When God calls us to lead, He entrusts us with the weighty responsibility of caring for His people. Too often, we make leadership about us instead of those we serve. We unintentionally push people aside while we set goals, manage programs, train volunteers, lead Bible studies, and plan activities and events.
It’s easy to forget that the people we serve are not only the lifeblood of our ministries, but more importantly, our precious, blood-bought family.
Imagine leading this team of women at your church: Suzanne just lost her mom to cancer, Maggie’s prodigal son was arrested, Dawn lost her job due to company cutbacks, and Amanda contracted an illness that cannot be diagnosed or treated. Then, there’s Lindsay who gossips and openly criticizes you, needy Virginia who sends you messages at all hours of the night, and Molly who’s engaged in an emotional affair with a co-worker and plans to leave her husband.
Each of these sisters in God’s family needs the gospel of Jesus. Each one needs to be pointed to Him and anchored in the Word. She requires strong leadership wrapped in tender care. Thankfully, Scripture shows us how to strike the balance between boldness and grace.
Paul’s Model for Family-Care Leadership
The Apostle Paul modeled this kind of leadership with his Christian family:
Although we could have been a burden as Christ’s apostles, instead we were gentle among you, as a nurse nurtures her own children. We cared so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. . . . You are witnesses, and so is God, of how devoutly, righteously, and blamelessly we conducted ourselves with you believers. As you know, like a father with his own children, we encouraged, comforted, and implored each one of you to walk worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory. (1 Thessalonians 2:7–8, 10–12)
Paul’s ministry was gentle, not overbearing. He was affectionate, yet spoke God’s truth without compromise. He shared his life by being honest, approachable, available, and transparent without putting the focus on himself. Like a godly father, he saw potential in people, loved them as they were, prayed for their maturity in Christ, and challenged them to glorify God in their daily lives.
To some extent, Paul’s ministry reflected the compassionate care of a godly mother too. He nurtured the ones who were weak and hurting; he listened and spoke loving words of comfort and encouragement. He breathed out grace on them. Leadership hasn’t changed. God still calls leaders to be like a strong father who exhorts and an affectionate mother who nurtures.
Since we’re family, how we care for people matters deeply to God. Our brothers and sisters deserve nothing less than our diligent–and yet delicate–care. Here are six family-care principles inspired by Paul that build on each other. Use them to assess your leadership style. In which of these areas of care do you want to grow?
6 Principles for Family-Care Leadership
- Care for the person before you care about their task.
When people only hear from their leader when there’s a problem that needs correcting, we send a signal that they serve our mini-kingdom instead of God’s kingdom. They begin to feel as if you value them only for the work they contribute. A family-care leader is relational. She knows people’s families and their prayer needs. She discovers their passions and understands what energizes them in service (1 Thess. 5:11).
- Care for relationships, not just the end result.
If pulling off the best retreat ever means we’re getting testy with volunteers who miss deadlines or who don’t perform a task the way we would, the means don’t justify the end. I’ve seen leaders who are prone to take back the reins or redo a delegated assignment. A project isn’t advanced—in fact, it’s hindered—when a relationship is damaged in the process. A crushed spirit is never warranted in God’s family (Isa. 42:3).
- Care for building God’s kingdom, not for building personal domains.
Jesus modeled servant leadership, which was the polar opposite of the power-hungry, authoritative style of the Gentiles. In Mark 10:43–45, He said, “Whoever wants to become great among you will be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you will be a slave to all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
A family-care leader sets the pace. She’s willing to go first by taking on small or large tasks to support her team. She conveys how every person’s role is essential whether it’s using the gift of hospitality, administration, teaching, or mercy. As leaders build a team, a spirit of “we’re working together for the gospel” plants seeds of unity and harmony. Keep casting a vision of kingdom work that advances the glory of Christ and His redemptive work in the world. Remember, it’s the Lord Christ we are serving (Col 3:24).
- Care for the success of others, not for your personal achievement.
The family-care leader offers constant encouragement and ongoing training. Her goal is to develop each worker and make her successful. Communicate expectations clearly, then check in regularly to assess progress. Model and teach what it looks like to depend on God and serve in His strength (1 Peter 4:11). The less you focus on yourself and your personal goals, the more successful others will be. As you lead God’s way, you’ll be successful in the way that counts for eternity.
- Care about being a leader who is trusted instead of obeyed.
To cultivate trust, build relationships that invite honest conversations, feedback, and input. A family-care leader proves her trustworthiness by keeping confidences and refusing to speak negatively about anyone on her team. She’s humble, takes responsibility, and owns her mistakes. She listens carefully without overreacting or jumping to conclusions. When in doubt, she chooses to believe the absolute best about people. She regularly gives credit to the “team” and is quick to give the glory to God, not to herself.
Perhaps you’ve served with Christian leaders who bullied people by making their jobs impossible, harshly criticized them, and belittled their work. Even leaders are broken and sinful, so it can happen, but it should not be accepted in God’s family. Learn from that experience as I have by keeping your heart soft and humbling yourself under God’s mighty hand (1 Pet. 5:6). God will sanctify and produce fruit through your painful suffering. He promises to bring good from it (Gen. 50:20). At the right time, the God of all grace “will himself restore, establish, strengthen, and support you” (1 Pet. 5:10). If resolution cannot be reached using biblical principles (Matt. 18:15–17), this serious matter needs to be brought prayerfully and humbly to your pastor or church leadership.
- Care about expressing gratitude.
Express thanks often. Considering God’s immeasurable grace to us (2 Cor. 9:15), gratitude cannot be overdone. Don’t wait for an appreciation celebration to applaud good work. Simple expressions such as notes, emails, written or voice texts communicate that you notice what a fellow servant is contributing. Keep your pom-poms handy to cheer on the family of God!
Care Like Our Gentle Shepherd
The apostle Paul knew from Isaiah 40:11 that the Lord tenderly cares for us like a shepherd who gathers little lambs into His arms and carries them close to His heart. That leadership model was reflected in Jesus, the Good Shepherd. Our Good Shepherd knows our name, we know His voice, and He leads us out to the places we’re called to serve (John 10:3). Jesus willingly lays down His life for the sheep of His pasture.
The gospel empowers you to serve your precious blood-bought family with boldness and grace. How we care for people matters deeply to our Shepherd. God’s blood-bought family can be fragile, so please handle with care.