Build or Break

Claire Black: Welcome to True Girl, a podcast for girls and their moms. I’m Claire Black. Together, we’ll explore God’s truth for us one drive at a time. Buckle up! You’re about to grow closer to each other and closer to Jesus.

Song:

I am a true girl.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I am, I am, I am a true girl!

Have you ever said something and then immediately wished you could take it back?

Oh boy, one time when I was little I was talking to my mom and I asked her to open a door. She kind of took a second because she was busy. And I very rudely said, "Or not!" Right away I regreted it.

Sound familiar?

Maybe you said something mean to your brother or sister.

Maybe you interrupted your mom.

Maybe you gossiped about someone and then felt really bad later.

The Bible tells us that our words are very powerful. They can help people or hurt people. They can start arguments or solve problems. They can make someone feel included or left out.

That’s why the Bible says we should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Today, Dannah Gresh and Suzy Weibel are back in the woods, and they run into a very noisy bird! Gear up for episode 3 of this podcast season, “Build or Break.” Here’s Suzy.

Suzy Weibel: This might be my favorite time to be out here.

Dannah Gresh: Golden hour?

Suzy: Yep. Everything looks prettier during golden hour. The trees look prettier, the sky looks prettier, even the dirt path looks prettier.

Dannah: I guess that true. Golden hour makes everything look a little more beautiful.

Suzy: It really does. It also feels like the woods are getting ready for nighttime.

Dannah: That’s actually true. The daytime animals are settling down, and the nighttime animals are starting to wake up.

Suzy: Including our owl friends.

Dannah: Exactly. That’s why we came out a little earlier today—we’re on an owl hunt.

Suzy: I like that. It sounds much more adventurous than, “We’re going to sit quietly and hope we hear something.”

Dannah: I hear the sarcasm in your voice. Well, owl hunting mostly involves sitting quietly and hoping we hear something.

Suzy: So basically we’re professional owl wai—

(Loud woodpecker tapping interrupts and keeps it up)

Whoa! Is that a . . . It is! That woodpecker sounds like he’s trying to take the whole tree down! 

Dannah: Look! It’s a pileated woodpecker. The largest known in the United States. It's very rare to see. Ah, I wish I had my binoculars. My dad bought me some special ones just to spy on these guys. They’re shy so don’t usually come close. I feed them on the farm because I’m basically obsessed!

Suzy: So, I see.

Dannah: Woodpeckers peck on trees—and sometimes my wooden house. They are trying to find bugs and to make holes for nests.

Suzy: He must be building a giant birdie mansion! He is definitely not sitting quietly and hoping to hear something. 

Dannah: No, woodpeckers are just always very busy and very loud!

Suzy: That bird is the opposite of an owl.

Dannah: That’s actually very true. Owls are very quiet, very careful, and very observant. Woodpeckers are loud and constantly tapping on everything.

Suzy: So if birds were people, the owl would be the quiet person who listens and thinks a lot. The woodpecker would be the person who talks all the time and makes a lot of noise.

Dannah: That might actually be a really good way to describe it.

(Woodpecker stops pecking)

Well, there he goes! Goodbye, friend.

I wonder, what does this teach us about wisdom since we’ve been talking about that on these owl hunt outings?

Suzy: One of the places we need wisdom the most is in what we say.

Dannah: True! Words are very small, but they can do very big things.

Suzy: You know, Dannah, that woodpecker actually reminds me of something.

Dannah: What’s that?

Suzy: Sometimes people can be a little like woodpeckers.

Dannah: Loud and always making noise? (laughter)

Suzy: Kind of. Sometimes we talk a lot, we interrupt, we say things before we think, and we don’t always choose our words very carefully.

Dannah: I feel like you might be describing every human who has ever lived—including us!

Suzy: Especially us.

Dannah: But the Bible actually talks a lot about our words, because words are very powerful.

Suzy: That’s really true. I can think of times when someone said something really kind to me, and it made my whole day better.

Yesterday someone called me a rock star. Now, that really shouldn’t be taken literally, but it made me happy. They trust me to do a good job for them! And I just found the kick in my step!

Dannah: I get that! But, I can think of times when someone said something unkind, and it stuck with me, or on me, for a very long time. I still remember the exact sentence of something a mean girl said to me in school. And I don’t have to tell you, that was many years ago! It still hurts me when I think about it.

Suzy: Did it stick with you . . . or stick on you?

Dannah: Exactly!

Suzy: It’s kind of amazing that something as small as words can make such a big difference.

Dannah: It really is. Words are small, but they can do very big things. Words can encourage someone or hurt someone.

Suzy: And they can either start a fight or end a fight! 

Dannah: And make someone feel included or make someone feel left out.

Suzy: That’s why I want to speak with wisdom. 

Dannah: Suzy, I don’t have my Bible in a deep pocket like you, but I do have my phone in my back pocket here. On it is the new Wonder Bible app for teen girls (which I'm so proud that we created together!). Let me look up a verse that I think really helps here.

Let’s see . . . (tweet)

Speaking of birds . . . that’s the hummingbird who guides girls through the app.

Okay, let me just go to the Bible and find James 1:19:

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Suzy: Quick to listen and slow to speak. That sounds a lot like an owl again.

Dannah: It really does. Owls sit, watch, and listen before they move. They perch before they fly. Wise people listen and think before they speak.

Suzy: I think a lot of problems would be avoided if people were slow to speak.

Dannah: I think you’re right. A lot of arguments, hurt feelings, and trouble start with words that were said too quickly.

Suzy: So sometimes wisdom is not just making big decisions. Sometimes wisdom is just deciding the next word to say, or maybe even more importantly, what words not to say.

Dannah: Conviction just hit my heart! This whole idea about wise words reminds me of a woman in the Bible who used very wise words to stop a really big problem.

Suzy: Who’s that?

Dannah: Abigail. She perched before she flew and used her words carefully. But the Bible says she was married to a man who was very angry and very wordy! He banged around in life, kind of like a woodpecker.

Her story is in 1 Samuel 25. Let me find in here in the Wonder app. 

Suzy: So, before you read it, we already know we have a wise person and a foolish person in the same household.

Dannah: Yes, and this is where the story gets interesting. David—who would later become king—had been protecting this man's shepherds and animals out in the fields. This man's name was Nabal.

Suzy: That's an interesting name!

Dannah: So David sent some men to ask Nabal for some food for his troops. You’d think Nabal would be like, “I’d love to. It’s an easy way to say thank-you for taking care of my sheep for me.”

Suzy: Yeah, seems like a pretty reasonable request.

Dannah: It does. But Nabal was very rude and refused to help David. He didn’t just refuse; he insulted David and his men. He was not careful with His words. Let me read what Nabal said to these men.

Nabal sneered at David’s messengers, “Who is this fellow David? [As if he doesn't know!] Who does this son of Jesse think he is? There are lots of servants these days who run away from their masters. Should I take my bread and my water and my meat that I’ve slaughtered for my shearers and give it to a band of outlaws who come from who knows where?”

Suzy: Now that was very rude and very foolish!

Dannah: I tried to read it like it was very rude and very foolish, but the words didn't need help!

So when David heard about what Nabal said, he became very angry and decided he was going to go take revenge.

Suzy: Oh boy! So now we have a foolish man and a very angry man, which is not a good combination.

Dannah: Not at all. But one of Nabal’s servants went and told Abigail everything that had happened. Abigail immediately understood that this was going to end very badly if she didn’t do something.

Suzy: So she stepped into a very tense situation?

Dannah: Yes, she did. She quickly gathered a lot of food and supplies and went out to meet David before he reached their house. 

But listen to what Abigail did and how she used her words to talk to David. 

Suzy: I have it pulled up on my phone, too. Let me read it. I'll play Abigail.

She fell at his feet and said, “I accept all blame in this matter, my lord. Please listen to what I have to say. I know Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man; please don’t pay any attention to him. He is a fool, just as his name suggests. But I never even saw the young men you sent.

“Now, my lord, as surely as the Lord lives and you yourself live, since the Lord has kept you from murdering and taking vengeance into your own hands, let all your enemies and those who try to harm you be as cursed as Nabal is.

“And here is a present that I, your servant, have brought to you and your young men. Please forgive me if I have offended you in any way. The Lord will surely reward you with a lasting dynasty, for you are fighting the Lord’s battles, and you have not done wrong throughout your entire life.

“Even when you are chased by those who seek to kill you, your life is safe in the care of the Lord your God, secure in his treasure pouch! But the lives of your enemies will disappear like stones shot from a sling!

“When the Lord has done all he promised and has made you leader of Israel, don’t let this be a blemish on your record. Then your conscience won’t have to bear the staggering burden of needless bloodshed and vengeance.” (1 Sam. 25:24–31) 

Wow! Super humble. Super perched. 

Dannah: Yes! Through the wise words she spoke, “Abigail helped David see that if he took revenge, he would regret it later. Her words helped him calm down and make a wise decision instead of a foolish one.

Suzy: So Abigail’s words didn’t just sound nice, they actually stopped a huge problem from happening.

Dannah: Exactly. Her wise words stopped a disaster.

This story teaches us something really important:

• Wise words can stop big problems.
• Foolish words can start big problems.

Suzy: Sometimes wisdom is not just what you do. Sometimes wisdom is what you say and how you say it.

I’ve certainly been in a place where I want to say things in reaction. But if I slow down—perch, maybe ask a friend for advice—it usually helps me to respond with wise words. And it can stop the fight altogether. 

Dannah: That’s exactly right. In fact, Proverbs 15:1 says,

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

Suzy: The way we talk can either calm a situation down or make it much worse.

Dannah: You know what this whole conversation about words reminds me of?

Suzy: I’m a little nervous to hear this answer.

Dannah: Glitter.

Suzy: Glitter? I did not see that coming.

Dannah: Yes. Glitter is beautiful and fun, but it’s also slightly dangerous.

Suzy: That might be the most accurate description of glitter I’ve ever heard.

Dannah: Because once glitter gets out, it goes everywhere. It gets on your hands, your clothes, the floor, the table, and somehow it shows up three days later in places you don’t even remember going.

Suzy: Like in the dog's fur.

Dannah: Yeah.

Suzy: It is almost impossible to clean up completely.

Dannah: Yeah, my husband once had some in his belly button after the kids at Nittany Christian succeeded in selling so much chocolate in the annual sale that they were allowed to douse him in anything they wanted. They put him in a kiddy pool and made him into a human sundae complete with hot chocolate, ice cream, sprinkles, mustard and . . .

Suzy: Not glitter, too!

Dannah: Mustard and glitter in your belly button is not an okay thing!

But I digress. Words are kind of like glitter. Once they come out, they spread. You can’t gather them all back up again.

Suzy: That’s actually a really good example. When we say something kind, those words can spread and make a lot of people feel encouraged. But when we say something mean, those words can spread too and hurt a lot of people.

Dannah: So one little sentence can turn into a lot of bad glitter.

Suzy: Yes. Sometimes we think our words don’t matter that much, but they actually matter a lot.

Dannah: So maybe before we say something, we should pause, count to ten and ask ourselves, “Do I really want to throw glitter right now?”

Suzy: Or better yet, “Do I really want to clean up glitter right now?”

Dannah: Because once the glitter is out, it is out forever.

Suzy: And that’s why the Bible tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. I get it! Wise people don’t just say everything they think. They choose their words carefully because they know the weight that they hold.

Dannah: So I guess the lesson today is: words are like glitter.

Suzy: Yes. Words are like glitter. They spread, they stick, and they are very hard to clean up.

Dannah: So we should use glitter words carefully.

Suzy: Exactly. Use your words to make things beautiful, not messy.

Dannah: That might be the best glitter advice I’ve ever heard.

Suzy: Well, I don’t know about you, but I am never going to look at glitter the same way again.

Dannah: I think glitter just became much more serious issue in our lives.

Suzy: Even if it is slightly dangerous.

Dannah: But I still love it here and there. 

(Woodpecker tapping)

Suzy: Oh, that woodpecker is back pecking that tree.

I feel like if that woodpecker were a person, he would be the person who talks through the whole movie.

Dannah: Oh, don’t you hate that! 

Suzy: We all know someone like that.

Dannah: I might live with someone like that.

Suzy: I do too! You think the owl we were on the lookout for is somewhere out there?

Dannah: Oh I’m sure he is—sitting quietly watching all of us.

Suzy: And waiting for his next snack! 

Dannah: Owls are very good at sitting quietly and observing everything.

Suzy: If animals had personalities, the owl would definitely be the quiet, thoughtful one, and the woodpecker would be the loud, energetic one.

(Distant owl hoot; woodpecker stops)

Suzy: Wait . . . did you hear that?

Dannah: The woodpecker sure did! Look, he’s listening!

I think that was an owl.

Suzy: We spend all this time talking about owls, and they only show up at the very end.

(Distant owl hoot)

Dannah: Yep, that’s him. And will ya look, that wise ol’ owl even quieted the noisy woodpecker.

Suzy: Hey, that seems downright biblical! (giggle)

Claire: I will never think of glitter the same again . . . or woodpeckers!

Words may be small, but they can do very big things. They can encourage someone, hurt someone, calm a situation down, or make it worse. And the consequences of what you say don’t usually just go away.

That’s why the Bible tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. Wise girls use words to help others, not hurt them.

Here’s a challenge for you and your mom to try. This week, use your words wisely. Ask God to help you! Be intentional to encourage someone, thank someone, help someone, or stand up for someone.

And before you speak, remember to ask yourself: “Do I really want to throw glitter right now?”

One great way to grow in wisdom—and learn to use your words wisely—is by spending a few minutes with God every day. What your heart is full of is what’s going to come out, so you want it to be full of God’s Word!

That’s why we love the True Girl Subscription Box. Each one has sixty daily devotions that get you and your mom into your Bibles. They’re all themed. Right now the theme is obedience! Ask your mom to subscribe for you today at MyTrueGirl.com.

Now, did you know that you’re walking a path each day? Every choice you make is taking you somewhere. Join Dannah and Suzy next week to learn how to choose the wise path and follow God one step at a time.

Song:

Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I am a true girl.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I am, I am, I am a true girl!

The True Girl podcast is a production of Revive Our Hearts, calling women of all ages to freedom, fullness and fruitfulness in Christ. 

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.