The Accusing Voice in My Head

I’ll be honest with you—I failed in prioritizing time with Jesus the first few days of this month. And I struggled intensely with guilt as a result. For some reason, while I was so tuned in to the importance of prioritizing time with Him first thing in the morning (after all, that was the focus of this blog this month!), my body just would not cooperate. I was utterly and emotionally spent. I would wake up, and my first thoughts were, “I can’t wait until I can go to bed again!”

What a battle went on inside! My emotions fought for the upper hand, and I kept from drowning only by clinging to truth. It sounded something like this:   

“You always choose sleep over Him.”
   “It’s true. Left to myself I do.
“You always disappoint Him.”
   “But He understands! He knows I can’t do anything without Him.”
“You can’t expect Him to be there for You today when you treat Him like this.”
   “But He loves me anyway! Not because of what I do, but because of who He is!”

Nancy says that she’s convinced that few subjects evoke such feelings of guilt and failure among believers as this one of a daily “quiet time.” I agree. What can be done about it? I don’t know . . . I guess I just wanted you to know that these feelings are normal. Revelation 12:10 tells me that Satan is very busy today accusing you and me before our God. He never lets up. 

While I don’t have all the answers, I want to tell you today not to give up—even if you have “failed” every day this month. Keep pursuing Jesus with gusto! Do you realize that you’re totally dependent on Him to help you to understand His Word, anyway? Luke 24:45 says, “Then he (Jesus) opened their minds to understand the Scriptures.” 

A.W. Towzer agrees, “The Bible is a supernatural book and can be understood only by supernatural aid.” Thankfully, while God’s Word is infinitely deep, He delights to give hungry women wisdom, insight, and understanding (see James 1:5)!

I know I’m not the only one. How do you respond to that accusing voice in your head? What truth from Scripture gives you hope when you don’t meet your own expectations?

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About the Author

Paula Marsteller

Paula Marsteller

Paula has served with Revive Our Hearts for thirteen years. She is the author of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom. There's nothing she loves to share more than the gospel-centered truths that have so transformed her own life: what it means on a daily basis to be "dead to sin, alive to God, and in Christ Jesus." Paula, Trevor, and their son, Iren, make their home in New York.

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