Love Him Through Me

Series: How's Your Love Life?

Leslie Basham: What would you do if you were in this woman's situation?

Dorothy: I've been married for 55 years and my husband has never really met my needs.

And when we had been married about 20 years, many people said that I should get a divorce.

And I said, "That's not God's way."

Leslie Basham: Today we'll hear Dorothy's story. This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

It's Friday, September 17. We're in the middle of a series called "How's Your Love Life?" Nancy's been teaching through 1 Corinthians 13, encouraging us to hold a biblical standard of love. Today we'll hear from a woman who's been listening along with us. She has a lot to say about love and commitment. Here's Nancy to introduce our guest.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Dorothy, we were talking just a bit ago, and you shared with me a story that I thought was so precious and such a powerful illustration of the kind of love we've been talking about in this series, the kind of love that's patient and long--suffering. Can you share with these ladies just a little bit of what you were telling me?

Dorothy: Before this meeting today, the Lord had been talking to me. I'd asked Him to show me the things in my heart that stand in the way of real use for Him. He showed me that I am a very impatient person, and it shows in the way that I treat my husband. He has Alzheimer's. I have to repeat things to him several times, and I get really impatient. He never seems to hear me until I sound angry. I just hate it that I sound like that.

I've asked the Lord to help me to learn to have His patience so that I really treat Mel as He wants me to treat him--as He treats him, as He loves him. I've been married for 55 years, and my husband has never really met my needs. When I had been married about 20 years, many people said I should get a divorce; and I said, "That's not God's way. " I was convicted that I didn't love him as I ought.

I had gone to this pastor, and this is the first time I ever saw God in another person.

I said to him, "I'm really convicted. I don't love my husband as I ought. "

And he said--he just looked at me; and he said, "Jesus is in you, isn't He?"

I said, "Yes. "

He says, "He'll love him through you. "

So I went home, and I prayed every day. Every morning I said, "Lord, love my husband through me. "

And you know, I woke up one morning; and I was in love with him. It was just so amazing that God will do that, that He answers prayer like that. And where I am right now with the Alzheimer's--at this point--I am angry and upset before I respond to him (my husband). I really regret that, and I pray that God will change it.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Dorothy, you've taken a huge first step toward dealing with that issue. As I listen to your story, you've loved this man for 55 years--learned to love him with the love of God. You've been faithful. You've had a love that endures and that bears and that perseveres.

It sounds like, now God is giving you a new opportunity, a new test, to grow in a new level of love--the same love that that pastor told you about 35 years ago--Jesus living in you, and you went home and said, "Jesus, love my husband through me,"--it sounds to me like that's exactly the way that God wants to work in your life today. Now, in this new situation, you have that same Jesus living in you.

Dorothy: I'm going to start praying again.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: The opportunity is now fresh for you to say, "Lord, You've loved through me all these years. Now in this test, when my husband is in this difficult physical condition, would You love my husband through me?" And as He's done it all these years, I really believe He will for you now.

Dorothy: Thank you.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: And by the way, older women--do you think you would qualify, Dorothy, as an older woman? Older women are supposed to teach younger women, and many of us in this room are younger than Dorothy.

What are they supposed to teach the younger women? How to love their husbands. Dorothy, you just fulfilled the Word of God by sharing out of your life with us. You have a message there that I don't have, and you shared out of your life message.

God wants us not to just spectate when we hear older women share out their lives, but to say, "Lord, what am I supposed to learn?" If older women are supposed to teach, what are younger women supposed to do?

Learn! There may be a younger women in this room that God's saying to you, "Your husband doesn't have Alzheimer's, but you're impatient. And you tend to be angry with him. "

If God is speaking to your heart about that, perhaps, standing in the way of your relationship with Him and your spiritual usefulness, then be quick to say, "Yes, Lord. I agree with You. " That's what confession is. And then say, "Change me. I repent. Fill me with Your Spirit. Make me a lover--long-suffering as You are long-suffering with me. "

Dorothy, you've shared with us that your husband has Alzheimer's. How long has be been diagnosed with Alzheimer's?

Dorothy: Maybe 6 years--5 or 6 years, I can't remember. But he's still in pretty good shape. The bad days aren't here yet, and that's what scares me. I need God's patience before those days come. He's able to go to a senior center. He's able to come to church. He's able to do most everything for himself, but he can't reason and his short-term memory is shot.

I had to leave him a note today. He asked me where I was going, and I knew he wouldn't remember. I had to tell him approximately what time I would be home. I do those kinds of things, as caretaking at that level, but nothing compared to what it can become.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: And aren't you glad that you don't need grace today for what it will be a year or 6 years from now?

Dorothy: God provides"¦

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: He provides what you need for today.

Dorothy: Right, He'll provide each day what I need, and He only asks us to take one step at a time.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: And that's exactly what you're doing is taking one step at a time.

Dorothy: That's all I can do.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Dorothy, some people would hear about what you're facing; and they would say, "Wow, it's understandable that in a situation like that you would be impatient or angry. " In fact, a lot of people would say that it's justified to be angry or impatient, but you said that God convicted you that this was not right. How is that?

Dorothy: I think it is understandable in fleshly realm, but that isn't where I want to live. The Lord wants me to live a spiritual life, and He wants to live in my body. He's perfect, and that's a big challenge.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Yet, aren't you glad that He has mercy for us when we're not perfect?

Dorothy: Oh, He is merciful.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: What do you do when you blow it?

Dorothy: God is so merciful. When I think that He loves us so much. Not only that He died--that it broke the Godhead. The only time They had no fellowship with one another was during the time on the cross.

We worry about all of this bombing and all of these things that are going on around us, and all that evil. And we shudder. Jesus became all of that to die for us. I'm overwhelmed by His love and His mercy. His mercy is so great, He'd become what we, even in the human level, abhor. Yet, because He's perfect, we have no idea of the sacrifice He made.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: It's really His love in you that is motivating you to want to love your husband in that way.

Dorothy: It's His love in us that motivates us to--that's all, we're dead without Him.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Amen

*Song:

Leslie Basham: That's Billy Crockett and the song Portrait of Love. Before that we listened to the story of a woman named Dorothy and heard about the portrait of love that God has painted in her life, teaching her to be committed to a husband suffering from Alzheimers.

Nancy will be back in a moment, but let me tell you how to get a copy of Dorothy's story. It comes as part of a series called "How's Your Love Life?" and you can get a copy on CD.

Here's what one of our listeners wrote to say about this series. "First Corinthians 13 has been one of my favorite portions of Scripture since I was a young believer. This series has been the best I have heard on the specifics of God's love."

She also says, "I appreciate the way Nancy teaches each portion of the chapter with examples and exhortation"¦I have become so aware of my impatience and unkindness toward my husband and children."

Do you know that kind of growth and life change comes partly as the result of people giving financially to Revive Our Hearts? We could not be on the air without the gifts of our listeners.

Would you consider helping wives like this one by making a donation? When you do, we'll send you a copy of Nancy's booklet, How's Your Love Life?

Ask for it when you call 1-800-569-5959.  You can also donate on-line, at ReviveOurHearts.com. Or drop us a note at Revive Our Hearts.

On Monday, we'll look at kindness–one of the results of love. Now to close our time in prayer, here's Nancy.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Thank you, Lord, for the refreshing honesty of this precious sister. How her life illustrates the kind of love that so few wives understand today! Thank You for teaching her all those years ago how to love her husband by faith. You have given her an incredible, supernatural love for her husband.

Now when she asked You if there was anything standing in the way of her relationship with You or her spiritual usefulness, You pointed out to her before she even came to hear this series that there was a lack of love. She was being impatient and angry with her husband.

As we listened to her tell this, all of us feel naturally that if we were in her shoes we would have that same struggle. Our flesh would also want to be impatient and angry. We might not do as well with it as she has. But she doesn't want to just survive. She doesn't want to just cope. She wants to be not a victim but a victor in this relationship.

I pray that You would empty her of herself, empty her of that selfish, angry, impatient response, and as each of these situations arises where she does have to repeat herself or minister to her husband in a difficult way, would You fill her with Your love? Thank You that You do live inside her, as You live inside each of us who are Your children, and that You can love her husband through her.

Lord, as we've heard her share, You're speaking to our own hearts. We realize there are situations where we are prone to be impatient and angry, where we're not long-suffering. I pray that You will cause us to be as honest as this sister has been, to be quick to agree with You and to repent about our loveless ways--and to go back into our homes, our workplaces, our relationships, and to love with the love of Christ that the world may know that we are Your disciples. I pray for Jesus' sake, Amen.

*"Portrait of Love." Written by Crockett William Branson Jr and Wood Kenneth Perry, Publishers/Administrators: Word Music LLC, C/O Warner Chappell Music Inc., Los Angeles, CA.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a ministry partnership of Life Action Ministries.

"Many of the insights Nancy shares in this series have been drawn from The MacArthur New Testament Commentary: 1 Corinthians (Moody), and from the Insight for Living Bible study guide Koinonia: Authentic Fellowship (copyright 1972, 1985 Charles R. Swindoll). "

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