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Daily ProgramA Full Quiver7 Series: Embracing God's Gift of Children Tuesday, August 27 2002 Leslie Basham: As a young couple, Bill and Holly Elliff decided to give up control over the size of their family and trust God. Here's Holly. Holly Elliff: Leslie Basham: It's Tuesday, August 27; and this is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. The Bible calls children a blessing from the Lord. Are you open to receiving all the blessings that God wants to give you? Today we'll hear from a woman who had to grapple with that question, and we'll continue to hear her story. Here's Nancy to introduce today's guest. Nancy DeMoss: Now I realize that what we're talking about with Holly this week is for some, perhaps, a bit threatening. And I want to just encourage you not to be quick to draw conclusions, but to just open your heart and say, Lord, is there anything that you're wanting to say to me about this subject? Holly, welcome back to Revive Our Hearts. Holly Elliff: Nancy DeMoss: But then you met some godly people with more children, with larger families. And you went to them and began to ask some questions. And they encouraged you to go to the Word and find out what was God's perspective on children, on childbearing. And we stopped there yesterday. We want to hear what it was you began to see as you got into the Scripture asking God to give you direction on this matter. Holly Elliff: And I remember vividly the day he came out of his study and said, "God has just given me the neatest mental picture of someday sitting on my front porch and looking out and seeing scores of children out there. And we have every temperament type represented. And we have every spiritual gift represented. And our children know how to relate to everybody in the world because they lived with all different types of people." And he had this wonderful vision of what it would be like and I immediately said to him, "Well, that's very easy for you to say because I'm the one wearing the stretch pants for the next 20 years. And I'm sorry, but I just don't want to go there." And I really did not want to go there. It was a very frightening thing to me to think of taking my hands off that control in my life. And it took me about six months to work through what I believed the Bible said about that whole issue. And I became an avid student of God's Word and just began to search the Scriptures for every reference to children, to children as a blessing, to God's sovereignty in that area as far as opening and closing the womb and looking, honestly, for a way to avoid releasing that area in my life because my preference at that point was not to relinquish that area to the Lord. As I did that, over and over and over, I found the same things: that God was the Creator of life, that God knew who He wanted to create, He knew what we were going to look like, He had a plan for every person--that it was all His business. It was not what I wanted to find in the Scripture, but that's what I kept encountering. And I remember vividly one night sitting down at my kitchen table with a legal pad and a sharp pencil and making a list. And at the top of the list I wrote, "Reasons I Don't Want To Have A Million Children." And I began to make a list of all the objections I had to what I was seeing in God's Word. Nancy DeMoss: Holly Elliff: Nancy DeMoss: Holly Elliff: Nancy DeMoss: Holly Elliff: Everything I had on the list was rooted in selfishness. It came down to whether or not I was better at making decisions than God was. And it suddenly became very clear to me that this was a heart issue, at least in my life. It was a matter of me choosing, just like I said...God was Lord in every other aspect of my life. We prayed through what to do with our money, we prayed through where we were to pastor. When we bought a car, it was a huge issue that we prayed about and trusted God to give us direction. But in this area it was as if we had said, "This area is ours to determine and we will make this decision." And for the very first time I was confronted with the fact that I had never really said to the Lord, "What is Your will?" Nancy DeMoss: Holly Elliff: Nancy DeMoss: Holly Elliff: Nancy DeMoss: Holly Elliff: He said, "That's fine. It'll probably take you six months to get pregnant." Well, I got pregnant two weeks later, as soon as we quit using birth control. And that continued to happen. Every time we decided we were ready for a child and stopped using birth control, I was always pregnant the same month. Nancy DeMoss: Holly Elliff: Nancy DeMoss: Holly Elliff: Nancy DeMoss: Holly Elliff: After months of searching God's Word, trying to find a reason why we would not do this, we really became convinced that God was saying to us through His Word, biblically, that we were to totally release that area of our life to Him. Since then, God has given us four more children. I've actually been pregnant six more times. And I can honestly say, looking back, "I have absolutely not one regret about that choice." Nancy DeMoss: And really, again, we're saying this is the fundamental issue of life, Is Jesus Lord of every area of my life? And I like the way you made that so practical because you said, "We went to the Lord and said, 'Lord, what do you want us to do in this area of our lives?'" And the fact is, you and I are not totally free until we have released ourselves, our lives, our future, our marital status, our childbearing, every aspect of our lives fully to the control of Jesus Christ. And somehow, when we come under His control, then we find that we really are free. Leslie Basham: That's Nancy DeMoss talking with Holly Elliff about trusting God in every area of life. If you're ready to study the Scriptures and seek God's will for your family, let me tell you about a book that has shaped Holly Elliff's thinking on this subject. It's called, A Full Quiver by Rick and Jan Hess. It will show you what the Bible has to say about the blessing of children and help you put biblical information into context for today. You can get a copy for a $10 suggested donation when you call us at 1-800-569-5959. You can also find information atReviveOurHearts.com. While you're visiting our Web site, would you look at the prayer requests we've listed and pray for the ministry of Revive Our Hearts? We are listener supported and your prayers and financial contributions help us continue on the air. Would you write and let us know that you're praying? Our address is Revive Our Hearts. Tomorrow, Holly Elliff will recount some of the challenges she's had as a mother of eight and tell us how God has given her strength. We hope you can be here for Revive Our Hearts. Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss is a ministry partnership of Life Action Ministries. Holly, when we come back tomorrow, we're going to talk about some of the practical concerns and questions that get raised when we talk about a subject like this. But I'm going to back up for just a moment to something you said that I think is so very important--again, for every woman, in every season of life; and that's this whole matter of control--that every area of your life, your finances, your job choices, moves and this area of childbearing needs to be brought into the control of the Lordship of Christ and the authority of Scripture. So as you came to the point of releasing this area of your life to the Lord, practically how did that affect decisions that you and your husband began to make then after the birth of that fourth child? Well, really, the next time that we dealt heavily with this was after our fourth one was born. And we had to make the decision after that pregnancy, will we pick up birth control again? Have we laid it down forever?That's exactly right. And actually, our two closest children occurred while we were using birth control and thought we were in control of that. Since that time, our children have not been any closer than that. Our closest ones are 18 months apart, and it was astounding to me that my husband and I could just live as a husband and wife and that I did not get pregnant. It blew me away to realize that God really was controlling an area of my life that I thought for years I had been in control of.And that turned out not to be the case for you, right?So the thought of never again using birth control, relinquishing that area to the Lord, to me honestly meant I will be pregnant every nine months.So you figured you'd be pregnant all the time. Saw what the issue was. And I did surrender to the Lord in that area, not knowing what that meant. Part of the reason it was so frightening was that during the four years that we had used birth control, I had not given a thought to getting pregnant. I went to my doctor at the end of that time and said, "We think we'd like to have a child." That night I really did see it suddenly as an issue of surrender.Did you do that that night?Well, that night was a real turning point as I really saw the groundwork of my heart a little bit and the selfishness that was there. Because even though my husband had quickly come to that decision, I was the one that I thought was going to be pregnant every nine months. And it was very difficult for me to release control of that area.And as God began to turn your heart on this and you saw it as a surrender issue, were you just quickly then able to say, "Okay, Lord, however many children you want us to have, I'll just throw away this list of objections and...?"Wrote out this list of all the things I objected to, the reasons why I would not want to release this area of my life to the Lord. And I got to the bottom of that list and I laid down my pencil. And I read back through that list and a sudden sense of the total selfishness of everything I had put on that list swept over me. And I looked at it and I thought, I cannot believe that's what's in my heart."So you wrote this list of fears.And then to think of letting go of that was extremely frightening to me. To really just say to the Lord, "We will just live and allow You to do whatever You want to do in this area."So that raised some eyebrows?And tell us what were some of the things that you wrote on that list. Oh, fears about what it would do to my physical body, a fear of being pregnant every nine months for the rest of my adult life, financial fears, you know? If we have these children, can we support them? Can we love a larger number of children? Is that possible? Fears related to what other people would think. The fact that we were pregnant with our fourth child already put us in the category of a little bit larger family.Well, as I mentioned yesterday, it really was a process. And as we got into the process of really looking at God's Word and what He said, it took my husband about two weeks to feel like he had studied the Scripture and knew what God said in this area of children: that they were a blessing, that they were from Him, that God controlled that, that He opened and closed the womb, that it was a good thing. Holly, we got started yesterday hearing something about how the Lord began to lead you and Bill in relation to this matter of childbearing and what He had to say about conception. When we left off, you were expecting your fourth child and thinking that that was going to be it for your family. That's what everyone else seemed to be doing.Thanks, Nancy.We're back in the studio again today talking with my friend, Holly Elliff, about a subject that I realize is, well, shall we say controversial, to say the least? In fact when we first started talking about doing a series of interviews on this particular subject, I don't think I was quite prepared for how controversial a subject this would be. According to the Word of God, children are a gift from the Lord. But somehow when we start talking about having a lot of blessings or too many blessings from the Lord, well, that can be a different matter. It scared me to death and even as I surrendered to it, it was a very frightening thing.Note: Special offers available only during the broadcast of the radio series. 
Read and post comments about: A Full Quiver*The following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.
 Norine (on Wednesday, July 5, 2006 at 5:42 PM)
"I listened to the original broadcast and it truly blessed my heart. At the time I was pregnant with our 9th baby. My husband and I knew, without a doubt that this baby was God's plan for our family even though the timing was difficult. Not everyone approved and it made some people nervous so this broadcast was one of the many ways God encouraged my heart. We know though that God's timing is always perfect. We had learned that in the past and trusted Him. Our beautiful daughter was born in January and last year we welcomed the birth of our 10th child, another beautiful girl. God has gently brought us along on His plan for our family. We were led after the birth of our twins, to let God decide when and how many children we were to have. I was very nervous about the spacing and had a hard time trusting Him. This verse means so much to me. "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Also, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I am now 43 and I don't know how many more children are in His plan for us, but I'm trusting Him. I'm so glad He has entrusted these children to my husband and me and that He is our ready help when we need wisdom. I pray that they all grow up to love God with all their hearts. Mary (on Wednesday, September 6, 2006 at 3:47 PM)
"I just have to comment after reading the 2 comments you have posted here. It helps, I suppose to continue to nurse your babies for a long time, but all 7 of mine quit at 6 months when they were starting on solid food. They didn't want to nurse anymore and promptly stopped. They would still take a bottle some and liked to use the sipper cups. I was 29 when I married and we never used any form of birth control, wanting all that God would give us. 11 months later we had our first. 14 months after that the second. On and on they came until I had 7 within 10 years. At the birth of my last I finally told my husband that my quiver was full. The van was full, the house was full, and I was 40 years old. I had had enough! From then on he still wanted a lot of sex and he agreed to withdraw. I increasingly got more and more irked with sex and now that I'm 54 I hit menopause finally and can be certain I won't have any more kids. Diane (on Thursday, January 4, 2007 at 4:05 AM)
"I was so glad to find information on the topic of childbearing. We are the proud parents of 3 beautiful sons. I have had it in my heart to have more children but my husband was a bit apprehensive. I read your transcripts and frankly it is all truth based. Who are we to handle this issue in our lives when the control is God's? I think God also gives us the strength to perservere and manage a growing household as long as you maintain a prayer life. I firmly believe that of course it is a lot of work and there are sacrifices to be made however we must rely on God and not others for strength. I do understand there may be women out there who have had many children and feel as though we should be careful about not having too many and being stressed out. Why aren't we seeking God in this issue? God will provide strength....he will provide the means and all we have to do is ask and be obedient. I am now 34 and feel that I have denied my body the blessing of possibly having children. Maybe the Lord will not honor that now but that is not my control. I hope that we all understand that as Christians that EVERYTHING needs to be handed to the Lord and not just some. What the bible states is all truth and requires no discussing." Sandi (on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 at 12:35 PM)
"Sorry Norine, but this is NOT always the case: "Breastfeeding is God's form of birth control. This natural suppression of the woman's body to concieve lasts during the full period of nursing." Chris (on Thursday, February 7, 2008 at 11:05 AM)
"I find the comments about breastfeeding and child spacing and frustration and anger and rape and all, well very sad. Having a full quiver is not about having a lot of kids, but about your attitude towards your children, your husband, and God. I used NFP and got pregnant 4 times within our first 5 years of marriage. That's when we became QF but we didn't even know the term. We just knew that we didn't agree with birth control. Sarah (on Saturday, July 19, 2008 at 4:08 PM)
"In response to nursing and maximum age for bearing children - I have not used any form of birth control. Breast feeding spaces children naturally, but not the way you think. I am always nursingy ONLY when I become pregnant with the next baby. Nursing for 2 or 3 years would not space children that far apart. And 35 years old is definitely not past child bearing years! I'm 41, expecting number 12, and there is nothing unusual about that." Ann (on Friday, August 29, 2008 at 8:38 AM)
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"I have noticed that adherents of the "full quiver" movement tend to forget one very important aspect of childbearing and rearing: breastfeeding. If you are going to create your family "God's way" then one cannot forget this very crucial variable. If a couple begins their family at the age of, say, 20 years old, and nurses each child she has for a minimum of 2-3 years (yes, that's how they did it in Bible days girls - do your research) by the time she was 30 she could only have 5 kids at the most. Why? Breastfeeding is God's form of birth control. This natural suppression of the woman's body to concieve lasts during the full period of nursing. Granted, more and more women these days are having children in their late thirties and forties, but one would have to admit this phenomena is due to technological advances as opposed to any kind of natural law. I think then we can safely assume the norm to be no more than age 35 to have children. It just gets naturally more difficult to concieve in later years regardless of birth control usage, fertility drugs, or dare I say this, prayer. So unless you plan to start your family as teenagers or believe for children after the age of 35, I think most christian women today would be hard pressed to have a "quiver full" ie. 12 - 15 kids within the most fertile time of their life. Perhaps we need to rethink what a "quiver full" really is? Or perhaps we ought to reexamine if this doctrine (as it is interpreted in modern day America) is truly God's way and not man's way? Just some points to ponder. I must say I find the "full quiver" movement fascinating. However, I am 32 years old, married for 9 years with 3 children. I'm out of time for any more kids. But the rest of you, God bless.
Your sister in Christ,
Norine (and heavens no, I did not nurse any of my children for longer than a year each.) "