previous
 
next

Daily Program

Modeling Humility

Series: The Counter-Cultural Woman: A Fresh Look at Proverbs 31

Friday, February 16 2007

Leslie Basham: Does being a virtuous woman mean you have to be perfect? Here’s Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: You know, it’s more important in your home and in your marriage that you model humility than that you model perfection. Your husband and your children already know you’re not perfect. They’re just looking for you to admit it, to acknowledge it when you do blow it.

Leslie: It’s Friday, February 16th, and this is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Do you ever read Proverbs 31 and feel like giving up? The description of a virtuous woman we read there can seem intimidating, but there’s good news. Even if Proverbs 31 doesn’t describe you currently, it still could, thanks to God’s forgiveness. Here’s Nancy Leigh DeMoss in a series called The Counter-cultural Woman.

Nancy: We’re looking at what one commentator has called “a looking-glass for ladies”—Proverbs chapter 31. We came yesterday to the beginning of that portion, verse ten, where the Scripture gives us a description of a woman of God, a virtuous woman, an excellent woman.

Matthew Henry, that commentator, said that this is a looking-glass for ladies that we should desire to look into and to dress ourselves by it. We’ve been reminding each other that, even though this lengthy, detailed description can seem overwhelming and intimidating to those of us who still have feet of clay and are not yet glorified, yet we ought to be encouraged because we know that as women of God, if we’re allowing God to work in our lives, He is sanctifying us.

He is molding us. He’s shaping us. He’s pruning us. He’s making us into this kind of woman who reflects the beauty and the image of the Lord Jesus, for indeed it really is His portrait that we’re looking at here. We’re seeing His heart, His character, His beauty in this picture.

We pick up at verse ten, and we read that very familiar verse, “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.”  “Who can find a virtuous wife?” Some of your translations say, “an excellent wife.” Some of them say, “a wife of noble character.”

That word virtuous or excellent is a difficult word to translate from the original Hebrew language. The word has to do with strength. It’s often translated “army” or “wealth.” It’s talking about a woman of moral strength, a woman whose character is strong.

A woman who has godly character is a strong woman. The world would have us think that a godly woman is a weak woman who just gets run over, and she never has any opinions, never has any thoughts, never says anything. This is how the world would caricature the godly woman.

The world has it all wrong. The godly woman is a strong woman. She’s able. She’s valiant. She’s a woman of valor.

Now the New King James Version that I just read says this is a virtuous wife, but the word translated wife there, in some of your translations reads “woman,” and that’s also an acceptable translation.

We’re reading here about a woman who happens to be a wife (it becomes obvious as we see her described), but the word translated wife or woman here is just a word for female. I want to point that out because this passage is not just for married women, although as we’ll see, this woman is, in fact, obviously married. But whether married or single, you and I can be excellent, virtuous women.

If you are married, let me point out that this woman is a wife before she is a mother. The children come later, not only in order, but also in order of priority. Her most important human relationship is with her husband. Here is a woman who delights to be a wife.

Now she does have her own personality, her own gifts, and her own strengths, but she is inseparably bound as one to her husband. She’s not ashamed of that. She’s not embarrassed to be his wife. She’s not embarrassed to have her achievements stated in those terms.

Now as we read through this passage over the next days and weeks, we’re going to see that this woman has a strength of character that produces certain other strengths in her life. Her abilities, her habits, her lifestyle—flow out of this strength of character, this virtue, this excellence that characterizes this woman.

Remember that this passage is the words of King Lemuel recalling the words that his mother taught him when he was a young prince. His mother taught him, “Son, this is what to look for in a wife. When it’s time to get married, make sure that these qualities are in place. Look for strength of character and heart and walk with God.”

You’ll notice what’s absent from this description largely, and that is physical traits. Now we’ll talk later in the series about why that may be absent, but we don’t know that she was a woman of wealth. We don’t know what kind of background she came from. We’re seeing the priority here in selecting a mate—and you need to be teaching this to your sons—is to look for a woman who has a heart for God.

Now there’s no sin in her being physically beautiful, but if that’s the primary thing that attracts him to his wife-to-be, this passage is going to tell us that beauty will not last. It won’t last till old age, and it may not last till then. What will you have then in your wife? Will you have a woman of character, the kind of character that endures?

When we think about being an excellent or a virtuous woman, a woman of great spiritual strength and character, there is a sense in which that is a past accomplishment because when we become a child of God, we’re in Christ.

As God sees us, we’re perfect. We have the righteousness of Christ, and there’s a sense in which He has made us, past tense—if we’re children of God—He’s made us already that excellent, virtuous person. The challenge here is to live like who you are, to live out the reality of who you are in Christ.

Then there’s a present, ongoing sense that we are becoming this kind of woman. It’s progressive. It’s the outworking and the development of what God has already put in our hearts if we are children of God—cultivating who and what we are in Christ.

Then, and this is what really encourages me, there’s a yet future sense, when it comes to being an excellent woman, a virtuous woman, and that’s what we can look forward to. It’s that final, completed state where we are glorified. We are sanctified. We are perfect. We are mature. As we’re in process, we can look forward and know that God is making us into that kind of woman.

As we contemplate this picture, this portrait of a virtuous woman, remember there’s a sense in which this already is you if you’re a child of God. If you have Christ in you, God has made you perfect positionally in His sight—positionally in Christ. Because of your position in Christ, you have that righteousness.

Then commit yourself to the process of saying, “Lord, I want you day after day—today—to be working out in my life the reality of what You have done for me through the cross and the Gospel of Christ.” I am becoming this kind of woman. It is a process.

That’s why when you fall, when you blow it, when you get discouraged about your seeming lack of progress, you can pick yourself up and go on by God’s grace, knowing that this is a process. There’s growth involved here, and that’s okay. That’s true of every woman. You look at the most godly woman you know, and she considers herself still very much in process. She’s still growing, still developing.

Then there’s that hope, and aren’t you glad for that hope that one day I will look like the picture in this looking glass? You will, too. If we’re allowing God to have His way in our lives today, this is not a standard that we will never be able to match. It’s a standard that God is committing to conforming us to. He will perfect that which concerns us. “He who began a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (KJV). He will bring it to completion.

As you read this passage, don’t get despondent. Don’t get discouraged. Don’t give up. Say, “Yes! I’m in process. This is what I’m becoming. This is what God is making me.” Look forward.

The Scripture says, “The righteous man falls down seven times” (Proverbs 24:16). Sometimes I think that may be a day or even an hour. He falls down seven times, and what does he do? He gets up again each time.

You say, “I’ve blown it. I just haven’t had that servant’s heart. I haven’t been that kind of devoted wife. I haven’t been committed to my home and family as I ought to have been and the qualities we’re going to see in this woman.”

Well, get up. Repent. Get new grace and go on. Let God continue to take you in that process of molding and making you like His Son, Jesus.

Leslie: That’s Nancy Leigh DeMoss, and she’ll be right back. There’s so much pressure on women these days to be perfect. Nancy’s been pointing out that being humble is more important than trying to be perfect in your own strength. It’s the kind of insight she’s been bringing us all week in a series called The Counter-cultural Woman. It’s a verse-by-verse look at Proverbs 31.

This chapter has so much valuable insight that we as women need. I hope you’ll take Nancy’s advice and read Proverbs 31 every day for 31 days, and I hope you’ll get a copy of Nancy’s teaching on CD. When you order, you’ll get additional material from Nancy that we didn’t have time to air.

Learn how to become a woman of virtue while you’re exercising or running around town. Order The Counter-cultural Woman at ReviveOurHearts.com, or call 1-800-569-5959. Now let’s get back to Nancy’s teaching.

Nancy: “Who can find a virtuous” or “an excellent wife? For her worth is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10). Those are the words spoken by King Lemuel, we’re told in Proverbs 31. We think he may have been, actually, King Solomon, and these are words that his mother taught him when he was a young prince.

She told him, “Son, this is what you need to look for in a wife, and make sure you get the right one because if you have the right one, she will be a blessing and an asset to your life for all of your life. Her worth will be more to you than any amount of jewels or wealth that you can accumulate on this earth.”

You say, “Well, I’ve failed so many times. I can’t be that woman. I’ve blown it so many times.” You know, it’s more important in your home and in your marriage that you model humility than that you model perfection. Your husband and your children already know you’re not perfect. They’re just looking for you to admit it.

Some of you may need to leave this session today and go back to your husband and be specific in sharing with him—first with the Lord and then with your husband—ways that you’ve not been an asset to him. Now you’re not going home to tell your husband, “I’ve blown it, but starting tomorrow or starting this moment I’m going to be this incredible, Proberbs 31 woman.” Don’t make that promise because, as we’ve said, it’s a process.

We’re all in process, but as you’re in process, don’t be afraid to admit it when you blow it. Know that as you mature and develop and grow in Christ, as you develop this excellent character, that is developing your worth and your value.

Now what this chapter, Proverbs 31, portrays about womanhood runs head-on into what our culture has taught us about what makes a woman valuable. If you embrace God’s way of thinking, you can know that you will go against the grain of the secular culture around you.

I will get some emails from people who strenuously disagree with this picture. I’ll tell you that the reason I can live with that is because it’s not my word. I didn’t draw this picture. I didn’t make this up, and had I drawn it, I wouldn’t have drawn it this way.

God drew this picture, and who better than the Creator should know how men and women should best function? God made us as women. He knows how we’re wired. We can’t figure out how we’re wired ourselves, but God knows.

This Book, this Word, the Scripture, is the instruction manual. It’s the operator’s manual. He made us. He knows how we’re created to function. We will function at peace and at rest and with joy and with blessing, not without problems, but with joy as we allow ourselves to be made and molded into the image of God’s kind of woman.

Now verse ten tells us that this woman of excellent character, this woman of virtue, has a worth and a value that is far above rubies. That means she’s a rare treasure. She’s unusual.

One old-time writer on the book of Proverbs said, “Perhaps one reason of the rarity of the gift is, that it is so seldom sought. Too often is the search made for accomplishments, not for virtues, for external . . . recommendations, rather than for internal godly worth.”1

I think that’s a wise word to young men who are seeking for a godly wife. “Make sure that’s what you’re looking for,” this mother said to her son, and this author said the reason it’s such a rare find is because that’s not what most men are looking for.

He challenges young men, and I know we have some men listeners who will be challenged through this passage and the words of this wise mother, to not just look for accomplishments but to look for virtue.

This woman is a woman who is valuable. There is no treasure that can compare to her. She’s desirable. She’s precious.

We read about this concept of more precious or more valuable than rubies in a couple of other places in the Proverbs. In chapter three and chapter eight of Proverbs, wisdom, which is the theme of Proverbs, is personified as a woman. It says, “She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot be compared with her” (verse 15). 

We read in the book of Ruth, chapter three, where Boaz says to Ruth, “All the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman” (verse 11)—an excellent woman, a woman of strength and moral character.

Proverbs twelve, verse four, tells us that “an excellent wife” or “a virtuous woman”—same phrase—she “is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame." The opposite of a virtuous woman or a woman of character is a woman “who causes shame,” and she is like, get this, “rottenness in his bones.” She makes him feel decayed and falling apart inside. She makes him weak. It’s amazing the impact that you have on your husband.

I discovered a gem of a book a couple of weeks ago written by a man in the 1880s, and let me read to you what he says in this book called Home-Making about the influence of a wife on her husband. He said, “No wife can overestimate the influence she wields over her husband, or the measure in which his character, his career, and his very destiny are laid in her hands for shaping.” 2

This author is saying you cannot imagine the influence that a woman has, the power she has over her husband. He goes on to say, “How can she make sure that her influence over her husband will be for good, that he will be a better man, more successful in his career and more happy, because she is his wife? Not by . . . perpetual preaching and lecturing on a husband’s duties and on manly character.”

Now, most of us are familiar with that way of trying to influence men. We wouldn’t quite have used those archaic words, but haven’t we all been guilty of trying to explain to men what it’s like, what they should be like and lecturing on their duties and responsibilities?

Well, this author goes on to say she can only have this influence for good, “. . . by being in the very depths of her soul, in every thought and impulse of her heart and in every fibre of her nature, a true and noble woman.” Then listen to this last sentence. “She will make him not like what she tells him he ought to be, but like what she herself is.” 

When you look at your husband, and you say, “He’s not a man of noble or excellent or virtuous character,” you may want to look in the mirror and say, “Why? Is he like me in ways that I would not want to admit, in ways that maybe I’ve been blind to or never seen?” “She will make him not like what she tells him he ought to be, but like what she herself is.”

You want your husband to be a man of virtue, to be a noble man, a man of spiritual strength and character? Then set out, not to change him, but set out to be the kind of woman with the kind of character that you want him to have. The Scripture says that kind of woman is a crown to her husband. She blesses him. She brings out the best in him.

Women, we have so much power and influence over the men around us. I’m not making allowances or excuses for misbehavior on the part of men, but you know, that’s not our responsibility. Our responsibility is to seek God, to pursue Him, to let Him mold us into His image. I think we can’t even begin to imagine what the influence and the impact will be on those men around us when we become the kind of women who influence them by our noble hearts and character to be men of God.

Martin Luther described his beloved wife, Catherine, whom he affectionately called Kate, and he said, “The greatest gift of God is a pious amiable spouse, who fears God, who loves his house, and with whom one can live with in perfect confidence.”3 You can be that kind of gift to your husband. Your worth will be more than that of rubies.

Then remember that that means your worth is not found in what others think of you. It’s not found in what your husband thinks of you or what others say about you, but your true worth and your true value are found in your inner character and walk with God. May it be excellent, virtuous, and noble.

Leslie: Nancy Leigh DeMoss has been helping you recognize the kind of powerful, godly influence you can have on those around you. That kind of influence looks much different than worldly ways of gaining power and influence. During Nancy’s series on Proverbs 31 will you go deeper in this topic? Learn to serve other people and glorify God in distinctly feminine ways.

Get some help from a book Nancy worked on called Becoming God's True Woman. You’ll read contributions from Nancy and other women who have a lot of wisdom to share—like Carolyn Mahaney, Susan Hunt, and Mary Kassian.

When you’re at the website, don’t forget to sign up for the Revive Our Hearts Daily Connection. It’s a quick way for you to know what Nancy’s teaching each day. It will also let you know about special offers, such as Becoming God's True Woman. If you’re ever in the car trying to remember everything I say, the Daily Connection will let you relax and drive knowing the information is waiting for you.

When you sign up for the Daily Connection, you’ll get a daily email with key quotes from Nancy’s teaching that day. The email also includes quick links that will let you stream or download the audio, read the transcript, or order a helpful resource. Sign up for the Revive Our Hearts Daily Connection at ReviveOurHearts.com.

Well, Proverbs 31 has a lot to tell us about how to build a strong, committed marriage. Nancy will explain on Monday as she continues the series The Counter-cultural Woman. Let’s close today’s program with prayer.

Nancy: Oh Lord, raise up a whole new generation of women, starting with me, starting with us right here in this room, who trust You, who reverence You, who walk with You and reflect Your beauty and heart and whose lives create hunger and thirst and motivation in the lives of our sons and daughters and husbands and fathers and pastors and neighbors and employers—just that we would create motivation by our lives in the men around us to be all that You’ve made each of us to be. For Jesus’ sake we pray it and for the sake of Your great kingdom. Amen.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is an outreach of Life Action Ministries.

All Scripture is taken from the New King James Version.

1Charles Bridges, A Commentary on Proverbs (Carlisle, PA: Banner of Truth Trust, 1998), 617.

2J.R. Miller, Home-Making (San Antonio, TX: The Vision Forum, Inc., 2003).

3Compiled and edited by Noelle Wheeler, Daughters of Destiny (Bulverde, TX: Mantle Ministries, 2000), 140-141.

previous
next

Note: Special offers available only during the broadcast of the radio series.


View/Post Comments

Read and post comments about: Modeling Humility

*The following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.

 

"Dear Nancy, just as you mentioned how the wife is not embarrassed to be his wife. The other day I was visiting my next door neighbors. They live together. And I talked to them about marriage. And how it went along with baptism. When you get baptized it is showing everyone that you are not ashamed to be publicly linked with Christ. And when you get married you are publicly saying you are not ashamed to be linked with this woman you have chosen. And you are making a vow before God. I hope Anthony and Michelle come to Christ. And get married. And that I change for my family too."

Leslie (on Friday, February 16, 2007 at 2:00 AM)

"dear nancy, i am just 13 and i see all the good work that you have done, you inspire me and influence me. thank you, and if a 13 year old can see how someone is influencing the world than the world should know how you are influencing it."

Nicole (on Friday, February 16, 2007 at 7:41 AM)

"Wow, Nancy, thank you for sharing your wisdom, for letting your light shine! I have made your website my homepage and used the beautiful sunset picture as my new desktop. These two especially inspire me at work! Also, I'm writing a book, THE RIGHTEOUS BRIDE, and would like to use a quote from this article it. May I email you personally and explain which quote(s) I would like to use? God bless!!"

Tonja (on Friday, February 16, 2007 at 11:04 AM)

"Thank you so much for that encouragement. I really needed that. Even as a single parent these words have motivated me again to be all that I can be for God."

Becky (on Friday, February 16, 2007 at 11:22 AM)

"Dear Nancy; This is VERY VERY CONVICTING! Last night my husband and my mentor got together and I can no make any defence, that6 would not be godly. Please pray I can be what God wants even though I don't understand all that "in Christ" implies. And pray the Holy Spirit, if indeed he does live in me, would impress me what to do."

Janet (on Friday, February 16, 2007 at 12:28 PM)

"As you quoted the author of the 1880's book "Home-Making" regarding the influence a wife can have upon her husband I couldn't help but think of the first few verses of 1 Peter 3:

"1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

If a wife can have this kind of impact on an unbelieving husband by her virtuous living then how much more so on a believing husband. Truly my wife speaks powerfully into my life by her reverence and love for God and I am wonderfully blessed to be the husband of a virtuous wife!"

David (on Friday, February 16, 2007 at 1:08 PM)

"This was very convicting. To know that the way your husband is can depend alot on who you are. I have a lot of praying to do. Please say a prayer for me."

Jodi (on Friday, February 16, 2007 at 1:29 PM)

"This message came to me after my estranged husband contacted me yesterday. I needed to hear this and God just put me in my car an hour later than I normally am and I know that I need to accept my husband's request for reconciliation. Thanks for such a wonderful message. I have not been an asset to my husband in many ways. As we start church counseling for troubled marriages, I am going to let him know that I too have failed him in many ways. We've both kept our commitment sacred, but never made God the center of our lives together. Please pray for us as we celebrate our 2nd anniversary in April. We have a long way to go, but I know that if I continue walking with Christ, I will be the jewel that my husband deserves."

Angelica (on Friday, February 16, 2007 at 1:57 PM)

"Just want to say thanks! Don't worry about the feedback. God word NEVER changes. Eventhough your messages convict me, I thank God that I am teachable and allow the Spirit of God to rule and reign in my life. I want to be all that God desires! Blessings upon your ministry!"

Jennifer (on Friday, February 16, 2007 at 2:29 PM)

"Nancy, thank you so much for your in depth study of what a virtuous woman should look like- a pillar of strenght based on her characters as she continues to build her foundation in Christ! Thank you for clarifying the misguilded image of a christian woman being as weak and pushed over. A godly woman is a woman of valor because God has filled her with His Spirit! Thank you for holding up the looking glasses to each of our souls through your teaching."

Kc (on Friday, February 16, 2007 at 4:30 PM)

"Hi Nancy,
I've been studing Proverbs 31. And made up a melody to it. And I've had an autoharp for some time. But I just tonight learned a couple of lines of 'Home On The Range'...I was surprised at how easy it was.
I'd love to play the autoharp to Proverbs 31.:-) Please pray. I know God gives wisdom and skill to excell our best of dreams. And just listen to the words;"Oh give me a home where seldom is heard a discouraging word, And the skys are not cloudy all day" God is already blessing me Nancy. Thank you all for praying for all of us families. Glory to God in the highest and in homes peace full of encouraging words that take the clouds away. And fill us with The Holy Spirit of God."

Leslie (on Saturday, February 17, 2007 at 2:31 AM)

"Thank you sooooo much Nancy for this lesson.I thought about all the things that frustrate me about my husband and realized that I many times am guilty of setting that tone in our home. What a wonderful conviction. I was also very moved by the broadcast where all the men spoke about their wives and what they loved about them. It showed me how much I do for our children that shows outwardly but how much more I need to do for my husband. Even when no one sees it but him. That is a Proverbs 31 wife right? That is what motivates husbands to praise us?"

Nisha (on Saturday, February 17, 2007 at 9:07 AM)

"Thank you Nancy for this lesson and all the others. I do have this series I purchased years ago. I guess i'll have to look for it so I can listen to it in the car. I feel I need to keep listening to it. I want to be this kind of a women. I know God gives us the desires of our hearts and I want my life to be all that God wants it to be. I want to walk in the realm of the supernatural. So please pray for me that I get on this path. Your teachings have been a blessing to me. Thank you for your wisdom. --Linda"

Linda (on Saturday, February 17, 2007 at 11:21 AM)

"I am so grateful for this series. Ever since ROH began, the Lord has used it to build me into a more godly woman. When the half hour programs started a while back, I noticed that there was less teaching focused on how to be a better woman, wife, mother. I thought the teaching was more directed to a general audience, and I was very disappointed when the specific teaching was not a regular, consistant thing on ROH. I have checked the programs for the content for quite some time, and have not been listening. However, I am very grateful, as I said, that the teaching has turned back to the kind of biblical truths directed at women. I am excited about that, and look forward to tuning into ROH on a daily basis again to learn more about specific feminine needs in this world we live in to help me be counter-cultural. When it wasn't available, I feel like I missed a very important meal for that day and have suffered spiritually because of it. THank you for this series, Kathy"

Kathy (on Saturday, February 17, 2007 at 4:02 PM)

"Dear Nancy,
Thank you once again for another great message! When I committed my life to Christ 32 years ago this month, the Proverbs 31woman was the first Bible study I attended, as I recall. It was SO wonderful, and I wanted to be just like her! I have since learned that this view can also apply to the Bride of Christ, the Church. Awesome! What Christian wouldn't want to be the best "spouse" for our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ?!? - and this, for all eternity, Halleluyah! How I praise God for you, Nancy, and the entire ministry! This message is so timely for me, in that today, Saturday, February 17th, is the 39th anniversary of our wedding. It is the Lord's gracious miracle that we are still "together" (living in the same house, but "separated" in the soul/spirit, sigh...). Much needs to be healed/forgiven, and as I take this message (I just am today able to read it) to heart, you have challenged me to "bring out the best" in my husband. He has been a fearful person as long as I have known him, and I am wondering if the strength of Christ He sees in me actually scares him even more. Please pray for him as he is in great need of the Lord's grace and truth to reach his heart. (Believe me as I tell you I have been trying all these years - we met 40 years ago last Fall.) Please pray for me, that I will continue to humble myself before God's Great Throne of mercy to obtain all I need to be the Proverbs 31 woman/wife that pleases Him! Thank and praise the LORD that He isn't finished with any of us yet, Amen? Amen! God's best to you, and all who listen/write in. You all are SO encouraging! --Linda"

Linda (on Saturday, February 17, 2007 at 4:29 PM)

"Dear Nancy, Thank you so much for your message on the Proverbs 31 woman. I am embarassed and ashamed to say that I was not that kind of wife. I gave up on my husband rather than supporting him and standing beside him. I was not a virtuous wife. I took my children and moved away. He was faithful to us and supported us and did everything He could for us. I was waiting for him to become the leader in our home, but I constantly critisized him. After seven years of separation he was stricken with cancer and lived for only a month. He came to Christ 2 weeks before he went home with the Lord. I feel that I was rottenness to his bones and I'm so sorry for this. To all the ladies out there who in their flesh complain to their husbands and feel it necessary to shape them into the husband they want or who might want to give up on their husband, study this Proverb and ask God for a heart that is committed to your husband. I was a selfish wife and was looking for my needs to be met rather than my husband's. I miss him so much and am greatly ashamed for not helping him as I should. I know God has forgiven me, however, I don't know how to go on without having so much regret day after day. I'm so thankfuI for God's mercy that He didn't allow him to suffer long with this illness and that He gave him salvation before leaving this world. I should have joy in God's forgiveness."

Even (on Sunday, February 18, 2007 at 2:31 AM)

"Dear Nancy, Well, another day has past. And as I check this blog I am surprised how you all (listeners too) must be praying. It was so neat that I mentioned 'Home On The Range' song's words; where it yearns for a home where the skys are not cloudy all day. Well, Seattle area...It is the 1st super sunny day in a bit:-) And although I've heard my share of discouraging words. I heard The Word. And HE is shining in my heart too. I am grateful for your prayers. And I want to walk in the realm of the supernatural like Linda. And God drew me with all the Word in ROH too. And today I enjoyed Dr. McGee's MP3 on Song of Solomon, and how Jesus is so in love with us His Bride; the Church. God used this to give me a renewed mind. I did tons of housework with my headphones on. PTL! You can see if you like his teaching. He has free downloads of his MP3s Just go to TTB.org
Or call 1 (800) 65 Bible for free info. (Radio log, Bible reading book mark, ect. ) Love in Christ,"

Leslie (on Sunday, February 18, 2007 at 2:51 AM)

"Dear Nancy,
My dear husband called me the other night on the way to the library and said that I had to turn on the radio, that there's one of those women speakers talking on Proverbs 31! hee hee. We've been married for 7 years, and so I've studied this book for about that time, to know how to do this thing called wife. God has recently led me to create a website about Proverbs 31, and it will compliment my husband's website, which is a voice for orphans. A Proverbs 31 woman helps her husband to be a voice for the poor and afflicted. It has been such a joy to see him grow in this. His sight is www.koreministry.org. But as I finished pages for Proverbs 31 verses 1 through 9, the Lord placed in my hands 2 study books on Proverbs 31, and has since led me into a time of increased study and application. It has been a time of joyous change. And the resulting changes in my husband have been so encouraging. And I have been encouraged that you are doing this series. God revealed to me through Proverbs 12:4 that the word shame in the Strong's includes ashamed, disappoint, delay. I've realized that while I have been waiting for God to move my husband forward in his calling, God has been waiting for me to move forward in becoming a Proverbs 31 woman so this can happen. I was delaying him. Oh, the grief of that realization, but quickly followed by great encouragement that the work God is doing in me through Proverbs 31 is and will continue to allow my husband to see gain in his life. Proverbs 31 has touched me in times of great spiritual, physical, and/or mental weakness. It has encouraged me to give all that I have, no matter what that is. I think that Proverbs 31 is kinda like the widow's might. What I mean is that God sees what we do with what we have. Even if we have a little strength, but we use that to help our husband, that is a noble thing. Thank you for your ministry. You are loved and respected. God bless you!"

Tami (on Sunday, February 18, 2007 at 6:06 PM)

"Dear Nancy,
I was especially encouraged to be reminded that it's more important to model humility than to model perfection in our home. Thank you!!!"

Sharon (on Sunday, February 18, 2007 at 10:37 PM)

"Dear Even, Praise the Lord for beauty from ashes. We would all be so remorsed otherwise. God's Word encourages us to forget those things which are behind and reach forth to those things which are before . And press forth to the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Somethings are too heavy to bear. You must forgive yourself. It is God's will. And you are such a gift to us wives. Such a great encouragement. You filled my heart with gratefullness. You bring our the best in us. You are such a blessing!"

Leslie (on Sunday, February 18, 2007 at 11:45 PM)

"I have been under a spiritual darkness over the last few weeks until I heard a preacher quote Ephesians 6:12. It opened my eyes that the problems I am having in my marriage are due to: #1 The enemy and #2 My pride. I clearly heard God telling me to lay my pride at the foot of the Cross. Your 31 day challenge and my reading here have confirmed God's message to me. Humbleness is a hard pill to swallow when you think you are allready humble. Thank You and God bless you mightely for speaking a hard lesson."

Melissa (on Friday, October 24, 2008 at 12:50 AM)

"YES LORD! I surrender! The white flag is wagging in the air. I surrender my pride at the feet of Jesus sitting on His Throne. Knowingly repenting that the sin of pride is my downfall. I know that His grace is sufficient for me to overcome this deadly sin.

Lord, teach me to be humble I pray! Pray for me dear sisters in Christ that I will be obedient to His will and not mine. I want to honor God and glorify His holy name.

God bless the ROH ministry!"

Gift (on Tuesday, November 4, 2008 at 8:45 PM)

"I have become aware of Revive our Hearts website only recently as my mother-in-law attended the recent True Woman conference. I've been starting to listen to every broadcast or session or daily listenings as I can through these two sites. I LOVE the influence it has been on my life to hear these God-glorifying messages! I have been married for just under 6 months. My husband and I have both grew up in christian homes. We know the Lord has called us to be married together and to fulfill our life calling- serving in God's church. We love our current church and pour out all our energies into the church and its youth. The Lord has blessed us in our callings as we make an incredible team! PTL! However, our marriage and our home life is another story. We have terrible arguments and we become so prideful in those conflicts. I've reached out to these websites to seek guidance and understanding to this difficult thing called marriage. I know not everyone has it as difficult as we do and that makes my heart sad. After this message about the importance of my humility being my priority, I can't help but feel this awful load of guilt for being the source of my husbands frustration and anxiety! My husbands anger is from me not being humble before him when I mess up. I am burdened by my role as a wife as it is so foreign to me. I'm also a slow learner and I feel pressure from my husband that I should be doing things better and more efficiently. How do I go to him everyday and tell him how lazy I feel that day or how tired I am or how I want to spend more time with him instead of cleaning? (Because this is how I would be humble before him, admitting where I was failing as his wife). I just don't understand why the Lord has allowed our marriage of 5 months be so terrible already? Do you have other resources for me to listen to that would aid in being a wife and the process of changes within a marriage? Or something fo newly married couples? Newly married wife? Thanks for listening."

Anonymous (on Sunday, November 16, 2008 at 9:11 PM)

"Praise GOD your teaching on Proverbs 31 woman brought such conviction & revelation to my innermost being thank you lots, continued abundant blessings to you, your family, and this ministry."

Mrs. (on Wednesday, January 21, 2009 at 7:22 PM)

"The part that scared me, but convicted me was "your husband will be not like you tell him to be, but how you are." That would be true for our children too, I guess? I can already see it in them."

Mrs. (on Monday, July 27, 2009 at 8:00 AM)

"All of this time I never quite grasped the fact that we are already virtuous because we are children of God, made righteous through Christ, our Savior. Nancy said it best, "The challenge is to live like who you are, to live out the reality of who you are in Christ." Becoming this woman described in Proverbs 31 isn't so impossible if we let God take control and seek Him first. God, help me to change these things in my life that prevent me from being the woman You want me to be. Give me strength through this journey. I am excited to see you work in my life. Your Word says that "the righteous man falls down seven times." In all honesty, I have fallen more times than I can count. You know my heart and my desire. Yes, I have fallen so many times, but, Father, You always pick me up. I praise You Lord! You are so wonderful and I feel Your love surround me. Continue Your good work in me that I may bring glory to You, Your kingdom, and strengthen the relationship between me and the amazing man that you have blessed me with. In Jesus' glorious name I pray, amen."

Christine (on Tuesday, January 5, 2010 at 10:58 AM)

"Wow!!! Today devotional has REALLY opened my eyes!! Especially the part where Nancy says, "When you look at your husband, and you say, “He’s not a man of noble or excellent or virtuous character,” you may want to look in the mirror and say, “Why?"
This really made me realize how I need to fall on my knees at this moment and ask God for forgivness. I have been such a failure but I have faith that all this will change! Thank God for his mercy and grace and thank you Nancy for this life-changing message! God Bless!! :D"

Rosa (on Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 2:56 PM)

"Giving honor to GOD and this ministry, my husband and I have been separated for 2 1/2 years and I just filed for divorce a few weeks ago. I stumbled over this website after a women's ministry meeting at my church where the paster wife shared different websites to becoming a woman of virtue. I must admit that it all has been very challenging for me but I want to be the woman GOD has called me to be. I started with this site on Thursday and have repented and asked God and my husband for forgiveness for all that I had done to fail our marriage. The only thing now is him and I have basically accepted things as they are and have moved on, now my question is do we reconcile and start again or leave well enough alone. I know that GOD's word does not honor divorce but I filed before I learned all this and I prayed and felt GOD's presence and anointing giving me permission to move forward, or it could've been what I felt but I always try to seek GOD for all my decisions now I'm wondering if because this has come at this time is my marriage worth saving???????"

Kenisha (on Saturday, February 20, 2010 at 1:14 PM)

admin signature"Dear Kenisha,

Although I'm unable to give direct counsel to your situation and do not know all the details, let me encourage you to consider God's heart toward us when it comes to the issue of reconciliation and then consider God's ultimate purpose for the marital relationship.

God's heart is one of redemption. Although I am sinful and vile, He welcomes me back when I turn in repentance to Him. He is in the ministry of reconciling hearts to Himself.

All marriages consist of two sinners. We are all in need of great mercy. Biblical counselors will provide varying responses to the question of separation, divorce, and remarriage. Multiple opinions abound.

One thing is true: none of us deserve God's forgiveness, mercy, or blessing -- yet He gives it. None of us deserve His commitment of fidelity, yet He is unrelenting in it. None of us deserve second chances, or His patience, yet He is long suffering with each of us.

He has called us to display His character. He's called us to demonstrate to our mates and to others His mercy, grace, truth, forbearance, patience, endurance and even joy in suffering (Colossians 3:12-19; Philippians 3:7-10; Ephesians 4:31-32).

There are no pat answers or easy solutions. The truth is that God's grace is sufficient for every need, but that doesn't mean that every situation will result in a happy ending. When two individuals are willing to walk in a state of repentance and humility, depending on Gods' grace to apply the truth of His Word to desperate situations -- even then it takes much hard work and perseverance to overcome selfish tendencies and begin to reap the joy of a one-souled marriage. When only one mate is willing to apply themselves to this, it may take years for the other mate to respond in kind -- and perhaps they never will.

God's ultimate purpose for marriage is not our individual happiness -- ultimately His purpose is for the world to see the gospel displayed (Ephesians 5:22-33). The amazing grace in all of it, however, is that when we establish the type of marital relationship described in this passage -- we experience great joy and God receives great glory!

My prayer is that God will fill you with hope as He gives you a glimpse of what He can do. I pray that you will communicate openly, honestly and in loving humility, your heart to your mate. I pray that your mate will respond in receptivity and humility and with a willingness to make the hard choices of unselfishness and be willing to agree with you to go to whatever lengths are necessary in order to work toward reconciliation and establishing a Christ-centered love-filled marriage that reflects His character.

I pray that one day, we will hear of God's miraculous intervention in and supernatural provision for your situation, that will bring great glory to Him and serve as a great witness to the power of the gospel.

The team at Revive Our Hearts is lifting up your marriage to the Lord in prayer. We are unable to serve as counselors or advisers, but we will serve as your intercessors. We encourage our listeners to seek biblical counsel within their church leadership.""

Kimberly Wagner (on Monday, February 22, 2010 at 12:37 PM)

"Thank you for this Series. I have been praying for God to show the woman he created in me and my purpose in life. My journey is now my process! For many years I battled with trying to be perfect at everything i did and having control. In the mist of this storm I became overwhwelmed and lost myself. This Series is given me my tools and resources in defining the woman that God created me to be."

Shawna (on Monday, March 8, 2010 at 10:23 AM)

"Thanks , Nancy for being a blessing for us. I admire you and pray for your ministry. I have the honor to be a partner. God bless you!"

Celita (on Sunday, May 2, 2010 at 3:38 PM)

"Hi again
God continues to teach me through this challenge and the one on Gratitude how lacking I am and how far I have moved from him. I lost my boyfriend, who was the greatest blessing God gave me and greatest source of encouragement for me, because of how I've been acting. He has been teaching me humility, and what you said about humility trumping perfection was exactly what I needed to hear. I tried to be perfect, and that's exactly what motivated me and led me to this desolate place (but a place that has been sown by Christ and the Holy Spirit), and it is humility that has been teaching me how to survive. I pray that my fruit will begin to reflect this (although I hunger for the encouragement that my boyfriend was and his company in my walking through this place- and he was so right all along. I should have listened to them both- God and him, who both warned me!- which I, in my sin, chose and demanded before I would repent and return) as I, hopefully, with the strength and only by the strength of God, change the lives of my family, who are also prideful, although I do not say that in a condemning way, looking at how proud I have been. They, at least, were tempered by wisdom and understanding. What have I? I just have faith that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to [His] purpose." Instead of always trying to do things my way and the way that I thought/perceive in my wordly wisdom to be the best, I will let God reveal His way to me and trust Him to continue to work things together. Not for my own benefit, for I am undeserving, but for His own glory, that "they may see [my] good works and glorify [my] Father which is in heaven." I regret going through this, but it serves a greater purpose than I can know, and I will try to ensure that, in going through this, I follow after God. Please, pray for me and my boyfriend, Jonathan, and my family."

Dusty (on Saturday, June 12, 2010 at 5:06 PM)

"I thank you Nancy for your faithfulness to Gods truths. I have as far back as I can remember been intrigued by the Pro.31 woman. I just happened to have the radio on and you were on. I know that it was all in Gods divine plan that I would hear this teaching.it has been such an amazing and enlightening teaching. Thank you. I can't put the value of your teachings and God love in mere words. thank you. I am praying for all of my sisters as well as myself that we will only believe and not doubt."

Chlon (on Saturday, July 3, 2010 at 11:03 PM)

First Name (Your name will be displayed.)

Email (We value your privacy and will not publish your email address.)

Enter Your Comment