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Daily Program

A Godly Woman's Work

Series: The Counter-Cultural Woman: A Fresh Look at Proverbs 31

Tuesday, February 20 2007

Leslie Basham: Here’s Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: I don’t like it when I hear people say to a woman, “Do you work?” Now I know what they probably mean is, “Do you have a job that pays you a paycheck outside of your home?” But the fact is any woman who is a godly woman, a wife and a mother, works. And a godly woman works hard.

Leslie: It’s Tuesday, February 20th, and this is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Does it ever seem like your pile of work will never end? Today Nancy will help you tackle your long to-do list. She’s not stopping by to lend you a hand, but after her message today, you will be motivated to do your work for the right reasons and in the right ways. She’s in a series called The Counter-cultural Woman.

Nancy: We’re making our way very slowly through Proverbs chapter 31. I kind of like it that way. It’s giving us a chance to dwell on each phrase, each verse, to meditate on it, and to see what God has to say through His Word to our lives as women. We’re reading the description of a virtuous woman, an excellent woman, a woman of moral strength and godly character. The kind of woman that, if you are a child of God, you are going to be someday.

God is committed to making you and me as women into this kind of woman. So how much better to cooperate with Him in the process than to fight and resist and kick and scream or ignore His standard altogether and then one day find that we really did miss the mark. This is God’s commitment to us—to make us into these kinds of women.

As we come today to verse 13 of Proverbs, chapter 31 . . . By the way, I hope that you’re taking the 31-day challenge, that you’re reading Proverbs chapter 31, which has 31 verses, every day for 31 days and asking God to teach you by His Holy Spirit, to show you what’s in this passage that applies to your life and how your life measures up to this godly standard that we’ve been talking about, and asking the Lord to disciple you and mentor you as a woman in the ways of God—so 31 days. Some of you are perhaps in the midst of that challenge. If you haven’t started, today would be a good day to start that.

Now as we come to verse 13, we begin to see how this woman’s excellence and virtue, how her love and devotion works itself out in practical, everyday ways. You see, we’ve seen that she has an excellent and a virtuous heart, but only God can see her heart. So what does this kind of heart look like in everyday life? What does a woman with this kind of heart act like? How does it affect her schedule, her priorities, her activities, her day? How does a woman who is loyal to her husband, as we read about in the last session, how does she spend her time? How does she live out that commitment?

One of the things you’ll notice as we get into this passage is that the standard of godliness we’re looking at here is not a picture of a woman who becomes a religious hermit. Now, she does need to spend time alone with God to become a godly woman, but she doesn’t spend most of her time alone. She comes out of that room, she comes out of that place, and lives out that walk and that relationship with God and that devotion to God, lives it out in the laboratory of life. In the nitty-gritty, day-in and day-out of life.

I remember talking to one woman who was so excited about what God was doing in her quiet time, and she was just loving being in the Word and praying. She was saying, “I could spend hours every day doing this.” But as we began to talk, I realized there were some major issues in her marriage.

I began to explore how could this woman have such a devotion for God and a heart for God, how could she have such problems in her marriage and with her children, and other stuff started to come out. Then I realized here was a woman who was defining spirituality as her devotional life. Her husband, understandably, was not impressed.

He wanted some food. He wanted to be able to see through the clutter in the house. He wanted her to live out her spirituality in her home, and that’s really what this passage addresses.

So verse 13 of Proverbs 31 tells us, “She seeks wool and flax . . .” This godly woman, this excellent woman, this virtuous woman, this woman that we think is so high up there that we could never attain to her, she is intensely practical. She seeks wool and flax and willingly works with her hands. We see clearly that she is a working woman.

I don’t like it when I hear people say to a woman, “Do you work?” Now, I know what they probably mean is, “Do you have a job that pays you a paycheck outside of your home?” But the fact is any woman who is a godly woman, a wife and a mother, works. And a godly woman works hard. Here is a woman who takes initiative to meet the practical needs of her husband and her children. She is a hard worker. She’s diligent.

That comes out throughout this passage. Verse 15 talks about her getting up while it’s still dark outside. Verse 18 talks to us about how she stays up late at night. She’s working in the evenings. Verse 27 says she does not eat the bread of idleness. She is a diligent woman. I saw recently a definition of diligence that I thought was helpful. Diligence is viewing each task as a special assignment from the Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it.

Now this woman does this in very practical ways. We see in this verse that she’s involved in spinning and weaving and sewing. This is purposeful activity. These are not just hobbies. This is not just recreation. She is practically meeting the needs of her family, and ultimately the needs of others, as we’ll see later in the passage.

Now, we’re talking about a woman in a culture and an era where all the clothing, all the draperies, all the upholstery, all the linens, everything was manufactured at home by the women. Her hands clothed her family. She didn’t run down to Penney’s or whatever and go through the racks and pull off clothes that she could get for her family or towels or sheets or whatever. She made these things. And she made them virtually from scratch.

It talks about wool and flax. These were the two basic elements used in weaving the raw materials. Wool was used to make heavy, outer, warm garments and flax was used to make fine linen and inner garments and sleepwear, things like that, sheets, etc. She worked with her hands. First she went and got the raw materials and then she worked with her hands to manufacture clothing and other fabrics for her family.

There was, as I’ve been reading about this, a lot of labor involved in the processing. I can’t even imagine, to tell you the truth, what was involved here, but the drying, peeling, beating, combing, and finally spinning the flax. Heavy labor. But as we’re told in Proverbs 14, “In all labor there is profit” (verse 23).

So as you labor for your family, it may not be with wool and flax, but as you work with your hands, as you work in your home and as you handle with your hands the practical details related to the care of your family, in all labor, there is profit. Labor is good. Work is good. And this woman who has a godly heart labors. She works to minister to the needs of her family.

Now, not only does she work hard, but she works at home. She works out of her home. I realize in jumping into this point that I am going to run diametrically opposite to our world’s way of thinking about women and work. I’m not going to make any absolute statements that Scripture doesn’t make, but I think it’s an appropriate place to point out that Titus chapter 2 teaches us that women are to be home-workers—workers at home. That’s what the Word says. That’s what the Scripture says.

Now, that doesn’t mean—and we’ll see in this passage—that there is no other place that a woman works. But the first place that she works is in her home. Until she has cared for the needs of her home, she has not got the right to go out and tend to the needs elsewhere. The core, the central place of her ministry, of her work is out of her home.

We see in this passage . . . I actually have really hesitated to say this, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot and pondering through the Scriptures and other Scriptures that deal with the matter of women and biblical womanhood. But the more I read in the Word of God, the more obvious it is to me that God has ordained in His ideal plan a division of labor. It’s not just men and women doing all the same tasks, all the same jobs, all the same work.

There is an appropriate division of labor within marriage and family. God has ordained that the husband ideally should be the breadwinner, that he goes out to work to bring home resources for the family’s care and wellbeing. And what is the woman’s labor? She labors to manage the resources that he provides for his care and for the care of the children. She’s making an economic contribution as much as he is, but he’s going out to bring in resources and then she is managing them.

The functions that we see listed in this passage—functions related to clothing and food and home and the atmosphere in the house, the care of the house, the care of the home, and the care of the practical needs of that home—are distinctively the woman’s role and domain.

Now, that does not mean that it is therefore wrong or unbiblical for a husband to go grocery shopping or to go to the store to go shopping to buy clothes. It does not mean that it’s wrong for a husband to run a vacuum cleaner or to wash dishes or to help in meal preparation. But I think as we go through the Scripture, if we just use the Scripture as our authority, it becomes obvious that these things are distinctively the woman’s domain, the domain of the wife and the mother.

Now, she and her husband will work together, and I realize there are some situations where, for reasons due to break up of homes or whatever, there may not be a man to be a breadwinner or where a woman may not be physically able to minister in these practical ways to her family. But we’re talking about the ideal, about God’s plan, which is that it is an honor and a privilege and a blessing and a high and holy calling for a woman to tend to the practical, physical affairs of her home.

Let’s just stop a moment and let me ask you as a woman: Have you embraced willingly and with joy . . . have you accepted the domain that God has given to you as a woman? Have you accepted the responsibility, the privilege of caring for the physical, practical needs of your family? Now, I don’t mean by that do you always love cooking three meals a day, washing clothes, cleaning toilets, mopping floors? I’m not saying in and of itself do you love those tasks?

I’m saying have you willingly accepted the calling and the privilege that it is to serve your family as a woman who reverences God? Is this the outworking of your love for God in terms of how you express it in your home? That’s God’s calling, and there’s blessing to be had when we embrace God’s calling and say, “Yes, Lord, I will accept that. I will work, and I will work out of my home. I’ll be a worker at home to make sure that the needs of my family are met.”

Leslie: Nancy Leigh DeMoss will be right back with the second half of today’s program. Maybe after hearing her message, you’re thinking, I’d love to stay at home full-time if I could, but there’s no way we can afford it. Making the transition and serving at home may actually be more doable than you realize.

There’s a book that can help you evaluate your situation called There’s No Place Like Home. This book is co-authored by a mom and a financial planner, and it’s filled with practical advice on how to make the transition from career to being a stay-at-home mom. You can order There’s No Place Like Home by calling 1-800-569-5959, or visit ReviveOurHearts.com. This website is full of resources that will help you grow as a woman of God.

Let’s get back to Nancy and the series, The Counter-cultural Woman.

Nancy: Now, throughout the rest of Proverbs 31, we’ll see a number of references to this woman working in practical ways to take care of the needs, the everyday nitty-gritty needs of her family. I’m talking about clothing and food and decorating the home and the way she dresses. She works in all these areas and with all these responsibilities to make sure that her husband and her children have their needs met. That requires diligence. It requires hard work, and it requires that she center her efforts around her home. That is her domain.

The husband’s job is to be the breadwinner, to bring home the resources as the provider. That’s the husband’s job. He is to bring home the resources necessary for that family. When we say this some women will say (and I’ll say it for you before you write to me about it), “But my husband just won’t provide.”

Now, I don’t know your situation, but I do suspect that before your husband starves to death, self-preservation will kick in and he will find a way to provide. I don’t mean by that to be at all sarcastic or cynical. I know that there are . . . In our fallen world, there are some women who won’t work in God’s ways, and there are some men who won’t work in godly ways.

When you step into the vacuum and say I’m going to provide for our family’s needs because my husband won’t, do you know what you’re doing? You’re taking the pressure off of him to become the provider that he’s supposed to be. He’s going to, in this fallen world, probably shrug and say, “Okay, if I don’t have to provide, I won’t.”

Now, the fact that he is the breadwinner doesn’t mean that you don’t work. You do work, with your heart and with your hands, diligent labors and effort to minister to the needs of your family, to manage those resources that your husband brings into the home in order to care for him and for the children.

Let me read to you a quote from a book that I’ve just discovered written in 1882 called Home-making. It’s by a man named J. R. Miller. I want to read to you a rather lengthy excerpt here that I think makes this point so well about the woman working out of her home.

He says,

It should be understood that for every wife the first duty is the making and keeping of her own home. Her first and best work should be done there, and till it is well done she has no right to go outside to take up other duties. She is to be a ‘worker at home.’ She must look upon her home as the one spot on earth for which she alone is responsible, and which she must cultivate well for God if she never does anything outside.

Now, here’s where you’ll hear that this came from the 1800s. This writer says,

For the Father’s business [that’s capital “F”—Father, God—His business] is not attending Dorcas societies and missionary meetings, and mothers’ meetings, and temperance conventions, or even teaching a Sunday school class, until she has made her own home all that her wisest thought and best skill can make it.

There have been wives who in their zeal for Christ’s work outside have neglected Christ’s work inside their own doors. They have had eyes and hearts for human need and human sorrow in the broad fields lying far out, but neither eye nor heart for the work of love about their own feet.

The result has been that while they were doing angelic work in the lanes and streets, the angels were mourning over their neglected duties within the hallowed walls of their own homes. While they were winning a place in the hearts of the poor or the sick or the orphan, they were losing their rightful place in the hearts of their own household.

Let it be remembered that Christ’s work in the home is the first that he gives to every wife, and that no amount of consecrated activities in other spheres will atone in this world or the next for neglect or failure there (pp. 67-68).

But what does that mean for us as women today? Well, I have looked into the eyes of women and listened to the stories of women who are so busy serving God outside of their own homes that it’s obvious by the condition of their health, or the condition of their husband, their marriage, their children, that they have neglected the first things: their priorities in their home.

It’s a lot easier to go out and take care of someone else’s children or pick up for someone else where you get thanks and gratitude and maybe even a paycheck than it is to do those more thankless tasks within your own home.

We have women who are out leading Bible studies. They’re leading ministries. They’re working hard in their church. They’re staffing the nursery. They’re singing in the choir. They’re teaching a Sunday school class. They’re active and involved in their local church or in ministry in their community, volunteering in different ways, but their own homes are in shambles.

Your good works ought to first be done at home. Ministering to the needs of your family. Then as God gives you time, opportunity, available resources, or in a different season of life, to take those gifts and those abilities and expand them, as we’ll see the Proverbs 31 woman does, outside of your own home.

I have a friend who has a degree in art history. She’s a bright young woman. She was a photo editor for a big, heavy, thick art history text, and she’s got her name in there. This was in the days when she was still single and as a young married woman. Do you know what she’s doing now? She’s at home being a homemaker.

She’s got three toddlers and expecting a fourth. Her oldest is just four. She’s got her hands full. I’m sure some days it would be easier for her to go back to that job as a photo editor. She’d get a lot more thanks and a lot more money than what she’s getting at this moment because those four, three, and one-year-old children aren’t doing a whole lot right now to praise her. She’s got tough work.

But do you know the contribution she’s making now as the wife to her husband and the mother to those children in the context of her home, meeting their needs in very practical and loving ways? That contribution cannot be compared with having her name in that art history text that’s sitting on some university bookshelf. She’s making a contribution for eternity. She’s investing in the lives of her children. She’s working for eternity. She’s developing a relationship with those children, with that husband, and God is being pleased.

Leslie: Nancy Leigh DeMoss has been challenging every mom. Are we investing in the things that really matter for eternity? It’s the type of message I need to be reminded of when the calendar starts to fill up and the days get busy. When you need to be reminded why you’re spending so much energy serving your family, imagine how nice it would be to have immediate access to Nancy’s teaching.

When you order her current series on CD, you can have that kind of access. It’s called The Counter-cultural Woman and it will help you work and serve in the right ways for the right reasons. You can order The Counter-cultural Woman on ten audio CDs; or if you’re going to load the programs on your computer or iPod, you can order the series on one MP3 CD. Either way, you’ll get longer versions of Nancy’s teaching than we were able to air. Get more details at ReviveOurHearts.com.

If you do listen on your computer or iPod, check out the podcast of Revive Our Hearts when you visit ReviveOurHearts.com. The website offers a lot of ways to share this important message with a friend. You can email them a transcript. You can send a Revive Our Hearts E-Card. You can order a book or tape as a gift. Again, check out our website for ways you can become an ambassador for this ministry.

Well, women today are busy. Every day is filled with hard work. There is a way to make it easier, and Nancy will explain on tomorrow’s program. Now she’s back to pray.

Nancy: Lord, help us to view work in our homes as a means of offering up worship and love and devotion to You and ministering grace to the ones that You have called us to serve. Help us to see work from Your point of view and to see that the work of our hands is holy when it’s work done for You and for others. So give us a sense of biblical and godly priorities. And may the virtue and excellence that You’re developing in our hearts manifest itself in these very practical ways as we tend to physical, material and temporal needs of those that You’ve put into our homes. I pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is an outreach of Life Action Ministries.

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Read and post comments about: A Godly Woman's Work

*The following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

 

"Dear Nancy, I'm keeping @ it with going over Proverbs 31 daily. My friend Darlene , who led me to the Lord. Puts the Bible on to listen to while she works in her home. She also has good Christian music on. I've been listening on my MP3 player while I do lots of laundry today. The Bible has been a great strength and comfort. I have it on as often as I can. And yet I stop and listen to our children too.
Today (Tuesday) @ 10am our son gets tried. He may get 6 months in jail. I pray God's will be done to draw him to Jesus. And we have vomiting and the diareahh... But God is a very present help in time of need. Praise His Holy Name!"

Leslie (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 3:15 AM)

"Goodness gracious! Look at what Nancy just sent me. And I just wrote her , then I got this:-)
So this desert experience is no surprise after this closer walk with God. : "After a great spiritual breakthrough, God's people often found themselves facing a new trial. The book of Exodus tells us about the children of Israel at a place called Rephidim. There God told Moses to strike a rock, and water came out. The people had witnessed a miracle! And then, almost the very next verse, they were off to the desert of Sinai.

God led them into the desert, and He was with them there. He's with us, too, when we face dry times spiritually. That's why your desert can actually become a place of blessing. There are aspects of God's character, His heart, and His ways that we can't see anywhere else but in the desert.

The next time you head into a prolonged, difficult situation, remember that God will never abandon you." And my comment is below. God is soooo in control sisters. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full into His Glory-ous Face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim; in the Light of His Glory & Grace..."

Leslie (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 3:30 AM)

"Good morning! I have been listening to this program via the web while getting ready for work each morning. I have been so encouraged by this practical teaching from God's Word. It has been like a much-needed mentor to me.

Thank you so very much for your obedience to God in teaching His Word to women. This woman has been very blessed!

Love in Christ,
Stephanie"

Stephanie (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 7:20 AM)

"What another great topic. And just as timely! I have been asking God to show me how to keep a balance in my spiritual life and family life. I have been saved for almost 3 years and so far I have been pretty much on my own (no church family) until recently. My husband isn't saved and resists going to church. I used to force him (nag him until he relented) but that obviously just let to arguments. Then I stopped going to church at all. Now I try to let the Lord tell me when I should go and when I should just stay home with my husband. I have recently started to go to a prayer meeting once a week. Pray for me that I will know when it is right to go, and when it is better for me to stay home.
On a similar note, I know a lot of the ladies that write comments, struggle in their marriage with un-saved husbands as I do. I am blessed that my husband is a wonderful man but his priorities are not heavenly directed. But I use the time that he goes out to the bar or to play pool or whatever, to put our son to sleep, then get any of the chores that still need to be done and then to read the Bible and pray. That way when he gets home I am done, been refreshed and I can focus on my husband. I don't always get an hour to read, sometimes just 10 mins but that is my season in life. I hope that encourages somebody in a similar situation! May God bless you."

Carolyn (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 8:20 AM)

"If there ever was a time for encouragement for housewives, it is now. Thanks Nancy for that confirmation on God's calling for all women! I have been a housewife for 23 years, and in the process of raising 3 children. I have never had an 'outside' job, my husband made it clear when we married that he wanted me to be a housewife. Yes, it is hard to make ends meet on one income, but God provides!! Nancy, please email me some names of good books for houewives, (about being a godly woman), we need all the encourgagement we can get."

Sharon (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 8:22 AM)

"Everytime I hear a message like this one, it really stirs my heart. I know this is truth. However, in my home, I have no choice but to work, in obedience to my husband. I'm still praying for God to work a miracle in his heart (as I know only God can do). I'm learning to be submissive even when I know my husband is not moving according to the will of God but it is hard. Sometimes I'd really like to knock some sense into his head (smile) but what good would that do his heart.
I would ask that you all pray for my 4 month old baby. The doctors are testing her for cystic fibrosis. We don't have any confirmation yet as to what is going on with her. It is very scary. Now is the time when I really want to be at home with her. Please pray for me that God would have mercy on me and give me grace to endure. My mind is so tormented with the "what ifs" - so much so until I had to sing myself to sleep the other night. I'm trying to be strong but I've never been strong in mind or in spirit. I know the Lord is the only hope we have either way. I'm learning to lean on Jesus."

Jodi (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 9:28 AM)

"Jodi--
I don't think you need to feel like you're disobeying your husband when you do something God makes clear in His Word. Your baby obviously needs you, and God gave that little girl to YOU to love, teach, and raise for Him.
If we do what we KNOW is right, God works out the circumstances. That's called living by faith.
Love in Christ,"

R (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 9:50 AM)

"Nancy; As I read Pro:31, and read your testimony, I also believe how the relationships SHOULD work. However, as I believe that God has me in His 'desert', I cant do anything outside the home as everytime I try and find employment TO supply the needs of Home, every door closes then I try & 'hear' Gods 'direction' but have yet to 'hear' Him. I KNOW He has plans for my life, but I cannot discern His plan for me. Please pray that God would open my eyes & ears to KNOW THE PLAN HE has for me. Its VERY hard to go day-to-day without 'direction'. I would LOVE to know His plan so I CAN walk with a sense of purpose! Two years of 'stumbling-along' is VERY hard to try and know WHAT TO DO to supply for Family & myself. Theres SO much to try and say/think about HOW-TO when I feel the 'Dryness-of-the-Desert--financially,emotionally,physically, spiritually. HOW TO provide for Family/myself when God puts a HOLD on everything?? Signed; The MAN-of-the-House"

Ac (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 10:16 AM)

"I wish I could have known this when I first got married, I may never have done what I did. I though that the Godly thing to do would be to get a jo and let my husband go to college while he had the opportunity, so I worked for 12 1/2 years. Then I ended up retiring due to health issues and hospital politics. He got a job in another state, we moved, sold everything and I ended up having to learn this lesson....but not too late.

So now at the ripe old age of 63 I find myself learnin about Godly womanhood and how I should have handled it.

Ladies if you get the chance to do tings right DO IT RIGHT! i never learned all the stuff about "eternal purpuse" and all that, Do I regret my choices. YES! Just keep me in prayer.

Janet"

Janet (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 11:18 AM)

"Thank you so much about mentioning how women are working so hard in ministries and they have children at home. I have had to work outside of the home but I was fortunate that I am a nurse and I always worked opposite shift of my husband and my kids never went to a daycare ... but I have never been able to work too much in church because I worked outside of the home and because I don't want to take away any time from my children while they are with me. Now they are 16 and 12 and I don't feel guilty anymore because the time is getting close when the oldest one will go away to college . But I suffered many years with guilt because I felt I was supposed to be in church more ... Thank you Nancy for approaching this subject ..."

Michele (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 12:39 PM)

"I enjoyed your sharing today. I am single and have enjoyed when I work from home, but it proved impossible for me with the cost of living and my lack of marketing skills. Is there any way we single women can practice this principle?"

Rebecca (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 12:46 PM)

"wow Nancy, this is great.. you are so correct about the womens role. I had to separate from my husband because of his actions/additions/lack of actions to take responsiblity for his wife & daughter. I have had to be the provider and it has been hard for me but God has helped me and I continually pray for him to allow me to be a stay home wife and mom again. Thank you for standing up for the truth and God's word for women. GOd's plan is the best. Be strong and continue to stand.
MB"

Mary (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 1:09 PM)

"I can't tell you how much I've appreciated this program on the Biblical roles of women. I was raised as the youngest of five children with a mother who worked for validation. It was always my impression that working inside the home was not enough. As a result I chose to continue working through the birth of my first child. By the time I was pregnant with my second, God led me to stay home. In my mind, it was just going to be temporary--maybe just a year--because I didn't think it would really be something for me, as I'm not a wonderful cook or homemaker. As a result, the first year of staying home with my two children was met with much resistance on my part. I was always searching for distractions outside of the home to keep me busy, make me feel worthwhile. Thanks to this program, however, I now understand the importance of this role and that it is my current calling to do it well. I feel so much joy now in thinking about how to improve my role as mother and wife...and even learn the art of homemaking I never previously really understood."

Krissie (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 1:18 PM)

"God sent, What a God sent and timely messaage , God has truly used your broadcast to me a light unto my path and I am forever greatful for your anointed teachings Thank you nancy for being an obeedient woman of God. I have been restling with this topic for weeks, and now christ has freed me from my worry."

Christian (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 1:19 PM)

"I was going down the road and was listening to your broadcast and it really spoke to me. I know God wanted me to hear this. I wanted to know all about Proverbs 31:10. I cant wait til I receive this book. Thank you.
God Bless,
Kimberly"

Kimberly (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 3:00 PM)

"Hi Nancy,
Thank you for your radio show. Definitely food for thought. I just have a question, though. What if you and your spouse do not desire children but desire to serve God just as a couple? Would I still have to stay at home? Would love to hear from you!
Thanks,
Elizabeth"

Elizabeth (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 3:44 PM)

"Yes, and Amen! This teaching was very encouraging. Thank you, Nancy, thank you, ROH, for it. I am a mom at home who needs all the wisdom I can get. And how lovely to be reminded that my work at home is a way to show worship to the Lord, as well as loving Christian service to my family.

Although I do not work outside the home, in the past I think I, perhaps, didn't take this calling as seriously as I should have. It is possible even to be at home and be busy, yet neglect some of the important priorities of a practical nature. I praise the Lord for helping me learn the balance in all things.

May the Lord bless and keep you, Nancy and ROH staff,

In His love,"

Leslie (on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 5:21 PM)

"Today, I listened to your message and thanked the Lord for your bold faithfulness to God for other women. I am a grandmother and desire that my daughter would become a stay at home mom. She is described in your message as the person in the family who does many jobs to bring in enough financial support for the family. They are in ministry and every day there is another project that she gives time that should be given at home. As teachers both work outside the home. I pray that they both would hear this message and listen to what is right before God. My prayer is that they will join together and alway the Proverbs 31 wife to experience the victory in the Lord."

Lorraine (on Wednesday, February 21, 2007 at 12:40 AM)

"Being a mom and a wife is the most fulfilling job there is. I don't know if I always do a good job, but with God's help and with the help of programs like yours, I can stay on track and know I'm doing exactly what I should be. Thank you."

Carrie (on Wednesday, February 21, 2007 at 8:07 AM)

"Nancy,

Thank you so much for your program about the worth of a woman's work at home. I have been home with my children since the birth of my first son 15 years ago--I have since had three other children. Since my youngest will go to school full-time next year, it is amazing how many people ask me what will I do with all my time, won't I be going back to work, etc. I find it disheartening that the moment your children are in school you are "supposed" to get back in the workforce. I have found it wonderful to be home when my older kids come home from school to provide a listening ear, snacks and a place for their friends to come as well. It seems like many people equate staying at home with child care, and if your children aren't at home all day, then you shouldn't be there either.

It's just so refreshing to hear someone validate what I have chosen to do with this period of my life .

God bless you,

Amy"

Amy (on Wednesday, February 21, 2007 at 2:32 PM)

"Nancy,
Thank you for this wonderful radio program on this topic....it is exactly what I needed to hear. I recently left my job to take my place as the mother of three children and a wife to a godly husband. I will tell you though that though these times have been hard on us, surviving on one income, God has been faithful to us. I have been, because of guilt, trying to see if I can do some work at home jobs to earn money but the Lord has been closing all the doors as if to say "You need to fulfill your duties at home first and foremost". Also, my husband has taken the role now as the primary breadwinner where as before it was both our responsibilities. He has even decided to take an extra part time job a few hours a week to supplement our income. People may say things like "How will you afford to stay home on one income?:" or people are so worldly that they feel keeping up with the Jonses is more important. I wish more Christian women would look at their roles as mothers as being a blessing rather than a curse. I know many women, Christian and non-Christian, who have husbands who earn a substantial income but feel they are missing out and need to work. To me it is working just to buy more things you don't need.
I do always get comments like "I heard you are staying home again." My answer is "Yes I am working... taking care of my family". Sometimes it is frustrating when your own family is not supportive and feel that our children are missing out on the name brand clothing or newest toys because we have opted to budget our one income.....My children could care less about new toys or clothes....they are happy their mom is back home where she should be!
God Bless You Nancy and your staff for your wonderful ministry!"

Sandi (on Wednesday, February 21, 2007 at 10:57 PM)

"Nancy, rnI had been struggling for months worrying about having to work outside of my home. I had always been a homemaker and taken care of my kids while they were growing up. I went to work full time outside my home 2 years ago and my house had fallen apart. I missed out on 2 years of taking care of my grandson who will turn 4 years old in April. I have prayed about this and spoke with my husband and we agreed that I would quit my full time job and stay home and take care of my family. I was now worried about when to tell my boss and wondered if I should wait until May of this year. I heard your program at work and realized that God knows and made me to be home and I don't have to be unhappy doing this anymore and that I and my family are going to be all right. I spoke with my husband and told him my plan. On Wednesday I went into my bosses office and told her. She has agreed to keep me on for one day a week. I am so happy to be able to do this and I realize how much favor I have at work as well. Someone asked me how old are my kids, (when they heard I was cutting back my hours to one day). I said my youngest is 17 years old and he needs me. Some people don't understand but for all the women who do, God Bless you and your families. You are not alone."

Linda (on Thursday, February 22, 2007 at 10:14 PM)

"This is very hard for me. There's two sisters, one brother, one nephew, one cousin,, and my father living in my home. Of the seven of us, only two of us are saints. Five of them are unbelievers. My mother passed away earlier this year and my brother is almost never home. I have no idea how to be God's woman at all. Everything I thought it meant to be a true woman is false. I don't even know where to begin. I've been saved for eight years but didn't have spirtual mothers in my life. I wanted them, but couldn't find any. I am extremly greatful to Nancy for teaching the Lord's word. I completely believe it is God's will for every woman to be Christ centered but I have no idea what that looks like. Any time I have tried to input my opinons about our family,(based on The Lords word) it has always been faced with ridicule and opposition. I am living with people that do not honor God's word as truth. Learning this is hard. I don't know what to do but am confident that with and in prayer the Lord will show me."

Elizabeth (on Saturday, October 18, 2008 at 7:44 PM)

"Hmmm. Seems like I'm on the other end of the spectrum than most of the women who wrote in last year. I'm a single mom of 2 kids. When my son was born, I worked as a delivery person for a pharmacy. I was forntunate in that I could take my son with me. He was born out of wedlock in my "wild days." I was married to my daughter's father when she was born and was able to stay home with her. However, I absolutely loathe housework. The only thing I really don't mind doing is picking up after myself and doing the laundry. I've tried cleaning for a job before I had kids. I cleaned my son's Christian school to pay for his tuition. Anytime cleaning is involved in my job description (I've had many jobs - I hate being confined inside an office; or even a house) I can't stand it. I've not even applied for jobs that included cleaning as a duty I would have to fulfill. I've prayed time and again that God would help me with this, to help me like to clean or to at least give me the motivation to do it. For years I've prayed this. Not anymore. The Proverbs 31 woman didn't clean. She had servants whom, I'm assuming, did the cleaning. Earlier in this teaching series, Nancy said the Proverbs 31 woman had to do with the heart of the woman. Something to the effect of putting God first in her heart and being committed to Him. Well, God is first in my heart. My kids are 2nd. I spend a lot of time with my kids even though I have to work. My son is 13 so he comes home after school by himself. My daughter is 8 & is in an after-school program. I help them with their homework. I teach them about God & His Word. We pray together. We go to church. We're involved in a ministry together, and we volunteer together at an animal rescue shelter. Our apartment is a disaster zone and I hate it but it doesn't motivate me to really clean it. I wash dishes, pick up after myself, pick up occasionally after my kids & do laundry. My kids are charged with picking up after themselves & other chores. My son cleans the bathroom & vaccuums the apartment & takes the garbage down. I feel no fulfillment in cleaning. I get no satisfaction in cleaning. And it has nothing to do with it being a thankless job. I've always hated cleaning. God has given me peace that I'm not a great housekeeper. Like I said, it used to bother me because of pressure from well-meaning people. But God took that burden off of me. He told me it's okay that I don't care for housework. So as the Lord blesses me I will be on the look-out for a reliable, trustworthy housekeeper. And God assured me that this was okay with Him. I wouldn't be neglecting my "duty" because I would be making sure someone was doing it - much as the Proverbs 31 woman did. I like to be creative but my creativity does not spill over into the house. I write, draw, paint, sing, & play guitar, but my creativity doesn't venture into cleaning. There's no joy whatsoever in cleaning for me. We all need to learn to listen a little more carefully to God. He certainly uses people to teach His Word, but all people all fallible. I know I am. But, I do know what He has given me peace about.
God's best to all."

Mikki (on Monday, October 20, 2008 at 4:30 PM)

"I mostly disagree with your attitude. I feel that giving breadwinning power solely to the man lets him feel respected, but that it needs to be earned. I actually found reading thru this entry offensive and limited.

Christianity offends because of the message it brings but I feel that you don't flesh out the guy's responsibilities enough. I agree that back then that role is more than acceptible, and that it's applicable today, under the premise that your husband is a good and godly man.

This is of course my opinion, and I see that your blog has helped a lot of women and there is a great consensus as to how true and correct your interpretation is, it just hasn't really convinced me.

Thank you for sharing and may God continue to bless you and use you to inspire others."

Hannah (on Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at 5:54 AM)

"I feel sorry for Hannah who believes that the scriptures are out of date, or not applicable to life today. I am living with the consequences of not putting my family first, of focusing my energies on my "job". Today, according to the world's standards, I would be considered successful, but I know that I have two adult sons that are "broken" because they saw their mom put them second. I know that God can heal their broken-ness...and I pray that he will. I know that I am forgiven, but there are consequences to our disobedience. I appreciate the time that Nancy and the team at Revive our Hearts is spending to help younger wives and mothers understand what God's plan is for their lives. Hopefully, they will get it right the first time and be able to live without regrets in their later years."

Pam (on Friday, October 31, 2008 at 9:43 AM)

"I understand that you are trying to make points about Scripture,and how we as godly women should be following what the Bible says and not what the world says about our roles as wives and mothers, but I also think some of the things you wrote today can be seen as exclusive and hurtful to women who for whatever reason must work outside of the home. How about women who are widowed? How about women who, like me, no longer have a husband (not by any fault of my own) and must work in order to provide for our children? There are examples of such women in the Bible, and to say that we are not the "ideal" is just plain cruel, as well as untrue. Sure, it's nice to have a husband with a good job to provide for the family while the wife stays home and cooks, cleans, homeschools the kids and whatnot, but in this day and age, and particularly in this economy, women must work sometimes outside the home and guess what? They can be good moms too."

Amy (on Tuesday, November 4, 2008 at 12:17 AM)

"I struggle with this aspect of the womans work is at home at this moment in my life. My husband and I have been married for 4 months. I graduated from college early due to a program at my highschool and have a full time job at a hotel in our area. My husband is still in school working part time - he will not graduate until December 09. He has a plan for his career and right now he's being great about being diligent in his schooling to get the grades he needs for a program for his masters as well as a position within a company he currently works part time for. But right now, I am the "breadwinner". I dont particularly want to be, I dont really enjoy going to work at 7am every day and I dont enjoy feeling as if I dont have enough time for my home and my husband, not to mention my spiritual walk, hobbies and friends. But its for a short time. I knew that getting into our marriage. I knew I would have to support my husband until he could go to full time within his company. I knew that I would have to continue working part time until he has graduated. So I struggle with this topic of the women's role to be at home. I want to be at home but I cant right now. It's not by any fault of my husband...it was our choice to get married before he graduated. We dont have children and dont plan to until he is no longer in school but at the same time. Where is my place? When I read these things I feel as if I'm not in my role...that I'm not where God intended me to be. I want to be at home, I want to clean (oddly I love to clean), organize, plan, prepare my home and do things for my husband while he's at work...but its not where we are right now. So I struggle with this."

Cassie (on Tuesday, November 4, 2008 at 9:20 AM)

"This is a much needed message, and one we need to take to heart.
As we tend to over do it in everything and as women we go back to the basics. I have seen what over doing the schedule can do to the family and my home. And this is when things get out of hand and overwhelming to the lady of the house. So we need to know our limits. And not reach for the stars or what the world says we need to make as a goal. God will take care of us, and we need to trust Him to do this instead of doing it ourselves. Which is what the bottom line of this is, are we trusting in our paychecks or are we trusting in God. It is time we do heart checks on our faith."

Kathy (on Monday, December 1, 2008 at 5:26 PM)

"I am so grateful for Nancy's integrity and boldness in teaching these principles. I wish that I had learned them much earlier in my marriage and my walk with Christ. And I wish that I could shout this message from the roof top. I've been married for 12 years and have two sons; 9 and 5. Three years ago, we planted a church and I worked full-time while my husband worked on getting the church off the ground. Although I feel that we were fully in God's will during that time, and I am sure that He provided the job and income for our family; it was a hard year. It was probably my darkest year spiritually. It definitely affirmed for me that my primary role is a wife and mother. I am so grateful to be back at home and to be laboring for my family with much joy and gratitude. As the wife of a pastor of a young church, I see so many miserable women and marriages that are falling apart. It is heart breaking to see women spending their energy on education and careers at the cost of their marriages and homes. There is so much joy and freedom in living according to the eternal Word of God. We really need to train younger women in His Word, because right now, the world is getting the upper-hand--even within the church.

PS Someone commented above about this not "fleshing out men's responsibilities." Please hear this kindly, but I believe Nancy's call is to train women, not men."

Tracy (on Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 10:00 PM)

"I have stayed home for 11 years. I was just debating if I should go out and get a job with all of the auto bailout issues. I was kind of panicking because of fear about the future. My husband does not want me do get a job but I was "going to take care of it". I realized after hearing this that I would be stepping out from under his authority into something that my husband did not want me to do and also not pleasing God. Thank you for placing a stop on selfish behavior."

Susan (on Friday, December 19, 2008 at 10:03 AM)

"Reading proverbs 31 i am finding that i am lookiing at each verse in a different light. even though i have read it several times. Nancy is puting it into a brighter light. I like how God puts the right verse in the right place at the right time. I always thought the women of today had to be like the women in this verse. but as i keep reading this i realize in more ways then one we are like her. Paycheck or no paycheck, work in or outside of the home a womens work starts from the time she puts her feet on the floor in the morning. to me her pay check is the smile on the faces who she just fed, gave a hug to or just sat and listen to. If we could we would thank this proverbs 31 women everthing she has done and stands for."

Annie (on Thursday, January 15, 2009 at 8:20 PM)

"How I wish I could be a homemaker!

My husband who is a Christian - doesn't see it that way. He believes we need my income. So there I am...torn in the middle. This is correct teaching...no doubt about it.

But what about those of us whose hearts ARE home but whose husbands say we must work outside the home?"

Mrs. (on Tuesday, March 3, 2009 at 3:44 PM)

admin signature"Dear Mrs.,

Consider sharing with your husband your heart on this issue in this way:

1) Seek the Lord first. Spend time in prayer and the Word asking God for His direction and timing before holding this conversation.

2) Consider writing out your request and desires in a letter. Most men do not respond well to emotional pleas, angry confrontations or impassioned exchanges. Putting things in a cordial written form is sometimes helpful in preventing that type of confrontation. Explain your reasoning on this issue.

3) Before holding this conversation, release unrealistic expectations. Depend on the Holy Spirit to convince your husband (Proverbs 21:1) rather than your persuasive words. Determine that once you've voiced your concerns, you will leave this in the Lord's hands.

4) Diligently, specifically, and regularly intercede in prayer for God to provide the way in order for you to come home.

I know this is difficult. God is the only one that can bring transformation in our husbands' lives - we can't. The reality is - your husband may never agree with you on this issue.

Working outside the home will require much more energy to juggle family and work responsibilities, church commitments, and maintain a regular devotional life. You will need to depend entirely on God's grace. Ask Him to develop within you contentment as you wait on Him to work in this situation. Seek Him for specific ways you can organize your life to alleviate excess stress and activity – in order to have more time and energy to devote to your home environment.

Display gratitude to your husband. You will be tempted to resent him for his stand on this issue. Don't allow resentment to build a wall in your relationship with him. Focus on things within your husband's life and character that you are thankful for and communicate this to him often. Let him know that you are asking God to provide financially in order for you to be at home, but that you are trusting his leadership in this area and will wait with a contented heart.

By abiding in Christ, may you experience the joy and grace that will enable you to remain in a difficult circumstance with a heart and attitude that glorifies Him."

Kimberly Wagner (on Tuesday, March 3, 2009 at 5:25 PM)

"Just a simple thank you. I need someone to remind me of these things EVERY DAY! I also have three my oldest just turned five."

Mommom (on Friday, April 17, 2009 at 2:28 PM)

"Oh my, oh my!! I am speechless. I have read Prov 31 countless times and then my attitude was... " this woman is a superwoman. She is just not real!!"

I thank you for showing me that this woman is actually me... when I am the woman my God created me to be.

I am a teacher by profession so more often than not I am busy with other peoples children while I pay little attention to mine.

This mail fails to capture the depth of what todays programme has revealed to me. I thank God for you and for ROH. Thank you just doesnt seem to be enough!!

Keep on keeping on!!"

Caroline (on Thursday, July 2, 2009 at 1:34 PM)

"I want to encourage some of you woman out there that find homemaking difficult. One of my spiritual gifts is teaching. I was a teacher before the Lord blessed our home with four boys. Now I am blessed with being able to stay home and homeschool all four of our boys. I have a very godly husband who loves his family very much and I am honored to be his help meet. When teaching students you have to realizes they are all different and each one has been uniquely designed by God. I had very few "A" students , a few "B" students and a great deal of "C" students. We are all students of God learning so much each day. Some of us will get an "A" on homemaking but many of us may only have a "C" in mans perspective. What matters is "Are we giving God our best?" If we are giving God our best and we are striving to do better each day then I believe God is pleased with us. It doesn't matter what man may think it matters what God sees and He sees the heart."

Debby (on Wednesday, August 26, 2009 at 8:51 PM)

"Nancy,
Do you mean a wife should never even think of divorce even she was abused by her husband?"

Lucia (on Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 12:14 PM)

admin signature"Lucia…It is our understanding of Scripture that marriage is a covenant relationship. In marriages where the physical well-being of the wife (or that of her children) is in danger, we encourage the wife to appeal to her church leadership for protection, counsel and help; and go to the local authorities if necessary (Rom. 13:1). God has placed those authorities in our life for our protection.

If it is necessary, for a wife’s safety or for the safety of her children, to seek physical refuge or separation from her husband, we believe the intent should be to separate for a time in order to seek help for herself and her husband and work toward reconciliation in her marriage. We realize this isn’t an easy process to go through. But God is faithful to help--He is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of need! (Psalm 46:1)"

Sarah Krause (on Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 2:27 PM)

"I am a little shocked to read the conclusion that it is best for a woman to be a stay at home mum. I completely agree that a mothers care for her family should always come before any form of a career. But in proverbs 31 there is a woman who goes out and buys land and makes profit... she is working outside of her home! And at home she has slaves helping her. Those slaves help her clean, cook and most likely those slaves will also be taking care of her kids at least part of the day while she herself is working on making money in her vinyard. nI love proverbs 31 because it clearly shows that it is definatly not against scripture for a woman to work, and even to have others take care of your children while you work. Ofcourse this godly proverbs womand makes sure that she instructs the slaves that help her, she has all the responsibility for her family and manages to handles it wisely. nnI am not married and I do not have children. I wouldn't want that if it meant for me having to stay at home. But it doesn't, so maybe someday i will get married, support my husband for better or worse and maybe even have children. And then they will be cared for and loved. But if Mummy has some spare energy she will be working for money and a few days a week maybe someone else will be taking good care of my children (although in this day and age ofcourse that will be no slaves, most likely a granny, aunt or a decent daycare)."

Nn (on Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 11:17 AM)

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