Suzy’s Secret Diary

Claire Black: Welcome to True Girl, a podcast for girls and their moms. I’m Claire Black. Together, we’ll explore God’s truth for us one drive at a time! Buckle up. You're about to grow closer to each other and to Jesus!

Song:

I am a true girl.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I am, I am, I am a true girl!

Do you ever journal your thoughts? Maybe you have a notebook full of doodles, prayers, song lyrics, random thoughts, or “things I’m never telling anyone.” Or maybe you have a smashbook—that great combination of journal meets scrapbook! 

It can be fun to have a really special place to process what you’re feeling, remember what God is teaching you, and even keep track of answered prayers.

Today, Dannah Gresh and Suzy Weibel are opening up Suzy’s actual journal from 1979. (She called it a diary back in the day!) And yes, I said 1979—ancient history! 

Suzy gets brave enough to share some embarrassing moments she wrote down as a girl—including a time her words definitely did not reflect the heart of Jesus.

Today’s episode points you to James chapter 3, verses 8–10, which says:

No one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!

Let’s join Dannah and Suzy in the True Girl studio as they talk honestly about our words, our hearts, and how God helps us grow. This season is called “Secret Diary Unlocked,” and we’re ready for episode one, “My Secret Diary.”

Here’s Dannah.

Dannah Gresh: Hey there, True Girl. And specifically, hey there Mary in South Africa!

Suzy Weibel: Ohhh . . . South Africa. Amazing! Hi, Mary.

Dannah: Mary is nine years old. Her parents are Michelle and George who are missionaries there.

Recently, Mary did a school project on a leader of her choice, and she chose me! I was very honored by that! Thank you, Mary. I was also very happy with something she noticed about me when she studied my life.

Suzy: What’s that?

Dannah: Well, here’s what her poster says: 

Dannah made some mistakes when she was a teenager. When Jesus healed her heart, she started a ministry.

I like that because, well, she sees that Jesus healed my heart. She sees that I needed Jesus.

But also, it's okay that she sees that I’m sinful, that I’ve made mistakes. And though I don’t want to be known for my sin, I also don’t want to be known for being a leader who acts like she’s been perfect. I’m not. We’re all sinners saved by Jesus. And so, I’m thankful Mary sees my imperfection, because that's how she can also see Jesus at work in my life.

Suzy: I’m glad you said that because . . . I found my old diary! And I certainly see some of my mistakes in it!

Dannah: “Diary” sounds a little old-school, don't you that? Like something hidden under a mattress with a glitter pen and a tiny lock that absolutely no sibling was supposed to open.

Suzy: Funny you would say that, because this little book totally spent time hidden under my mattress. I don’t know if I ever had a glitter pen. And as you can see right here, it did have a lock and key.

Dannah: It doesn't anymore. Did you cut it off.

Suzy: No, it's still there; I lost the key. I only kept a diary for about a year and a half, and this right here is year one of that diary. 

Dannah: No way! I have a feeling I would pay you in puppies to see what is in there! 

Suzy: As tempting as that sounds, I’m going to let you take a sneak peak for free. And you should feel fortunate. I used to hide this from my mom.

Dannah: I guess all is fair in love and diaries. You didn’t want her to see what was in there?

Suzy:  Ha ha! I am literally mortified by what is in here! It’s so embarrassing. Listen to this: my mom took me on a trip to Israel and Egypt when I was keeping this diary. Anyhow, I wrote this, " Now we’re in Egypt. My mom just tipped a guy, and he didn’t expect it. He doesn’t speak English, or as he puts it, 'No English!'" 

Dannah: That’s one special diary. It even has accents!

Suzy: Oh this is one special diary all right. Okay, back to Egypt.

On the way here we saw good things like beautiful old buildings, soccer teams, and Muslims beeping their horns. But then there were the starving dogs and cats, people living in slums, and the guards with their machine guns. Everywhere you look in Cairo there are soldiers." Here's how I concluded it: "Oh well, they’re cute!"

Dannah: Oh wow, not too hard to guess what was on your mind, huh? 

Suzy: I know, I know. I teach it all the time at True Girl. When we look in the Bible . . .

Dannah and Suzy together: . . . there’s not a single verse that says a girl is supposed to be boy crazy! 

Suzy: My diary is literally full of embarrassing moments like that. 

Dannah: Well, if a book is supposed to be anything, it’s literary.

Suzy: So, now you’re telling dad jokes? 

Dannah: Literally / literary?

Suzy: Yeah, I caught you.

Dannah: You have me hooked on this diary. Is there another entry you would dare to share with me?

Suzy: Okay. How about I share one that is embarrassing for another reason. Do you remember much about what you were like when you were twelve? 

Dannah: I remember razzles—you know, the candy that turned into gum? Really bad gum, I might add!

Suzy: I do remember! It tasted so good . . . for about twenty seconds. Were they all grape? Then it felt like it was going to disintegrate for one hot second, and finally, it morphed into a rubbery substance with no flavor! (laughter)

Dannah: It was terrible! I think they still sell that, by the way.

Suzy: We need to go look.

So Dannah, here's my question: Do you think you were ever a mean girl?

Dannah: Hmm, hard question. I mean, I don’t like the answer. When I was in sixth grade, I got in with the popular crowd for a while, and they were really mean to this girl named Barbara. I never said mean things, but I never stopped them. I told myself the lie that I was not a mean girl. But I stood by and did nothing. Well, a few years ago, I was at church and available to pray for anyone who felt they were ready to surrender their heart to Jesus. Do you know who came forward?

Suzy: No way! Barbara!?

Dannah: The one and only. And Suzy, I felt so unworthy. I mean, I was. But she was so sweet. Well, the Lord really convicted me that day about being mean when I was twelve.

I decided after praying about it that my silence back then was approval!

Suzy: Yeah. I would have told you not long ago that I had never been a mean guy. I remember always being a person of high justice.

Dannah: Like a sheriff?

Suzy: Kind of, I guess. I’ve always been a rule follower, and I don’t like it when others don’t follow the rules. And honestly, that’s not really something to toot my horn about. It made me a tattle-tale on my brothers when I was younger, and there were better ways to handle that. It made me think I was “good” when other kids were getting in trouble.

Dannah: Yep. That reminds me of your favorite Bible verse.

Suzy: You know my favorite Bible verse?

Dannah: You say it so often. It says something about “avoiding extremes.” Well, maybe I should read it to get it right. What’s the address?

Suzy: Oh, that one! I don’t know if it’s my absolute favorite, but I sure do relate to it and quote it often. It’s Ecclesiastes 7:16–18.

Dannah: Okay, here’s the NLT version:

So don’t be too good or too wise! Why destroy yourself? On the other hand, don’t be too wicked either. Don’t be a fool! Why die before your time? Pay attention to these instructions, for anyone who fears God will avoid both extremes.

Suzy: Romans 12:3 is really similar. It says: 

Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.

Dannah: So, if we put those two verses together . . .

Suzy: We learn that we shouldn’t think too highly of ourselves or too negatively. 

Dannah: But sensibly. 

Okay, back to that book in your hand. Are you telling me you were tempted to think negatively about yourself when you read your diary?

Suzy: That’s putting it way mildly. I also had a bad habit of thinking too negatively of others when they got in trouble, but we’ll talk more about that later. Okay, here’s another thing I wrote, but this one isn’t funny. It was the end of the school year.

(Munching of popcorn)

You're just settling in with you popcorn? Like it's a movie?

Dannah: I am a little hungry. Never mind me and my popcorn. Yes . . . end of school year, go on.

Suzy: Okay, by the way, I changed the names to protect the guilty . . . me! So, here’s what I wrote: “School is out! Boy, and it’s about time. School is gonna be great next year. No more Beth! No more Jenny! Boy, what a blast! I’m not sorry I called Beth a ____.” Dannah, I wrote a bad name here.

Dannah: Swooze! For real?

Suzy: I did, and I’m not proud of it. 

Dannah: Well, I’m on the edge of my seat. Read on!

Suzy: This isn’t pretty. (sigh) I wrote, “I hate her!! ”

Dannah: No!

Suzy: “And so do many other people. And the same goes for Jenny!” 

Dannah: Wow! That doesn’t sound like you.

Suzy: I know! And then, Dannah, listen to what I wrote after that. “It was really boring all day long, and the best part was chapel. It was fun to sing with the choir again. Real fun. I love God more than anything, no matter how much I get in trouble. I LOVE GOD!!!” In all caps.

Dannah: Oh my dear friend. I think I see the problem. On the same page you said two very different things.

Suzy: Exactly, and look at this diary, Dannah. The pages aren’t very big!

Dannah: “I hate Beth.” And, “I love God.” Same page.

Suzy: Hey, at least I put three exclamation points after “I love God” and only two after, “I hate Beth.” 

My mom didn't allowed me to use the word “hate” when I was growing up. 

Dannah: It is a terrible word. I’d like to go on the record as saying that we’re only using it here today for educational purposes.

Suzy: I’m happy my life can be a lesson. And I do agree with my mom, it’s not a word we should use. Maybe for sin or evil because the Bible says that God hates those things, but not for actual people in our lives.

Dannah: I’m not sure you can be both of those people—the girl who hates another girl and the girl who loves God. 

This is really a problem though because I think a lot of girls have thoughts like the ones you wrote in that book.

Suzy: I agree. I’d like to unpack another of my favorite verses! 

Dannah: Okay.

Suzy: In James chapter 3, the brother of Jesus (that’s who this James was) talks about how hard it is to tame our tongues; meaning, it’s hard to teach ourselves to control what we say, right? We may think the tongue is little, but James points out that a tiny, little rudder in the back of a boat can steer a whole enormous ship.

Dannah: James also likens that to horses, which of course is one of my passions. He says, “We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth.” Do you know how much my horses weigh?

Suzy: As big as my dogs are, I’m guessing your horses weigh waaay more.

Dannah: Unless your dogs weigh 1,500 pounds, then you would be correct. But I can steer my horses with a piece of metal in their mouths, called a “bit,” that is not much thicker than a candy cane. 

Suzy:  Yeah, that is crazy cool! But it’s not so cool when it’s our tongues carrying all that power. Listen to what James goes on to say in verses 7–10. 

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!

Dannah: Those are serious words. And I'm going to point out the obvious, that’s exactly what you did in your diary, isn’t it? 

Suzy: Sadly, yes. And as James wrote, it was not right!

Dannah: Hey, you don’t happen to still keep a diary, do you Suze?

Suzy: No. Why?

Dannah: Oh, I just wanted to see if I was mentioned anywhere. 

Suzy: (laughter) You are safe, my friend. 

Dannah: Whew!

True Girl, have you ever found yourself saying “I love God” but saying unkind, hateful things about your brother or a classmate? Or a neighbor or someone at church?

According to the Bible, that is not right or righteous. And the truth is, there is a reason why I was exhibiting unrighteous or ungodly behavior. I’m going to tell you about that in the next episode. So be sure to come back to find out why I was like that.

But the reality is that we all struggle with those kinds of thoughts and words at times. That’s precisely why God instructed James to write about it for us!

How about right now we go to God in prayer about this problem. When we face it, we can just ask for His forgiveness when we think thoughts or say things or write them, that are not right. Jesus will be faithful and just to forgive us. He will also teach us and help us choose a way that is right. 

Let me pray for you right now.

Jesus, I want to pray for our True Girls. I want to pray for their moms. I want to pray for Dannah and I want to pray for myself, because we all have minds that sometimes that think things that are not good, that are not right. We all have tongues that we use sometimes to praise You, God, because that is right. But we use those same tongues to say such unholy things about people that You've created and You love.

We confess that to You, God. The means we agree with You. And we just ask that You would change our minds and our hearts. That You would make holy, completely like You. Give us Your mind. Give us Your heart.

God, anytime that we struggle with these thoughts, help us bring them to You and surrender to You, and trust that You will renew our minds. In Jesus' name, amen.

Claire: Wow. No wonder that was a secret diary! 

Thankfully, Suzy was changed by Jesus. She loves other girls, including you. In fact, she’s devoted a lot of her life to sharing His love with girls like you at our live True Girl events.

What changed? You’ll have to come hear about it next time. But let me say this: if you’re struggling with unkind words, you’re not alone. A lot of us do.

One thing that can help is to be so full of God’s Word that there’s no room for unkind words. So let me invite you to fill your heart and mind with God’s truth in fun and hands-on ways with the True Girl Subscription Box!

Make sure you act fast though! When you subscribe before July 31, your first box will be the Peace Box. It’s designed to help girls ages 8–12 grow stronger in their faith and learn how to replace lies and anxious thoughts with God’s truth.

Inside the Peace Box you’ll find memory verse cards, daily devos, a coloring page, and more! And the best part? This is just your first box. Every sixty days, we’ll send a brand-new box filled with discipleship tools, Bible-centered fun, and meaningful ways for moms and daughters to grow closer to Jesus together. Check it out at MyTrueGirl.com.

Come back next week to hear more from Suzy's diary.

Song:

Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I am a true girl.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I am, I am, I am a true girl!

The True Girl podcast is a production of Revive Our Hearts, calling women of all ages to freedom, fullness and fruitfulness in Christ.

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