Celebrating Spiritual Mothering

This episode contains portions from the following programs:

"Investing in the Next Generation"

"3 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Spiritual Mothers"

"Mentoring Means Loving and Listening"

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Dannah Gresh: Life can be hard . . . and lonely . . . if it weren’t for the incredible life-giving community birthed by spiritual mothers through mentoring friendships.

Nancy Lindgren: It’s not like that mentee is casting her cares on us and all of a sudden we have all the burdens on us. It’s like together we’re hanging onto the fishing pole, and we’re putting all those burdens on the end of that hook, and together we’re casting them out on Jesus.

Dannah: I’m your host, Dannah Gresh, and you’re listening to Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

Happy Mother’s Day Weekend, friend! I’m glad you’re here with me today. This weekend, you may be celebrating your mom—as in the one who birthed you or adopted you. (I have two kiddos of my womb and one who was birthed through my heart!) Or it might just be that you’re a mom, and you’re the one being celebrated. I wish you a day without diapers, carpooling, or dishes! I love it that we pause and praise God for mothers!

But this weekend, I want to celebrate a different kind of motherhood, a very unique kind. Only followers of Jesus get to experience this kind of mother/daughter relationship because it goes beyond shared last names and DNA. Instead, it’s a love held together by something even stronger—faith in Jesus! That’s right, we’re talking about spiritual motherhood. 

I am delighted that today you get to hear from one of the loveliest spiritual mothers I know. She’s sweet, she’s southern, and she’s oh so wise. I adore her, and you’re going to, too, if you don’t already. Her name is Susan Hunt, author of the women’s ministry classic, Spiritual Mothering. Susan was a pastor’s wife for many years, and she also served her denomination as the women’s ministry consultant. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth considers her a spiritual mother of the True Woman movement. She’s pretty special around here! Well, Nancy sat down with Susan to talk about spiritual mothering, and I can’t wait for you to hear what both of these wise women have to say. Let’s listen.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: So this thing of spiritual mothering—what is that?

Susan Hunt: It's very much like mothering. It's the nurturing care of other women. As Paul writes to the Thessalonians, it's sharing the gospel and our lives with others.

The word "train" in Titus 2 is a word that means more than downloading information. It does mean that, but it's also sharing our lives, showing, modeling. It's a show-me kind of ministry. So it's coming alongside others and living life with them.

It's really the kind of discipleship Jesus did because not only did He teach, but He lived life alongside with His disciples. He called them to be with Him. And that's what spiritual mothering is. It's investing in the lives of others in a nurturing way that we share the gospel as well as our lives with them.

Nancy: You have done that. You have lived that. And I'd love for our listeners just to get to know some of your journey, how you came to believe in spiritual mothering.

As you look back, apart from your own mother, your own biological mother, can you think as you were a young woman, someone who was a bit of a spiritual mother to you, where you first experienced that kind of woman in your own life?

Susan: Well, I think first I experienced the beauty of the concept. That came before the relationship because when I became coordinator for women's ministry in my denomination, the Presbyterian Church in America, that was back in the late eighties, the idea of mentoring was not a popular idea. It was not a buzz word at all. In the culture at that time, individualism and independence is power, all of that was prevalent.

I was frantic to find resources for women's ministry, and there were none. So I began going to the Scriptures and searching. And the only Scripture at that point seemed relevant to the topic to me was Titus 2:3–5. Should I read that?

Nancy: Sure.

Susan: Let me just read it.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderous or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be reviled.

I could not even imagine what that looked like. I did not understand what it meant. But there was one part of it that absolutely blew me away, and that was, whatever it was talking about, it had to do with the Word of God not being reviled. And so, if it had to do with God's Word being honored, I wanted to know what it was.

So I began thinking about it and praying about it. I could not find a lot of commentary on it, but I was praying. Then my husband was called to a church with a rich blend of older and younger people. I was around forty-nine or fifty at the time, and there were women in their sixties, seventies, and eighties whose lives just captivated my heart. I watched as they loved me and as they loved the younger women coming into the church. They were not threatened by the younger women. At the same time, they were so eager to learn God's Word.

And so when my husband asked me to teach a weekly Bible study, these older women showed up.

Nancy: Did that surprise you?

Susan: Oh, absolutely! I didn't know what to do with it.

Nancy: Did it intimidate you a little bit?

Susan: A lot! It intimidated me. I did not know how to teach them and teach the younger women in their twenties who were beginning to come to the church.

Nancy: So you had a mix of women in this, generationally, in this study.

Susan: Yes, and I was standing square in the middle of it. And then it occurred to me, "Lord, You're giving me an opportunity to see what it is You're talking about in Titus 2:3–5, and now I just want to sit back and watch and see. Does this really work?"

I just couldn't fathom it. So many relationships that I saw between older and younger women were filled with tension and with resentment and misunderstanding. So we just dug in.

Nancy: You didn't have a program. You didn't have a formula. You didn't have a curriculum.

Susan: No.

Nancy: Except right here in Titus 2.

Susan: Titus 2. That was it. So just as we began studying Scripture, but always with this in mind, and I was always talking to them about that idea and asking them questions: What do you think this looks like?

And then as I began to try to do things to help them connect and communicate with one another, it really came to a head when (whatever we were studying and I don't even remember what book it was at that time, what book of the Bible) we came to a passage on marriage. And I thought, How can I do this because most of these older women were widows? I just didn't know how to go about doing that.

And then I thought, Well, I'll just teach what's there. But I told the women how uneasy I was. I asked the older widows, "Will you help us? Will you show us what it means to be godly wives? Will you share your memories with us?"

And I knew we had struck gold when afterwards one of the younger women said, "How can I go home and complain about dirty socks on the floor after I've listened to these women share their precious memories of their husbands and their marriages?"

Nancy: Who at that point would have given anything to have their husbands back—with the dirty socks on the floor.

Susan: Yes. That's right. Everything came into perspective for all of us. Then I began to see what it would mean if younger women could hear the perspective on life of older women who had walked with the Lord, who were walking with the Lord, whose consuming desire was to honor and glorify Him. And it was just beautiful, just beautiful.

As they understood the biblical principle, and as we looked back in Scripture and began to attach it to the covenantal principle throughout the Old Testament of one generation telling the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, it's like it loosened the lips of these older women, and it loosened the ears of the younger women. We were listening to and hearing each other and the way it was transforming our lives and our relationships. But every one of those women had a pivotal role in my life at that point—the younger and the older.

Nancy: Can you think of specific areas where—take yourself back to that fifty-ish women—that season of life that you saw something in them that you wanted to emulate or that modeled Christ to you? Are there any specific areas where they spoke into your life by their lives?

Susan: Oh, yes. One thing that fascinated me about them was that they were in charge, every Sunday. Everything that was going on in our local church, they were there. And I knew that they prayed faithfully for everything about our church life.

But not only did they show up always, but they looked so beautiful. They dressed beautifully. Their nails were done. They just looked beautiful. In every area, they radiated something to us—gospel beauty. It was that adornment of the gospel. I was fascinated by that, that these women had not let themselves go. They were showing Christ to whoever was around.

And that has served me so well because now, there are lots of times that I think, Oh, maybe I'll just sleep in. There is no energy today. But I think back to those women, and they showed up, and in so doing, they taught me to love my church. They taught me to love the Savior of the church and to be there as a support for the pastor, for the other people in the church.

Dannah: What a download of wisdom! That’s Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, talking with Susan Hunt about discovering the beauty of spiritual mothering. 

You know, that conversation is part of a series Nancy and Susan recorded about "Spiritual Mothering," and all of it is just so good! And if you’d like to explore spiritual mothering with Susan even more in-depth, you can purchase her book, Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women. Go to ReviveOurHearts.com/weekend and select today's episode. We'll have links to the series and the book for you there.

Now, if you’re an older woman and you’re thinking, You know, maybe now’s a good time to hang up my spiritual mothering hat, you’re not alone, but hold the phone a sec! I want you to think twice. It’s true: spiritual mothering isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. My mother, Kay Barker, has been a spiritual mother to so many, including me. Not too long ago on the Grounded podcast, she and I got to chat. My mom was rigorously honest with us. Let’s listen.

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Dannah: Mom, you're one of the best spiritual mothers I know. I love you. Yeah, you've been my spiritual mother. You've taught me to love the Word. But I've watched you mentor lots of other women too. So, tell us about your burden to mentor younger women. Where does it come from?

Kay Barker: Well, I think it comes from a time when I was mentored and needed to be mentored. I was a young mother, a new Christian. There were three women in a church that just walked beside me when I needed that. One would call me. She had seven or eight children. She'd say, “Hey, can Dannah come and play today.” That wasn't just because the kids wanted to play. It was because she knew I had a need. And I see that now. I remembered that. It was so important to me, getting me through those years. So, I think my mentoring desire to mentor, mentor other young women, especially comes from that time when I knew that's what I had needed.

Dannah: Maybe she just thought I was fun to have around.

Kay: Well, you were. You always were.

Dannah: Well, a few years ago, I guess I'll let you admit this, but you kind of felt like, even though you've had this burden to mentor women, because you've been mentored, and you've done it so well, all these years, you started to feel like, would it be safe to say, you felt like retiring?

Kay: I guess so. I've always been in Bible studies. This was called Soup for the Soul. Our church had a group of ladies, about twenty to thirty women. We'd meet once a week or once every other week, and we'd have soup. Then we break up into small groups and share the Word. Some of the women my age were dropping out for various reasons, and a lot more younger women were coming into the group. I thought maybe I should reconsider next year if I want to be with someone my age that can relate to me where I'm at. 

And so, I started considering that. I didn't pray about it to be honest. I was, “Yes, I know. I know. I was trying to make up my own mind.” 

And so, when it came fall, it was time to go to the church community group and decide which study we were going to go into that year. For that year, I was looking at the older women's groups. But that didn't happen. 

Dannah: Why? 

Kay: Well, about a week before the studies were to start up, one of the women from Soup for the Soul, she was the leader, an incredible woman who leads well, and I love her so much. She called me. We didn't know each other very well at the time. She said, “Kay, our host home is not able to do it this year. And for some reason, every time I pray about it, it seems like your name comes up. Would you be able to host our Soup for the Soul this year?” And I just . . .

Dannah: Busted. 

Kay: I know. And so, I said, “I'll pray about that.” Right? 

Dannah: Which a lot of times is codeword for “no way.”

Kay: It was, I think to be honest. So we hung up the phone, and I very clearly heard the Holy Spirit speak to my heart. And this is what I heard. “If you won't go to them, I'll bring them to you.” 

Dannah: Oh . . .

Kay: So, I knew the answer.

Dannah: That's really cool. 

Kay: Yeah.

Dannah: So, when you tried to retire, the Holy Spirit got in the way and orchestrated it so that you couldn't. 

Kay: That's right. 

Dannah: Has the Lord blessed it? I mean, I know here we are. It's been like five, six years since that, right, because He blessed it?

Kay: Incredibly. We had about thirty women every single time that we met, and we became very close. It was just a wonderful time. I loved opening up my home. I loved having the younger women there. And God's Word spoke to us. It was just a wonderful time.

Dannah: I know there were times when that Bible study time would end and those young women would be on your floor in your living room, face before God, until 10 or 11 o'clock at night. 

Kay: They did.

Dannah: Keeping you up way past your bedtime. 

Kay: 9:30 . . . way past, you know.

Dannah: But you loved it.

Kay: I did. Yeah. And one night one of the gals said, “Should I tell them to go home?” I said, “No. God's meeting right here in my living room. Let them alone.” 

Dannah: Yeah. I love it. It's been a joy to watch the Lord use your gift. I think when somebody's as gifted at spiritual mothering as you are, there's no way He's going to let you retire. And here's the third thing you need to know about spiritual mothering. I know we haven't told you the second thing. This is the second thing you need to know about spiritual mothering. My math is not my forte. 

Kay: No, no, it never was.

Dannah: The second thing you need to know about spiritual mothering is just like real life mothering. That task doesn't end. You don't get to retire. The Lord may change how you mentor. He may bring them to your home so that they're right there in front of you. But you never age out of modeling the Christian life for others and teaching younger women to obey the Lord. Kay Barker, you are my good news. Because you're modeling something really important, finishing strong. And I want to be like that. 

And God invites you to be like that too. It is our great privilege to spiritually nurture those growing in the faith behind us. As we cooperate with God's great redemption plan by fulfilling the Great Commission, it's our honor as women as we consider spreading the Good News to this lost world. Getting to do that, cooperating with the good news, is the best news that there is. 

Dannah: This conversation that I had with my mom reminds me of Galatians 6:9, which says “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” 

Spiritual mothers, don’t hang up that hat just yet! There is good work to be done! You’re investing in a multiplying process! The ones you mentor will go on to mentor others. (I guess that makes you a spiritual grandmother, one day!) Like my mom shared, yes, she felt weary at times, but those younger women face down praying in her living room made it all worth it. 

Let’s end today with some rich biblical encouragement for spiritual mothers from another friend of Revive Our Hearts. Nancy Lindgren is the Founder and CEO of MORE Mentoring, a ministry that promotes just what it says it does! Nancy’s passionate about mentoring, something she’s done faithfully for over twenty years. She and her husband, Mark, live in Fairplay, Colorado. They have four grown children and a well-worn welcome mat at their front door. Here’s Nancy Lindgren.

Nancy Lindgren: If you have your Bibles, open up with me, or find it on your phone. These are the key verses, I feel, Jesus was saying before He left this earth. It was His last words to His disciples.

I think we need to pay attention to those last words. What are they? Jesus said this, Matthew 28:18–20.

Jesus came and told his disciples, "I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Right there we see that we are to go and make disciples. I love that Jesus didn’t say, “It can only be done this way. You have to be on a stage, speaking to at least ten thousand people, or you have to have social media followers of twenty thousand or more.”

No, you can disciple people God has put right into your life, just as simply as walking alongside them, loving them right where they’re at, being Jesus to them, living out what it looks like to be a lover of Jesus.

To go and make disciples. I believe mentorship is a form of discipleship. It may not use those words in the Bible. Mentor is kind of a modern-day term, but mentorship is a form of discipleship.

I see mentorship as being more relational, side by side. You’re coming alongside another person; where discipleship, sometimes you think of that teacher and student. You’re teaching them doctrine; you’re teaching them the things of God’s Word. Maybe you’re doing a Bible study together. Maybe there’s deeper discipleship.

I love the relational discipleship, the one-on-one, the prayer-focused mentoring. That’s what God put on my heart as He asked me to start this ministry. I believe that’s a key part of it.

He ends these verses with, “I will be with you always.” I love that. We do not have to mentor by ourselves. We have the Holy Spirit in us, giving us power, giving us the words to say, and we are not alone in it. That gives us confidence right there. God is with us.

That word teach makes me think of the Titus 2 passage which many of us are familiar with, the older women are to teach the younger women and train. It uses that word in there as well. I don’t know about you, but does that intimidate you, those words teach and train?

Those are kind of heavy words. What does that look like? Do I have to have a white board and tell them the one, two, threes of how to do this? Teach and train just always made me feel kind of nervous. I’m not good at that. That’s not me.

I think of teaching and training as more about modeling and living out in front of another person, just sharing with them the greatness of God and who He is in your life. It’s truly just the overflow. You spend time with Jesus. You get to know Him, and you overflow with Him. You let that come out. They’re listening to you share. They’re hearing you talk about how much you love Jesus, and in a way, they’re being taught.

I’ve had women say, “Thank you for teaching me.” It’s so fun to me to see how God can take that teaching and training and really turn it into modeling and just living out a lifestyle of prayer and a lifestyle of mentoring.

Another verse that I really love is Galatians 6:2. This is just another example of what it can look like to mentor. Let’s just turn to that, if you can find Galatians 6:2. I love how it’s worded in the NLT. It says this:

Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.

Don’t you love that? It kind of makes me laugh. That is for all of us as mentors. We’re really not that important when it comes right down to it. God is the important one, but if we can share each other’s burdens and come alongside another person, they can feel safe enough to share the hard things and the things that worry them and keep them up at night. I think it’s a beautiful picture of what mentoring can look like.

I think of the verse how we’re supposed to cast our cares upon the Lord because He cares for us. I just picture a big old fishing pole. It’s not like that mentee is casting her cares on us and all of a sudden we have all the burdens on us. It’s like together we’re hanging onto the fishing pole, and we’re putting all those burdens on the end of that hook, and together we’re casting them out on Jesus. And it makes it so much lighter for both of us. It’s not like we’re taking each other’s burdens on, but we’re sharing, because we’re hanging onto the fishing pole together.

That’s that visual that God’s given me. It’s a beautiful picture of walking alongside another woman and sharing a burden of hers together. It’s a beautiful example of mentoring.

Dannah: What an encouragement! That’s Nancy Lindgren, author of a book titled Mentoring Made Real. She brought that message to us at a True Woman breakout session.

That reminds me to remind you, we’re excited about True Woman '25 coming up this fall. It’ll be a great place to build your spiritual mothering muscles! Did you get your tickets yet? I hope so! Learn more at TrueWoman25.com.

I hope this weekend you’ll take some time this Mother’s Day weekend to love on the spiritual mothers in your life, those who hang onto your fishing pole with you and cast every care onto Jesus alongside you. Maybe you can honor her by: 

• writing her a thoughtful note
• baking her a sweet treat
• or just giving her a big hug and a genuine “thank you” 

If you’re like me, a text is probably more realistic! Well, pop it out and push send! It’ll mean a lot. 

You know, many listeners I meet tell me that Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has been a spiritual mother to them. I love that! Something we could do to send her encouragement is to pray for and practically support the ministry of Revive Our Hearts. I get to watch her tireless work to encourage women of all ages. Let’s send some love her this way this weekend. You could pop onto her social media pages and send encouraging words.

Or, if you’ve been blessed by this ministry and would like to offer practical support, you can donate by visiting ReviveOurHearts.com or calling us at 1-800-569-5959. This month, when you make a donation of any amount, we’d love to send you our 50 Promises Scripture Card Set to express our gratitude. 

Next weekend, we’re talking about one of the most refreshing images in Scripture—living water. What does that mean, really? I hope you’ll join us. Thanks for listening today. I’m Dannah Gresh. We’ll see you next time for Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.