“And no one, after drinking old wine, wants new, because he says, ‘The old is better.’ ” Luke 5:39
Hey, Daddy,” said our five-year-old daughter who loved riddles, “How do you catch a rabbit?”
Being more than a little competitive, I frantically tried to think of the right answer.
“Set a trap?” I asked? “No,” Julie responded. “Shoot it with a gun?” I tried again. “No,” Julie answered, having fun with this game at her dad’s expense. “I give up,” I finally admitted.
“Well,” my victorious, little pigtailed riddler said, “You crawl into the bushes, and you make a sound like a carrot.” I groaned; then we laughed.
Now I have one for you. How do you “catch” your youngster? Give up? Well, you crawl into their world, and you try to understand what it’s really like to be your kid. You try to see things the way they see them. You try to feel what they feel. The word is empathy.
If the truth were known, if we have children, we spend an awful lot of time isolated from what is going on with them. And even though we know we should, we do not take much time to understand—to empathize with—our wife or our kids. It’s way too easy to lead separate lives.
Jesus gave His disciples a word picture that describes this principle: suppose you inadvertently tear your favorite pair of cotton khakis. Pants you’ve had for years. Since you’re helpless with a needle and thread, you take them to a tailor. But instead of finding older, pre-shrunk fabric, he stitches brand-new stuff on the spot. Well, guess what happens the first time it goes through the wash cycle? The new material in the patch shrinks and ruins your treasured trousers.
A patch that doesn’t match the age of the fabric it’s sewn to ruins everything.
How much do you understand about what your child or stepchild lives with every day? When was the last time you visited his school and walked the halls? How well do you know her friends? How long has it been since you asked about his needs and fears and frustrations? Have you ever asked your child to describe what it’s like to have you as their dad? When you do this, you are matching your patch to the fabric of their lives.
After Jesus told the parable about the unmatched patch, He followed with an- other illustration. This time He talked about the danger of putting new wine in old wineskins. “If you do this,” He said, “the wineskins will burst, and the new wine will pour out” (see v. 37).
Here’s the unforgettable lesson of this parable. Please don’t miss it: (1) Work hard to understand what it’s like to be your kid. Take time to listen, to visit their world, and to empathize with their unique plight as your child. (2) Do not try to become your kid. Find happiness in being who you are, an adult. Give them something—growing up—to look forward to, something to anticipate.
Compassionately empathize with the needs of each member in your family and be completely satisfied with who you are. In these two principles you have a great formula for successful fathering.