to pray over my own grandchildren. Would you join me? Let’s lay up a treasure of prayers for the little ones we love. 

Now, if you’re unmarried or you don’t have children, you might be feeling a little disappointed. Here you are listening to this beautiful vision for grandmothering that leaves a spiritual legacy. You’re thinking, I would love to live this out, but what if I don’t get the chance? 

Well hang with me, because you’re about to hear that you can. Today. Just as you are, and right where God has you. 

My friend Michelle Hill is living proof. She has served in the Christian radio world for many years, and she even helped produce Revive Our Hearts Weekend back in the day. If you don’t have biological grandchildren, I think you’ll be encouraged by her story.

Michelle Hill: You don't have to have children or grandchildren to build a spiritual legacy. And I'd have to say that every woman in every season can build a spiritual legacy, whether she's single or married, young or old. 

You know, the woman who builds a spiritual legacy, she's built countless legacies into other women through her story and through her books and through her radio broadcast Gateway to Joy . . . I'm talking about Elisabeth Elliot. And in college, the resident assistant in our dorm had us all read her book, Passion and Purity. A lot of women in my generation have read that book. It's the sweet story of Elisabeth and her first husband, Jim Elliot. 

But it wasn't until I was working in Christian radio a few years later, when I came to see Elisabeth in a different light. I listened to her share about her love story with Jim. I heard her talk about his death, because he had been murdered by the Auca Indians in remote Ecuador. And we know the Auca Indians today as the Waorani. I heard her talk about going back to minister to the same people group that killed her husband—and this was when Elisabeth was a widow with a very small child.

So, let's go back to the radio station that I was working at when Gateway to Joy came on at 11 o'clock every day. It was during that time, I was in the newsroom, and I was preparing for the news. Day after day I listened to Gateway to Joy. It was on the speakers in the station. I would try to turn the volume down because anyone who listened to Gateway to Joy can remember Elisabeth having at times a gravelly voice, and sometimes she was hard to listen to.

But during that time, there in those 11 o'clock hours Monday through Friday, I was being changed. And pretty soon, it became my favorite hour of the day. I was listening to Elisabeth’s strong, unwavering trust in our God, and she didn't bend. Again, this is a lady who took her baby girl back to the remote area of Ecuador. It wasn't easy. It was very hard on her. 

She eventually did marry again, but it was during her single years where I gleaned from her. She had a grit. She had this grit that I don't know that I could ever come up with. But God had used her during those single years for some very hard, hard things. She talked about this unwavering trust in God, and it changed the way that I saw God. I truly learned through Elisabeth about the cross and about my sin and about my Savior who loved me so much. 

I could relate to being in a remote circumstance. I was living in a small fishing village in Alaska at that time. It was remote, and I was very lonely. And through Elisabeth, I learned how to get out of myself. I started Bible studies with some area girls, some junior high girls, from the church and through the community. Then when I moved down to lower forty-eight, and to Arkansas, I started more Bible studies with young high school girls. Some were in the community, some were from my church, sometimes I would have four or five girls on a Monday night, sometimes I'd have five or six girls for breakfast on a Wednesday morning.

As I poured into them, they poured into me. We'd memorize Scripture together, we'd read the Bible, we'd laugh, we’d talk, we’d have fun. Then through that time, I also was teaching Sunday school. As the girls started getting older, and maybe I wouldn't get younger girls anymore. God moved me into leading women in church. As I look back, I'm just in awe of what God did and what he started. 

Last year, I was contacted by a young woman that I had mentored probably about five, eight years ago. She wanted me to know that she had started a group of younger women in high school, and I now have spiritual grandchildren. It is such an exciting thing. God used someone else in my life. He could have taken my life in a different direction. I could have gotten married; He could have done all kinds of different things. But He chose for me to be working in a small Christian radio station in Alaska, listening to Elisabeth Elliot, who spoke many words of wisdom. And I've been able to share those words of wisdom with so many other ladies. And so I've just got to say, if you're single today, I want you to be encouraged because you don't have to be married to leave a rich legacy, and that's really good news.

Dannah: It sure is! Michelle Hill on investing in spiritual daughters and granddaughters. Single women can leave a legacy that impacts generations through discipleship. 

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I want to tell you four reasons I’m so thankful God made me NanaDannah. Their names are Addie, Zoe, Stella, and Theo! And I sure hope there are more reasons to come. (hint hint if my children are listening)

I love being a grandmother. When the kids sleep over, we have a little tradition—pancakes and pickles! Don’t ask how it started. Long story. But now it’s our thing, and I love every sweet and sour bite of it.

Of course, most of grandparenting is exactly what you’d expect—feeding, bathing, showing up for recitals and birthday parties. But deep in my heart is a yearning to instill God’s love and truth in their little hearts. That’s the part that makes my calling as a grandparent holy.

You know the beginning of Deuteronomy 6? The command to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength? Jesus said that was the greatest commandment. I’ve taught for years through my True Girl ministry for tween girls and their moms that parents are called to teach that truth diligently to their children—when they sit, walk, rise, and lie down.

But imagine my joy when I realized this passage isn’t just directed at parents. It includes grandparents too! Listen to verses 1 and 2:

These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you . . . so that you, your children and their children after them [that's us grandparents] may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands . . . and so that you may enjoy long life. (Deut. 6:1–2)

Did you catch that? “Their children after them.” This is our calling, grandparents! Let’s not miss it. Let’s partner with our kids in planting God’s truth in the next generation.

Yes, a lot of grandparenting looks like pancakes and pickles. But we’ve got to watch for the holy moments hiding inside the silly ones. I had one not long ago.

Addie and Zoe—my older grandgirls—had just come back from a True Girl Pop-Up Party weekend. We’d spent the weekend worshiping, learning the gospel, and teaching the girls how to study the Bible using the 4Z method my team developed. The twins were just barely old enough to soak in some of the teaching. They loved the games, crafts, and music, but did they understand more?

So there we were, back at my kitchen table, munching pickles and pancakes. I asked, “What was your favorite part of the Pop-Up Party?” And Addie looked at me and said, “Learning that Jesus died because the snake lied.”

Be still my heart.

She got it. She remembered the video I’d labored over to help girls understand the very first sin in the garden. We kept talking. We went deeper. And right there over pickles and pancakes, I got to share even more of the gospel with her. That breakfast turned out to be about far more than quirky food combos. It was about snakes and crosses and the Savior who crushes the serpent’s head.

It was a holy moment.

Grandparenting is full of them—if we’re watching. So yes, let’s keep making memories with pancakes and pickles—or whatever your thing is. But let’s also keep looking for those sacred seconds when their hearts are soft and their ears are open. Because we were made for this: to pass down the love and truth of God to our children’s children.

Let’s do it together.

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Hey, I’d love to have you and your daughter or granddaughter at a True Girl Pop-Up Party Weekend. We have two more this fall. One in Wisconsin and one in Texas. We’ll put a link in the show notes. Don’t worry, we don’t serve pickles and pancakes, just dollops of God’s truth for eight to fourteen-year-old girls!

If you want to be more intentional in your role as grandma, then I’d love to point you to the Grandparenting on Purpose Challenge. It’s a 10-day opportunity to learn from real-world grandparents who’ve developed a biblical approach to grandparenting. When you sign up at ReviveOurHearts.com/challenges, you’ll receive a daily email devotional along with a personal challenge to help you apply the truth. So go register, and then ask God to grow your vision of what it means to be a godly grandparent. He is willing and able to multiply your opportunities for influence when you ask Him to. 

Next weekend is all about developing a love for the local church that perseveres—even when church hurts. I hope you’ll come back for that important conversation.

Thanks for listening today. I’m Dannah Gresh. We’ll see you next time for Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

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