I Don't Want to Hear It?

Series: The Power of Words

Leslie Basham: The enemy of our soul loves it when we engage in slander. Here is Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: The word that is often translated “slander” in the New Testament is also the word from which we get the English words “devilish” and “diabolic.”

Leslie: This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss for Thursday, September 7th.

Satan is sometimes called “the accuser.” When we accuse others, we are acting just like him. Find out more as Nancy describes some evil twins: gossip and slander.

Nancy: We have been talking about the tongue and how our tongues have power to wound or to heal. We have been looking at Proverbs 18:21, and I have encouraged you to memorize at least the first part of this verse. Post it in different places where you will see it throughout the day–the phrase that says: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

We have been looking at many different aspects taught in Proverbs. There is a lot all throughout Scripture about the tongue. But we have been focusing specifically on what Proverbs has to say about the tongue.

If you have not been with us in the previous sessions, do your own study of the book of Proverbs and read through the book, verse by verse. Write out every verse you see that has anything to do with the tongue, mouth, or lips. There are also other verses that have to do with quarreling, angry words, contentious words, and gracious words.

Do what I have done with those verses—put them into two categories: areas where we please the Lord with our tongues and areas where we dishonor, wound, or even bring death with our tongues.

We come today to the subject of gossip, which is prominently referenced in the book of Proverbs. I am reminded of an I Love Lucy episode where Lucy was on the phone with a friend and talking about Betty. When Lucy got off the phone, Ricky said to her:

“Lucy, I want to speak to you about gossiping.”

“Me? Gossip?”

“What do you call what you were doing on the phone?”

“Well, it wasn’t gossiping. I prefer to think of it as a mutual exchange of vital information. Anyways, she was gossiping. I was just listening.”

Scripture has a lot to say about this thing called gossip. One of the characteristics in Proverbs is that gossip is harmful. In fact, it can be deadly. Gossiping words can wound and destroy. We will see that the mouth of foolisht—the mouth of the wicked person—is a mouth that speaks words of gossip.

Usually, you wouldn’t say these types of words if the third person were in the room. It is information that is damaging to that person’s character or reputation. Open, intentional sharing of damaging information–that’s slander.

Dr. Stowell says that gossip, on the other hand, is “often done in the context of idle or careless chatter.”¹ Both gossip and slander are very damaging and dangerous. We can easily fall into gossip when we are just not thinking. It may not be intentional—just a group of women talking. We get together and start talking about things we have heard, seen, experienced, or heard from others.

In the context of careless chatter, we can end up sinning with our lips. Now the word slander means “to blemish, to fault, or to speak against.” It is interesting. The original language of the New Testament was Greek. The word that is often translated slander in the New Testament is also the word from which we get the English words “devilish” and “diabolic.”

You say, “What is the connection—slander, devilish, and diabolic?” There is a real close connection. Who is the original slanderer? Satan. He is the accuser of the brethren. (Revelation 12:10, paraphrased) In the King James translation, the word diabolic or diabolos is translated slander. If you have a New International Version, it is translated malicious talkers. Gossip means the same as saying malicious things about another person.

We learn in 1 Timothy chapter 3 that one of the qualifications for a deacon’s wife—a deacon is a spiritual leader or spiritual servant in the church—is that she is not to engage in slanderous, literally diabolic, or malicious speech (verse 11).

Did you know that if you are a slanderer, you disqualify your husband from having a place of spiritual leadership in the church? As a wife you can sin with your lips in such a way as to prevent your husband from having complete freedom to serve God in a way that he may be otherwise qualified to do.

Not only is it true for deacons' wives, but it is true of all of us—married or single, male or female. We should not speak slanderously or maliciously. When we slander, we are really using weapons, instruments, and methods of the devil himself.

Proverbs says in chapter 10, verse 18, “Whoever spreads slander is a fool.” I like meditating on these verses in order to pick them apart, develop them, and expand on what they mean. But that verse just speaks for itself—doesn’t it?

“Whoever spreads slander is a fool.” As I read that verse, I asked myself the question: “Am I a fool? Have I been foolish?” I know the answer is, “Yes.” At many points, I have been foolish in things that I have said about another person that either is not true, or is true, but is malicious and designed to pull down that person’s reputation—destructive words.

Proverbs 16:27 tells us, “An ungodly man digs up evil, and it is on his lips like a burning fire.” He digs up evil; he is receptive to evil things he has heard about other people and those things are on his lips like a burning fire. He has to get rid of them; he has to share them with others.

Another word to describe that kind of ungodly man is scoundrel. Slander is an ugly way to use our tongues. This person’s words are incendiary; they burn like fire and blaze out of control.

As I meditated on these verses, I thought back to a few occasions when I had been a victim of slander. I remember one particular instance (it was probably 20-some years ago), but if I think about that situation, I can relive it as if it were yesterday. It hurt so deeply at the time and the memory of it is still painful.

Someone who carelessly—and I don’t think there was an intent to be malicious in this case—came to conclusions that were not true and shared them with others. It hurt my reputation; it hurt my pride. But God used that instance in a way that was sanctifying in my life, and I can look back on it and thank the Lord for what He taught me through it.

I can think back on that occasion and a few others. I have to trust my own reputation to God, but I think, “What have I done to the reputation of others?”

I was in a meeting not too long ago where we were talking about some various ministries and Christian workers. Someone’s name came up, a person that I actually respect very highly, who is a great servant of the Lord. But there are some aspects of that person’s view of Scripture where I differ in understanding of the Word.

For some reason I felt compelled in that setting, and it was not necessary, to say what I knew. I realized, as I got out of that meeting, that I had put this other servant of the Lord in a bad light. I had not helped their reputation. It was not a situation in which speaking what I knew would enhance the cause of Christ or was necessary. I was simply saying something that I knew, but didn’t need to say.

When I got out of the meeting, I was so convicted about slandering that person’s reputation, that I got on my cell phone before I left town and got a hold of the first person I could who had been in that meeting. I said, “I was so wrong. I should not have given a negative report of another servant of the Lord. Their works can speak for themselves, but I didn’t need to point it out. Would you please forgive me?”

I couldn’t get a hold of the others at the moment, but I felt like I needed to address it. When I got home, I wrote a letter to the others who had been in that meeting and again sought forgiveness for having slandered the reputation of such a servant of the Lord.

If you deal with these issues as they surface, you will find that it puts a restraint on your tongue. I don’t want to write those kinds of letters very often, or make those kinds of calls very often. I have had to make them more often than I would like to admit. If you humbly deal with issues as God convicts you, then you will find that God uses them to bring your tongue under control.

We need to be asking before we speak, “Is this a good report of this person?” Philippians says that we should be thinking about things that are pure, good, true, lovely, and of a good report (4:8, paraphrased). Is this a good report? Is it true? Have I verified the facts? Is what I am saying true? Even if it is true, is it kind and necessary? Do I need to speak, or am I just filling space with my words?

Some of us have a hard time with silence and we always have to jump in to say something. We often want to make ourselves look better or we know something that others don’t, so we jump in and end up saying things that are unnecessary.

Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it a good report? I think this is one of the sins that is most prevalent among us, as women; one of the transgressions we most need to confess to the Lord. It is one of the most damaging ways we use our tongue in our families, in our churches, and in our communities. We can cause incredible damage with the sin of gossip.

Gossip, according to Webster’s Dictionary, is a person who chatters or repeats idle talk or rumors, especially about the private affairs of others.

As we get into a study of Proverbs, you will notice that there are several related words. The word gossip is often found in the New International Version. If you go back to the King James or the New King James Version, you will see the word talebearer, which is the same word that is translated gossip in the NIV. The dictionary says a talebearer is a person who spreads scandal or tells secrets, a gossip .

Whisperer is another word you will see used in some translations. That is synonymous with a talebearer or a gossip—a whisperer. It is interesting that in the Greek, the word for whisper actually starts with the sound Psst —whispering. It is often true that gossiping is done—we wouldn’t be broadcasting it—behind the scenes, behind backs. “Psst, did you hear . . . ? Did you know . . . ? Can you believe . . . ?” Secret slander is really what we are talking about here—gossiping.

Backbiting is another word used in some of your translations—to speak maliciously about a person who is not there. It is secret whispering or a secret slander. Proverbs has a lot to say about a gossip, talebearer, or whisperer. Let’s look at some of those verses together.

Proverbs 11:13 says, “A talebearer [or a gossip] reveals secrets,” he betrays confidence, “but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.”  A gossip is not trustworthy; they can’t keep a secret; they share confidential information. But, you say, “Well, the person who told me didn’t say it was confidential.” Do you think the person who told you would be comfortable with you were repeating it? Has the person who told you the information given you freedom to share it?

It may be that you don’t think the information is damaging, but ask yourself, “If I were that individual, would I be comfortable with this information being passed along to others?” A talebearer reveals secrets.

Proverbs 16:28 says, “A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer [a slanderer, a gossip] separates the best of friends.”  We can actually break up relationships and friendships by sowing seeds of distrust or doubt.

Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.”  “He who covers a transgression seeks love.” The way of love is overlooking offenses.

Do you overlook offenses or do you feel compelled to magnify them and repeat them to others? In case your mind isn’t thinking at the moment about how this might apply to you, let me ask you to think about moments when your husband offends you.

It happened yesterday to someone who came to the session yesterday. She shared that before she arrived at the session yesterday, her husband said something that was hurtful to her. Then she talked about the conflict that ensued. Thankfully, by the time she retold it, she was expressing her responsibility in the matter.

Think about when your husband sins against you or wounds you. Do you go pick up the phone and call someone else? Do you call your mother and repeat to her all that happened—at the risk of creating a wedge between her and your husband—coloring her view of your husband? You should want her to think well of your husband. That doesn’t mean he is sinless—he is not. We all know that; it doesn’t mean he is without issues.

But if the person that you are sharing this information with is not part of the problem or part of the solution, don’t share. It doesn’t have to be said. Love covers over a multitude of offenses (1 Peter 4:8, paraphrased).

Our words can promote love, unity, and oneness in a relationship, or they can be divisive and break up a relationship. Proverbs 18 tells us, “The words of a talebearer [or a gossip] are like tasty trifles,” or like the New International Version says, “choice morsels.” “And they go down into the inmost [part of the] body” (verse 8).

Hearing gossip or passing on gossip sometimes is like—this is a very vivid word picture here—digestion. You know something others don’t know, and you want to pass it on. It is something special; something that not everyone else has heard. It is like food being digested. It goes down into the innermost parts of the body.

You share the information with someone else–just in passing. You are saying it quickly without thinking about it. But it goes down into that person’s mind and into their thoughts, and it stays there. They digest it; they assimilate it into their being; they remember it.

Proverbs 20 tells us, “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secret; therefore, do not associate with one who flatters with his lips.” That was verse 19. Do you realize what that says? It means that gossips or talebearers are to be avoided.

If you are the kind of person that people feel comfortable dumping gossip on, that may tell you something about your own character. Proverbs teaches that if you are wise, you will avoid gossips and you will do what you can to shut it down graciously, kindly, and lovingly.

Do not be a part of destroying the Body of Christ, for which He gave His life. When we speak words of gossip or slander, we sin against ourselves and we sin against the Lord. When we sin against our own body in this way, we also sin against our own family, or the Body of Christ.

So if I say something to others that is destructive about you, I’m sinning against my body. I am wounding myself; I am wounding the Body of Christ. We are all part of one another. If I say something that tears two people apart, then I am destroying the Body of Christ.

Paul tells us in the New Testament that if we destroy the Body of Christ, God will destroy us. We will tear ourselves down; we will self-destruct, if we destroy the Body of Christ with our tongues.

Proverbs 17:4 mentions listening to gossip again, “An evildoer gives heed to false lips; a liar listens eagerly to a spiteful [or destructive] tongue” (NKJV). The sin is not just in passing on the gossip; the sin is in listening to the gossip and when we do, our ears become garbage cans.

Even as I am speaking, I feel like I come across a little harsh. Maybe as I have been working this through, I am seeing how careless I am about speaking and listening in my own life and how important this is to the Lord. This is no small matter to Him. Oh, that we would not use our lips to tear down the Body of Christ!

I heard one preacher talk about how to deal with hearing gossip. He suggested—he was preaching on this subject—that when someone approaches you and begins to say something slanderous, you should say as loudly as you can, “I don’t want to hear it!”

Then he told about how after the service on the far end of the parking lot you could hear this little old lady say, “I don’t want to hear it!” Everybody knew what had happened: Someone said something that they probably would never say to that woman again.

Charles Swindoll talks about how he handles gossip. He says,

Perhaps like me you’ve received a phone call from someone who says, “I want to tell you about so-and-so.” [He says to that person], “Wait a minute. May I quote you?” There’s usually a long pause. And then they’ll say, “Well, I’m not sure that would be a good idea.”

[Then Dr. Swindoll says], Invariably my answer would be, “Then I’m not interested in hearing what you have to say. If you’re not interested in putting your name on it, if you’re not interested in being there when we confront the individual, I’m not interested in listening to what you’ve got to say.” ²

The mouth of the foolish spreads gossip, and the heart of the foolish listens to and receives gossip.

Leslie: Now, that is convicting. Nancy Leigh DeMoss is not done with us yet. She will be right back to help us apply today’s message. Nancy’s current series called The Power of Words is one that every person can use since everyone communicates.

You would think that by spending so much time talking every day, we would figure out how to use our words wisely, but it takes work and practice. Nancy wrote a booklet that will give you some help. It will take you through Proverbs, so you can find out what the book of wisdom says about your words.

Since you spend so much time talking every day, it will benefit you greatly to find out what the Bible says about your speech. Just look for The Power of Words Set when you visit www.ReviveOurHearts.com. When you order The Power of Words Set, you will get the booklet along with Nancy’s teaching on CD.

Isn’t the Bible practical? It touches on issues that relate to your everyday life—like talking! Revive Our Hearts is all about helping women connect biblical truth to their real lives. We could use your help. To find out how, visit www.ReviveOurHearts.com and click on “Make a Difference.”

How often does this happen? A friend is saying something like this: “I don’t know how I’m going to get everything packed, get all my errands done, and go to that meeting the day before my trip. What am I going to do?” But all you have actually heard them say was: “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

Nancy will tackle the fine art of listening tomorrow. Today, she has been talking with us about gossip and if you need a change in this area, would you pray with her? Here is Nancy.

Nancy: So what is God saying to your own heart? Scripture says that God’s Word is like a mirror (James 1:23, paraphrased). It exposes us; it shows us what we really are. The foolish person looks in that mirror, sees what God is showing him, but then walks away from the Word and doesn’t do anything about it.

I don’t want us to just move on to the next session until we stop and agree with the mirror and agree with what it is saying about our lives. Do not think of somebody else who is a gossip. Ask yourself, “What is God saying to me?”

What is God saying to you? Let’s bow our hearts before the Lord. Perhaps you just need to be honest enough and humble enough to say to the Lord, “This is me. I have sinned against You, Lord. I have sinned against Your Body. I have been foolish, slandering, and gossiping with my tongue. I have damaged the reputation of others and I have broken trust by sharing confidential information. I have not been a trustworthy friend.”

Maybe you need to acknowledge to the Lord that you have not been a trustworthy wife. Proverbs 31 says, “The heart of [a virtuous woman’s] husband trusts in her” (verse 11). Can your husband trust that the words you speak about him are going to be edifying, encouraging, and honoring words?

Oh Lord, how we need Your cleansing and Your forgiveness. Thank you for grace that can take slanderers and gossips and can cleanse us, change us, and give us speech that is pure, wholesome, and edifying. I pray that You would do that work in our hearts and even as we leave this place today, that the words we speak would minister life and grace. I pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is an outreach of Life Action Ministries.

All Scripture is taken from the King James Version unless otherwise noted.

¹Joseph M. Stowell. The Weight of Your Words. Moody: Chicago, IL, 1998. 40.
²CharlesR. Swindoll. The Tale of the Tardy Oxcart. Word: Nashville, 1998. 575.

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