Calling Women to Freedom, Fullness, and Fruitfulness in Christ
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Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom
Revive Our Hearts is delighted to announce the release of a new, desperately-needed book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom is written for all those who know what it’s like to be hurt or wronged by others. Forgiveness is the key that will unlock the prisons we put ourselves in when we hold onto our hurts. Nancy’s dynamic and scriptural approach, along with dozens of stirring stories and practical examples, will give you the strength to choose freedom through forgiveness. Order your copy of Choosing Forgiveness
Read the real-life story of a woman whose marriage was restored and whose heart was healed due to the Truth in this book.
Free Downloadable Resources
Audio Teaching by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Tell us about your own Journey to Freedom!*The following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Nancy Leigh DeMoss or Revive Our Hearts. Revive Our Hearts reserves the right to filter out comment blog entries which might be unsuitable or inappropriate.
Sun,Mar 25 2007 09:36:05 PM "I am having a hard time with forgiveness. My husband and son have been using drugs for quite some time and I am having a hard time dealing with this. I have recently committed my life to Christ and I can feel him really working on me. God has put a lot of peace on me and I feel better today than I ever have. My husband started using about 6 years ago and went to prison for 2 of those years and started bible study classes and gave his life to Christ. Once he got out I thought he had changed but realized that he didn't. He went right back to using again after about 6 months. We have an 8 year old daughter together and this is really tearing us apart. I wanted more than anything to keep our marriage together but I don't see that happening at this point. I feel a lot of anger towards my husband. My son started using about a year ago when my husband got out of prison and now they are together constantly. I am scared for both of them but I also have faith that God will somehow convict them one day. I just don't know how to get past this without being angry inside. It is not fair that I have to deal with this with my daughter. She is constantly asking me about her dad and it tears me apart knowing what he along with my son are doing. I know now that if it weren't for God my world would be a mess. So I pray every day that God gives me the strength to deal with this. If you have any suggestions please help. Thanks for listening. --Tami Wed,Mar 14 2007 10:15:49 PM "For the last couple of years, I have really struggled with forgiveness. My best friend for 17 years and I had a really rough end to our friendship. Part of the problem was that our parents friendship was deteriorating and we ended up taking sides, there were other contributating factors as well, but we did not end the friendship on a good note. The end of our friendship was her choice, not mine, and I deeply regretted it. It did not help that about a year ago she contacted my family to introduce her boyfriend. A couple of months later some mutual friend informed my parents that she had gotten married. I was deeply hurt that she had not even invited me to the wedding. I grew angry and bitter over this, and spent many months asking God to help. I couldn't even talk about her to someone else without becoming extremly angry, and saying things that I now regret. Over time, God has healed my broken heart, and I have developed an even deeper relationship with Him. From this experience I have learned that the most important friendship we can have is one with our Heavenly Father. Though I pray daily for a reconcilliation, God is my strength, and I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me." --Rashell Mon,Mar 5 2007 08:20:36 PM "I heard you on Moody radio recently and you were talking about forgivness. It touched my heart and soul so deeply. My 14 year old grandson lives with us. He was molested when he was 8 by some neighborhood boys. He is suffering so because of this and the fact that his parents don't seem to want him. I had him listen and it touch him so much but he told me he was unable to find the delete button for those who had molested him or his parents. He is in so much pain and I just don't know what to do for him. He is in counseling and has been for 6 years but nothing seems to help him. They have diagnoised him as bi-polar, ADHD, oppressive disorder but mostly I think the thing that is wrong is that he doesn't know how to forgive. We go to church every Sunday and he knows about Gods forgiveness of us but he just says he can't. I just wish there were something I could do, we are not rich and we live on a fixed income so we aren't able to provide alot of the things he needs. If there are any suggestions please let us know. He is on the verge of getting into legal trouble. Thank you for your time and any help you can offer." --Marilyn Mon,Jan 8 2007 03:16:55 PM "I just had to let you know the outcome of reading the book you sent me. God is so faith full. I finished the book last week, but I started practicing what it said before then. I have held my mom in UN-forgiveness most of my life. I told my mom of my molestation at the age of 24 years old, she did not acknowledge it, and the rest of her side of the family did not believe me, and chose to make up a lie, rather that exposing the truth. This set me on a course of UN-forgives for my mom and my family. I kept myself and my daughter separated from my mom's family on most occasions, and if we did go it was miserable for me. --Anonymous Fri,Dec 15 2006 09:23:04 AM "I am struggling this week with a question on forgiveness. I am starting to wonder if I am wrong in forgiving my husband - over and over again - for things he is not sorry for. He has not shown any sign of really regretting the things he has done to hurt me. I always thought I would just keep forgiving him - 7 x's 70 - but doesn't that only apply to someone who ASKS you to forgive them? This week I wrote him a note explaining to him that he had deeply offended me. I didn't even want to do that but thought it was the right thing to do as a Christian, I guess. But he isn't a Christian so maybe I shouldn't have. Still, I know if I am offended, it is my duty to let the other person know. I have had no response from him. I would love to hear from someone on this. Sometimes the things he does are when he is drinking/high and I don't even know if he fully remembers them. I am just really hurting this week and starting to question myself. We have been married 11 years and have four children. Thank you." --Jennifer Tue,Dec 12 2006 03:29:59 PM "I don't remember how young I was when the abuse started. But I was told that if anyone outside of the family found out, my father would be sent to prison and would be killed there... because he was a policeman. He was also the chaplin of the department. I was thirteen when I finally told my mother. She still lives with the guilt of not knowing. But what I really want everyone to know, is that I forgave my father. I am 36 years old now. I have a wonderful, God-fearing husband and two beautiful daughters. I still talk with my father on the phone. I know that I, too, was born a sinner. And that God allowed me to go through what I did for a purpose. I don't know how He will use me, but I pray that He will. Thank you for listening. And God bless you." --Danielle Tue,Dec 5 2006 04:15:37 PM "We are commanded to forgive because if we do not God will not forgive us. --Mary Sun,Nov 26 2006 06:27:00 PM "When my son was in college he celebrated one Spring Break by traveling out west with a group of friends. Weeks after his return, I learned that while he visited my sister who lives in Phoenix, she had smoked marijuana with these kids. I was furious! What was she thinking?! How could she do an illegal/damaging thing like this to my son who I love so dearly and whose life I had devotedly protected?! I prayed for weeks as I carefully planned a gentle confrontation with my unsaved sister. It did not go well. So many factors enter into the equation of where our relationship is today and they all had to be taken into consideration as I prepared to speak to her. Ever since I became a Christian (when we were young women) my very presence seems to be convicting to her, so I go out of my way to accept and love her. She says I am a "goody-goody" because I am not involved in worldly pleasures anymore, but there have been needy times through the years when she has listened to the wisdom of the Lord--and still has not accepted Him. She has always wanted to marry & have children, but that never happened in her life and she feels like I have been given so many things that she hasn't. --Debbie Fri,Nov 24 2006 11:19:15 AM "In 1991, I went through a divorce. It was hard, for I had always been taught that divorce was wrong, no matter what. Under the leadership of my elders and minister, however, I knew God still loved me, and that I would be alright - in fact, I would be better for the emotional and mental abuse would no longer be daily battles. With their help, and the guidance of a professional counselor and a support group, I slowly but surely let go and let God, forgiving my ex husband, his family, my family, friends, etc. of both the perceived and the realistic sins against me. I was blessed with the opportunity to travel on a trip for my job, and decided to spend a few extra days traveling in the beautiful country of Colorado, Arizona, and Utah, visiting our national parks in those states. Much of the time I was alone iin the car or in the pivancy of a motel room, with good praise music and good local radio stations that carried programs with minsters and counselors whom God allowed to speak to me. I listened, and I applied. Standing on a cliff at Bryce National Park, looking over the the vast canyon, I was awestruck, not just the the beauty of God's creation, but with the beauty of His forgiveness - but this time, it was forgiveness of me, and included forgiveness of myself for all those years of not setting healthy boundaries, of giving in and submitting to my husband's sinful ways rather than to to God's ways, for the dysfunctional lifestyle I had lived. Finally, I was free - not because of divorce, but because I forgave myself and accepted God's love and forgiveness. " --Linda Wed,Nov 22 2006 02:00:21 PM "I grew up in a foster home. Later on I visited my birth father's family. And I was told that he was married when my birth mother became pregnant with him. And I was told that my birth father raped my mother and became pregnant with me. --Luella Tue,Nov 21 2006 02:00:17 PM "My father had been unfaithful to my mother and when I was 14 yrs old my parents divorced. My father brought the other woman to live in the house the same day my mom left. After 18 yrs of living together with her my father became very ill and for last 2yrs of his life he became totaly dependent of her. We found out that he was being abused by her and that they had gotten married. My younger sister lived with them she was 18yrs at the time and she was very aware of what was going on but she did not want to say anything because her mother had warn her that if she said anything she will take her out my fathers will.So, she threaten my sister that she needed to be silent. About a year ago my father fell into a coma and was rushed into the hospital. The doctors told my sisters and me that his blood sugar was extremely low and that he may never wake up. Three days later his wife decided to take him out of life support. My sisters and I found out that his wife had given him too much insulin, that was the cause for him going to a coma. His wife had confess that she did it because she was tierd of caring for him. There was nothing that we could do because she restricted us from visiting my father in the hospital. We really could not prove that she did it, my father died two weeks later. The good thing is that a couple of weeks before he went into a coma he was saved. I joined a small group at my church called "Healing The Past God's Way." God really spoke to my heart and through Jesus I was able to release my sister of that guilt and forgive my stepmother. My sister has come to know Christ and now I pray that God touches her mothers heart and that she comes to know Jesus. Only by God's grace that I am able to forgive. I keep reminding myself "he that has been forgiving much forgives much". Thank you Nancy for this opportunity to share my testimony. May God bless you and your ministry. --Martha Tue,Nov 21 2006 02:00:16 PM "My father had been unfaithful to my mother and when I was 14 yrs old my parents divorced. My father brought the other woman to live in the house the same day my mom left. After 18 yrs of living together with her my father became very ill and for last 2yrs of his life he became totaly dependent of her. We found out that he was being abused by her and that they had gotten married. My younger sister lived with them she was 18yrs at the time and she was very aware of what was going on but she did not want to say anything because her mother had warn her that if she said anything she will take her out my fathers will.So, she threaten my sister that she needed to be silent. About a year ago my father fell into a coma and was rushed into the hospital. The doctors told my sisters and me that his blood sugar was extremely low and that he may never wake up. Three days later his wife decided to take him out of life support. My sisters and I found out that his wife had given him too much insulin, that was the cause for him going to a coma. His wife had confess that she did it because she was tierd of caring for him. There was nothing that we could do because she restricted us from visiting my father in the hospital. We really could not prove that she did it, my father died two weeks later. The good thing is that a couple of weeks before he went into a coma he was saved. I joined a small group at my church called "Healing The Past God's Way." God really spoke to my heart and through Jesus I was able to release my sister of that guilt and forgive my stepmother. My sister has come to know Christ and now I pray that God touches her mothers heart and that she comes to know Jesus. Only by God's grace that I am able to forgive. I keep reminding myself "he that has been forgiving much forgives much". Thank you Nancy for this opportunity to share my testimony. May God bless you and your ministry. --Martha Mon,Nov 20 2006 12:01:16 PM "In 1988 my brother in law, David, was murdered by 3 Hell's Angels. It was mistaken identity. They were after a man who drove a similar van and was a member of a rival group. We went through several years of federal and local trials. They didn't show any remorse. At a final trial, one of the men looked at our family and said he'd like to talk to us, if we'd be willing. Through a local pastor, we learned that this man had come to know the Lord through a prison ministry. My husband and I had forgiven him in the beginning, but we wanted to tell him and to see what Jesus had done in his life. The Sheriff said, "I have seen many jail house conversions in my time, but this one is different. Through a process, we were able to meet with the Pastor and the prisoner. Before we left that meeting we held hands and he prayed for our family. His testimony of his salvation was awesome. Only by God's grace could we sit at the same table, hold hands with someone who killed a family member and tell him "I forgive you." " --Gidget Fri,Nov 17 2006 06:08:48 PM "My husband of 10 years had left me and my 3 year old son for another woman. I worked only part time and now had to pay all the bills and care for my son alone. I loved my husband with all my heart and found it easy to say I had forgiven him, but could never say I would forgive her. She had been in our house and in our bed. I was consumed with depression. I was unable to eat or sleep. I lost 80 pounds in 5 months. I had prayed daily for reconciliation, but when he finally married the other woman, I knew that was not possible. I forgave my ex-husband to his face. I still could not forgive this other woman. My son could see how much I hated her. Neither my ex-husband or his new wife were saved. When my son turned 7 years old, he accepted Jesus into his heart and began praying every night for his dad and step-mom to be saved. I was then convicted that I must forgive her. I went to her and told her "I forgive you." I was so elated for days afterward. I had forgiven her to her face and I had forgiven her in my heart. My son continued to pray for her and his father everyday until they were saved last year. Now they are my brother and sister in Christ. We get along so well now, and my son is happier than he has been in years. God is so awesome!" --Nancy Fri,Nov 17 2006 05:44:04 PM "My best friend and maid of honor at my wedding 3 years ago. After a year of friendship, really close friendship left me. She dropped out of my life. I was unsure as to why or what I did or if I did anything. I was hurt. We had a special connection that I believe the Lord gave us. We were able to be completely truthful at all times even when it hurt. But for some reason she decided she did not want to be my friend any more. I was devastated and it was just another notch on the belt of people leaving me. I was in shock and wasn't sure what to do with my heart and the pain that was there. In early 2006, I began to ponder in my heart whether or not I could forgive her and have her in my life again. I wasn't sure why I started wondering this. There was no contact and we haven't seen eachother in 2 years at this point. I was pregnant with my first child and was saddened that she wasn't part of this stage in my life. As I began to ponder. Thru dreams the Lord spoke to my heart and healed my heart towards her. It was to the point where I was happily waiting for her to come back. And shortly after the birth of my daughter in May, I got an email. She poured her heart out and asked for forgiveness and wanted to be my friend again. I was elated to respond..YES It is about time... when can you come over. --Mary Wed,Nov 15 2006 11:54:12 AM "When I was 25, my husband left for someone he worked with. I had a one year old and no real working skills. I found a job, got remarried and had just had my second child in the second marriage when "the other woman" called. She wanted to talk to me. I didn't realize that I was still bitter about it even after seven years and a great new relationship. She came to my house, got in the door and started sobbing before she could even sit down. "He's cheating on me", she said, "What do I do?". All of a sudden I felt a commpassion for her I would never have expected in myself. Of course it was the Lord. I told her about Jesus and his forgiveness of us and His love for her. She admitted she had seen something in me that made her feel that she could talk to me. Again, that was the Lord. I'm so greatful to the Lord for allowing me to heal by having a friendship with this woman and their daughter. The whole experience, I can honestly say, has been a blessing and proves scripture to be true, "for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." Phil. 2:13" --Kathy Wed,Nov 15 2006 10:38:18 AM "I was not raised in a Christian home. My mother was a very gifted artist and writer but she also suffered from paranoia and schyzophrenia and was very cruel to me verbally all my life. I hated her. I spent much of my life bitter and unforgiving toward her. She was very secretive and as she grew older, she would not allow me to be a part of her life but told others I "never came around". --Tara Tue,Nov 14 2006 10:56:25 PM "I was raped by an uncle at age 16. I became sexually active and had my first child one year after the rape. I hated my uncle, blamed myself and was deeply depressed for years. I never wanted to see him again much less forgive him. I only saw him maybe twice after the rape, and we never spoke. I never told my parents. Maybe because of the guilt I felt I'm not really sure why. When I was in my mid 20's I got saved. The Lord would deal with me almost daily about forgiving him. It took a while, but after months of prayer, I felt a peace and had no hate in my heart for him anymore. My husband and I went to see him about a year after I got saved. When I started to leave, he huged me and said "I'm sorry for anything I have ever done to you". --Rita Mon,Nov 13 2006 07:42:36 PM "God has faithfully brought me through many situations where I needed to forgive. It has been a life long journey. I believe the hardest person to forgive is ourselves, it was for me. I can remember as a toddler going through a medical procedure with no anesthesia; I can remember looking up at all those white coats and hating them. My sister told me many years later that my mother could not wear a white coat for years after that. Then as I entered my teens my brother and his friends introduced me to sex. I felt for a long time that it was more my fault then theirs. This lead me to a misconception of what love really was. This also lead me into pornography, fantasy and self sex, a habit I used as a coping mechanism for 30 years. It also lead me to same sex attraction. Many times I would be convicted and stop for awhile and then something would happen. I was physically abused by my first husband. Two years after we were divorced I was raped. I think that was when God really showed me the process of forgiveness. When I was taking communion and praying as I always did, I asked God to reveal to me what I needed to confess. He told me, You did not forgive the man who raped you. My first response was, "He does not deserve it!" and God quietly asked me - And you do? I was devasted, I did not deserve forgiveness any more than the man who raped me. So I prayed and forgave the man the best I knew how. It was about 3 months later in my personal devotions I was asking God what He would have me do. I was single with no children and no debt. God said, I want you to pray for the man who raped you that he might become saved. My immediate response was: "No, you'll have mercy and forgive him and I will have to look at him the rest of my life in heaven, I don't think so." (Did I really forgive?) This battle with God went on for a week. I pleaded with God, Please I'll go anywhere in the world. Quietly God spoke to my heart, Susan, How can I send you anywhere else when you will not even pray for the one here that you know needs salvation? I cried and prayed for that man for 3 hours. God had shown me how to see that man as God saw him. A sinner, who could not change without the transforming power of God in his life. I had been praying that God would stop the man from hurting any other woman like he had hurt me. Of course the only options were death or salvation, ( my choice was death) So God brought me through the process of forgiveness. The key was seeing that other person as God sees them. God has healed me, I don't have any dreams, or living in fear of him. Unfortunately it did not give me much confidence in men, so my coping mechanism kicked in again. I married again and now have a son, 8. My vicious cycle of coping I now know helped to ruin both of my marraiges. I have finally found help at Harvest USA, a ministry of the PCA church. It was through their ministry I learned to forgive myself. I also am learning the awesome power of God to love me, and believe it. God is transforming me everyday. There is now joy in the journey. The path of forgiveness has been hard, but God has lead me all the way and shown me His love for me in the process." --Susan Fri,Nov 10 2006 03:45:09 PM "My journey to freedom started late in life. At the age of 12 because I felt ostrized by my own family I sought love in other places. I did a lot of things to be friends that I should not have done. My first encounter with sex was in an abandoned building after school. This was the start to many encounters with my own definition of love. It was a downhill spiral from that point on. I have been raped, I was a battered woman and I am a survior of incest. Forgiveness of all men who took advantage of me was so necessary.I also had the hard task of forgiving myself. I did the unthinkable; I forgave myself and I forgave others that hurt me. It was the forgiveness that made me whole. I forgave myself and the people that hurt me one by one. I am now a Minister of the Gospel and the call on my life is to teach and preach to women that have been abused and battered. The women that feel that their life is over because of past shame and hurt. God is good to me and He has been faithful to me. I love the song that the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir sings "He's Been Faithful". That is how I have been able to make it this far.It is God's faithfulness that continues to grow me every day. I am now 53 years old and continuing to grow in God's grace and mercy. The very fact that I found Moody late in life, has been one of the tools that I have used to bring courage and strength in times when I did not have much of anything to go on. Thanks Nancy for your avenue to let millions know that there is an alternative to the guilt and shame they have encountered in the past. Debbie S" --Debbie Fri,Nov 10 2006 01:44:59 PM "Hi, I'm Debbie from Mokena, Illinois and I would like to begin by thanking God first and foremost for his faithfulness. --Debbie Tue,Nov 7 2006 03:08:02 PM "God is so good! I have been bitter and angry for many years of my 33 yr marriage to a non-believing husband. Although he has been a decent man and good provider, I have blamed him for so many things like my loneliness,the kids rebelliousness, etc. Nancy's message really hit home with me and I prayed to God for help to change ME. A few days later, my non communicative husband left me a note talking about his "shortcomings" and wanted for us to begin healing so we could have a happier future. Well, IMMEDIATELY after I read that, I felt this overwhelming sense of peace & forgiveness wash over me. I then left him a note acknowleging my part in all this and asked for his forgiveness. I think he was suprised at how quickly I forgave him, but I told him it was because Of God. --Sharon Tue,Nov 7 2006 11:28:18 AM "After being married for 21 years with 2 grown children, my husband left and filed for divorce. I later found out that he had been having an affair for the last year. As a Christian for 11 years in many ministries, I was devistated. It took a long time and many prayers of others for me and my prayes to the Lord for his healing, I realized I needed to forgive my ex-husband. This was by no means an easy task, but when I was finally able to do that, I felt so free and light. It was a burden on my heart I didn't know I was carrying. I have been able to move on with my life and not harbor any ill will. When God brings him to mind, I am now able to pray for his salvation. Forgiveness, although not easy as Corrie Ten Boom knew, is the only way to peace with yourself and God." --Diana Tue,Nov 7 2006 08:13:01 AM "As the stepmother of 3 children, 2 of which my husband and I have full custody of, I find the need to forgive someone whe doesn't even know she needs it. These children were abandoned by their birth mother, who only makes vail attempts at being a part of their lives when it suits er and schedule permits. I have dried more tears of her children at her expense than I could ever count, and after 3 years of full time step parenting, I found myself finding fault with her on a regualer basis. After attending Revive our Hearts in Holland and reading Choosing Forgiveness, I know now that I need to forgive this woman for her children's sake as well as my own. I thank God for being set free from the constant anger I once felt, and the Lord has replaced it with a deeper love for Him and for my children. We are all doing so well, and I can;t thank the Lord enough for all His wonderful forgivenss that he extends to me and for helping me to extend it to another." --Amy Mon,Nov 6 2006 10:43:06 AM "Forgiveness. It has been a long process for me to forgive some of the things that were done to me when I was young. Each time I thought I'd forgiven, something would happen to make me question it. But, as faithful as God is, the Spirit would walk me through my feelings, sort them out and bring me back to the word. I have forgiven my parents for the things that were done to & around me. Each day brings a new level of forgiveness I believe. It's not that I think about it every day but, the more I forgive, the less I think about it and the greater victory God has given me. " --Cadmama Fri,Nov 3 2006 04:40:37 PM "God used your program & book to help my husband and myself to forgive a family and our past church for false accusations against him. This family accused him of sinful things & it was investigated within the Church to be all false. The Pastoral staff still would not help us resolve/restore, but through God's everlasting love we have laid them at his feet and forgiven all of them. As Joseph said, "what you meant for evil, God used for good." God is working in our family to continue to show love to those who hurt us by praying for them. Thank you for speaking about a subject that gets overlooked so much of the time by us Christians. --Debbie Wed,Oct 18 2006 03:49:40 PM "Thank you for writing such an incredible book. I have been desperately looking for a book to give to women I counsel with. I never felt I had a resource that could walk people through the process of genuine forgiveness. I am working with a woman whose husband left her three years ago for another woman. She has had your book for two days and already God is doing a great healing. She is ready to be free. Thank you for giving her the key to freedom." --\"mary\" |
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Thu,Mar 29 2007 09:37:06 PM
"It has been helpful to read what others have written about this soooo difficult thing of forgiving others who have hurt you deeply. I am struggling tremendously with that now with my husband's family, particularly his sister and our sister-in-law. There was a deep hurt that occured 5 years ago, which I believe was unintentional both directions. My SIL did something that hurt me tremendously and I had an immediate reaction which in turn hurt her, though it wasn't intended to...it was just my natural reaction to something that hurt me. Unfortunately this took place on the day of her father's funeral. Since that time she has "pretended" to be nice when others were around but has talked behind my back, done many hurtful things, etc. When I attempted to apologize and forgive her a few months ago, instead she used some of what I shared with her as dditional "ammunition."
I've had some struggles with depression lately and both SILs have mocked me and laughed at me and "kicked me when I'm down." I know I'm supposed to forgive them. I simply don't know how....esp. when they continue to do the hurtful things over and over, even after I've tried to move us in the direction of "starting over."
They also hurt my husband and leave him out of decisions related to his mother....they are very controlling. Indeed, I have done things wrong too and have admitted that and tried to move forward. I really don't want to continue to have any kind of relationship with them.
I am a Christian and have been for 13 years. Right now I feel so disconnected from God...I know He wants this of me (to forgive them) and I pray to be able to and then I immediately find myself angry with them again. Most of this has been carefully danced around for several years but has come out into the open now and all the resentments have come to surface (but they were there before, just not discussed).
The heading says "tell us about your own journey to freedom." I am anything but free. I don't know how to get there."
--Jenni